Hazed: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 6)

by Kandi Steiner

  “I bet you get the job.”

  “We’ll see,” she says with a shrug. Then, her eyes are sad. “I’m sorry Gavin bailed tonight, Ex.”

  “Don’t be. He said he’d make it up to me and I believe it.”

  “You’re a better woman than me.”

  I chuckle. “No, I just… I believe him. I trust him. Gavin has been nothing but an amazing guy to me since I met him. He’s definitely different,” I add. “But in a good way. I’m trying not to overthink it.”

  “Well, I like that plan.”

  “Me, too.”

  I pause for a moment, chewing the inside of my cheek.

  “Jess… I need to tell you something.”

  “You feel like you’re going to throw up?” she asks on a belch. “Because I kinda do, too.”

  I laugh. “No. I, uh… it’s…” I sigh. “I don’t even know where to start.”

  Jess frowns when she sees the serious expression on my face, and instantly she’s leaning over the table. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

  “I am. Now. But… I don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear that I haven’t been okay. Not for a long time.”

  Jess’s brows pull together, and she reaches over the table to squeeze my hand.

  I’m not sure why through the tequila haze that in that moment, I think of how Bear did the very same thing.

  “I’m sorry for pulling away the way I did, and for being such a bitch to Skyler with the whole Kip thing.”

  “Babe, we’ve moved past that,” Jess assures me.

  “I know. I know. But… I never told you the real reason why I did what I did.”

  I take a deep breath and a long sip of water, and then in a flurry of slurred words, I tell Jess everything.

  I tell her about how I actually had been pregnant, how the baby was Bear’s, how I’d aborted our child without telling anyone about it. I told her about what happened to me that night at our formal, how Bear found me, how I swore him to secrecy and went home that summer to my mom. I told her how I just wanted to get my life back. I told her how Kip seemed like the key to getting back on track again, and how I couldn’t see how badly I was hurting those around me as I tried to hold onto what was left of me.

  And the entire time, Jess just listened.

  She listened and nodded and squeezed my hand. When I started crying, she scooted her barstool over closer to me and hugged me tight. And when I was done, when all the words were said, she held me again.

  “I am so fucking sorry you had to go through all that,” she says, and when she pulls back from our hug, her eyes are glossy like mine. “It breaks my fucking heart that you had to do it alone.”

  “I wasn’t alone,” I assure her. “Bear knew.”

  She nods. “I’m glad you had him. But Ex, we love you. Me, Ashlei, Skyler, Cassie? We have your back no matter what. Don’t ever feel like you have to hide from us.”

  “I don’t,” I say with a sniff. “At least, not anymore. But when this all happened, I was just… younger. I cared about what everyone thought of me. I wanted to be the strong, independent, boss bitch Erin Xander. I was president of our sorority. I was a future lawyer in training. I didn’t want anyone to think any less of me.” I laugh at that. “Turns out, I just made things worse.”

  Jess lets out a sigh and squeezes my arm. “I love you. Thank you for telling me.” She pauses. “Did you ever tell the cops about…”

  “No,” I finish for her, shaking my head. “At this point, it’s too late. I wish I did. Looking back, I really wish I would have just let Bear take me when he wanted to. But… I mean, how many times have we seen in the news that a girl comes forward about being raped, and all they talk about is how she’s ruining this boy’s life? She’s painted as a liar and a bitch, and everyone feels sorry for the guy.”

  “Not everyone.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  Jess sighs. “I do. God, I’m so sorry, Erin. I want to fucking kill them all.”

  “Get in line.”

  She smiles, and after a sip of beer, she asks, “You and Bear must have gotten pretty close, huh?”

  “Very,” I say. “He was really all I had for a while. Until he found out about our baby. After that…” I sigh, running a hand back through my hair. “But we’re on the mend. We decided to put everything behind us and be friends.”

  “That’s good,” Jess says, but she’s watching me in a weird way.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I just… I never pictured you and Bear together, but now… God, you guys really would make a hot couple.”

  She laughs. “Yeah, well, we hooked up one night, okay? We never dated. And besides… I have Gavin now.”

  Jess arches a brow. “I never said anything about dating him. I was just making an observation.” Her gaze narrows. “Do you like Bear as more than a friend?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” I wave her off.

  “Oh, my God. You do. You do, don’t you?!”

  “No!” I stand. “We’re friends. And barely that, thanks to me being a fuck up.” I smooth my hands over my leggings. “I’m just trying to hold onto that.”

  Jess smirks. “Uh-huh.”

  “I’m going pee.”

  And with a laugh, Jess blessedly lets the topic go, even once I return from the bathroom.

  We stumble home and curl up on the couch in our sweatpants, and for the first time in years, I feel at peace knowing that Jess knows everything I’ve hidden for so long. She makes me promise I’ll tell the other girls soon, too, and I agree.

  And what was shaping up to be a sad Friday night ends up being one of the best I’ve had in years.

  It just goes to show that what they told us when we first rushed is true.

  Kappa Kappa Beta isn’t just for four years.

  It’s for life.

  IT’S BEEN A WHILE since I’ve gone for a long run, and I forgot just how calming it can be.

  The constant movement, leg muscles engaged, core tight, arms pumping. The rhythm of sneakers hitting pavement. The steady inhale and exhale, my lungs contracting and filling, sweat dripping from my hairline.

  Since the competition, I’ve been indulging myself in some different kinds of cardio and strength training — yoga, high-intensity interval training, kickboxing, and now, running. It’s nice to switch it up, to give my body something new.

  Besides, running gives me plenty of time to think.

  I’m one of the weirdos who prefers not to run with headphones. With the running path winding along the beach and bayside park, it’s nice to just listen to the waves, the conversation, the laughter, and even the distant sound of cars passing on A1A.

  Work has been picking up ever since the launch event. Celeste wanted us to make our presence known, and boy did we do just that. Our phones have been ringing off the hooks with requests for potential client meetings, as well as collaborations with other agencies. Just like that, Ball & Pen went from new kid on the block to one of the most desired agencies in the city.

  We showed what we could do.

  And now, the clients are rolling in faster than we can take them.

  Good business means I’m busy — not just with my own clients and events, but with hiring a bigger team to manage the new workload. We even had to buy out the office next to ours to expand. It’s a good problem to have, but exhausting, nonetheless.

  And to think, if I were still in college, I’d be getting ready for Spring Break right now.

  I smile a little at that, remembering how fun it was to shop for new swimsuits with the girls, plan out our outfits, make custom mugs and t-shirts, and just be ridiculous whenever possible. Of course, I’ve had Spring Breaks that weren’t so fun… like the one where Bo and I were caught having a threesome on tape. Even still, a big part of me misses it, that carefree time when my biggest concern was finding the perfect swimsuit and packing enough booze for the trip.

  I’m lost in memory lane when I round an oak tree at the corner o
f the path, and when I do, I nearly slam into another runner.

  “Oh, shit!” I exclaim, pressing my hands into the man’s chest when we nearly collide. I’m not sure if I did it to keep him steady, me steady, or if it’s just an automatic reaction. I’m already laughing when I look up at the almost-victim. “God, sorry. I wasn’t paying att—”

  My voice cuts off mid-sentence, because under the shadow of a damp gray hoodie, I find Brandon’s dark, menacing eyes staring back at me.

  I can feel how stupid I look standing there with my jaw all slack, hands still against his chest as I take in the sight of him. He’s dressed in long, black basketball shorts, and a gray zipper hoodie. The zipper is halfway undone, revealing his slick, bare chest underneath and a cross hanging from a silver chain. I remember that necklace. It was a gift from Darnell, the young man who got him out of foster care. Brandon almost never takes it off.

  I suddenly realize I still have my hands pressed against his chest, and I rip them away, putting a few feet between us and crossing my arms over my chest. “Uh, hi. Sorry about…” I wave my hand between us.

  Brandon doesn’t smile or say it’s okay, he just nods, and then side steps around me, ready to continue on his jog.

  “Wait!” I say before he can take more than a few steps.

  He stops short, and I see it in the swell of his back that he has to take a deep breath before he turns to face me again.

  “Is this really what it’s going to be like?” I ask. “Awkwardly avoiding each other at work events, not even able to be friendly when we run into each other?”

  Brandon sniffs, throwing his hood off his head and hanging his hands on his hips as his eyes wash over the beach. “I don’t know what you want from me, Ashlei.”

  “Look at me,” I almost whisper. “That’s a start.”

  He presses his tongue into his cheek, but then slowly, he pulls his gaze to me.

  I can still see it, the pain behind those dark eyes. But more so, I see the anger, the resentment, the disgust.

  I shiver.

  “Exchanging pleasantries is a waste of time,” he says definitively. “I’ll be cordial at work events, but past that? I don’t see any reason for us to pretend like we’re friends.”

  I scoff past the knife those words send right through my heart. “Cool. Got it.” I make an okay sign with my fingers and click my tongue. “Thanks for clearing that up.”

  His nostrils flare, and it’s in that moment that I can see it — the hunger in his eyes. I felt it that first time he touched me on his jet. I felt it every time after, when he’d watch me in the office and I knew he couldn’t wait to get me alone, or when we’d go out for a night on the town, and I knew all he wanted was to get me back to his place.

  My heart kicks up a notch.

  He still wants me.

  “I don’t know why you’re acting like you’re so upset, anyway,” he says after a moment, his brows bending together. “From what I saw at the Ball & Pen launch event, you’ve moved on just fine, haven’t you?”

  I cock my head to the side in confusion for just a moment before I remember the little show I put on, the hot guy at the bar whom I let guide me outside just because I knew Brandon was watching me. Of course, nothing happened with that guy, other than him giving me his card and me promising to call about working together.

  But Brandon doesn’t know that.

  And he doesn’t need to.

  “Whether I’ve moved on or not is none of your business, since you so decidedly cut me out of your life.”

  Something of a laugh comes from Brandon’s nose, and he looks out at the ocean again before his eyes are back on mine. “You’re right.”

  With that, he pulls his hoodie back up and turns, jogging away from me as I stand there and watch him go.

  I stay until he’s completely out of sight.

  Then, I jog another four miles and think about all the ways I can make him want me back.

  “BEST. SPRING. BREAK. EVER,” Kip says on a long sigh as he slips into the hot tub. He groans more and more as the warm water envelops him, and I smile as I take in the view of his chest and abs, and the incredible Colorado sunset casting orange and pink rays over the snow-covered mountains behind him.

  “Even better than last year?”

  “Last year was a disaster,” he says.

  “Well, yes, in the sense that we had a huge fight. But,” I add as I strip out of my robe and lay it over one of the nearby chairs. “We also had a lot of fun. And some pretty hot sex, if I remember right.”

  “Our sex has always been on fire.”

  “Okay, Kings of Leon.”

  Kip smiles, and then lets out a whistle as I climb the little steps up to the hot tub. “Damn, girl. Get your fine ass in here so I can hold you already.”

  I let out a groan of my own when the water climbs up my legs, over my hips and up to the middle of my chest as I sink all the way in. After a long day of learning how to ski, my body feels like I’ve been flatlined by a steamroller.

  “God, I think I found muscles I didn’t know existed today,” I say, wincing against another wave of soreness as I sink down farther and sit next to Kip.

  He tucks me under one arm with a kiss to my temple. “Yeah, skiing definitely makes you sore. But it’s so fucking fun that it’s worth it.”

  “Speak for yourself,” I say, massaging my calves under the water. “I think Cassie and I are going to hang back in the village tomorrow and day drink.”

  “Over it already?”

  “Let’s just say I have no desire to tear my ACL or break my neck, and I don’t have the grace to feel confident that either of those are off the table.”

  Kip laughs. “I grew up skiing. Every winter, Dad would load me and Mom up in the van and we’d drive to Salt Lake City.” He pauses. “Well, every winter Dad was home, anyway. Never knew with the Army.”

  I smile, rubbing his hip under the water. “I bet that was fun.”

  “It was. Some of my favorite memories of us together as a family are from being on the slopes or playing board games back in our cabin.”

  “How’s Mom doing?”

  “She’s good, holding up. Wants me to come home for the summer. But with the show…”

  “Maybe we could go visit for a long weekend.”

  “I know she’d love to see you.”

  “Well, I’d love to see her. And besides, you’ll want a break by then.”

  Kip laughs at that. “Highly doubtful. The more likely scenario is that you’ll have to pack my bags for me and force me on a flight.” He shakes his head with a lazy smile on his lips. “I’m already obsessed with the project. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m even dreaming about it.”

  I smile, but my stomach pinches in the same breath, because while I’m happy he’s enjoying making the show, I know Natalia is a big part of it.

  And I can’t shake my distrust for her.

  Ever since they started filming, and especially since the KKB date auction, Natalia has just been around. No matter where I meet up with Kip, and no matter what kind of day it is for the show, she’s always there. Either she’s filming or she’s volunteering to help with something else. Even when it’s not one of her scenes, she’s on set, helping Kip or costume design or set design or whatever she can think of. She’s not even above running to get coffee or food for the crew.

  Which, of course, means everyone loves her.

  How could they not? She’s always there to help, never says no to a task, always dependable. She’s funny and cute and smart. And since I’ve made it my mission to befriend her, I’ve been out with her and the rest of the crew a handful of times now.

  And every time, she’s been an absolute blast.

  She can go with me shot for shot, loves to dance and party and stay up all night, and is always somehow just together enough to help someone else if they get too drunk.

  I wish I didn’t hate her.

  If I didn’t hate her, I bet we’d be actual fri
ends and not just the fake friends I’ve made us so I can keep an eye on her. I bet we’d party and laugh and get into way too much trouble together.

  But I can’t shake that she’s got the hots for Kip, and that she’s waiting for her perfect time to strike.

  I don’t trust her.

  And I hate that Kip does.

  “I need to talk to you about something,” I say, sliding into Kip’s lap. I straddle him, lacing my arms around his neck as his hands find my hips.

  “Mmm, well, whatever it is, this might not be the best position to talk in,” he says with a grind of his pelvis against mine. “I can’t think when your tits are in my face and you’re riding me like this.”

  “You want to fuck me in this hot tub, don’t you?”

  Kip groans and bites his lip, gripping my hips even tighter. “God, do I.”

  “Even knowing the rest of the crew could come back at any second?”

  “Even still.”

  I chuckle, kissing him as he wraps his arms around me. When we made the decision to do Breckenridge for Spring Break, we had no idea we’d be basically bringing all of Palm South with us. Of course, Omega Chi and Kappa Kappa Beta are here, but when Adam found out about our plans, he threw Alpha Sigma into the mix, too. And since they’re now the hottest fraternity on campus, that meant the rest of Greek Row was right behind.

  We quickly realized that getting one place for everyone wasn’t possible, so we all split up, and Bear and I booked a sick cabin just outside of town that sleeps ten and has a deck with a hot tub. Our first night here was rowdy as hell, but right now, it’s just me and Kip, since everyone else hasn’t made it back from the slopes yet.

  Kip’s hands slide down my back, slipping under my swimsuit bottoms to cup my ass and drag me against him.

  “Look,” I say against his next kiss, threading my hands into his hair. “I know you’re oblivious.” Kiss. “Because you’re focused on the show.” Ass squeeze. Kiss. “But Natalia wants you.”

  At that, Kip breaks our kiss and pulls back with a confused expression. “What?”

  I sigh. “I know I sound ridiculous, which is part of the reason I’ve held off on saying anything. But… I just worry and… Kip, that girl wants you. Bad. And she’s just waiting for the right time to make a move.”