Kalia laughed. “Definitely a bath for you. But let me have my coffee first,” she said as she set him on the floor to play. He crawled around, chasing a ball and finding a rattle to play with. Kalia put on a French song and watched Mani bounce to the beat.
As she sipped her coffee, she wandered over to her computer to scan her emails.
Junk. Delete. Junk. Delete.
Her heart skipped, then started pounding, when she saw the third.
A. Sinclair.
Alex? she thought, her mind racing. No. No. Her chest tightened and her breath caught. She struggled to stay calm. She was almost afraid to open it. Was it some cruel joke?
She read the subject line: A response is requested.
With a shaking hand, she clicked on it.
Dear Ms. Beck,
I know we have never met and I apologize for contacting you this way. Maurice Bastille was kind enough to pass along your email address to me.
I am Alain Sinclair, Alexandre’s father.
Kalia let out a shaky breath and read on.
I understand you were a friend of Alexandre. I hope you’ve heard of Alexandre’s passing – otherwise I will be deeply saddened that I informed you this way.
In the last few days of Alexandre’s life, he asked a favor of his mother and me. Alexandre had four very special friends to whom he requested a specific bequeath. The other three were very close childhood friends and we were delighted to meet with them and honor Alexandre’s request. You are the fourth and we are very much hoping to do the same.
I know this is a bit unorthodox, but we would appreciate it if you would contact us.
Thank you very much.
Alain Sinclair
Kalia sat completely still as she read it through again. She glanced over to check on Mani, but he was quietly playing with a stuffed dog.
She got up and turned off the music. Her brain screamed for silence, to think.
It was like opening a Pandora’s box of questions. Why did he leave her something? Tears slowly gathered. Why would he do that? Maybe he loved her.
Did they know about Mani? No, of course not. How could they? What if they found out? Could they take him away from her? Fear coursed through her. No, of course not. Of course not. They couldn’t, right? God, could they?
Did she want to meet them? She could meet them, some place. Any place but here. And not mention Mani.
Did they even know she was in Canada? And where were they? In France, presumably. Maybe they could just send whatever it was. Maybe they wouldn’t have to meet at all, and the issue with Mani wouldn’t have to be raised.
She sighed sadly. But now that the lid was off Pandora’s box, she would have to think about whether they should know they had a grandchild. She watched Mani as he grabbed the stuffed dog’s ear and made it squeak. She thought of her mom and dad and how they would feel if her brother had a child. They would want to know. Probably. Likely. Maybe not. No, they would.
She rested her head in her hands. What to do? She needed to do some more research. And this time, it may be more than Google could handle.
Chapter 23
Mack stirred the Bolognese sauce. He didn’t have a huge repertoire of meals he cooked, but he had lived on his own long enough to learn a few basics. Plus he appreciated the quiet of home.
Spaghetti with Bolognese sauce, fresh crusty bread, and pear slices with Frangelico liqueur for dessert was an entertaining staple. He had red wine open and breathing on the table. He didn’t have any fancy placemats or table linens, but he found three candles for the center of the table. He threw a soft blanket on the floor with some toys for Mani and hoped he and Kalia would have a chance to talk.
The doorbell rang as he strained the spaghetti. He set it down and went to answer the door.
Kalia, in loose silk pants with a fitted aquamarine T-shirt, held Mani in her arms. Mani was barefoot. Mani poked at Kalia’s dangling silver earrings but stretched out his arms to Mack when the door opened.
“Hi, come in,” Mack said, and he leaned in to kiss Kalia’s cheek. He held out his arms for Mani. “Hello, big guy. How ya doing today?”
Mani babbled and gurgled and snuggled into Mack’s shoulder. Mack’s heart melted.
Mack led the way into the kitchen and tossed Mani into the air to squeals of laughter. As he cuddled Mani, he turned to Kalia. “Would you like some wine?” He pointed to the open bottle.
“Yes, thank you. I can pour it. Would you like some, too?”
“Sure. That’d be great. Dinner’s almost ready. Are you hungry?”
“I am. My schedule has shifted with Mani’s.”
Mack set Mani down on the blanket with toys. He served up the meal, and they sat down to eat.
“Thanks for inviting me over, Mack,” Kalia said quietly.
“I’m glad you came, Kalia.”
Kalia nodded. After her first taste, she looked at Mack with a smile. “This is delicious. Do you follow a recipe or do you just throw it together?”
“The ingredients don’t change much, but I can’t say I follow a recipe.”
“My brother cooks the same way. He likes to be spontaneous and has a knack for it. What he puts together generally turns out really well.” Kalia laughed. “I could never do that. I need a recipe. Measuring spoons, a scale – it’s more of an exact science when I cook.”
As they ate, Mani played happily on the floor beside them. They finished dessert and Kalia started to clear the plates.
“Just leave them, Kalia. I want you to hear something. Let’s go into the living room.” He scooped up Mack and, swinging him in the air, carried him to the next room. Kalia picked up some of Mani’s toys and followed.
Mack had baby-proofed the living room. He had lifted anything with buttons or dials out of Mani’s reach. The coffee table had been replaced by a large, round, leather ottoman.
Kalia walked in and looked around. “Oh, this is great. Now Mani can’t get into anything.”
Mack nodded. “Hopefully you’ll be around more often.” He paused. “Kalia, I really am sorry about last week. I owe you an explanation.”
“Mack, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’d like you to listen to this.” He picked up his guitar and started to sing. The melody that Kalia had heard through the week played and she focused on the lyrics.
It’s your body, your baby, your choice to make
But it’s my heart, my voice, my DNA.
I want to be there, each moment. I won’t walk away.
Cause it’s my heart, my voice, my DNA.
I want the chance to be a dad
To teach the things I would have had
To
kick a ball
swing a bat
ride a bike
learn to swim
To
Tie a shoe
Tie a tie
Chase a dream
Fly a kite
So many things the world could be
If you would give the chance to me.
It’s my heart, my voice and my DNA
But it’s your body, your baby, your choice to make.
It’s my heart, my voice and my DNA
It’s your body, but our baby, our choice to make.
Kalia brushed a tear away as the music stopped.
“Two years ago, I met a woman,” Mack said as he set his guitar in a stand. “I thought I loved her, and I thought she loved me. We were engaged to be married. The band was taking off, and we were planning our big North American tour.
“Two or three weeks before we were supposed to leave, Angie started to get sick. She was throwing up every day, was pale and losing weight. She promised me she would see a doctor. And then, a week later, she was fine. She told me she had been pregnant with my baby, but that she had taken care of it. That she’d had an abortion. That was it. Like it was just another day. She told me she wanted to come on the tour with us, and she couldn’t if she had morning sickness.” Mack brushed a hand down
his face. “Coming on tour was more important to her than our baby. I didn’t have a say. We had talked about having kids, and she knew it was important to me. Which is why she did it without telling me.” Mack looked down at his hands clasped in his lap. “I don’t know if she was in love with me. She was certainly in love with fame. But likely not with me.” Mack looked at Kalia. “I’m so sorry, Kalia. I thought I had dealt with that. It happened a year ago, but obviously our conversation struck a nerve. I should have stayed and talked.” He reached to hold her hand.
“I think what you’re doing with Mani is amazing. You should be proud. You’re strong and selfless, and he’s a great kid.” Mack paused. “I love you, Kalia. It snuck up on me,” he said wryly. “I was happy with my life. I had my music and the band. Things are coming together, and I’m where I want to be. But when you’re around, everything is brighter and that much better. I’ve never felt this way, even with Angie. I’m happier and music doesn’t seem to be enough. I don’t want to live without you in my life.” He glanced at Mani. “I love Mani, too. He’s a great kid, and I want to be there for him. For both of you. If you’ll let me, I’d like to be a part of the family you’ve built.”
“Oh, Mack,” Kalia said with tears running down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, Kalia,” Mack pleaded, wiping her cheeks gently. He gathered her close, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
“Look, you don’t have to say anything. Just think about it,” Mack said, slightly panicked at the tears.
Kalia sighed and stayed still, cradled in Mack’s arms. Mack stroked her hair.
Finally Kalia pulled back and looked at Mack with tear-drenched eyes. “Mack, I’ve missed you. I love you, too. You make me happy,” she said as tears streamed down her face.
He looked at her and brushed at the tears. “You don’t look happy.”
“Maybe on the outside,” she agreed with a watery smile. “But on the inside, I’m dancing.”
He smiled at her.
“I’d like to tell you about Mani’s father.”
“You don’t have to, Kalia.”
“No, I want to.” She sat back. “We met at a neuroscience conference in France. I was translating, and he was one of the presenters. I fell in love, and we spent a night together. One night.”
Mack’s gut clenched.
“Then I found out I was pregnant. And I didn’t tell him.” She looked Mack in the eye. “You were right. I should have. I thought about it. And I wanted to. God, that first week when I found out, I wanted to talk to him about it. Share it with him and figure out what to do.” She wrung her hands. “But I didn’t. He said one night only. He made that very clear. I worried I would be, I don’t know, a home wrecker. Mess up his life. I didn’t want to create more trouble and then, what if something happened and I miscarried? I would have stirred all that up for nothing. So I decided to wait until after the baby was born.” Her breath hitched. “Except the day I went into labor, I found out that he had passed away,” she whispered.
Mack hugged her close.
“I never got the chance to tell him. He never knew he had a beautiful son,” Kalia said, leaning her head on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Kalia,” Mack said.
“You’re right, you know,” Kalia said in a low voice. “I should have told him right away. I shouldn’t have waited. He had the right to know. It was his baby, too.”
“Kalia–”
“No. I’ll always regret it.” She sighed. “It might have given him something to live for. Maybe, if he’d known, it would have given him a reason to fight harder and beat the cancer.”
“Or it might have made him sadder to realize what he was leaving behind.”
Kalia sniffed and nodded. “Maybe. His name was Alexandre Sinclair. That’s why Mani’s middle name is Alexandre.”
He kissed her forehead. “He’d be proud of you, you know. Of what you’ve done. And the honor of naming Mani after him.”
“Thanks.” Kalia dabbed at her eyes. She leaned back. “His parents contacted me,” she continued with a worried frown.
“Really?”
Kalia nodded. “By email. Apparently Alex wanted me to have something, and they want to deliver it. I just got the email a couple of days ago. I haven’t responded yet.”
“Why not?”
Kalia frowned. “I’m scared to …” She trailed off, glancing over at Mani.
“Because of Mani?” Mack asked, puzzled, following her gaze.
Kalia nodded absently. “I don’t know them. I’m pretty sure they don’t know about Mani, and I started worrying about whether they could claim some custody rights if they found out about him. I don’t think they’re in Canada. Alex lived in France. What if they have money and resources? What if they decide Mani would be better off with them?” Kalia’s voice escalated with panic.
“Kalia.”
“I know. I know,” she said, putting up her hands in defeat. “I hear myself, and I think I’m crazy. I know it’s ridiculous. But every time I go to answer the email, I get panicked at the thought. What if … what if …”
“Would it help to speak to a lawyer? I could give Sean a call. He does all the legal stuff for the band.”
“Could you? Would you mind?”
“Not at all. He might be around. I’ll try him,” Mack said, reaching for his phone.
“Now? Really? It’s not too late?”
Mack checked the time. “No, it’s fine. I can always leave a message if he doesn’t answer.”
Mack, his phone to his ear, wandered down the hall when Mani squealed. “Okay, yes, I understand. Thanks, Sean. That’s helpful. No, that’s not necessary. I’ll let you know if we need more information. Okay, thanks again. Bye.” Mack finished the call and walked back into the room.
Kalia looked up expectantly.
“It looks good,” he said, setting down his phone. “Sean practiced family law for fifteen years before he took on entertainment contracts, so he knows his stuff. He said it would be very unlikely for a court to take a child away from his biological parent, unless they were unable to provide the basic necessities of life. He said France and Canada have similar laws. He didn’t think you had anything to worry about.”
“Really?” Kalia asked, relieved.
“Really.” Mack drew Kalia into his arms and held her close.
Kalia held on tight, resting her cheek against his heart. “And what do you think? Do you think I should meet with them?”
“Are there any other reasons why you shouldn’t?”
Kalia considered. “No,” she said after a moment. “None that I can think of.”
“Are there any reasons why you should?”
Kalia thought for a moment. “I didn’t have a chance to say good-bye to Alex. And maybe this would help. I think he’ll always be in my heart, and I want Mani to know that his father was beautiful and strong.” She pulled back and looked into Mack’s eyes. “After Alex, I thought I wouldn’t have any room to love. That I wouldn’t feel that way again. Or worse, that I’d be afraid to love. But I was wrong. Mack, I love you. It’s a little deeper, a little stronger, a little brighter.” She cupped his face with her hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’d like to meet Alex’s parents and hear what they have to say. I’d like a chance to say good-bye.”
Mack smiled. “Then you should. And know that I love you, too. I could watch Mani for you.”
“Thanks.” She kissed him softly.
When Kalia went home that night, she settled Mani and went to her computer. She found the email from Alexandre’s dad and hit reply. After starting and stopping, and writing and rewriting, she finally found the words.
Dear M. Sinclair,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Alexandre was a beautiful person, and although I only knew him for a short time, I loved him and miss him. I can’t imagine how devastating it must be to lose a child. It’s lovely that you would go to these lengths to fulfill his wishes.
I would
enjoy meeting you. I am living in Rivermede, Ontario in Canada – I’m not sure if you knew where your email was sent. Unfortunately, I cannot travel at the moment. Would you have the opportunity to visit?
Thank you again for your email. I hope we’ll have a chance to meet.
Kalia Beck
Kalia read it over and hit send before she changed her mind.
Okay. It’s done. Hopefully it was the right decision.
There was only one email the next morning when she checked. From A. Sinclair. She hesitated and, holding her breath, clicked it open.
Dear Ms. Beck,
Thank you for the condolences. We, too, miss Alexandre very much.
Maurice Bastille mentioned to us that you live in Rivermede. My brother and his family live in Lancaster, and my wife and I have plans to visit him early next month. This is partly why I contacted you at this time. We could easily make a side trip to Rivermede and would be delighted if you could join us for dinner. We plan to be in Canada from April 6 until April 20. Perhaps we could meet on April 14 or 15. Would this be convenient for you? Please let us know – our plans are flexible.
We look forward to hearing from you.
Alain Sinclair
Kalia blew a breath out slowly. It was really going to happen. She put a hand on her stomach to stop the butterflies. In for a penny, in for a pound.
Dear M. Sinclair,
Thank you for the invitation. Either date is fine with me.
I look forward to meeting you.
Kalia
Dear Ms. Beck.
Wonderful. We will be staying at the Bennett Suites on the Water and will book a reservation for dinner there on April 14 at 7 p.m.
We also look forward to meeting you.
Until then,
Alain Sinclair
Chapter 24
“Wish me luck,” Kalia said, smoothing her hands over her skirt.
“Good luck.” Mack smiled as he shifted Mani from one hip to the other. “But you won’t need it. Everything will be fine. You look beautiful, by the way.”
Kalia paused. “Thank you.” She had taken care choosing her outfit and had finally settled on a dark maroon pencil skirt, edged with a ruffle at the hem that pulled it from business attire to evening attire. She paired it with a pink and gray blouse and pulled her hair back, but kept it loose.
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