by Mann, Cat
“Nut uh!” Rory yelled out angrily.
“Oops.” Ari smiled wickedly. “I thought you already knew that part of the story.”
Rory came to a halt on the beach. “You’re a liar.”
“I don’t lie, Roar, I think we both know that.”
“Hundred yards - right now.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Rory.”
“No. I want this. Hundred yards. C’mon, Ari, let’s race.”
“No.”
“Why not?” Rory was getting mad.
“You don’t have anything I want. There is no challenge in this race. You don’t have anything to make this bet interesting. I am better than you in in everything, Rory; you know it. I don’t need to prove it.”
“You’re a dick.”
I coughed and sputtered at their exchange of words.
“No, I’m not. I am just honest.”
“I’ll find something you want one day, Ari and you won’t get it until you race me and win.”
“That will never happen. Now we have to get moving. I have class.”
Ari turned at three miles and headed back at his own leisurely pace a few feet behind Rory and I. Rory was fuming. He grumbled to himself the rest of the way back home.
The boys and Julia left for work and class and I was left alone. August and Collin were at Misha’s funeral services and were due to get home in the evening.
Aggie, who is a photographer, only works on shoots she finds interesting so her work is sporadic. A favorite actor of Aggie’s was pregnant and had contacted her for some pregnancy photos. Aggie was delighted and agreed to a photo-shoot in the woman’s home; keeping her busy in L.A. all day.
I locked the doors and started on the task of calling contacts and setting up arrangements for the House to Home function that was in the works. The job was a lot more enjoyable that I thought it would be. I like the idea of helping people. It gives me a purpose. Doing good helps me feel like a better person. The weight of having killed the Kakos is a strong and heavy one; it pulls me down daily and has damaged my psyche. Working for others is another type of therapy I suppose. It helps me to heal.
I thought about Misha and her struggles as I worked. So much sadness surrounded such an animated and beautiful person. I knew her last words to me were not spoken from the heart, her anger was misdirected and I was saddened that I was not able to help her. I wasn’t there for her like I should have been. I pulled up the website for the Newport rehab center she had treated with and decided to make a donation in her name. I reached out to a facilitator at the center and after some discussion we agreed to plant a tree for Misha’s unborn child. Near the tree would be a bench that looked out towards sea. On the bench, they were going to add an engraving in memory of Misha.
Once the plans for Misha’s memorial were finalized, I felt a bit better and was able to concentrate back on my work for House to Home, which kept me busy until late in the afternoon.
I planned for Chicken Enchiladas for dinner, Rory’s favorite. I could tell Ari had hurt Rory’s feelings earlier in the day and Rory perks up pretty quickly whenever food is involved. I started sautéing sweet peppers, red onions and jalapenos and jumped out of my skin when someone knocked at the back glass door. August was staring in at me.
I unlocked the door and allowed him in. “Salut.”
“Bonsoir.”
“How was… you know… everything? How were Misha’s parents holding up?”
“The weekend was sad. They were devastated.”
“I bet.”
He sat there at the counter for a bit and watched me cook. “I met Collin’s folks.”
I turned around and saw August smiling.
“Did you!?”
He nodded with glee.
“Looks like the meeting went well.”
“It did. I was nervous.”
“Nervous! Why? Collin’s nice; I am sure his parents would be, too.”
“Collin just came out a few months ago, having a gay son is still new to them; you know?”
“Oh… right.”
“They made us sleep in separate bedrooms.” August admitted.
I laughed aloud. “Don’t they know you two are living together?”
August nodded. “Yeah, they know. He told them but not every parent is like Aggie. Not everyone wants their child, no matter how old, shaking up with their boyfriend under their own roof.”
“Hey! Don’t judge me. My mother would turn over in her grave if she knew Ari and I slept in the same bed before we were married.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“I loved him from the second I saw him. My heart knew where it belonged before I did.”
August rolled his eyes at me.
“Where is Collin anyway?”
August rubbed at the back of his head. “He’s next door at Gianna’s with Nick.”
“Ah.” I nodded and then changed the subject. “Your parents know you are gay, right?”
“Ava, please! They knew I was gay before I did.”
I laughed again.
“How did you tell them? How old were you when you knew?”
August shrugged. “I don’t know how old I was. I guess the same age everyone is when they start to think about sex and relationships, dating and life. I liked guys - simple as that. I didn’t really start to date until college. I told my parents my freshman year that I was gay and they were wonderful and supportive just as they always have been about everything in my life. I am lucky to have them. They met Claude and liked him just fine. He and I had a serious relationship.”
“Was Claude your first?”
August gave me a shocked look.
“What August? You know my whole sexual history! I am entitled to a bit of gossip about your own love life.”
“Yes, he was.”
“Did you love him?”
“I thought I did.”
“Do you love Collin?”
“I do.”
“Are you going to introduce him to your parents?”
“I’d like to.” August toyed with a bottle of wine that sat on the counter. “They may come out to California for a visit this summer, but Collin’s not been to Paris before so I would really like to take him there.”
I smiled brightly. “He’d love that.”
“Indeed.” August turned the wine bottle around in his hands to read the label and then held the bottle up to me. “I didn’t think you drank.”
“I don’t. It’s Ari’s.”
“Man’s got good taste.”
I pulled a wine glass down from the rack and handed August the corkscrew to help himself.
I heard the garage door rumble and then the slamming of car doors. Julia and Rory had come home and joined in talking with August and me. Ari strolled through the door just in time for dinner and we all sat, ate my enchiladas and discussed our day.
The day had been long and I was starting to wind down. Ari was working in the study. I retreated to the bedroom, put on my favorite Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs album, took a long, piping-hot, shower, and rewarded myself with a mind-numbing game on Ari’s iPad. The battery was visibly wearing down and I knew he would have to charge it before he could use it for work. I had tried talking him into buying a new one so I could just have the old one, but I don’t think he liked that idea. He suggested I go back to using my MacBook.
As soon as Ari came into the room, he pointed to his iPad and said, “Don’t forget to put it on the charger tonight.”
I gave him a pouty face and he laughed and plugged it in for me as I rolled over, making room for him to get in bed. I had retired Ari’s underwear as sleeping attire and opted instead on a silk, light pink, baby doll camisole. It was soft against my skin, innocent enough to keep the blush off my cheeks but still sexy.
My cell phone alarm sounded indicating that I needed to take my daily birth control pill. Ari knew the drill. He picked up my phone and silenced the alarm. He headed to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and wa
shed his face then came back to my side holding a pill and a glass of water.
“Thanks.”
He stood there for a moment and rubbed at his cheeks.
“Uh,” he began, and then stopped again.
“What?” I asked.
He took a deep breath, and then sighed, “did you refill your birth control prescription in front of my mother last month?”
I blinked my eyes trying to think of the last time I went to the pharmacy. “Yeah. She was there. I rode with her to Ralphs.”
Ari sighed. “Don’t do that again.”
“Why not?”
“She had me come over to her house to talk about it – it was the same night you had…” Ari rubbed at his cheeks. “It was the same night as your anxiety attack.” He pointed to the closet.
“Talk about what?” I snapped.
“To talk about you being on the pill, Ava.”
“You cannot be serious!”
“She and my dad want grandkids. She told me to get you off the pill. I told her we wanted to enjoy our marriage a bit first.”
“She told you to get me off the pill! I can’t believe her!” I was seething mad. “Birth control is my right as a woman, Ari! It’s no one’s business but my own. She has some nerve!” I ripped the blankets off my legs and pushed off the bed. I was going to march over there and give that woman a piece of my mind once and for all.
“Calm down! I agree with you. Chill! My mother just doesn’t have to know about it anymore… ok?”
I rolled my eyes. “Why don’t you just get it over with and tell her we aren’t having kids?”
Ari clenched his jaw. “I want kids, Ava. We can give it some time and revisit the conversation later on down the road.”
I stared madly at the wall with my arms crossed tightly across my chest.
“Well… Since you are already mad at me, I may as well get this over with, too. Margaux just called me. She invited us to a dinner party next Saturday night and she really wants us to be there.”
My jaw went slack.
“What?” I asked, drawling the word out, “no way, I am not going.”
“Ava, we have to go; she’s your grandmother and she’s my boss.”
“She isn’t really my grandmother, and you can just quit.”
He laughed a little but I could tell he wasn’t in the mood for a fight over this.
“Ava, come on… you know you haven’t seen her in ages and you didn’t even call her on Thanksgiving. I think her feelings were hurt.”
“Phones work both ways, Ari.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But, Ava, we have to go. It’s the right thing to do. She really wants to see you.”
“I can’t,” I said racking my brain for an excuse. “I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Is that the best you have?” he asked, rolling his eyes at my lack of creativity. “We both know you have plenty of things to choose from. Please don’t act like this.”
“Fine, whatever; but you are going to owe me big for this. Huge.”
“Ava, it is just a dinner.”
“Yeah, Ari; it is a dinner with Satan in a very fiery realm of hell!”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” he replied in a harsh tone as he finally got under the covers. I moved away from him, over to the never-used far side of the bed. I had never, ever done that before.
“You can’t be serious,” I heard him mutter under his breath.
“Oh, but I am,” I said, matching his nasty tone. “And tell your mom to stay the hell out of my damn business!”
I fell asleep on the firm part of the mattress with very cold toes.
Chapter 18
Boycotting
I awoke to Ari kissing my cheek before he left for work. I covered my head with my blanket, blocking him and he sighed. I knew I was acting like a child but I couldn’t snap out of my angry mood. I didn’t want to go to Margaux’s stupid dinner party.
I got up as soon as I heard the garage door close and tried to get ready to start my day. There was no hot water left – the price we paid for having six adults in the house, five of whom had to be either at work or at school by nine a.m.
I decided to give the water situation a pass and climbed into my car to head for the gym. A look at the gas gauge told me my tank was nearly empty, thanks to Rory and Julia having used my car all weekend driving to L.A. and back. I filled my tank, mentally reminding myself to charge Rory for the gas and for the extra miles he had put on my car.
When I got to the gym, I saw Aggie and, despite my anger for her completely overstepping her bounds, I gave her a friendly wave. Then I put my ear buds in and got on my favorite treadmill, one in the back, next to the wall and an out-of-order stair master. My secluded spot would keep people from talking to me, at least that’s what I had hoped. I had Yelle, my favorite French electro pop group, blaring in my ears and was totally lost in a song when Aggie came up to me with her hands on her hips. “What?” I mouthed, without taking out my ear buds. She gave me a nasty look, and then yanked my ear buds out for me.
“Don’t ‘what?’ me, Ava,” she snapped. “What’s this I hear about you not speaking to Ari?”
I stared at her in disbelief.
“I swear, Aggie, I don’t know how you do it. It’s only nine thirty and you already know the day’s best gossip!” I rolled my eyes.
“So, what’s going on, Ava? What could Ari have possibly have done to deserve the silent treatment from you?”
“You say that as though Ari can do no wrong, Aggie, and it’s not that I am not talking to him. I am. I’m just boycotting him for a while. Not that it is any of your business.”
“Over this dinner party?” she asked incredulously.
“Yes, over this party. I will go if I have to, but I don’t want anybody to think I’m happy about it. I do not want to be there.”
“You are so spoiled, Ava. You are going and that’s that.”
“You aren’t my mother, Aggie. I am a married adult, I will do whatever I wish, keep your nose out of my marriage! I know you had a discussion with Ari about my choice to be on birth control. You have seriously overstepped your bounds.”
I pulled my ear buds out of her hand and shoved them back in my ears.
“Great, now you’re boycotting me,” I heard her say as she walked away.
“No, I am not talking to you,” I yelled rather nastily. Aggie shot me a look that could kill and in return, I yelled some nasty remark in French that she would later ask August to translate.
I finished my run in a bad mood and headed back home without another word to Aggie. I washed up and then walked into the main part of the house. The kitchen was full of dirty dishes and the laundry room was full of unwashed clothes. I was seething. I unloaded the dishwasher and filled it up with the dirty ones, then cleaned the kitchen. I washed all of Ari’s and my clothes, folded them up and put them away. I then cleaned our bedroom and living room.
I couldn’t even stand looking at Rory and Julia’s room, their room was a disaster and they had only been living with us for a few short days. I just shut the door. I went out to the deck and picked up half a dozen towels hanging from the rail and someone’s discarded swim trunks. Each time I moved to pick something up, throw something away, or re-organize something I got more and more angry.
I opened the door to the study and I walked straight into that big, stupid box and stubbed my big, stupid toe. I yelled out a few cuss words then slid the box across the floor causing it to slam against the bookcase. It hit the bookcase so forcefully that my collectibles nearly cascaded onto the floor.
I flipped my MacBook on and then sat down to do a little bit of research before my house filled back up with noise. I sat there reading and rereading whatever I could find on the Kakos for a few hours until I heard the front door close. I poked my head out and saw it was just Collin. He gave me a small wave and headed straight towards the kitchen.
August came home a little after Collin, and he came and found
me at my desk.
“What’s up?” I mumbled, not looking up from my computer screen.
I heard him make a ‘humph’ noise, as if he were pissed, and I waved my hand at the empty seat across the desk from me. He sat, I finished reading through an interesting article, and then finally looked up at him sitting across from me. August’s arms were crossed over his chest. He looked beyond mad.
“Please don’t tell me you’re angry about me not wanting to go to this dinner party,” I said with a sigh.
“What? No.... I’m mad at Collin.”
Now he had my attention, and I sat up straighter in my chair.
“Why, what happened?”
“Promise me you won’t get mad.”
“I promise I won’t get even madder than I am already.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll take what I can get,” he said, and then looked at me for a minute as if he didn’t know how to begin. August finally blurted out, “Collin said that you give him the creeps.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled a bit.
“August, that is totally fine. I make a lot of people uncomfortable.”
“What? No you don’t!”
“Yes, I do, August; you just never noticed other people’s reactions to me before. People like you don’t possess a sense of fear and don’t get creeped-out by me, but normal people like Collin do. Don’t be mad at him. Give him time and he’ll come around.”
“What are you talking about?”
By now, August was totally aware of who I was and he knew about my nightmares. He knew about No. 7 but I guess he didn’t understand that I still made normal people uncomfortable.
“August, I am used to making people uneasy. When I was a kid, my mom felt bad for me because I didn’t really have any friends. She worked all the time, so she bought me a goldfish. She put the fish in a little glass bowl and put some shiny rocks at the bottom and tried to surprise me one day after school. Every time I put my face up to the glass, the fish freaked out and swam the short distance to the other side, where it beat its nose against the glass searching for an escape. The look on my mom’s face was sheer sadness. I knew she felt so bad for me, but I didn’t mind. I was used to making people uncomfortable and watching animals run for the hills. I told her thanks anyway and asked her to take the fish to the pediatric center for the other little kids to look at.”