by Mann, Cat
We stuck around for a little while longer, until it was time for Max to go to bed. Ari and I tucked him in and I sang him a little French song, then sang it again in English. He hugged us both tightly and then we got up and closed the door behind us.
We said our goodbyes and left with Collin and August to go hang out in the hot tub for a little bit.
We weren’t in the water long before Rory found us there, grabbed Julia and a cooler of his favorite drinks and joined the group. Then Nick discovered the hot tub scene and came in along with Lauren and Luke. Ari and Lauren were trying to out-do one another by sharing embarrassing childhood stories with the group. Then Nick, the oldest, joined in on the storytelling and put them all to shame. We hung out a long time and eventually the boys started to get rowdy. I decided to get back to work on the journal.
I camped out in the living room and made my way slowly through the pages. I had a list a mile long of words I needed to figure out and my head was pounding. My eyes were bloodshot and I was past the point of exhaustion. I was sitting in a messy pile of post-it notes, hardly able to keep my eyes open, when Ari came in the house. The sun was just peeking up over the east lawn.
“You’re still awake?” he asked with a huge yawn.
“Barely,” I answered, nearly inaudibly.
Ari scooped me up off the floor, threw me over his shoulder and carried me to our room. He plopped me down on the bed.
Chapter 23
Beautiful Family
Ari and I were knotted up together in a sea of pillows and blankets when I heard our bedroom door open with a creak. I could hardly even open my eyes to see who the cause of my disturbance was.
I peeked through a slit in my eye to see Aggie standing in the doorway with a very sleepy looking Max at her feet. I tried to shake Ari awake but my efforts were useless.
“What,” I finally croaked.
“Do not ‘what’ me, Ava.”
“Aggie, what do you want?” I moaned in a childish whiny way.
“It’s noon. Why aren’t you up yet?” she snapped.
“What do you want?!” I snapped back, tucking my face into Ari’s neck.
“I need to run to the store to get some Christmas shopping done and Max needs a nap. Also, tonight is Andy’s Christmas party for work. I need you to watch Max. I packed a bag and left it on the floor in the kitchen.”
I nodded at her.
“C’mon, Max.”
He tore away from Aggie’s side in a flash and I helped him crawl up in to the bed next to Ari. Max curled himself up into Ari’s free arm, blinked twice, and was asleep.
Aggie tried to give me instructions or something but she was too late; I was already slipping back into the world of sleep as she gave up and left.
I woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of Max giggling. I gave a stretch and sat up, Ari wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“What is this all about?” he asked, at Max.
“Um, I don’t really remember, something about a party; point is we have Max tonight.”
Ari gave a smile.
“Okay, great, what should we do then?”
I took a deep breath, racking my brain, trying to think of something that would keep a three- year-old entertained.
“I don’t really know. Any ideas?”
Ari rubbed at the stubble on his face and stared at me blankly.
I climbed out of bed, grabbed some clothes, and headed to the shower.
“Let me know what you come up with, I have to wash hot tub scum off me. I’ll be out in a bit.”
“Hurry,” Ari said in a small panic.
I tossed my head back and laughed.
“Why Ari? Are you nervous?”
He climbed out of bed and threw Max over his shoulder.
“No… not nervous, just hurry.” They headed for the kitchen, presumably for a snack and I hurried up to get ready for what was left of the day.
****
Out of the shower, I checked the weather on my phone. Sunny and 70! I love California. I threw on my jeans and a breezy, silky top and walked barefoot into the kitchen. Ari was leaning against the sink, peeling an orange and Max was perched at the island on a stool eating some crackers. I moved him from the tall stool to the chair at the table, took a few grapes, cut them in half, and added them to Max’s plate along with a piece of fresh Swiss cheese. Then I took his cup of sugary apple juice and added some water.
“You’re a natural,” Ari grinned and I chose to ignore the comment.
Except for the three of us, the house was empty, which was a nice change of pace. August had gone up north with Collin to spend the holidays with Collin’s folks and Rory and Julia were out getting their holiday shopping done. Christmas was just a few days away. I had ordered Ari some gifts from my favorite London shop a week or so earlier and was expecting them to arrive any day, but we still had a few loose ends to tie up, and we needed to get some things for Max.
I joined Ari at the sink and he handed me half of his orange.
“So what do you want to do?” he asked.
“Mmm,” I shrugged. “We can go to that little playground up the beach from here. That’ll keep him busy for a while, I guess.”
“Great,” Ari said looking relieved.
I found Max’s tiny little converse shoes that Aggie had left by the door. Ari threw Max up on his shoulders and we walked along the beach to the playground.
Max went nuts. The playground had slides of various lengths and curves. There were tunnels to explore and a large, wooden pretend pirate ship. He played for hours and outlasted Ari and myself by far. The two of us had to call it quits and took a breather at a bench until we finally convinced Max that the time to head back home had come. We walked home slowly and dodged the waves that were threatening to dampen our sandy feet. Ari taught Max how to comb the beach for white shells and black stones and we found a few of each to add to Ari’s collection. We got back home in the late afternoon a little before dinnertime.
In the kitchen, Ari and I discovered we had barley any food in the house. We hadn’t gone to the market in weeks. Usually on Saturdays, we head to the farmers market, but we had slept through it this morning.
“Dinner out?” Ari suggested.
“I don’t know what other choice we have.” I said as I walked out of the pantry empty handed.
“What are you hungry for, Ava?”
“I have to check something out in Newport, we can drive up there and then go to that Pizza place you like, then maybe take Max to a movie?”
“Sounds great. What do you need to check out in Newport though?”
“I will show you. It’s a project I have been working on, it was supposed to be finished as of yesterday.”
“A project for House to Home?”
“Nope, this one is personal.”
We packed Max up in the car and made our journey up to Newport. I had Ari stop at a flower shop along the way and I purchased three vibrant bouquets.
“Where to now, Ava?”
I had been giving Ari directions and had gotten a bit turned around. “I think it’s just up here. Turn left.”
Ari turned up the drive to a large beach type resort.
“Pacific Recovery? Is this the place?” He raised his eyebrow at me.
“Yes. That must be Juan waiting for us.”
Ari unbuckled Max from his seat and followed me up to a man waiting by the front entry.
“Ava!”
“Juan?”
“That’s me. It is nice to finally meet you.”
“Likewise. Juan, this is my husband Ari and this little guy is Max. Ari, Juan is Pacific Recovery’s facility director. He runs the place and founded the center back in the early nineties.”
“1991 to be exact.”
Ari and Juan shook hands.
“You have a beautiful family, Ari. Your wife is an extraordinary person.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more.” Ari responded and wrapped his arm around my
waist, still confused as to why we were even at the rehab center.
“Everyone here would like to thank you, Ava, for your generosity. Your kindness means so much.”
I blinked in response.
“Follow me. The memorial is all finished; just like I promised.”
“Great.” I handed Ari and Max both a bouquet of flowers and we followed Juan up a cobble stone path that lead through a vast and colorful garden. The path wound its way lazily to a wooden, white gate that sat under an archway completely covered in flora. Juan opened the gate and ushered us forward onto a spacious seaside cliff.
“It’s just up here a ways.”
We moved forward across the tall, sandy grass to where a simple, rustic bench sat overlooking the ocean. Near the bench was a freshly planted Pink Magnolia tree.
“We were able to construct the bench out of old driftwood. I think it turned it out nicely.”
“Oh, Juan; I think it is just perfect.” I ran my hand across the smooth, sun-bleached wood then turned to Ari. “I had the center put the bench and tree here in memory of Misha and the baby.” I told Ari as he studied the scene before him.
“Like our family, we hold you in our heart. Misha Kline 1989-2012.”
Ari read the message aloud. “You did this?”
“Yeah.” I was still unsure if my gesture was the right thing to do or not and I felt a little uneasy as I waited for Ari to show some sort of emotion.
“Does anyone else know about it?”
“No.” I pulled at the hem on my shirt.
“Ava, you sweet, sweet girl, you are the nicest woman, person, human being I have ever known. I would like you tell the family that this memorial is here. They will want to come as well.”
“Won’t they be mad?”
“No, Ava. This is a wonderful gesture. I am so proud that you are my wife.”
I pushed back tears and Ari and I placed our flowers on the bench, Max chose to put his under the tree and then we walked back quietly towards the center.
“Thanks again, Juan. You have done a wonderful job. It was really nice working with you. I hope to collaborate with you again, do more for your center.”
“I look forward to it, Ava. It’s nice to have made a new friend.”
I smiled at him and Ari, Max and I drove off towards Ari’s favorite pizza place. After, we took Max to a movie at the theater. Max had never experienced a movie theater before and was very excited; he never took his eyes away from the screen.
It was late and dark when we left the cinema. It had been a very long day and we had done a fair job of wearing out Max. He fell asleep in the car on the way home.
“So where is he sleeping tonight?” Ari asked, looking back at Max in the rear-view mirror. Max had been sucking his thumb before he fell asleep and now it was partially hanging out of his open mouth. I laughed, snapped a picture on my phone and texted it to Aggie. I found it odd that she hadn’t called either Ari or myself to check in on Max.
“I guess Max will stay with you in our room. I can go to the couch.”
“What? No way! Why?” Ari asked quickly.
I explained what had happened the last time Max and I had snuggled together and how he had woken up in a panic to my screams. Ari looked a little bummed out, but he eventually agreed. “Okay,” he said, “but I will miss you. I hate sleeping without you.”
“It’s just for tonight,” I said, forcing a smile.
“OK, just tonight. This isn’t so bad, is it?”
I cocked my head to the side, unsure of what Ari was talking about.
“Max… kids… today was fun.”
I put my hand up to my mouth and began to chew on a fingernail. After a moment’s hesitation, I let out a breath.
“Ari, making room in our lives for a child is not why I don’t want kids and you know it.”
“We had a chance at a family, Ava, and you gave it away. Max could have stayed with us. Why did you do that? Why did you agree to let him live with my parents? We can do this.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I closed my eyes. I did not want to have this conversation.
“You do so much for so many. Why couldn’t you do this one thing for me; for Max? He would have been happy here with us as parents. Family is the most important thing to me, Ava. I want one of my own. I wanted to raise Max as our own child and you passed on the opportunity. Why did you do that to me?”
I hesitated again before responding. Longer this time.
“If you had known before you asked me to marry you that I didn’t want children would you still have asked?”
Ari scoffed at my question but he didn’t answer me. Instead, he pulled into the driveway and hit the button to open the garage.
Ari carried Max inside and tucked him away in bed. I wasn’t sure if we were on speaking terms or not. To my surprise, he came and joined me on the floor in the living room for a while to work through my pile of scribbled on post-its.
“So what is Margaux doing in Chicago?” I asked, setting down the journal to stretch. I was looking for any topic other than Max to fill the silence.
“I don’t know, really. She was going to be gone for only a day or two. I try not to ask.”
His tone suggested that he was still upset with me.
“Oh, so she is back in town already?”
“Yeah, I think so,” he shrugged.
“What is she doing for the holidays?” I asked, remembering that last year she had been too busy even to send me a card.
“I don’t know what she’s doing on Christmas. She mentioned that she would like to see you, but I kind of brushed her off, and then I felt really bad about it.”
I grinned at him and tried to lighten the mood.
“You can’t feel bad about brushing off a demon that is holding my grandmother’s body hostage. You are too nice, Ari.”
He shook his head back and forth. “No, it wasn’t No. 7; it was Margaux.”
“Oh,” I said sadly, “now that does make me feel bad.”
“Don’t feel bad, Ava. You’re right. You can’t be near her and Margaux knows that more than anyone. The best thing you can do is figure out how to save her.”
“Yeah, but I am beginning to think it is impossible. The more I work at this, the harder it becomes.”
“I agree. Maybe we should take a break from the decoding until after Christmas and then when we come back to the journal, our minds will be clearer.”
Suddenly we heard Max start to scream from the bedroom. Before I could respond, Ari jumped up and hurried down the hall.
I got up a few minutes later to check on them, but by the time I arrived, they were both curled up in a ball sound asleep.
I stood in the doorway gazing in at my bedroom. Max was curled up in Ari’s arms. Their heads shared a pillow and Max’s hand rested lightly on Ari’s stubbly cheek. Ari’s lips were softly touching Max’s forehead.
What have I done?
I walked in and pulled the blanket up over the two of them, kissed them both softly and clicked the bedside light off and left, closing the door behind me. Of all of the horrible deeds I have done, bad decisions I have made, and pain I have endured, choosing to place Max in Andy and Aggie’s care is by far my biggest regret. I love Max. Ari loves him.
I worked for a couple more hours and figured out one or two more words, but soon I couldn’t concentrate. The weight of my decision to place Max next door was baring down on me. Eventually, I gave up, grabbed a throw blanket and made my nest on the couch. I hated not being able to wrap myself up in Ari’s arms, but the possibility of scaring Max again was too likely.
Choosing to sleep alone proved to have been a good idea, too, because my dreams were nasty. I kept dreaming horrible things about Aggie and Max and Ari. I tossed and turned and ultimately I rolled right off the couch and came crashing down to the floor with a loud thump.
I groaned and searched around on the hardwood for my cell. I found it resting under the couch. The time
was just a few minutes after five a.m. According to Aggie, that was about the time Max had been waking up. I pulled myself up off the floor, folded my blanket, picked up all the stray papers that were strewn about and put them back in a nice pile in the study. I ventured down the hall to our bedroom and with the creaking of the door, Max’s head shot straight up from the blankets. He had a huge grin on his face. I put my pointer finger up to my lips to keep him from waking Ari, then scooped him up out of bed and carried him to the kitchen.
“Hungry?”
Max shook his head up and down rapidly with his cute just-like-Ari smile.
“Ok, let me see what we have.”
I peeled him an orange and then sliced up my last banana and opened my last yogurt and sat him down at the kitchen table. While Max ate, I cleaned up the kitchen, wiped down the counter tops and put away all the clean dishes.
Max was a sticky mess by the time he finished his breakfast. I picked him up and carried him away to the guest bathroom that Julia had been using since she decided she would not share a bathroom with Rory.
I held Max at an arm’s length, in an attempt to keep his sticky fingers out of my hair while I ran a tub, then stuck him in and scrubbed him down, cleaning all the yogurt and fruit goo from his hair and face. He splashed half the water out of the tub, soaking the tile floor and my stocking feet.
When I pulled him, clean again, out of the tub, I wrapped him in a big towel.
“Well, Max, you smell a little like Julia but you’re better than you were!”
I got him dressed in the outfit that Aggie packed, a pair of jeans and a Rolling Stones tee-shirt, and asked, “How do you feel about going to the market with me?”
I got no response so I took it that he agreed. I left Ari a note letting him know where we had gone, even though I was certain he would still be asleep when we got home. I fished around for Ari’s car keys, since his car had the car seat, and then I buckled Max up and we took off down the street.
The store was nice and quiet for seven in the morning. There was one sleepy looking cashier reading a tabloid magazine while tending her post and a man with a push broom slowly making his way down the bread isle. Other than those two, we were alone. Max and I loaded a cart with all of our favorites and a few of Ari’s. I picked up a couple of items for August and Collin and stocked up on the house necessities we were in danger of running out of. I picked up some bath toys, baby wash, and snacks for Max so that we would be prepared for his occasional visits and then we headed home.