The Marvellous Land of Snergs

by Edward Wyke Smith

  “Your name, prisoner?” asked the Lord Chancellor.

  “Gorbo, so please you, sir,” replied the unhappy Snerg.

  “Your age, Gorbo? “

  “Two hundred and seventy-three, sir.”

  “Your occupation, Gorbo? “

  “Potter, sir.”

  “And why, Gorbo, did you leave the harmless calling of potting to come to this land and give a fleshy cut to the King’ s Grace?”

  “Because—” He could say no more.

  “The reason is inadequate, Gorbo. Think, for your time on earth is short if you give no better bid for life.”

  “Mother Meldrum told me to,” said Gorbo, his wits roused by the extremity.

  “Aha, now we get near it! But even then, Gorbo, the reason seems no full one. Is it the foul custom of the Snergs to smite all, however exalted, at the chance word of a witch? “

  “She—she said that the King was a grievous tyrant-and that he needed killing badly. But the chief reason was she said that if I didn’t kill him, he’d kill Sylvia and Joe.”

  The Lord Chancellor turned to the King.” In truth, sire, we seem to have secured, at the cost of a stinger to your Majesty’s person, the biggest numskull the world has ever known.”

  “It would seem so,” agreed the King, with a half pitying look at Gorbo.” I suggest, my lords, that he be allowed to tell his tale in his own fashion and we will then see if it agrees in substance with the tale of those little ones.”

  “A noble idea and worthy of your Majesty’s brain capacity,” said the Lord Chancellor.” Come, fellow, your tale, plainly told.”

  With much faltering and stammering (for he feared he had proved the truth of the prophecy that he was the biggest fool) Gorbo began his account of all that had happened since he left Watkyns Bay. He warmed up as he proceeded and got more at his ease, for he saw that all listened with deep interest. He diplomatically stopped at the point where he arrived at the palace gates on the previous evening.

  “All agrees well with the tale of the children,” said the King.” I think, my lords, we must let this oaf keep his head for the present.”

  “Yes, sire,” said the Lord Chancellor, “and in my opinion—”

  But his opinion was lost to the world, for at that instant there was heard a clamour without and a sounding knock at the door.

  The Invasion

  The door opened smartly and the Captain of the City Guard appeared framed in the doorway, a stoutly-built man in a full suit .of mail, with a beard like a pound of coarse-cut tobacco and a rough but not unkindly face.

  “My liege,” he said, making a leg, “pray pardon my pushing in, but a strange armed force has appeared suddenly, demanding the surrender of the two foreign children and the Snerg.”

  “An armed force, fellow!” cried the King with justifiable anger.” Demanding of me—I mean us! You are surely talking through your moron.”

  “Nay, sire, it is but too true. Some two score of large men in quaint boots and some ten score or more of small dwarfish men who may be Snergs. They say that if the three they demand be given to them uninjured they will go in peace.”

  The King rose to the occasion with true dignity.” Admit them to the City,” he said.” We will talk with their leader.”

  “Well, sire,” said the Captain of the Guard, with a not unnatural embarrassment, “the fact is, they have admitted themselves. You see, it happened that I was athirst, and—”

  “We will look into that later,” interrupted the” King with a stern look.” In the meantime, invite this force into our hall as soon as I have taken my seat on the throne.”

  An Historic Meeting

  The force was drawn up in an orderly way in the hall; Snergs on the right flank, four deep, and the Dutchmen on the left flank. Vanderdecken knew something of the art of war—so useful to seamen of his day—and he had trained his crew to do some simple military exercises, including musketry drill. On the whole the Expeditionary Force, with Snergs in half armour and the sailors carrying their muskets at the slope, looked hard and efficient.

  King Kul left his throne and advanced six steps. King Merse came forward, looking every inch a king, though small.

  “Welcome, our cousin of Snerg.”

  Their hands met. King Kul took the arm of the other and led him to a seat by the throne. There was a murmur of satisfaction from the assembled courtiers, while the two exchanged the friendly, but not necessarily very deep, remarks which characterize the conversation of princes or presidents who meet for the first time.

  It is of course not very probable that any of my readers will visit this land, but if by chance they should do so I recommend them to take special note of the fresco which was painted to commemorate this historic scene, for it well repays inspection. It is in the vaulted corridor on the left of the hall, next to the cloak-room.”

  Necessary Explanations

  Formalities were soon over, and King Kul ordered that the two children be brought to greet their friends. In the meantime, he stood, his hands lightly clasped behind him, talking to Vanderdecken, who had been presented to him with due ceremony and whose sterling qualities he could both discern and appreciate. Though but a merchant adventurer Vanderdecken was of good family; he had as we know some knowledge of the classics, he spoke easily and well, there was no hesitation or mauvaise honte about the man; though his dress was rough and perhaps ill-fitted to the brilliant scene, he bore himself with proper pride. As the late Lord Buscoe said to one who expostulated with him for coming to dinner in plus-fours, you cannot disguise a gentleman.

  Sylvia and Joe, in their fine and fancy garb, were brought into the hall by the Lady Ermyntrude and affectionately greeted and kissed by King Merse. They instantly told him that he must demand the release of Gorbo, for he had been put in a dungeon.

  “By the way, your Majesty,” said King Merse, turning to his brother monarch, “what about my subject, Gorbo? I hear he is in trouble.”

  “You shall see him,” replied the other with a touch of sternness (with two kings conversing the reader will have sometimes to judge their identity by the matter of their speech).” Ho there! bring hither that fellow! “

  Metallic sounds caused all to look towards the council chamber where Gorbo had been left with his guards. He came forward, carrying his chain with difficulty and occasionally stumbling over it. He looked at his liege lord with a sheepish smile.

  “Hail, Gorbo,”said King Merse, amid a deep silence.

  “May your shadow ever be a wide one,” murmured Gorbo.

  “You seem to have got tangled ,up with some iron, Gorbo. What is it this time? “

  Gorbo gave no reply, but only toyed with a link of his chain.

  “Let me ask you, our cousin,” said King Kul impressively.” Suppose an utter stranger were to come into your hall unannounced and hand you one of the very best with a stout sapling while you were reaching across your own supper table, what would you say? “

  King Merse thought diligently for a moment; then he shook his head. ‘“give it up,” he said.” But,” he added half-unconsciously touching the hilt of his sword, “I might be able to tell you what I would do, if that is of any use to you.”

  “Exactly!” said King Kul, “that is just my point. This subject of yours did so behave to us. And you can scarcely credit what a stinger he gave us. I ask you.”

  “Well, Gorbo,”said King Merse after a serious pause, “to put it in the very mildest way, you are not improving. Can you make anything of this strange case?” he asked of Vanderdecken.

  Vanderdecken did not reply in words; he merely grasped his beard and shook his head slowly from side to side as one who is utterly defeated.

  “I suppose,” went on King Merse,”it were too much to expect that the fellow had some dim shadow of a reason, at the back of what for want of a bet
ter word we must call his bra-in, for this outrage? “

  “Oh, we have found reason enough! “cried King Kul, with a slight tendency to rave.” He did it, he says, to save these little children from execution at our hands! These—these whom we were at the moment stuffing with muffins! Oh—” here his sense of the bitter indignity overcame him again and he could only articulate words which I ptefer to represent by dashes.

  “This is a blow to me,” said King Merse, sadly.” I had hoped that when I found Gorbo I would also find that his mind had been broadened by foreign travel; it is said to have that effect. But what hope now? “

  “It’s all very well,” said Gorbo sullenly, “but if you’d heard what Golithos said about the King, and what Mother Meldrum said about him, perhaps you’d have made a little mistake too. And Baldry said—” here he stopped suddenly, for Baldry was his sworn friend and he felt that to go on would not be cricket.

  “Baldry! “exclaimed King Merse.” Ah, now the matter is clearing. Tell me what that reprobate said about me.”

  But Gorbo remained silent.

  “Bring hither our one-time jester,” said the King to an officer. ”I think, cousin, we may find some extra reason for this matter.”

  Baldry’s Sentence

  Baldry was brought in, chewing a straw. There were straws sticking in his hair and more on his clothes. He stood before the King with his eyes cast down and his hands clasped before him, a dejected figure.

  “Thou insolent! “said the King, after regarding him for a moment.” Thou impertinent one! Think not to trick me by this show of sorrow. Tell me, have you said aught to this stranger that would lead him to believe me a tyrant? “

  Baldry took the straw from his mouth, dried it carefully and deposited it within the bosom of his doublet. He placed his hand daintily over his mouth and coughed a little cough. Then he spoke:

  “My liege lord and master, it is true that I did in some sort induce my dear friend Gorbo to believe you more despotic than is perhaps the case, But in my defence I must say that I had some good reason for it, namely, to wit” here he checked off the items on his fingers “Firstly, the idea occurred to me a choice one. Secondly, it seemed to be full of humour. Thirdly, I was highly amused at it. Fourthly, it tickled me greatly. Fifthly—”

  “Silence me that lewd mouth!” cried the King to the jailor. A kerchief was hastily whipped round Baldry’s mouth and held while they waited further orders.

  “Listen to my words,” said the King sternly, “for you will hear but few again, We can pardon much levity in a professional fool, but this more than reaches the limits of our patience. Go forth from our presence and from our palace and from our City—and keep on going. Know all,” he continued, turning to the court, “that Baldry is henceforth exiled from our dominions.”

  Baldry started violently and stared at him as if he could not comprehend. Then, as the bitter truth dawned upon him, he turned, and with bowed head, paced slowly forth. But after some four or five steps he paused, placing his hand upon his heart as if with a sudden pang. Then, raising his hands aloft with a gesture of despair, he swayed, and fell at full length on his face, as falls a tree.

  There was general consternation, and all rushed forward. One, skilled in leechcraft, knelt down and, bending his head sideways, listened carefully. Then he rose.” I cannot hear his heart beat,” he said sadly.” He is dead.”

  They made way for the King, from whose countenance the stern look had faded, giving place to one of deep sorrow. He stood looking down at the prostrate figure. and heaved a deep sigh, almost a groan. At length he spoke—in blank verse, for nothing less could express his bitter feelings:

  “Alas, poor fool! is’t thus that comes the end,

  The terminus of all your antic ways?

  Could not the fate which spares the grim tom-cat

  That yesternight did rack my harmless slumbers,

  Making the moonlight tremble with his yells,

  Have spared thee too? Can’st ne’er again

  Devise thy lightsome jests, thy bonnetings,

  Thy traps of booby poised on half-op’d door,

  Or juggle with the table furnishings?

  No, thou art dead, and I without my fool

  Am left to mourn the law inscrutable

  That gives us chiefly what we would not have.

  The violet withers while the rhubarb thrives,

  The buttered slice falls ever upside-down.

  The horse we back does seldom find a place,

  The horse we back not comes a romping in.

  Too late, poor fool, this. unavailing woe!

  I loved thee more than thou did’st ever know.”

  “Then in that case,” said Baldry, turning smartly over on to his back, “why are you making things so difficult? “

  Royal Clemency

  It was characteristic of Baldry that he always (in seafaring phrase) sailed pretty close to the wind, and 1t was lucky for him in this case that the King’s satisfaction in knowing that he was not dead after all slightly outbalanced his new rage at finding that not only had he been tricked, but that he had wasted some rather superior blank verse. But Baldry dexterously twisted himself out of reach of the King’s itching foot and fled to where Sylvia and Joe were standing (both rather perplexed with these happenings) and embraced them with ardour.

  “Ah, our cousin of Snerg! “said the King with a mournful smile, “well has the poet said that beneath a monarch’s crown there is often a sore head. But now let me recount to you what other reasons this Gorbo of yours gave for his behaviour. It will take some believing.”

  King Merse, after hearing, full details of how Gorbo had been cozened into perpetration of the outrage, gave his opinion that, the man being the ass he was, it would be best to pass the matter over as an error of judgment.

  “That’s one way of looking. at it,” said King Kul rather peevishly.” Of course it was I who got the stinger, not you. But,” he added with true nobility, “the quality of mercy is not strained like cabbage. Ho there, guards l unchain that extraordinary person. He is free.”

  Gorbo’s fetters were instantly removed and carried away in a basket. He murmured some inarticulate thanks to the King and then went over to his brother Snergs, who were ranged against the wall and who greeted him with affection mingled. with scarcely dissembled mirth. But he was cheered by the sudden impact of two small bodies; Sylvia and Joe had flung themselves at him and were hugging him tight.

  King Kul watched the scene for a moment with a benevolent smile ‘; then he turned to King Merse and Vanderdecken.

  “Come,” he said, “to my privy chamber, where a stoup of wine and a mixed biscuit awaits us. The Master of the Buckhounds will see to it that your men are cared for. Pray mind the step.”

  The Next Day

  The next day passed happily and to the contentment of all except Sir. Giles, who instead of. walking for hours in the gardens with the Lady Ermyntrude, as he hoped to do, had to mount and away in order to bring Golithos and Mother Meldrum up for judgment. He started early and went off at great speed with his men. Since the job had to be done he would get it over quickly.

  The Snergs and the Dutchmen were well entertained by the townspeople. They visited some public places, such as the building of Science and Arts, and were present at the ceremony of unveiling a new horse trough in the marketplace. A good spread, at which the Mayor presided, was given to them in the Town Hall.

  Sylvia and Joe enjoyed themselves to the full. They went out shopping with the Lady Ermyntrude, who needed some lining and a piece of narrow insertion, and they roamed about with Gorbo afterwards and each bought a little china mug and saucer as a souvenir. They were very happy for it had been on the whole a most successful and interesting expedition; though they were to start on the homeward journey on the next day but one (a Snerg ha
d been sent post haste to let Miss Watkyns know they were safe) and they would have preferred to stop a little longer, they were also looking forward to the time when they would be back with the other children and telling them all about it. And they really wanted to know what Miss Watkyns and the other ladies would think of it all.

  There was a ball that night at the palace. Among those present were Joe and Sylvia, but only for a short time because the. King said they were too young for dissipation. They went to sleep, soothed by the distant music of rebecs, psalterys and viols de gamboys. Truly a happy time.

  And the Day After That

  “Aha!” said King Kul, striking his hands lightly together as he glanced round the breakfast table, “what good things have we to eat this morning? I see kidneys—kippers—a dressed ham—pies of various sorts. Come, our cousin of Snerg, let me recommend the grouse pie.”