by Mann, Cat
****
Ari was set to go back to work after the weekend and I was dreading his absence. I kept reminding myself that real life involved things like work and school and I needed to get a better grip on reality. It was hard with all of the fears that had been plaguing me. It was already the end of October and I was beginning to think I would not be able to start school at the spring semester and the realization made me feel worse.
We went over to dinner at Aggie and Andrew’s on Saturday night rather than Sunday, because the Alexanders were to throw a small party afterwards for Halloween. I was sick of parties and crowds and all I wanted to do was stay at home, but that would mean I would have to be home by myself and I was too scared to be alone.
I walked into the kitchen with Ari; he hugged his mom hello and left to talk with his dad - alone.
I hadn’t seen Aggie since we got back from our trip to Greece. I took the book that she had lent me and set it on the table in front of her.
“Thanks,” I said and started to turn to go to the living room.
“Sure, Ava,” she said with a smile. “You can pick it up over here next time, though.”
I looked at her, having no idea what she was going on about, and she gave me a little wink. Then I remembered what had happened the week before, when she had come to our house to deliver the book.
“Serves you right, Aggie; you wanted details and now you have them.” My tone was harsher than I intended.
“Okay, you win. I’ll never ask again! Believe me, I don’t want to know,” she said, smiling playfully. I could not bring a return smile to my lips. I just nodded and walked away. I couldn’t find the playful, carefree side of my personality. I didn’t feel like smiling or laughing. Aggie watched me leave the kitchen with concern in her eyes.
I sat at the piano and played until my fingers ached too much to carry on. At dinner I stayed quiet until Lauren said how excited she was that August was going to be teaching two of her classes. I nearly choked on my food.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, August, but you, Lauren,” I said turning to look at my sister-in-law, “you are going to hate him!”
August nodded his head up and down vigorously, agreeing with me.
“What? Why?” Lauren frowned with disappointment.
“August was my private teacher for Wheatin Prep and he was a harsh taskmaster jerk. His exams were brutal and his lectures went on for hours. The closer we got to becoming friends the harder he pushed me, so don’t think he will go easy on you because you know each other. Oh, and if you speak or write one lick of English in your French class, be prepared for a ton of homework and public humiliation.”
“Don’t act like my rules and tests were a bad thing, Ava. If not for me you never would have graduated at the top of your class at one of the highest-ranking schools in London.”
“I would have settled for just graduating at that point, August, but thanks. Truthfully, Lauren, August is a great teacher; just don’t let his looks fool you. He will not be fun…ever.”
“Uh, we did too have fun, Ava!” August said with a pout.
“Yeah, we had fun, after class, like three times.”
“It’s not my fault you were so hung up on Ari that you couldn’t enjoy London,” he retorted.
Ari put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my hair.
Lauren looked angry, pushed her food around on her plate for the rest of dinner, and did not say anything else. I didn’t either for that matter; my mind was somewhere else entirely. I could not forget about No. 7 and I couldn’t put my uneasy feelings to rest. I was beginning to feel paranoia lurking behind all my thoughts. I had bitten and peeled my fingernails down to near non-existence. I fidgeted constantly with whatever was at hand. My leg shook and bounced around at dinner so much that Ari had to keep putting his hand on my knee to stop the table from rattling.
Chapter 11
Secrets
I wanted to be selfish after dinner and have Ari at home all to myself, but the back deck was filling up with all of Rory, Nick, Julia, Lauren and Ari’s friends from school who still lived in the area. Emily, Sophie and Viola, Ari’s and my old friends from DPI, were roommates in L.A. and they drove down to hang out and so did Collin, Misha, Rachel and Nigel, friends of Nick’s that I have met on a few occasions. I began to relax a little bit. Lauren had some of the girls from her floor there and she had her new boyfriend, Luke, come over for the first time. It was funny watching him fidget every time Ari, Rory or Nick asked him a question. I felt a twinge of pity for Luke, knowing how it is to be overwhelmed by such a large, close group of people. He seemed to be handling himself okay, though, and Lauren seemed sincere in her feelings for him. She had a goofy, love-struck smile spread across her face the whole evening.
I talked quietly with August and felt someone grab my shoulders from behind me. I let out a scream and everyone fell silent. Whirling around, ready to fight, I found Andy standing there with his hands up in surrender.
“Oh, Ava, I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just wanted to see if you might have a chat with me inside.”
Letting out a shaky breath, I tried to calm back down.
“It’s okay, Andy, no worries. You just startled me, that’s all… um, maybe another time for the chat? I don’t feel up to talking.”
“I am here for you, Ava, if you need to talk. Ari tells me you are having a difficult time right now.”
“I’m fine… it’s totally fine… another time, though, you don’t need to worry about me when all your friends are here.”
He looked at me for a long moment with a concerned stare. I forced a smile.
“If you’re sure, Ava.”
I nodded my head reassuringly.
Ari came up to make sure everything was all right.
“I’m fine really, your dad just startled me,” I told him.
He brushed my cheek with his thumb and cocked his head to the side with a worried expression.
“We can leave if you want. Head home.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ari. Your friends just showed up, they haven’t seen you since…”
Since the vigil when I was missing.
I heard one of the girls from our old school, Keri, mumble, “She’s such a freak,” to her friend, Skylar, and they both giggled. The two lived on the same floor as Ari and I, floor number twelve at the dorm. They never much cared for me, and I was never sure why. I pretended not to hear them, but a stupid tear slid down my cheek, giving my emotions away. Ari clenched his jaw and started to turn towards them. I grabbed his shoulder, “Ari, stop, don’t worry about them.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ava,” was his only response as he walked away from me. He did not get too far before Julia spoke.
“If you don’t have any regard for Ava, then clearly you do not belong here with her family. Keri, you are snot and Skylar, you are just Keri’s pathetic little minion. Just leave. I’m sorry I invited you two to begin with.”
I mouthed Julia a small “thank you” and she gave me a wink. Julia may open her foolish mouth at times and say things that get under my skin, but she is my family and the two of us share a bond, I love her like a sister.
August walked back up and draped one arm over my shoulder. I was glad to see him. One of the best things about having August around was that I could pour my heart out and no one else had any idea about what we were saying.
“Je me sens stupide,” I said wiping the rest of the tears away with the back of my hand.
He pulled me in for a one-armed hug, “Non, elles étaient stupides.”
As I continued to talk to quietly with August in French, I filled him in on my anxiety and constant feeling of uneasiness. I knew I should have been talking to Ari about my feelings but I also knew Ari would overreact and want to leave and I could tell he was having a nice time. He was smiling and the little crease in his forehead was nowhere in sight.
I tried to be careful, though. Ari gets a little annoyed when August
and I talk together in French, and August tends to use Ari’s lack of French to his own advantage. Ari especially dislikes hearing his own name in a mix of other words he does not understand. Often, back when we were in Montréal, August and I would tease Ari by saying his name in the middle of conversations that had nothing to do with him. August started to pull that very trick, using Ari’s name, rolling his eyes and moving his hands dramatically, and a giggle burst from my lips for the first time since before my last flashback.
I knew August was teasing Ari more to make me forget about my worries, but he was also doing a great job of getting under Ari’s skin. In between my laughter, I explained to Ari that August was just being playful and that the story he was telling had nothing to do with Ari but, instead, was about a foolish ex-boyfriend. Ari looked at me skeptically.
“He was just trying to make me feel better at your expense,” I said with a small smile.
“If that’s the case, then I’ll willingly be the butt of all his jokes. I miss that giggle; it makes my heart smile.” Ari wrapped his arms tight around me in a hug and kissed my forehead.
Ari stayed by my side the rest of the evening and when Aggie kicked people out on account of the noise and late hour, Ari, Rory, Nick and August brought the party goers over to our house.
Ari and I snuck off to bed a couple of hours after that and when I woke the next morning, I discovered people scattered all about the house sleeping on my couches, chairs and even the floor. I made my way through the sea of bodies and made a pot of coffee. I grabbed the paper, filled up two mugs, and headed back to bed. The smell of coffee woke Ari up and I handed him a mug and The Times.
“I wouldn’t go out there if I were you,” I told him, getting comfortable under his arm.
“Mmm,” he smiled, “I have no intentions of leaving this bed this morning.” Ari opened the paper to our favorite section and we read it together and made little comments to each other here and there.
A bit later, there was a knock on our bedroom door. Ari called out from the bed that the door was open and in popped Emily’s curly head. She smiled and walked the rest of the way in to Ari’s and my bedroom.
“Oh, my gosh; you two are so cute!”
I blushed and Ari laughed. “Is there something we can help you with, Em?” Ari put the paper down on his lap and removed his reading glasses.
“Am I interrupting you?”
“Of course not, what’s up?” Ari said.
“Nothing. Um, I just wanted to thank you two for the invite to the party. I had a nice time. I haven’t seen you both in a while and it was great catching up with you. Your house is amazing, by the way. I am majorly jealous right now.”
“Do you want the tour?” Ari asked as he pushed his head off the headboard in an attempt to get out of bed.
“No, no. Some other time, stay put.”
Ari eased back down.
“So anyway, we are all leaving. Thanks again for the invite. I hope to see you both again soon.”
“You are always welcome. You know that.” Ari told her.
Emily’s eyes bounced about the room, she wrapped a curl around her finger, twirling it around.
“It’s not like you to be coy, Em. What’s on your mind?” Ari is an expert at reading people’s body language. God knows he always can tell when I am not being truthful.
“Is your cousin dating anyone?”
“You will have to be more specific.” He laughed.
Even though Ari’s only “real” cousins are Rory and Nick. He has several, several obscure family members. And for lack of a better term, they all refer to one another as cousins.
“Nick.” Emily answered and for the first time ever, blushed.
“Ah…” Ari readjusted his body and rubbed at the stubble on his cheek. “Nick’s a hard nut to crack, Em. But yes, he and Misha kind of have a thing going.”
This was news to me.
Emily frowned. “Oh, ok then.”
“Sorry.” Ari grimaced.
“No worries.” Emily laughed it off, said goodbye once more and shut our bedroom door.
I turned to Ari. “I didn’t know Misha and Nick were dating!”
“Don’t tell anyone, Ava, okay? Rory doesn’t even know.”
“What? Why? Misha is wonderful. She is so nice.”
“She is.” Ari agreed.
“Then what’s with the secrecy?”
Ari bit down on his lip. “He doesn’t want his parents to know.”
“But why?” I pressed.
“Misha isn’t Greek, Ava. Thais and Gianna wouldn’t be happy about that.”
“You have got to be kidding me! They wouldn’t want Nick dating someone who isn’t Greek? That is so stupid.”
Ari gave me a look as though I may have over stepped my bounds.
“I get why you may think that dating a non-Greek is a foolish concept and a part of me agrees with you. But, as you know our family is very traditional when it comes to our heritage. Our parents expect Greek babies. It is instilled in us from a very young age.”
“Ari, I don’t mean to be rude but I think that belief is very archaic. Nick and whoever else in this family should be able to date whomever they’d like. What if I wasn’t Greek would you have dated me… married me?”
Ari smiled at me and ran his fingers across my lips. “It doesn’t matter because you are Greek.”
I frowned at him.
“Don’t dwell on this.” He sighed and picked the paper back up to read.
“What does Misha think about Nick not telling his family about her? Doesn’t that hurt her feelings? How serious is their relationship?”
Ari grudgingly placed the paper back down. “Their relationship isn’t any of our business, Ava. Misha has confided in me once or twice over her and Nick’s relationship. Yes, it does hurt her feelings that she isn’t welcome to join us on the holidays as Nick’s girlfriend. However, she understands Nick’s predicament. She doesn’t love the situation but she supports him. And yes, they are serious. They have been together for a few years… They live together.”
“What?! How is that possible? They live together and no one even knows they are dating.”
“Nick works hard at keeping his life private, Ava, you of all people should understand the significance of privacy. Please, make no mention of Misha to anyone. Nick would be upset and I gave him my word.”
“Of course not; I won’t mention anything, I promise.”
“Now, would you please stop dwelling on this.” Ari picked the paper back up to continue his article.
“I just…”
Ari sighed in obvious annoyance.
“If I weren’t Greek would you still have dated me?”
“You are Greek, Ava. This isn’t about us.”
I could tell by Ari’s lack of a true response that his honest answer would have been no. No he would not have dated me if I were not Greek.
I crossed my arms over my chest. I was mad. I was mad at Nick for not being a man and standing up to his parents for the woman that he loved. I was mad at Misha for putting up with that situation in the first place and I was mad at Ari for believing in such an archaic tradition.
“Listen Baby,” Ari turned to me. “I love you. I get that you are upset but, like I said, this isn’t about us. You don’t have to worry about this small family rule.”
“That’s right; I don’t have to worry about who is Greek and who isn’t. Since we aren’t having kids this won’t affect us. I won’t have to tell my kids they can’t fall in love with whomever they’d like because we won’t have any children to pass this ridiculous notion on to.”
Ari rolled his eyes at me. “Ah, yes, that’s right. And when my mother finds out you don’t want babies she will kill you and I will have to find another Greek girl to marry and bare my children.”
I gasped. I was appalled by Ari’s comment.
Ari smiled brightly.
“I’m kidding! Well…sort of… my mother will kill you when she
finds out you don’t want babies.”
I shot Ari a dirty look.
“Ava,” he said sweetly in my ear. “Don’t let this ruin your day.” He nuzzled his nose in my hair. I tried to nudge Ari off me but he wouldn’t budge. “I am not going to let you stay mad. I have ways of making you forget… easily.”
Ari moved his lips to my ear. I felt the lovely sensation in the pit of my stomach, a feeling that by now I love and know so well. I squirmed and Ari laughed.
Ari shifted and moved his lips to my lips and kissed me tenderly.
Our bedroom door creaked open. Rory, Julia, and August all found their way into our room and interrupted Ari’s and my kiss.
“It’s like ten o’clock in the morning! You two need a hobby other than the beast with two backs.”
“Rory,” Ari said with a irritated tone as he moved his head back to its place on the headboard, “morning.”
The three piled in our room and made themselves at home at the foot of our bed.
Rory recapped some pretty funny stories that happened after Ari and I had fallen asleep. August, in an incredibly animated fashion, told Julia and Rory all about how he teased Ari the night before, then he sheepishly announced that he had met someone.
“You guys remember Collin, Nick’s friend?” he asked.
I had met Collin several times. He seemed really nice but he had never really spoken to me before.
“Yeah, Collin -- cute guy with really, short, light blonde hair and glasses like Ari’s?” I asked.
“Yes!” August said with a huge grin. “We met a few months ago at your wedding and then again when umm… well, Ava, when you were missing, and we got to talking. I thought he was so cute, but I was too worried about you to think anything more about it. So anyway, when we met again last night we hit it off and, well, we’ve got a date in a few days!”