“Wait for me.” Jude says rolling up his sleeping bag.
“Don't be stupid Duma. You can't leave. You need your family and your church. It’s been a long day, get some sleep and we can talk about it in the morning.”
“I am not allowed to speak in the presence of men remember? I don't want to talk about it. I want to leave.”
“Your sister and mother need us. You can't turn your back on them.”
“My mother is in New York waiting for you to come back and treat her like your shadow. Hannah and Caroline are your problem, not mine.” It feels good to finally say it. It feels liberating.
“I need your help getting to Texas. I'm not sure if we can make it without you, girl.”
“Goodbye, Father.”
“Titus could die. You owe it to him to stay and help me get him back on his feet. He’s always been fond of you. Are you going to turn your back on him now?”
Damn. The old man hit low. My brother is my only real family. Titus would never walk away from me like this. I look to Jude for guidance.
“It's okay if you want to stay and help your brother, Dumani. We can leave whenever you want. I’ll make sure no one touches you or forces you to do anything that you don't want to do. Not anymore.” He gives me his word and I cling to it.
“This is your fault, Hamilton.” Father says angrily. “You turned her against the church and her family. You turned her into this shameless bitch. Who knows what she’s been doing with you behind my back all these years?”
“Shadrach, I try to respect my elders but I’m not above fighting an old man. Duma is the only innocent person in our church. No one disrespects her like that. Not even you.”
Judea shoves Father’s shoulder. I can faint dead away right now. He wants him to swing. The heathen is daring him to swing. My own Father! If he was anyone else, I would cut off his arm. This is Judea. He needs his arms to hug me and hold our children one day. I step between them before it gets any worse.
“She’s the only woman in our whole damn town that hasn’t whored for me. I won’t stand by and let you lie on her.”
“You, disrespectful pup! I should whip your ass to teach you a lesson. If you weren’t Mordecai Hamilton’s son, I would—”
Judea sets me aside and shoves Fathers shoulder again. I know better than to interfere again.
“You would what? Hit me the way you do her? Go ahead, do it. Let’s see who gets their ass whipped out here, old man.”
Chapter Nine
Father looks at me. Is he expecting me to do something? I think he is. What can I do?
“Don’t look at her, old man. She can’t help you. Duma won’t go against me.”
Judea is right. I’m so shameless that I won’t. I blush and look down at my feet in shame.
“She acts like a commoner because you do. You are ruining her. You don’t know what you’re doing. Girl, are you going to let him attack me?”
“I apologize, Father. This isn’t my fight.”
“Our way is the right way, Duma. We live by church laws and we are guaranteed a place in heaven. You can’t be out there wandering around with this boy. It isn’t safe for you.”
“I want to marry Judea and be left alone.”
If we were home, I would never dare speak back. I cringe when I think about what he would’ve done. Or had one of the wives do. Times are different.
“It’s Jude's duty to take several wives and lead the church. He’s the good Reverend’s son and our leader. The bible tells us to be fruitful and multiply. If you are anything like Naomi, he won’t do that with you. You can’t be his only wife. How could you be so arrogant to expect it? Who are you to be making demands, girl?”
Hearing him speak my mother’s name makes me queasy. He rarely speaks her name. Now, he’s insulting me with it. Am I being arrogant? I have no right to be. Not me.
“Your stupid mother had the same idea in her head. She let it drive us apart.”
“Dumani will be my only wife, Shadrach. I don't want five wives.” Jude cuts in before I can confuse myself anymore.
“You have a duty to your church and your name. You need more than one wife and my Hannah has been pining for you since she was a girl. You gave your word. I don't care if you are a sinner. You will marry her.”
“You can't make me marry her. I don’t want her. You keep her.”
“If you let him hurt your sister, I’ll do the same to your mother. Her life will be hell. I’ll make her sleep outside and eat with the dogs. Naomi would never deny me anything. She’ll do it because I told her to. She will kneel in glass every night until she dies. I’ll never speak another word to her again and watch her go crazy. You think about that before you run off with him.” He nods his head at Judea.
I turn and run into the woods. I run blindly in the dark not caring what might be hiding. I run and I cry. My mother loves him. She will do anything but leave him. I don't want her to suffer because of me. I hear footsteps running behind me. I’m snatched up and wrapped in the arms that I have been craving since the day I was born. Judea cradles my head to his chest.
“Don't cry, Dumani. People are going to get hurt. Someone has to suffer but it won't be you. I would bring your mother with us if I thought she would come, but we both know she won't. Naomi would rather stay there and eat pig scraps with Shadrach than live with us. That isn't your fault, it’s hers. I won’t marry Hannah if you don't want me to. Tell me what to do.”
“You have to take Hannah. I can't do that to my mother. She isn't perfect, but she wasn’t cruel. I can’t forsake her.”
“I hope you change your mind. I only want to be with you, Sweetheart.” He says kissing me. I return his kiss with passion. I don’t hold back. Our tongues clash and our spirits join. Our hearts beat the same beat. We are one. He pushes me down in the fallen leaves blanketing the cool earth. I will never forget the look in his eyes as he lies on top of me. My legs part instinctively and his arousal settles against the place that I should not mention. Judea moves and his hardness presses against my tingling sex. Oh, Mother. Why didn’t you warn me? Because, if I knew it felt like this, I would’ve begged him to do it years ago. I would’ve wanted it all the time. His fingers pull up my dress inch by agonizing inch. He doesn’t want to scare me. I’m not afraid. I’m tingling all over and burning in the middle. My small, calloused, fingers reach for the top button of his jeans. His hand caresses my scarred knee. Oh, heavens. It moves upward over the sensitive skin of my inner thigh toward that place that I should not mention. I spread my legs a little wider in invitation. Touch me. Touch me there. I want you. I need you. His fingers brush against my warm, wet, flesh. Oh, my—
“Duma! Duma, answer me. It's your father!”
Jude rolls off and away from me with a sharp curse. Wait, don’t stop, I want to cry. He lifts me to my feet and pulls down my dress. His nervous fingers brush leaves from my hair and fixes my scarf. I watch him zip his jeans over the bulge with a smile on my face. Judea wants me bad. He’s hugging me to hide it when Father walks up to us carrying a flashlight. If he is upset about Jude touching me, he doesn't say it.
“Come back and have some supper, girl. The boy can tend to your back. I won't hit you again.”
“I won't let you, old man.”
“Watch your mouth, Hamilton.”
Father walks away. He is still all bravado but we all saw what happened. He got bested by a boy. We follow him. Jude and I walk hand in hand smiling behind his back. I think about what would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted. It would still be happening right now. Judea would be inside of me. We would be making love on the damp ground. Back at camp, Father returns to Titus’ side. My hero rolls out his sleeping bag and I sit down on it. This is as intimate as me sitting on his bed. He sits behind me and unzips the back of my dress. His nearness is comforting when he cleans away the blood and bits of stick. The antibacterial cream is cool after the burn of the antiseptic. His hands are gentle and I feel like sinning every time
his fingers touch my skin. I don’t make a sound.
“I will never let another man hit you again. I swear it.”
He leaves a soft kiss at the top of my spine before he closes my dress. I glance up and catch Buck Williams watching us over the fire. I don't like the way that he is looking at me. I have seen that look before. It’s the way Jude looks at me when no one is around. His arms come around me from behind.
“Buck is watching.” I try to pull away. Jude looks over my shoulder and gives Buck a look that sends him rolling over with his back to us. I lean back against him wrapping my arms around his. He kisses my ear.
“I love you.”
I will never get tired of hearing him say it. He rubs his smooth cheek against my scarred one. Then he tilts my face so that our lips can touch. His hands cover my breasts. My nipples harden in his palms. I want him to touch me between my legs again. I want him to touch me in the place that I should not mention. I want him to touch me everywhere.
“I think about you all of the time.” He whispers into my ear.
“You do?”
“Umm hmm. Impure thoughts about kissing and touching you.”
“Judea?”
“Hmm, Beloved?”
“I have those thoughts too.”
“I know you do, my angel. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with loving me and wanting me to touch you.”
“But the church says—”
“The church is wrong. They say our women can’t look us in the eyes, or speak to us without permission. The bastards think women are put on the earth to work, have babies, and see to our needs. That isn’t the life for you. You’re special, Dumani. You need color and music and love. You will have a house full of love. My love, and laughter. There will be loud, ungodly, music like Marvin Gaye and Justin Timberlake. We’ll clean our house together and you will wear your hair down for me all the time.”
“That sounds too good to be true.” I turn around so I’m facing him. He strokes my cheek. I hold his hand there. This is what makes it feel better.
“You are too good for me, my love.” Jude says kissing my lips. I lean in closer. I want him to hold me. I feel complete when I am in his arms. His touch eases my worries. When his lips leave mine, I am disappointed.
“It's late, Dumani. Get some rest.”
“I don't want to rest. I want to stay with you.” I am not supposed to refuse a man. Especially the one I will marry one day. Jude smiles with his eyes.
“I would like nothing more, Sweetheart. You can’t stay with me. Not yet, but, soon. Go to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
We hug one last time before I crawl back to my own spot and get into my sleeping bag. I lay facing him so his face is the last thing I see before I fall asleep. We lay looking at each other until my eyes get too heavy to hold open anymore. I fall asleep. I wake up a few minutes later. He’s still watching over me like a guardian angel. No angel would ever have hair that black or eyes so devilish. I want to go to him. The urge is stronger than hunger but I don't. I can't. I lay here yearning for him instead. My eyes droop and I fall asleep again. I stay sleep this time.
“What in the hell are you doing, Joseph? Who in the hell are these people?”
Father's yelling wakes me. The sun is already climbing the morning sky. I overslept. My eyes search him out on their own. Judea is sitting nearby sharpening his machete. I think it’s one of the reasons why no one bothered to wake me. I sit up suppressing a groan. My back is aching.
“Morning, beautiful.”
He’s smiling at me. I flush with pleasure. I pat my hair and wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth with my sleeve feeling a little embarrassed. I smile shyly with soft, besotted eyes. I get up to see what’s going on. What people? Who are they?
“Stay where you are. Don't go any closer.” Jude warns me.
It doesn't take long to see that Joe brought back not only the family from the side of the road, but a couple of stragglers they found on the way here. A group of eight from what I can see. Father pulls his scarf up over his face and backs away from the group. The man from yesterday is carrying a small child on each arm. There is an older girl holding the hand of a woman who must be his wife. The other three are too dirty to tell if they are men or women but I make out two young women and an older man. They smell like hell will smell when I get there.
“Now Shadrach, there is no cause for alarm. This is Reddick. He goes by Red, his wife Erica, and their three kids. They ain't sick and none have any sign of fever. This here is Gordon Wright and his two girls, Tammy and Peach. They been hiding out in the woods and they’re hungry. It’s our Godly duty to help them. We have a better chance of surviving with more hands.”
“You are not the one in charge, Joseph. You don't get to say who stays and what is best for our group. You get these people out of here before you get us all killed.”
“They aren't sick, I tell you. I’ve been with them all night and not one of them coughed. We can't turn our backs on hungry women and children, Shadrach Dare. It isn't right.”
“Me and Jude are riding out to find a house to set up in while my boy is healing. It could be weeks before he is fit to ride. We’re taking Duma with us. I want these people gone when we get back.”
Storm clouds are blowing in from the west. We are going to get pounded. My brother is weak and shouldn't be exposed to bad weather. He could get hypothermia or a lung infection on top of the infection building in his leg.
“We passed a house.”
“Where?” Father asks him. “How big is it?”
“It’s an old plantation house not five miles away. We spent a few nights there. I’ll show you where it is if you let us stay with you. It’s big enough for us all.”
“No thank you, we are safer on our own.”
“Did they tell you about the troops?” Reddick is close to having a breakdown. “They are rounding up survivors and throwing them into camps. They call it a quarantine. If they catch you, they will take you.”
“What is he talking about?” Father asks Jude.
“He mentioned it yesterday. Said something about the government wanting people who are immune to the sickness. I guess they are taking everybody and weeding out the ones who don't catch it.”
“Why? Why do they want the ones who can't catch it?”
“The CDC is trying to come up with a vaccine. They want to run tests. My wife was a volunteer nurse at the makeshift hospital set up in our church. She nursed hundreds of folks in their last days and walked away just fine. They took her. They took her and we haven't seen her since.” The man with two daughter’s sobs.
Father looks at me as he considers the stranger’s words. I didn't get sick either. He looks back at the teary-eyed man.
“How do I know you are telling the truth?”
“Because in Atlanta they are burning bodies. Thousands of bodies that didn’t die in the streets. They died in the camps. The troops are forcing survivors to burn bodies at gun point.”
I think about the men we saw in Memphis. Men moving bodies in wheelbarrows. They weren't sick or running away.
“He’s telling the truth Shadrach they are doing the same thing in Memphis. I saw it for myself. The city is black with smoke from the fires. The river was full of bloaters.”
Father's face changes when he hears it from Jude’s mouth. He isn't so angry anymore.
“We have to get out of the open. I hope this house is where you say it is.”
“It is and it’s away from the roads. We will be safe there. I hear Texas has left the union and it’s a part of Mexico again. They are taking refugees that test negative for the NY2. That’s where we are headed.” Gordon informs us.
“What? They can't do that, can they?” Buck asks in disbelief.
“They can and they did. The civilian population isn’t the only group to suffer. The armed forces are working at less than five percent now. They estimate most Americans are dead and all will be dead
with them when this is over. The rich left the country when the outbreak hit and they took the infection with them. It’s everywhere now.”
“We’ll be set back 500 years if that happens. What will we do?” Rena cries. “I don’t want to die!” She’s annoying and a liability. I almost forgot about her.
“Shut up your wailing, girl. Get Titus on his horse and these people on the spares.”
“A few of us have to ride double. I’ll take one of Gordon's daughters. Joe, take the two little ones. Buck, you take Red's older girl. Jude, you carry the cry baby.”
Rena looks happier than any of us has been in months. My heart falls. I don't want her arms around Jude or her body pressed against his. There is nothing I can do about it except be upset.
“No, I’ll take the little ones. She can ride with Joe.”
“Whatever, I want to get to the house before it starts raining.”
“I don’t want to ride with Joe! I don’t know him.” She whines.
“You don’t know me either.” Jude says walking away from her.
As we pack up our camp I see her approach Jude again who is tying his gear to his saddle. His face turns hard as he listens to what she is saying. They both look over at me and I know the subject of her complaint. I turn away after he pushes her down. The girl is very stupid or she wants him enough to risk her health. I'm guessing both. Jude is finicky. He likes who he likes and once he decides he doesn't like you, it is over. He will never like you. This girl is going to get her feelings and her face trampled on. She stands up and swings her hand to slap him. Judea catches it and pushes her down again. Father stomps over to them and drags the girl to her feet by the arm. He walks her over to Joseph and shoves her at him. What is he saying? Probably telling her to leave Jude alone before he hurts her. Or, I do it for him.
The men in our church have no problem hitting women. Some of them beat their wives to death when they feel it’s justified. I’ve been caned too many times to count and I’m not worldly like her. She is going to get more than caned. Jude is going to strangle her. I wouldn't be mad at him. I think about the time Father beat my mother so badly that she blacked out and slept for two days. One of the kinder Deacons wished her a happy birthday when no one remembered. She smiled and thanked him and the first wife told Father. I thought she was going to die but she didn't. My mother woke up and apologized. Father didn't speak to her for a year after that. It hurt my mother more than the beating. It was torture for her. That is how it would feel to see Jude with other women and not speak to me for a year. It would kill me. My mother nearly went mad with grief. I felt sorry for her. Now, I think she was foolish. If Father really loved her, he couldn't go that long without touching her. Jude Hamilton can't go a few hours without touching me. Even a little touch like his fingers brushing against mine.
The Doomsday Papers Page 9