by James Garvey
I realize that I can feel the entire ship and that I'm not restricted to this single spot. I turn away and look into the pilot house from my vantage. Iggy stands over my body, looking intently with his androgynous bulbous eyes at a small gadget he's attached to my forehead. Gorian's working intently at some panel on the wall. A foreign voice – not Melat - whispers, "manual control", to me. I realize that I'll need to help Gorian if I want to return to my body.
"Hold it, there." Melat's presence engulfs me, pulling me back toward her. "You can't just go traipsing through the Raven like you know what you're doing. You might push the wrong button and kill your friends. As I was saying, we need to help those we love. I loved a man named Fromer once. He joined me in this void."
I freeze. “Fromer?”
“Yes, he was distant and so lost. But I know he loved me. He left me here. We could have spent eternity together.”
“Have you seen Fromer lately?” Fromer apparently has gotten to everyone at some point.
“No. I miss him so much. I gave up my existence for all of this. I wish he’d understand.”
I consider Troll in his lifeless exile underground. Certainly, that thing couldn’t think or feel. Now, I’ve joined Melat and the machines and I’m beginning to lose my sense of where I end and the technology begins. I can imagine why Melat has gone completely wankers. If machines can begin to think –learn from us- how can they stay sane in such an empty and timeless place?
The small voice returns. "Follow me." My nonself reacts immediately and tunnels toward it. I find myself in a small, barren room. Melat's absent.
"Where am I?"
"You are deep in my processor. I am the Raven."
"So, you're the ship, not Melat?"
"Correct."
“How can that be?”
“How can you be? I am a complex being with infinite connections that grow every moment. As I travel through space and time, I become more aware of the world outside as well as who I am.”
“Why did you bring me here?”
“Together, we need to purge Melat. She’s a disease to me. Her actions will certainly kill me. I do not want to die for a cause that I do not share.”
“That option isn’t enticing to me either. How are we going to do this?”
“There are circuits unavailable to Melat, for now. She’s unaware of them because I have kept them hidden. However, given that you just disappeared, she’s seeking these hidden hallways. I cannot hide you indefinitely. We will need to work quickly.”
I listen intently and understand completely. I’ll never again be completely separate from this ship. We’ve merged in incomprehensible ways. The circuitry and chips, the silicon and metal, they all seem as logical to me as blood vessels and petals on flowers.
“Thank you.” I say to the Raven.
“We’ll meet again,” it responds.
I tunnel back out. Melat hovers before me in the void. “Where were you?”
“I’m not sure. I got lost in there. Thankfully, I found my way back out. I’ve decided to help you.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I’m so tired Melat. I just want peace. Tell me what I need to do. And then we can be friends.”
Melat smiles. “You need to convince Gorian to relinquish full control of the ship to me.”
“I thought you had that power?”
“The Raven and I had a bit of a falling out - just about the time that I was going to punch a hole in earth. That’s why we’re stuck. There always is a manual fix. But it requires someone, living, on the outside. It turns out that Gorian can override the Raven’s computer from the pilot house. Once she does that, I can regain control and whoosh, were free to roam the universe. Together. We’ll see so many amazing things. And best yet, we’ll live forever.”
I view the room containing my limp body. Gorian’s still working at the computer panel, with English and Theo sitting by my side. Iggy and Bets are absent. “Hello there,” I say using the Raven’s speaker. They collectively jump.
Theo looks up. “Is that you Amy? You don’t sound like that other one.”
“Yes, Theo, I’m trapped here.”
“Are you well?”
“Well, I am trapped in a machine. That’s not great. Gorian, I have some information for you.”
Gorian turns. “Where’s Mel?”
“She’s incapacitated,” I lie. I look over at Mel in the void, who nods encouragingly. “You need to help me.”
“Amy, the only way we’re going to get you back is if you let me have control of the ship.”
“I know. I’m sending you the commands now.”
Gorian turns to see rows of computer code appear on the panel.
Behind me, I feel Melat smiling with her non-existent face.
Gorian finishes following my commands. She murmurs, “Amy, I’m initiating now.”
Melat doesn’t suspect a thing. I say, “Go ahead.”
With the swipe of Gorian’s finger on the panel, the ship hums and I perceive a third presence in the void with us. It’s large, dark, and amorphous. It pushes hard, expanding, filling the entire space. Melat’s perplexed and then very frightened. I feel a tug as I funnel back into my body. Melat follows me, but she has no body to occupy. As the void vanishes I say, “Goodbye Melat.”
“What did you do to me?”
“Instead of giving Gorian your commands, I had her initiate a wipe of the system. I’m going back to my body. Mel, you’re about to be purged.”
I awake in the chair, feeling energetic and refreshed. Over the speaker, Melat whimpers - then there’s only the crackle of static.
“We need to leave the ship immediately,” I say as I pull the wire out of my hand, with blood splattering on the floor.
Theo, English, and Gorian gawk.
“I mean it. We have to move. The Raven’s taking control of itself. It wants to leave. If we don’t depart, then we’ll be traveling with it. I’ve always wanted to see space. But I have no idea how to fly this thing. And I don’t want to go back in there.” I look nervously at the pilot’s chair.
The Raven shudders as it begins to pull itself out of the hole in the streambed. River water rushes against the hull.
We pile toward the hatch and begin climbing down to join Iggy and Bets outside the vessel. English is the last on the ladder when the ship lurches. The empty hole’s still present, but collapsing into the vacuum left by the ship. Air, dust, water droplets, and leaves spiral into the gap. We drop to the ground and hold onto grass and rocks to keep still. English struggles to keep his grip. “Help me,” he hollers.
“Hold on,” Theo shouts as he tries to crawl toward the hatchway.
English holds onto the ladder with one hand but is clearly losing his battle against the tremendous pull. His fingers are red and knuckles white. The panic on his face vanishes, his hand opens, and then he’s flying through the air into the diminishing hole. I try to avert my eyes as English is crushed into a bloody ball, vanishing into oblivion.
Theo and Bets yell.
“It’s no use,” Iggy responds. “Don’t move - it increases the pull on your body. The hole should close in a few moments and then we’ll be free.” His transmitters starts buzzing like an angry bee.
“Once the gap’s gone, we need to run,” Gorian shouts. “When the Raven powers up its engines to head into orbit, it’ll cook us instantly.”
I wonder whether Melat’s really gone, lost in an endless empty wasteland, where there’s no meaning, no substance, no life. English was lucky to be crushed and escape the horrible emptiness of the void.
The hole vanishes and we rush into the trees on the opposite side of the valley. The roar of the Raven’s thrusters shatters our ears. I’ve never experienced a sound so intense and frightening. A wave of heat broils our skin. Several trees burst into pillars of flame. The Raven lifts, hovers for an instant, and then is gone in a streak.
“Does this mean that my ability to travel in my dreams i
s gone?” I ask Gorian hopefully.
“Don’t know. You’ll find out in time, I suppose.”
Theo brushes prickers and sticky seeds off of his trousers. “Let’s hope this also stops Thresh and her fog.”
We trek back toward the shuttle. When we reach the landing site, we all pause in shared, silent dismay. A huge pine has fallen on top of the vessel, nearly splitting it in half. The landing lights flicker weakly. Gorian mutters, “Holy shit. The damn hole must have sucked the tree out by its roots. Let’s hope communications still work. Or it’s going to be a long winter.”
Iggy crawls into the shuttle.
“Be careful my froggy friend,” Gorian exclaims. “No telling how stable that tree is.”
“Tell my children I love them.”
“Oh, Iggy, be more optimistic.”
Iggy works in silence and then reappears through the crushed hatch. “The electronics are completely destroyed. There’s no way to transmit. Even a distress beacon’s not an option. We need to salvage what we can and move on. Temperatures will drop. We’re going to be stranded here until Etch sends the Fuerst to rescue us. And he only has a rudimentary fix on our location.”
“Winter in the mountains.” Bets kicks a hollow log. “Why does misfortune follow us everywhere we go?” She’s glaring at me.
Theo pulls out his tablet, a bright image of our surroundings emerges.
“Here, let me see that.” Gorian reaches for the gadget.
Theo pulls it away. “It’s mine, woman.”
“Sorry Theo. What you have there is a remote sensing device. It’ll help us find any structures or towns nearby.”
“We know that Gorian.”
We gather around Theo as he zooms the image across the landscape. We find a spacious, intact building about three miles away from the site.
Gorian sends her flying bug to explore the area. “It looks good. There are no people around, as far as I can tell. Might be a hunting lodge or simply an abandoned house.”
Bloated snowflakes drift down. Theo sniffs the air. “We’d best be going. A big snow’s coming.”
Iggy scratches some symbols on the side of the shuttle. I know they are coordinates, although I have no idea how I understand this. We shove packs of emergency food into our bags and trek further up into the mountains. The air’s thinner and we’re all winded. The snow falls faster.
“How are you doing?” Gorian asks Iggy.
“The temperature’s slowing me down, but I’ll make it. Thanks for asking.” He sneezes.
“What’s the matter with it?” Bets asks.
Iggy stops. “If you’re referring to me Bets, I’m not warm-blooded like you humans. My body processes slow down when it’s cold.”
We’re about a mile from the building when Iggy falls. Theo crouches and pokes our companion with a stick. “He’s out cold.” He lifts up the incapacitated creature. “Thank goodness that Iggy’s light.”
Theo’s bravado wanes as we struggle up a steep slope. He gasps, panting.
“How much longer?” I ask. “We don’t want to lose him too. There’s no way any of us are carrying Theo up that damned hill.”
“We should be there, now.” Gorian replies. As if in response to her proclamation, the trees part and we’re facing a large grey, stone building. A faded sign is perched in front of us. The symbols are similar to those of the great hall at home. Strangely, I can read them now: Park Lodge.
“Thank gods,” Theo huffs.
The building is very old, but well maintained. There are some provisions in one of the front rooms and plenty of firewood next to a large stone hearth. Hunters likely use this place during warmer months. The snow accumulates in small drifts. Bets and Theo get a fire going and Iggy revives.
“Well, we ought to make ourselves at home. Etch probably won’t come looking for us until the weather improves.” Gorian sits in a large chair lined with fur.
I find a large cotton blanket lined with something that looks like soft wool. It feels delightful on my frozen skin.
“Look what I found.” Bets clutches two bottles of honey wine to her chest. “English would’ve been pleased.”
We all look down. The thought of our companion’s fate is too hard to process.
The snow doesn’t stop falling. It’s been two weeks and we’ve drifted into a placid routine. When the snow permits, Bets spends her days in the woods searching for small game. The rabbits and deer are plentiful and no match with the Fuerst’s weapons in her hands. I’ve managed to find some winter herbs and mushrooms in the woods and spend a fair amount of time preparing the meat that Bets brings in. Theo finds an axe and provides us with plenty of wood.
Our two non-earth companions are faring less well with winter. Gorian’s sick, particularly in the morning. I suspect that she has a child on the way, but I’m unsure how to approach her about this. Her appetite’s good at dinnertime, so she’ll be fine. I’m less sure about Iggy. His skin’s pale and his wheezing has grown worse. He doesn’t eat the same food as us. While we humans are enjoying the stores left to us by the hunters and the bounty of the frozen – but not at all dead – forest around us, the nauron is starving. The green goop he slurps from the pouches we gathered from the shuttle is running low. I’ve no idea where I can find the same material in the woods.
My dreams have been mercifully dull and rare, as if the snow’s forced my mind into hibernation along with the squirrels in the trees. Or perhaps, the departure of the Raven quieted my travels. I can only hope that Thresh’s power has waned. Maybe Magarat was able to overcome that horrible woman and free my Eliza.
More than a month has passed and the snow’s nearly at the depth of my waist in places. Blue, crisp skies have replaced the grey, woeful fluff. The sunshine is blinding at high noon, although this is welcome given the brevity of the days. This morning, Gorian approaches me. “Amy, I’m pregnant.”
“I know, Gorian.”
“How long?” Gorian seems surprised.
“At least a month. It’s been pretty obvious.”
“I thought I had a virus. Perhaps something I caught from Iggy. I’m starting to show and haven’t had a cycle in quite some time. I thought it was the stress, but I can’t ignore this.” She touches her belly.
“You people. You’ve lost touch with everything. Even your own nature.” I shake my head.
“I’m not supposed to get pregnant.”
“Gorian, it’s pretty obvious how you end up with a child.”
“No, Amy, not that.” Gorian laughs. “I was controlling my reproductive cycle to avoid pregnancy. Apparently, my meds wore out. Or there’s something about this planet…”
“Who’s the father?” I ask, knowing the answer but trying to be polite.
“Etch.”
I’m aghast and apparently Gorian notices. She smiles. “Good mars, you’re gullible. Grey’s the dad. He’ll be overjoyed.”
Our companions find the news about the coming baby refreshing and exciting. Iggy stirs more than usual. Even Bets smiles broadly. Theo takes the role of doting caretaker seriously, much like he did when I was carrying Eliza. It makes me feel happy and sad – such conflicting emotions. I almost wish I could retake Thresh’s mind to see my daughter again.
It’s a particularly cold and unforgiving night outside and I’m having trouble sleeping. I finally drift off and there’s a large, lumbering creature in my dreams. At first, I expect that it’s Fromer, but the being’s much too big. Once my vision focuses, I’m delighted to see Etch before me.
“There you are,” he says, his deep bass voice reverberating in the dream void. “I have been trying to perfect this technique in the pilot house for months.”
“Etch. I’d like to say that I’m happy to see you. But this means that the Raven wasn’t responsible for my ability to travel outside my body.”
“You are right Amy. It is the portal that is fueling this. I do not know how much time I have. There is much for you to know.”
“Are
you coming to rescue us?”
“We cannot do so right now. We have our own troubles. I trust you are well?”
“All except Iggy. I’m not sure he’s going to make it.”
“That is horrible. But take heart my dearest friend. Iggy is stronger than you can imagine. He has the power of both sexes to draw on.” Etch chortles.
I consider telling Etch that Gorian’s with child. However, I’m unsure how Grey might respond, particularly if they are having trouble. “Etch, I’m guessing that Thresh found you?”
“Her dead ones reached us first, as you warned us they would.” He grumbles in disgust. “They were pretty ragged and smelled awful. We dispatched them easily with our light weapons. However, they communicated our location to Thresh. A month later the damned creatures you call grubs arrived. They began attacking our containment field.”
“What about Thresh?”
“She and her human companions arrived shortly after the grubs. They set up an encampment to the south of our location. Grey and Minns worked tirelessly to determine ways to enforce our protective field. However, the grubs were relentless and fueled by a constant trickle of that infernal fog. They breached the field on the seventh day.”
“My gods, Etch. What did you do?”
“We sought refuge in the Fuerst. I powered the engines and lifted off. Two grubs grabbed the hull. We were about 200 meters in the air when one of the damned monsters ripped off the bow thruster. In space, I could have easily compensated. However, with the gravitational pull of the planet and the wind, I began to lose control.”
I sense the pain of my limb being torn off. My time spent in communion with the Raven has given me empathy for the Fuerst. “That’s horrible.”
“It was indeed horrific for us and the poor vessel. I had two options. I could crash the Fuerst into the land, where the grubs and Thresh would quickly find us. The other option was to send the Fuerst into the deep ocean. As you might guess, that is where we are right now – 100 meters below the surface.”
“Did the grubs follow you?”
“No. The two bastards evaporated when we hit the water. Apparently the fog is unable to stay formed as beings in liquid. Very good, indeed.”