“Me and the men were talking and we’ve decided to push on without Titus. He is out of the woods now. This is a good place to hole up with Joe and the man with the girls. They’ll come behind us when he’s ready to travel. We need Duma to prepare food for the road and be ready to travel at dawn.”
“I’m not leaving Titus behind with strangers. Your comment about Duma, I will ignore.”
“Joseph is an elder in our church and I trust him. The family is leaving with us because Titus doesn’t trust them. He’ll be fine. In a few weeks, he’ll be in Texas and we can be on our way home”
“I’m going to discuss this with Titus before I make any commitments. Duma isn’t the only woman here. Someone else can pack their food. She always includes you when she prepares our meals but the rest are on their own.”
“They are men of the church. It’s her duty.”
“No one is working my wife like a mule anymore. You don’t have the final say, Shadrach. Duma is under my protection now.”
Father looks at me like I should say something or do their bidding anyway. I don’t know what to do. He is my father and Jude is my husband. Who do I forsake?
“Don’t look at her like that. She has no choice in the matter. I wouldn’t let her do it if she wanted to. I should leave her behind with Titus and bring Hannah back by myself. We’ll move faster if I don’t have to worry about her.”
“We need her.”
“You need her, Shadrach. I can take care of myself. I know if I leave her here, she can take care of herself. I don’t want her following us to Texas. Duma isn’t travelling without me. We’ll come back for them on our way home. You never should have brought her in the first place.”
“That girl is as strong as an ox and the best shot that I’ve ever seen. She’s useful and saved us along the way.”
“That girl? She’s your daughter and she has a name.”
“Her mother turned out to be good for something after all. We ride at dawn.”
After Father is gone I stand in the middle of the room trying to control my panic.
“You are upset because I am leaving you behind.” He says for me. “You’ll be safer here than you are on the road with me.”
“What safer place is there for a woman than beside her husband?” I ask him with my eyes on my old boots. He can’t leave me behind. I want to be with him.
“Titus will look after you when he is on his feet again. I’ll be back in a few months and we can go home.”
“I have never gone that long without seeing you. What if you forget about me?”
“I will return for you, Dumani. You are my wife. I don’t want you out there. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
“Is there anything that I can say to change your mind?”
“No, there isn’t. Will you miss me terribly?”
“Yes.”
“I miss you already.”
It’s set in stone. I am not going with them for the last leg of the trip. I’ll be safer hiding with my brother in this old house. It will take them months to get to Texas and back. What am I supposed to do here? I don’t want to take care of these people. God forgive me. I’m not even sure if I want to nurse my own brother. I’ll get restless and bored shacked up here. I’ll worry about him. I stand at the old window looking out over the strange landscape feeling nothing. I’m homesick. I want to go home. Maybe now that I’m not fat anymore my mother will love me. Maybe if I get Father home alive, she will be proud of me.
“Are you upset with me for making you stay behind?”
“A wife doesn’t get upset with her husband.’
“You will get upset with me and I will get upset with you. It’s natural to have disagreements in a marriage. We are two different people and we don’t think the same. I won’t think you’re a bad wife because you don’t agree with me.”
“No one wants a nagging wife.”
“I don’t want a silent one either. I want you to speak your mind.”
“We were taught to be silent. Now, you don’t want me because I’m quiet?”
“That is not what I said, Dumani. I want you.”
He wants me to be funny and smart like the town girls. I can’t be like them. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how.
“I’m boring.”
“You are not boring. Where in the hell did you hear that?”
“I heard you say it once. You said church girls are boring and stiff in bed. Am I stiff in bed?”
“Dumani! You weren’t supposed to hear that. I wasn’t talking about you. You are not stiff in bed. Not even close.”
“What does that mean? What is stiff in bed?”
“It doesn’t matter because it isn’t you. Don’t ever repeat that question, I mean it.” He says lighting a cigarette. I don’t mind. The smell reminds me of him. It’s comforting.
“Judea, there are men coming across the field on four wheelers. I count six armed men wearing Teflon vests.”
He walks over to the window and peeks through the curtains.
“Stay here. Lock the door behind me.”
“I can help you.”
“Help me by staying here.”
Jude kisses me and slips out into the hallway. I pace the room nervously. What if they are raiders? What if they are scouts? Father and his men can take them out, right? Jude leads our group out to meet the newcomers before they can reach the house. They are wearing their protective gear and masks. I open the window and grab my rifle just in case. I post up like a sniper in a bell tower to watch the exchange through my scope. The two groups stop with ten feet between them. The leader of the others takes a step forward and Jude meets him. I have the stranger in my sights and my finger on the trigger. Jude lifts his mask. The stranger offers his hand. Jude refuses to shake it explaining that it was nothing personal. The stranger laughs. Jude doesn’t. I can make out some of what they are saying from reading Jude’s lips. I learned to do it a long time ago by watching him when no one was looking, which was often.
The stranger explains he is the neighbor and their families have farmed here for generations. They are making sure we aren’t convicts or thieves. No, just some people passing through. One of us is injured and will be laid up for a while. He refuses to tell the man how many are with us. One of the men on the four wheeler’s takes offense. Their safety is at risk with us being here and they want to know how many strangers are living this close to their children. We have children with us too. How do we know that you aren’t the convicts and thieves? The fool with the beard draws on Jude and I don’t wait to see if he is going to shoot or not. I pop off a shot that knocks his gun out of his hand and takes a piece of finger with it. The next shot knocks the leaders hat off. They are spooked. Good.
“What in the hell is that man?”
“My over-protective wife. Nobody make any sudden moves and she won’t either.”
“She shot off my Goddamn finger! That crazy bitch.”
“You watch what you say about my wife or the next shot will come from my shotgun and take off your ugly face. We are peaceful people. God fearing folks on a mission to bring home some of our own. My brother broke his leg and we stopped here. We are putting in a garden and preparing for an extended stay until he can be moved. No one will bother you and we would appreciate it if you don’t bother us. None of us are sick, you understand.”
“My name is Nicholas and we would appreciate the same. I will send over a crate of laying hens and a goat for the children. If you are honest people, you’ll be ready to help run off the dishonest ones that come along.”
“Send up a flare and someone will come.”
The man looks up at the house in the distance.
“I hope the person to come is your wife. That’s over 2000 yards.”
“It won’t be my wife.” Jude assures him.
“Is she military?” The man asks looking up at the house again.
“We’ll leave gold in place of the livestock. Good day to you all.”
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Jude turns and walks away. He isn’t the type of man to sit up and talk about his wife with another man. I keep my rifle trained on them until my husband and father are safely inside. What if Jude is upset? I meant to shoot the tip of the man’s finger off. No one draws on my husband without paying with flesh. I can hear his footsteps pounding down the hallway a few minutes later. I set the rifle aside and I stand in the middle of the room looking down at my shoes. He swore that he would never hit me. I hate canings more than I hate the box.
The bedroom door opens and slams shut. I jump in my boots. I look up at the last minute. Just before he kisses me. Who has eyes like this? No one ever. When I look into their pitch-black depths, I wonder if they are windows to his soul. As he tears open the row of buttons on the back of my dress, I wonder if he is the son of Satan. When I press myself against him and whimper in need, I wonder if I was ever Godly either. Jude makes sinning feel good. Jude makes bad feel like heaven. His fingers remove my head scarf, uncovering my braids. The braids that only he ever called pretty. I watch him undress before he strips my ugly dress the rest of the way off. My slip slides down my body. I don’t get time to feel self-conscious when I’m naked. Judea lays me on the bed and we join our bodies quickly.
He kisses me all over my broken face as he makes love to me. In and out. In and out. In and out. I used to wonder what it would feel like to be one of Jude’s women. Now that he is on top of me with every inch of his skin touching mine and his body joined with mine, I can say that it is better than I imagined. In and out. In and out. In and out. I look forward to every thrust of his hips. I welcome the stretching. I welcome the sting. As I watch his emotions play out in his devilish eyes, I wonder what he sees when he looks into mine. If eyes are windows to the soul and he can see my soul, he will see his own reflection. He gazes down at my face like I am perfect. He kisses my breasts like they are perfect. Jude kisses them and sucks them like they are perky and don’t sag more than they should for a woman my age. He kisses his way down over the roll on my belly. His breath tickles the hair down there before he kisses his way back up. I am breathing hard and I squeeze him harder than I mean to when he enters me again.
“Judea.” I say his name aloud when I can’t hold back any longer. “It feels so good when you are inside me. It’s so big and hard.”
I wonder if I said something wrong when he curses aloud and kisses me quiet. I thought he wanted me to tell him when it felt good? Was I too forward? His hands reach underneath me and lift my bottom. He goes in even deeper. I gasp his name again when my pleasure reaches its peak.
“Judea.”
I enjoy the fall through space. This is me flying. Judea. I say it again when I feel his hot seed shooting deep inside of me as he continues to drive himself into me. He doesn’t stop until he is spent. He falls on top of me groaning my name. I welcome his weight. I wrap my arms around him and hold him here. I wrap my legs around him and I hold him there. I listen to his heavy breathing and pounding heart with pleasure. His lips press against my forehead and I close my eyes and make a wish. I feel him grow hard inside of me again and I smile. Close enough.
Chapter Fourteen
“Duma, wake up. It’s time to go.”
“Go? Where am I going?” I ask groggily.
“You’re coming with me. I’m not leaving you here with those men living close by. I’ve already packed our things. I packed light because we are traveling fast.”
When I sit up, he shoves a fragrant cup of coffee into my hands. It smells heavenly.
“There is water in the tub, warm water.” He adds smiling. I raise an eyebrow.
“Warm water? How nice.”
“Nothing is warmer or wetter than my lovely wife.” Jude says sending me to blushing already.
“I just woke up. It is too early to be flirting with me.” I scold him.
He laughs stirring something in the small pot hanging over the low fire. Oatmeal with cinnamon and sugar. My stomach growls. I set the coffee aside and reach for the bowl cooling on the window sill. I watch him pull on an under shirt before sliding his arms into one of the blue flannels that he found in the attic. I have two bowls of cereal before I make use of the warm bath water. It’s a luxury. After I bathe in the warm water and wash my hair with cold, I run into a problem. The dresses we wear are dark, modest and black, brown or gray. Bold colors are for bold women. Common women. This dress is green and won’t cover my ankles. Most of my boots will show. My neck and wrists will show.
“Duma, is everything okay in here?”
Jude finds me standing here naked and staring at the dress. He doesn’t say anything else. He reaches for my slip.
“Raise your arms.”
I do as he says and his eyes scan over my body before he drops my homemade slip over my head. He takes the dress from the wire hanger and drops it over my head next. There are no buttons or belts. There is nothing but thread holding it together. I cover myself like I am still naked. I feel naked. Jude wraps my braids around in a bun before tying a floral scarf around my head.
“You look pretty. I like these colors on you.”
“I look bold.”
“You are bold, Dumani. You shot a man for me yesterday.”
“Are you upset?”
“Look at me when you ask me a question.”
“Are you?”
I will never get tired of looking at his eyes. Especially when they are all serious like now.
“Did I act mad?”
I look down again to cover my embarrassment. He didn’t act mad at all. He made love to me. He turns me around and ties another pretty scarf around my face. Only my eyes are visible. This is the way I prefer to go out now.
“Let’s go, beautiful.”
He picks up our bags and takes my hand. I feel a bit sad to be moving on already. I’m tired of being on the road. I’m tired of being afraid. My brother is in a drugged sleep when I stop in to say goodbye so I leave a note.
“I thought you said she was staying here with us.” Joseph complains when he sees me standing behind my husband while he saddles my horse.
“I changed my mind. I’m taking her with me.”
“We need her here helping us out. It’s the only reason I agreed to stay, Shadrach.”
“My wife goes with me. That’s all there is to it.” Jude says lifting me into my saddle before swinging up onto his horse and pushing his Stetson down onto his head.
“You all were in such a hurry to leave and now you stand around whining about my wife not staying behind to babysit. Let’s go, Duma. Stay close to me.”
We ride out side by side. The others fall in behind us. Judea wasn’t lying, he sets a grueling pace. I have no problem keeping up. I was born in the saddle of a horse and I can ride better, faster, and longer than any of these men. Except Jude. We stop for two hours during the hottest part of the day. He immediately comes over to lift me down. He doesn’t stop there. He takes out my bedroll and spreads it out in the shade.
“Sit.” He says pushing me down gently.
“But—”
I’m supposed to water and brush down the horses. I need to prepare a noon meal. I can’t sit idle in the shade when there is work to be done.
“No buts, rest. I command you to rest and cool off.” He hands me his canteen before turning away from me.
“Ain’t she going to make coffee at least?”
Jude ignores the man’s question as he tends to our horses. The men complain as they do the same to their own. I stalk him with my eyes. I enjoy looking at him. He washes his hands in the stream before removing his shirt and bending over to splash the cold water onto his face and upper body. He dunks his black head under the clear water coming up with it streaming down his head and chest. The droplets flow in rivulets down his tapered belly to wet the waistband of his jeans. I’m in a trance. That’s why I don’t see the hand fly out and catch me open handed square in my face. My nose gushes and I watch in horror as the scarf covering my face stains red w
ith my blood. I look up in shock at Buck who raises his hand again.
“Why are you staring at a man’s naked body? You’ve grown disobedient and bold since you started whoring for Jude Hamilton. You’re just like your momma.”
I don’t scream when his head explodes all over me. I’ve never screamed aloud before. It was the shot gun blast that spooked me more than the gore drenching me right now. The rest of Buck’s body falls sideways real funny like. I look around the stunned group leveling my eyes on the man lowering his twelve gauge. Jude walks over to me as calm as you please and picks head parts and brain matter from my dress as he guides me to the stream. I’m too shaken to say anything. He killed him. He blew his head off just like he said he would. Jude bends over and removes my boots before cutting away my clothes so I don’t have to pull brains and skin over my head. The bloody scarf is cut away from my face and the one on my head tossed in the pile. It protected my hair. Jude sits me in the middle of the cold stream. The water is chest deep. It rushes around me rinsing away Buck’s blood and bits of skull. The rest Jude washes away with a wash cloth and soap.
“I’m sorry I scared you but I warned him. I didn’t trust him and he was waiting for an opportunity to take you. Willing or not.”
“He hit me.” I say in disbelief.
“You aren’t bleeding anymore, it isn’t broken.” He says wiggling my nose. “I’m going to walk back to camp for a clean dress and scarves. I want you to sit here and wait for me. I’ll be within calling distance.”
“Please hurry back.”
“I’ll run like the wind.”
Every forest makes a different sound. They aren’t the same. There is different flora and fauna depending on the geographical location. The alpha predators change and even the insects are not the same. One thing never changes. The peaceful solitude. Jude is back before I know it and pulling me out of the cold water. He wraps his own blanket around me.
“I promised you no one would hit you again and I couldn’t prevent it but I made him pay. I knew you were watching me. You always watch me and I don’t have a problem with it, neither should they.”
The Doomsday Papers Page 14