by Mann, Cat
He frowned at me and pressed his fingertips together.
“Ok, Ava…what’s going on?”
I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Umm, I don’t know, really. I have been sick a lot lately, quite tired, too. I can’t seem to keep my food down. One minute I am fine and the next minute a wave of nausea hits me like a ton of bricks.”
“Any fever?”
“Nope.”
“Coughing, sneezing, chest pain?”
“Nope.”
“Just fatigue and nausea?”
“More or less, I guess.”
“How long have you been feeling this way?”
“I don’t know a couple weeks, maybe a bit longer.”
Dr. Phillips pushed the call button and spoke into a little speaker.
“Liz, can you come in here for a minute and take Max to the treasure box?”
I looked at Max, then I looked at Dr. Phillips. He just smiled.
Liz, Dr. Phillips’s toothy nurse, came in and took Max by the hand.
“He might be interested in the new coloring books we just got...maybe he could sit at the desk with you for a bit and color. We shouldn’t be too long.”
Liz nodded and walked out of the room with Max bouncing happily behind her. I felt a first glimmer of alarm.
Holy hell, what’s wrong with me?
Dr. Phillips handed me a calendar as soon as the door closed.
“Ava, when was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?”
I could feel the color drain from my face and my stomach was assaulted by all kinds of uncomfortable feelings.
“I don’t know,” I said and looked down at my knotted fingers. “I’m never regular, you know that. My anxiety messes with my cycle; sometimes I don’t have a period at all.”
“Just take a quick look at the calendar and tell me as best as you can remember. Have you been taking your birth control pills?”
“Yes,” I said, blushing.
My mother had put me on birth control years earlier to help regulate my periods and the pain they caused. The pill helped until I met Ari and my life turned upside down. I stared down at the calendar it trembled in my shaky hands. I pointed to a date on the calendar and Dr. Phillips raised an eyebrow at me.
“Do me a favor, Ava and lie back on the table.”
As I did, Dr. Phillips turned on a TV monitor, flipped off the light then came back to my side. “I am going to do a real quick sonogram just to make sure.”
I couldn’t respond. My throat was too dry to talk. I just lay my head back and closed my eyes. I focused on breathing in and out. I was somewhat aware that Dr. Phillips had squirted some goo on my tummy. Suddenly the room filled with noise. It was a loud, rushing whoosh-whoosh sound. It was the beating of a heart. I sucked in a breath and my eyes flew open in shock. Dr. Phillips smiled at my response and nodded his chin to the large monitor displaying a somewhat blurry curved form with a recognizable head, two little arms and two little legs.
“I’m going to put you right at twelve weeks, Ava. Congratulations!”
I gaped open-mouthed at my little baby. Ari’s little baby. Oh, my God, our little baby. My eyes filled with tears. Dr. Phillips handed me a tissue and held out his hand to help me sit back up.
“How is this possible?” I whispered after a long moment.
Phillips frowned. “Well, for starters, Ava, birth control is not always effective and your body is under too much stress. All I can say for sure is that you are definitely pregnant.”
He handed me a fuzzy picture of the baby and I wiped my eyes again with the tissue. Dr. Phillips wrote out another prescription: “Vitamins - don’t even think about throwing this one away. This isn’t about you, it’s about little Alexander.” I nodded. I couldn’t process the information. Truly, I was in shock. I couldn’t put the array of emotions that surged through me in order. I was, in turns, astounded, weepy, frightened, brilliantly happy and touched by sadness that my mother would not see this child. Phillips handed me a business card, my autopilot kicked in, and I mechanically took it from his hand.
“Here is the name of an excellent OBGYN, the best in my opinion. I’ll call her today and set you up with an appointment. She’ll probably want to see you in four weeks. I’ll send her your chart. Remember, though, this pregnancy will not get you off the hook with me, Ava; I want you back here in eight weeks. I mean it.”
“S-sure,” I said, glancing down at the business card for a Dr. Niti Patel.
“You should begin to feel better in the next week or so, maybe even sooner; morning sickness usually lasts only during the first trimester. If you have any questions between now and then, feel free to call either myself or Dr. Patel.”
Dr. Phillips handed me a pamphlet with a little blue-eyed baby on the front and then a folder full of pages of do’s and don’ts.
I swallowed hard.
“Do you need to talk this through, Ava? That’s what I am here for.”
“I don’t….I don’t know what to think or say or do right now.”
Dr. Phillips let out a breath and sat down on his stool.
“This baby is pretty unexpected then?”
“Uh huh.”
“Let’s start by breathing, Ava.”
I talked with Dr. Phillips for a bit and he helped get me through a slight anxiety attack.
When I was a bit calmer, Dr. Phillips gave me a brief hug, then walked me out of the room and down to where Max was coloring.
“Hiya, Mama. Baby.”
My jaw dropped. Clotho. Max knew about the baby. He had known from the start. I smiled at him and showed him the grainy picture. He nodded and pointed, “Uh huh, baby!”
I put my pointer finger up to my lips.
“Let’s keep it a secret for a little bit, ok?” Max grinned mischievously and grabbed my hand to leave.
Once Max and I made it out to the car, I took a few deep breaths and called Ari. I knew if I didn’t call him right away, he would call Dr. Phillips’s office – and I wasn’t ready for him to know my new information quite yet.
“Thank you for calling baio! You have reached the office of Ari Alexander, Fauna speaking, how may I….
“Fauna, this is Ava. Can you put me through to Ari?”
Man, I really have to tell Margaux that the little thing she makes the assistants say is super annoying.
“Sure, Mrs. Alexander, he’s around here somewhere; I’ll page him for you.”
A few seconds later Ari picked up the phone.
“Hi Max and Beautiful, what’d Phillips say?”
I played with a strand of my hair.
“It’s just a little bug.”
I was so thankful to be having this conversation on the phone. If we had been speaking face to face, Ari would have known in a heartbeat that I was being dishonest with him.
“Wow, that’s a relief! Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I feel great.”
Whoa, those words were truer than I intended them to be.
“Good, I’m happy.”
“Yeah, I’m happy, too. I’ll see you when you get home tonight. I love you, Ari.”
“Ava, I love you, too.”
I took Max to lunch and was able to keep my food down. Then we set off to get Ari some birthday presents. Max helped me pick out a few gifts and then fell asleep in the car on the ride home. I carried him in from the garage to bed and made quick work of wrapping up Ari’s gifts. Ari’s birthday was Sunday. I had to play it cool until then. I took the folder Dr. Phillips had given me and walked back to the study and began to read.
No sushi. That sucks. The rest I could live with. I hid the folder in the bottom drawer under Max’s adoption documents. He had been officially named Maximus Egan Xenos Alexander, son to Ari and Ava Alexander, soon to be big brother to Baby Alexander.
A few days after Aggie had been released from the hospital, Ari and I sat down with her and Andy to talk about Max. Ari explained that Max had begun to call him D
addy, and that he and I were planning to keep Max with us now that the danger of Kakos No. 7 was gone. Aggie understood and agreed with us that we should raise Max.
“It’s for the best, I know,” she murmured and then turned to us with a loving smile. I had been half expecting more of a fight, but I reminded myself that we were dealing with Aggie now and not No. 7. Aggie was nothing but love and understanding. And since the cancer that had been plaguing her had been a phantom illness imposed upon her by No. 7, she was healthy again and would be the best grandmother on the face of the planet.
****
Ari met me at home after my doctor’s appointment and I made a big family dinner. We were joined by Julia, Rory and August and Collin. August and Collin had moved out in January but we still saw them at least twice a week and every single weekend. They were regulars at Aggie’s house on Sunday and since neither of them cooked, they came over to snag dinner as often as they could. They also used our beach because the stretch of sand in front of their home was usually crowded with sunbathers. Their pool is shared with other people from the condo, too, so they preferred ours ...and so on. I didn’t mind. I missed August whenever he was away.
****
A few days after No. 7 was defeated, August had come over and surprised me.
“Come on, I have something for you; let’s go,” he said as he walked in through the back door.
“I can’t leave, August; I have Max.”
“No, you don’t. Ari will watch him, so hurry the hell up or I’m leaving without you.”
“What’s this about? Ari’s at work.”
At that moment, Ari came in through the garage door and smiled at me.
“You better get a move on it, Ava; August is serious – he’s gonna leave without you.”
August yanked me by the arm through the door Ari just came from and out into my car. I didn’t even get to question why Ari was home early or kiss him hello or goodbye. August shoved me in the passenger side seat and drove my car towards L.A.
He pulled up to the best tattoo place in the city and handed me a gift certificate. I gawked at him in surprise.
“What’s this for?”
“It’s for you. You’re my best friend, Ava. I love you. I am so proud of everything you have done and all that you have become. You are a hero and a mom and I think you are an astounding person. I knew that you’d never get your wrist finished if I didn’t drag you down here and I think you owe it to yourself. You finished the job, did something no one else was capable of and I think your tattoos need to reflect that.”
I sniffled.
“Don’t freaking cry on me, Avie; let’s do this.”
Thanks to August, I finished my wrist. I officially had six black two-inch tally marks and one fleshy, pink, slightly longer, jagged one. The assembled tattoos were awesome and the seventh one hurt like hell. I was too happy in life for the pain to be therapeutic.
****
After dinner, everyone decided to get in the hot tub. I remembered reading in my pamphlets that hot tubs were off limits.
“Umm… I’m gonna sit out with Max.”
“Are you sure?” Ari asked with a frown.
“I’m sure,” I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, “and young children aren’t supposed to be in hot tubs anyway.”
Max nodded.
“Mama. Baby,” he said. I picked him up and sat with him on the deck. I gave him a stern look and put my pointer finger up to my lips. Max and I sat together and read story books and once it got late enough, I took Max to his bed and then walked down the hall towards my own room for rest. The baby growing within me was demanding of my energy and left me quite fatigued. I slept the night away, peacefully and when I woke up in the morning, Max was playing the whisper game with Ari.
“Mama. Baby.”
“No Max, don’t wake Mama up; let’s let her sleep,” Ari whispered back to him.
Phew… Ari didn’t understand.
Ari and Max left to make breakfast and I snuggled more deeply in the pillows for a few more minutes of peace and quiet.
Since Margaux was getting the baio summer line together, Ari was up to his elbows in work. He went into the office for a few hours and I had a chance to let my guard down. I sat and thought about the little baby that was on the way. I was terrified, nervous and worried. I had no idea what to expect out of pregnancy, but most of my worry revolved around the possibility that our baby would be burdened with the “scissor dream,” as Max puts it.
Ari and I had discovered that when I miss a night on duty in my dream hospital, Max has to fill in, a reality I still can’t fathom for a three year old. I really didn’t want our children to have to deal with the life and deaths of our loved ones.
****
We all gathered at Aggie’s early on Sunday for Ari’s birthday. The weather was perfect, sunny and warm. Ari, Lauren and nearly everyone except for Aggie and myself went down to play in the water and surf. Max is a natural in the water. He and Ari could spend hours splashing around and playing in the sand.
I sat in the kitchen with Aggie and helped her make Ari’s favorite dinner. My morning sickness had eased up and I was starving all the time. I kept sneaking bits of the veggies she was chopping. Aggie had a half of an apple pie left sitting on her counter and as we talked, I cut myself a sliver. I sat at the island and took a bite. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at me. She stopped talking mid-sentence.
“What?” I said with a mouth full of pie as I looked around the room.
Her open mouth turned in to a huge, giddy grin.
“Oh, nothing,” she said in a sing-songy kind of way.
I realized what I had done and dropped the fork to my plate. I don’t eat sugar. Aggie knows that better than anyone, having tried to shove pie and cake down my throat for the last two years. I took a drink of water and shoved the plate across the counter top. I tried to ignore her twinkly-eyed stare, but she was unrelenting.
I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh.
“Don’t tell anyone,” I said sternly.
Aggie squealed, clapped her hands and ran around the island to hug me for what felt like an eternity. She pulled back, wiped tears from her eyes and went back to cooking without saying another word. Her giddy little grin did not leave her face for the rest of the day.
When everyone came back into the house from the beach, Max was repeating “Mama. Baby” over and over again. Ari carried him in and set him down by the island.
“There she is, Max, right there. I swear, Ava, he has been asking for you ever since we left for the beach.”
“Uh huh, I’m sure he has.”
I picked Max up, put him on the counter top in front of me and gave him a strict look. “I thought you were going to be cool about this, Max,” I whispered into his ear. He shook his head no and flashed me a little monster smile. I put some dry clothes on him and we all sat down to a huge dinner at a very crowded and noisy table.
Ari’s family highly values gift giving and everyone showered him with birthday presents. The family is creative and competitive – everyone tries to top the others by giving the “best” gift. I had been told that I was the in absentia winner the year before with the nineteen gifts I sent from London, and I had reason to believe I might win again this year.
Ari opened gifts from Aggie, Andy, Gianna and Thais, Lauren and Luke, August and Collin, Nick, Rory and Julia. Some were handmade, others were nice, and some were expensive, but most just were hilarious. Anything the person having the birthday had messed up on during the year or any funny situation that might have occurred, the others in the family were bound to recount at the birthday dinner.
“Band-Aids to cover bite marks… very funny, Rory.” Ari rolled his eyes and laughed a loud.
The whole kitchen was filled with wrapping paper, bows and discarded boxes. It was at last my turn to present my gift. I handed Ari a box and smiled. My nerves shot through my body like lightening. My fingers were trembling but Ari didn’t notic
e. The box was wrapped in a simple solid blue and Ari took his time opening it. All eyes on were him. Ari flipped the lid on the box and began to peel back the pink tissue paper. His slow pace at opening the gift was excruciating. He finally uncovered the picture frame that Max had helped pick out and stared down at it. He blinked once, then twice, then three times. My stomach was so full of butterflies that I was about to fly away. The box lid slipped out of Ari’s fingers and fell closed. He looked up at me, in one fluid motion Ari pulled me in his arms and spun me around.
“Oh, my God, Ava. I love you so much.”
Ari put me back on my feet and his hands flew to my stomach, then to my face, then back to my stomach.
Tears rolled down my cheeks and he wiped them away with his thumbs. He was speechless.
Murmers and questions broke out in the kitchen and finally Rory picked up the box and flipped the lid back.
“They’re pregnant!” He announced happily as he passed the little picture frame, holding the grainy black-and-white first photo of our tiny baby, around the kitchen. Our loving family members gasped and shed tears of joy. “Mama. Baby. Daddy. Max,” Max said, and Ari’s eyes twinkled.
“He knew!”
“Uh huh, he knew. He knew before I did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Max?” Ari asked as he picked him up in our little family hug.
“I did,” Max grumbled.
Once the kitchen calmed down, Aggie began to cut the cake. She slid me a piece with a sly smile and I happily took it. Ari started to slide my plate down the line to pass it to the next person like he usually did and my eyes went wide. I nearly stabbed his hand with my fork.
“Ma, you know Ava doesn’t eat this stuff,” Ari huffed.
“She doesn’t, but that little baby does, Ari, so you better give that cake back before you get hurt.”
He looked at me with a confounded little look.
“You told my mom before me?”
“No, I didn’t. I can’t help it that she decided to be observant one day out of the year. She saw me eat one tiny bite of pie and instantly knew I was pregnant.”
I took a bite of cake and it was the sweetest, most amazing, mouthwatering thing I had ever eaten. Ari watched me eat every last bite of my slice of his birthday cake with a giant smile. His hands never left my tummy.