by Mann, Cat
Aggie smiled and pulled out her cell phone. “Yes, it would look awesome on your pool deck…” Aggie carried on and showed me some picture she had pinned and I zoned off almost immediately. Thankful when the pharm tech finally called my name, I grabbed my renewed prescription and walked with Aggie to the check-out lane.
By the time we arrived back to our road, Ari was home. “Can you just drop me off at home, Aggie?”
Aggie turned in to my driveway and wound the car up to the front door. “Have Ari stop by later, would you?” She asked. “I need to talk to him.”
I nodded, grabbed my little white prescription bag and climbed out of the car.
Ari was waiting for me on the front porch step. He waved at his mom as she pulled out of the drive.
“Where were the two of you?”
“The market.”
Ari wrapped his arms around me in a hug and planted a kiss on my head. I immediately felt safe there in his arms.
We walked in the house together.
“How was your day?” He asked.
“Uneventful. Yours?”
“Same.” Ari nodded.
“Were you at my parent’s house long?”
“Mmm.” That noise could have been construed as either a yes or a no.
“What did you and my mom talk about?”
I racked my brain hard for a conversation Aggie and I had had that day.
“Uh, Snow Patrol and um Pinterest.”
Ari squinted his eyes at me. “Ok, Baby I have a ton of work to do. I am heading to the study. I’ll check on you in a bit.” Ari kissed my forehead and disappeared down the hall. I brought my prescription back to our bathroom and unloaded the little pill container next to my sink. I walked back to the living room and plopped down on the sofa.
****
The moon was taunting me; staring at me from beyond the little rectangular window. The moon, unlike me, was free. Free to come and go as it chooses. I was stuck. My mouth was soggy with old duct tape. My arms were pinned behind my back, my wrists held tightly together with handcuffs. I pulled at the cuffs but they did not budge, the metal only dug further in to my tender, broken flesh. I was wet with urine. I could smell the ammonia – it made my stomach heave with nausea. Hit with a bout of violent heaves, my mouth filled with stomach acid, it tasted bitter and I could feel the texture of something chunky on my tongue. Due to the tape that kept my mouth from opening, I was forced to swallow my vomit back down. My teeth felt gritty. Leaning back against the water heater, I pillowed my head against a pipe. I listened to the heavy footsteps of No. 6 on the floorboards above me. He was whistling, carrying on a tune while he made his dinner. The house smelt of tuna. The acid and chunks flew up my esophagus again, my cheeks filled and I forced my vomit back down as quickly as I could. No 6’s fork clattered against his plate. I listened to him stand up, his chair rubbed loudly against the hardwood floors. I heard the clash of his dish as it hit the kitchen sink. Moments later, the basement door opened with a creak. Panic rose. It was time. What was he going to do to me? What was next? I squirmed and pulled at the cuffs. I started to breathe heavy, my heart pounded. Oh, God. Oh, God. He reached the bottom of the steps. I could see the wicked gleam in his eyes. He put his mouth up to mine. I could smell the tuna on his breath. Once again, the bile rose and filled my cheeks. Once again, I swallowed my vomit back down.
****
I jumped up, screaming. Terror coursed through my veins. The house was dark, shadows danced on the walls. Wet with sweat, my matted hair stuck to my neck and back. In a panic, I ran. I threw open doors and called out to Ari. I searched through the whole house, screaming for him. He was gone. I was alone. Running to our bedroom, I threw open the closet door and hid, like a small child, in a dark corner. I pulled down clothes that were folded in neat, small stacks. I yanked Ari’s suits off the hangers. Shoes flew across the closet as I dug through clothing for a bit of security, for some sort of refuge. At last, I found what I was searching for; I shook and cried in to Ari’s gray hooded sweatshirt. “Oh, my God.” I cried out, again and again. My litany.
No. 6 tortured me, mercilessly. He tortured my body and my mind. What he failed to do was finish me off; the only thing left for me to do was die, to sit and hide like a coward until No. 7 finally came to kill me. He was coming; I could feel it in my bones. He was plotting his next move.
The door creaked in the distance. I heard footsteps, slow at first as they moved through my home from room to room. After a beat, the footsteps picked up the pace. Doors opened and slammed shut. I pushed myself further into the corner in my bedroom closet. I squeezed my eyes shut. Tears poured relentlessly down my cheeks, and chin. My body would not stop quivering. I bit down hard on my own hand in an attempt to keep silent – to keep from screaming out in fear.
The closet door flew open with a bang.
“Holy Fuck!” Ari hollered and my ears rang with the noise he caused.
Ari immediately dropped to his knees. He pulled my shrunken, tightly coiled body in to his arms. Ari was panicky, I could hear his heart pounding though his chest. His fingers were trembling as they searched my face, neck and body for a way to help me.
“What happened? Are you alright?”
“Y-You l-left. You left me.” I sputtered.
“Fuck.” Ari cussed again, this time to himself, under his breath. I winced at the harsh word.
Ari pet my hair and rocked us back and forth on the closet floor. It was a long while before either of us spoke again.
“You were asleep on the sofa.” Ari said softly. “My mom called, she said she had been waiting all evening for me to stop by. She told you to tell me to come over. You must’ve forgotten to relay the message. I checked on you before I left. You were sound asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake you. It was just an hour. I was only gone an hour. I was right next door. I didn’t know. I didn’t know you felt this way.”
“I’m so scared.” I whimpered.
“I can see that. I’m sorry; I didn’t know this would happen. I didn’t know you were this bad, Ava. I had no clue.”
This bad?
I hated his words; they angered me. I was fine; I told myself I was fine. I took a breath in an attempt to steady my emotions and I climbed off Ari’s lap.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I said to Ari, quickly. I wiped my wet face with the borrowed sweatshirt and stood up off the closet floor.
“Tell me what happened to you.”
“No.”
I left the closet. I left Ari there alone with a clenched jaw.
I moved soundlessly to the bathroom and threw up; happy to be able to open my mouth and expunge the evil bile my dream had caused. I brushed and re-brushed my teeth removing all the grit. I was completely aware that Ari was watching my every move from the doorway but I pretended not to notice him. I undressed, peeled my sticky, sweaty shirt from my back and untangled it from my damp, matted hair. Turning the showerheads on cold, I forced myself to stand still under the freezing spay.
Eventually, Ari retreated, closing the bathroom door behind him. I washed my cold skin with Ari’s soap. I loved the way it made him smell so clean. I washed my hair and face. I scrubbed under my fingernails. My skin, covered in goose bumps, had taken on a slight bluish hue from the chilly temperature of the water. Climbing out of the shower, I wrapped myself in Ari’s robe. Standing in front of the mirror, I took on the arduous task of detangling my long, wavy hair.
I could feel the vibration of Ari’s footsteps as he paced our bedroom floor. He talked quietly on his cell phone. He was talking about me. I could hear my name. He said it again and again.
It had grown late. Ari had an important day at work the following day. He had meetings with Margaux - they were working out some big deal with some fashion magazine. I had forgotten which magazine, although Ari had told me numerous times. When I emerged from the bathroom, Ari was sitting up in bed going over his notes for work. I wasn’t sure what to say to him if anything at all.
Removing Ari�
��s robe from my shoulders, I hesitated in front of our closet doors. I did not want to go back in there. I did not want to see the evidence of my out-of-control anxiety attack. Instead, I pulled open the dresser and slipped on a pair of Ari’s boxers. I could feel his gaze on my back as I dressed myself with his clothes.
I hesitated again, this time at the bed. I didn’t want to fall back asleep. I was too afraid of what horrors were waiting for me on the other side of my consciousness. Ari shifted and leaned down off the bed to pick something up from the floor. He came back up and held out his iPad to me with a sheepish smile.
I smiled big at his gesture of peace, climbed under the sheets and gratefully took the iPad.
“I downloaded a new book the other day. It was a good read, Ava. I seriously read it in one night. You’ll love it.”
“K.” I smiled again.
Ari leaned across me and ran his finger over the bottom of the screen, unlocking the tablet. He pulled up the book he was speaking of and we each stayed up the rest of the night. I read, Ari pretended to work and I tried not to notice his worried, penetrating stare.
I fell asleep just before dawn. I am not sure if Ari slept or not. I heard the sound of his alarm but didn’t bother to open my eyes. Ari quickly turned the buzzing, annoying noise off, the mattress moved under his weight as he climbed out of bed. I dozed in and out of sleep as Ari got ready for work. I heard the shower run and the sound of the shaving cream canister. Cracking my eyes open, I watched him walk to the closet. Ari emerged minutes later, fully dressed and handsome. I rolled over and Ari smiled a weak smile at me. He grabbed his cell phone off his bedside table.
“I’ll be right back.” He whispered.
Rolling over, I shoved my face in to a pillow. I dozed again then woke once more to Ari.
“Hey Baby,” he was rubbing little circles into my back. “Why don’t you start to get up? Sit and talk with me before I have to leave for work.”
His tone was cautious.
“Ok…” I rolled over and pushed myself up in to a sitting position.
Ari pointed to his iPad. “What’d you think of the book?”
I shrugged. “It was alight.”
“Alright?” Ari scoffed. “That book was great. I hadn’t read anything that good in weeks.”
“The plot was kind of obvious; don’t you think? I mean it was the mother – I suspected her from the beginning.”
“You did not!”
“I did!”
Ari laughed, “C’mon, I made coffee.” Ari took hold of my hand and we walked into the kitchen. August sat propped up on a stool at the island. Normally in the morning, he grabs a cup of coffee and leaves for work in one quick swoop.
“Hey.” I said to him, biting at my thumbnail.
“Morning.”
Ari handed me a cup of coffee. “Ava, you have an appointment today with Dr. Phillips; it’s at ten.”
I shook my head and furrowed my brow, “no I don’t.”
“Yes. Yes, you do.”
“Since when?” My tone was turning harsh.
“Since I called him last night; as I said, he will see you at ten. My mom is going to drive you to his office.”
“I can drive myself.” I snapped.
Ari closed his eyes, “don’t fight me on this, Ava.”
I didn’t respond. Ari looked down at his watch and I spied the time on the oven. He was late; Margaux was sure to be infuriated.
“I have to go. I love you, Baby.” Ari put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up so my eyes would meet his. “I love you, Ok?”
“Ok, ok.” I nodded. “I love you, too.”
“Please, please call me. Call my cell, call my work, call my assistant – anytime, any reason.”
“I will. Stop it. I’m fine.”
Ari rolled his eyes at my “I’m fine” comment.
“My mom will be here in an hour.” I rolled my eyes at his comment. He kissed my closed lips.
Ari nodded at August. “Thanks man.” He said before he walked out the garage door.
“Thanks for what?” I asked August.
“Hell if I know.” August grunted.
I slid on a stool next to August. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“My class is beginning the study of the Hundred Year’s War today. I don’t need to work on my preparatory lecture. Remember- I taught you last year?”
“Right.”
I stared ahead at the refrigerator, August continued to sit at my side and after ten minutes he spoke, “Aggie will be here sooner than you think, Ava. You should probably start to get ready.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled.
“Why are you wearing men’s underwear anyway? Please tell me that isn’t what you sleep in.”
I looked down at Ari’s boxers and white tee-shirt. “Sometimes.”
“That poor man. As much as he does for you the least you could do is put on something sexy to go to bed in.”
“Shut up, August.”
I bounced down from the stool and walked back to my bedroom. Our closet looked like a war zone. I dug through the piles of clothing on the floor for a pair of jeans. I finally found some and slid them on with a wiggle of my hips. I found a shirt still on a hanger, put it on and meandered through the house.
“You still here?” I said to August who was still on his perch in the kitchen.
“Mmm,” August responded and turned a page of The Times.
There was a knock at the front door. Before I could turn, August moved off his stool and walked across the house to the front door. Moments later, Aggie appeared in the kitchen. She was twirling her keys around her finger. She had a worried look on her face. August left through the garage door to head to work.
“Come on, Sweet-heart. We have to move or you’ll be late.”
“Yeah, ok.”
I walked up next to Aggie. She placed her hand on my back and ushered me towards the door. “Are you doing ok, Baby?”
“I’m fine.”
Aggie kept the music off on the way to Los Angeles, I stared out the window and she kept small talk to a minimum.
Dr. Phillips was waiting for me when we arrived.
“Ava,” he smiled, “right this way.” Dr. Phillips opened the hallway door to let me back to the exam rooms. Normally, his nurse, Liz walks me back and checks me in. Not this time.
Dr. Phillips gestured for me to take a seat on the paper coved exam table. I climbed up and the paper crinkled under my weight. Phillips took a seat on a little rolling chair and scooted up next to me. He crossed his ankle over his knee, he leaned forward and his fingers formed a steeple over his mouth.
“Tell me what happened last night.”
I shrugged, ran my fingers through my hair and eventually, I did as Dr. Phillips said and gave him every last embarrassing detail of the night before, my screaming, the closet, the mess, Ari’s cuss words, everything.
We talked for an hour, the doctor and I. He concluded that I was most defiantly dealing with some major post-traumatic stress. That I had paranoia. That my anxiety was becoming unmanageable and these issues were making it difficult for my body to focus on healing. He tried to refer me to a psychologist. I declined. He tried to prescribe some anti-anxiety medication. I declined.
“Really, I am fine.” I said as I slid down off the paper covered exam table. Philips opened the door and we walked back down the hall.
“Liz,” he called to the nurse as he handed her my chart, “schedule Ava an appointment in four weeks to see me, please. Send her appointment card in the mail.”
“Ava, have a nice day; call us if you need something.”
I turned and found Aggie looking distraught, holding her keys in her hand.
I rolled my eyes and sighed at her. “I’m fine. Would you relax? Let’s go.”
We got down to her car. “Where to?” She said in a chipper tone.
“Home.” I responded flatly.
“Nope! Girl’s day, you and me; a littl
e lunch and then maybe some shopping. I think a day out will do you some good, Ava.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the car seat. “I’m not hungry. Can we please go home?”
“No, Ava, we can’t.”
Aggie started the engine and drove to some restaurant where I picked at my food and tuned in and out periodically to her chatter.
“Where to now?” Her tone was still chipper. She wasn’t going to give up on this ‘girl’s day.’
“I don’t care, Aggie.”
“Don’t you have anything you want to shop for?”
I thought back to August’s comment about my unflattering sleeping attire. I grimaced at the thought of shopping for sexy clothes with Aggie.
“Let’s go to baio.” I mumbled.
“Ok!” Aggie responded and drove off towards L.A’s downtown shopping district.
I walked into the store with Aggie at my heels. She followed me as I walked straight to the back. Occasionally, Aggie would pause at table of neatly folded garments, pick something up only to set it back down again and walk a few quick steps to catch up with me.
I stood at the back wall that displayed strappy, barely there scraps of lace and silk material. I blushed at the thought of Ari’s mother standing behind me and began to grab one of everything in my size.
“Oh.” I heard Aggie say once she realized what I was getting. I swallowed back my embarrassment and continued my pursuit.
Once my arms were full with frightful panties, delicate bras and way-to-sexy-for-just-sleep clothes, I turned and faced her.
“Is there anything you want?” I circled my finger lazily around the store. “I mean… just grab what you like… I get it all for free.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.” I smiled at Aggie for the first time that day.
“Well… sure! What’d you get?”
“You know what I got, Aggie.” I frowned again.
Aggie giggled and turned back around to the back wall and picked out a red, very sexy piece of lingerie. I raised my eyebrow at her and she giggled again.
“Might be fun.” She said quickly as she turned and we walked towards the row of people standing behind a counter of cash registers. I took Aggie’s clothes, added them with mine and put the pile on the counter in front of a young, cute, baio employee.