I stop, suddenly afraid I’ll upset him if I say what I want to.
“But… you hate that I’m not going to therapy anymore?”
I grimace, but nod.
Gavin puts out what’s left of the joint, and then he turns to face me, pulling me more into his lap. “Listen. I love that you care about me enough to even notice that I haven’t gone as much, but I need you to trust me that I’m really okay. I’ve been focused on school, and I’m happier than I have been in a long time. I’m so close to graduation, to actually being able to do something with my degree…” He shakes his head on a smile. “I’m okay. Really.”
“Even with the anniversary of Angelica’s passing coming up?”
Gavin goes rigid at my words, but it’s only for a split second before he nods. “Yeah. Even so. I know she’s proud of me.” He swallows, the motion emphasized by the bob of his Adam’s apple. And then, for a long while, he’s silent, just staring at where his hands are holding mine.
“We can—”
“I think it’s time for a subject change,” he says before I can even finish my sentence, and then in a swift motion, I’m yanked forward and over until I’m straddling him on the couch.
Gavin threads his hands into my hair and pulls my mouth to his in the next instant, kissing me long and deep, and I can taste the unfamiliar earthiness of the marijuana on his tongue. I relax into the kiss, feeling my body humming to life under his touch, and when I roll my hips against him, I feel him already hard and ready.
“Gavin,” I gasp, reaching down to roll my hand over his hard-on through his sweatpants. “You’re so hard.”
“Fuck, Erin,” he pants against my lips, pressing his forehead to mine long enough to catch his breath. He shakes his head. “I want you so fucking bad.”
“So take me,” I plead.
He swallows, groans, bites his lip and shakes his head again. “I want to. God, do I want to, Erin. But I…” He pauses. “I promised I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“You won’t. I know you won’t,” I say, kissing him earnestly. “I trust you.”
He grimaces at that, and suddenly, he unloops my hands from around his neck and puts space between us, dropping his head back against the couch cushion on a sigh.
“What?” I ask. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. You’re perfect, Erin. It’s me who…”
But he doesn’t finish. He just sits there, breathing, eyes closed and hands holding my wrists so I don’t reach back to touch him. It’s not long before he’s softening between my legs, and I bite back the urge to cry even as the tears well in my eyes.
When Gavin looks up and sees me, his face crumples. “Jesus. Erin, please, I’m sor—”
“It’s fine,” I say, the statement clipped as I climb off him. I sniff, adjusting my leggings and t-shirt before I reach down for my purse on the coffee table. “I think I should go.”
Everything inside me wants Gavin to reach for me, pull me into him, finish his sentence. I want him to tell me he’s sorry, that he’s wrong, that he wants me and that’s it, period, end of story, no buts. I want him to tell me not to go. I want him to ask me to stay.
Instead, he sighs, his eyes sad as he nods and says, “I’ll walk you out.”
Rejection seeps into my bones as he walks me to my car, but I manage to fight back the tears even as he gives me a long, sweet kiss goodnight and promises he’ll call me tomorrow. He says he wants to see me again this weekend. He says to drive home safe. He says to text him when I get there, just so he doesn’t worry.
I barely hear a thing.
My ears are ringing so loudly that by the time I pull away from his apartment, it’s like I’m being chased by a train. I drive only a few blocks before I nearly pull out in front of someone, and after slamming on my brakes and flinching from the sound of their horn, all the noise clears.
I drive to the next block, pull over to the side of the road, and let myself cry.
“HOLY SHIT, HE IS so fast!” Skyler says, her mouth hanging open as she watches my little brother sprint across the Palm South University practice field. He gets fifteen yards down before he cuts left, looking back just in time to catch the ball thrown in a perfect spiral right to his chest. He takes off toward the end zone, running the play all the way through before the coach blows his whistle.
“I’m telling you, he has more talent in his pinky finger than I ever had when I played,” I muse with a proud smile.
It’s family weekend at Palm South, and that means the campus is crawling with moms and dads and siblings who have come to check out the university. Family weekend is always filled with barbecues and field games, Greek Row presentations and fancy family dinners, and more. My personal favorite part is how the college bars that are usually crawling with students take on a completely new vibe once the parents are involved.
Sometimes, they party harder than the kids.
As for my family, this is the first time I’ve had them all here. Sure, Clayton has come out a few years now to visit, but other than when she showed up to ask for money, Mom has never been. Carleton, my older brother, and his wife and kids, are here, too.
It’s a surreal experience, having them here, and knowing that in just a couple more months they’ll be watching me walk across the stage, too.
“His coach talked to me after this past season ended,” my mom chimes in from the other side of Skyler. “He said scouts are already asking to come watch as early as next season, even though he’ll only be a junior.”
“They want to snag him early so he doesn’t even consider other options,” I say. “But if he hasn’t changed his mind, the last I heard, Palm South University was the only school he was considering.”
“He wants to be like his big brother,” Mom says, smiling at me. “Can’t say I blame him.”
When I found out the whole family was coming for family weekend, I set an appointment to talk to the head coach for Palm South University’s football team. I told him about Clayton and showed him some of his tapes, pleading for him to carve some time out to run some drills with him. I was honestly flabbergasted that coach actually agreed.
And that was just further proof that Clayton has what it takes to play at the collegiate level.
So, for the last hour, coach and a few of his second- and third-string players have been running drills with Clayton while Mom, Skyler, and I watch from the sidelines. Carleton took his wife and the kids to the beach for the day, but they’ll be meeting up with us later.
“I kind of wish we were closer in age,” I say, watching as Clayton takes a giant swig of water from his bottle before jogging back out onto the field for the next drill. “It would be cool to be here with him.”
“Ohhh no,” Skyler says with a shake of her head. “There’s no way this campus could handle two Penningtons at once.”
“Touché.”
“I’m actually thinking of moving down here with him,” Mom says, and Skyler and I both snap our heads in her direction.
“Really?” Skyler asks.
Mom nods. “I know he’ll be in a dorm or living in the fraternity house — since I know he wants to rush immediately.” She winks at me with that. “But… I don’t know. I missed so much of Clinton’s experience, I don’t want to do the same with Clayton. I want to be around to see his games and help him with schoolwork or whatever. If I get a little place not too far from campus, I can be there when he needs me.”
Something pinches my stomach, something that feels a little like resentment and a lot like jealousy. But it’s only there for a moment before genuine relief and joy wash over me.
“I think that’s amazing, Mom,” I say.
Her brown eyes glisten in the sun when she returns my smile. “And then you’d have a place to visit, if you ever wanted to come back to PSU.”
Skyler whips her head in my direction then. “Come back? Are you leaving?”
I give Mom a thanks a lot look, because the truth is, I haven’t really decided anythin
g. But Pittsburgh is calling to me. I could be there for the last two years of high school for Clayton, and be closer to my nephews, and spend time with my mom. Besides, I miss the Burgh. I miss seasons. I miss not always sweating when I walk outside.
“I haven’t decided anything,” I tell Skyler. “But… I’m leaning toward going back to Pittsburgh. There are a lot of creative agencies up there, and I think it would be cool to start my graphic design career in my home city.”
I can see how hard the next swallow is for Skyler, how her eyebrows furrow together, her bottom lip quivering. But she still manages a smile, and she reaches over to squeeze my arm. “You’ll be amazing no matter where you go. And hey, gives me an excuse to visit. I like Pittsburgh, too.”
“You’re welcome anytime, honey,” Mom says from her side.
Coach blows the whistle, and then he waves to where we are on the sideline, calling us to come onto the field where Clayton is jogging over.
“Great job, son,” he says when we’re all gathered, clapping Clayton on the back. My little brother is absolutely drenched in sweat, his hands hanging on his hips, chest heaving as he attempts to catch his breath.
“Thank you, sir.”
“And you’re not even done growing yet,” one of the students who was running drills with Clayton says. “You’re going to be one massive receiver.”
“Big and fast,” Clayton says with his megawatt smile. “I want to be untouchable.”
Coach chuckles, squeezing his shoulders. “I think you’re well on your way. Listen, you’re a little too young to give a full-on offer to. It goes against scouting laws. Besides, we need to see how the next season goes, see what our team is looking like, too. But, as far as I’m concerned? You keep playing like this…” He nods toward where the drills were being run. “And I have full faith that come your senior year, I’ll be in the stands at your first home game with a scholarship offer in hand.”
Clayton’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. “A scholarship?”
Coach grins. “With skills like that, kid? I won’t be the only one offering. So I just hope your heart stays set on PSU.”
“Oh, trust me, sir,” he says, smiling at him first and then at me. “This is the only university for me.”
“Atta boy,” coach says, then he turns to my mother, extending his hand. “Ma’am, you’ve raised a fine young man. It was an honor to spend some time on the field with him.”
“Well, thank you, but it’s his older brother here who gets the credit for the way Clayton has turned out. He’s always been his role model, and I haven’t always been around.”
Coach looks at me, then, and there’s something in his eyes, a level of understanding, maybe, as he shakes my hand next. “Well done, son. And might I ask why I never saw you at try outs?” he adds, eyeing my size with a smirk.
I grin. “Too busy partying, I’m afraid.”
“Can’t win ’em all.” Coach tips his hat at us. “I’ve got to get going, but it was a pleasure meeting all of you. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”
“You too,” we all chime, and when he’s gone, Clayton turns to face us with his hands laced on top of his head.
“DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT SHIT?!”
“Language, Clayton!” Mom says at the same time I high-five him and say, “Hell fucking yeah, I saw it!”
I throw my arm around his shoulder, steering all of us back to the Omega Chi house so he can shower before the Omega Chi family dinner.
We’re all rambling as we walk through campus, and eventually, Mom and Clayton pull ahead a little, Mom smiling as Clayton excitedly tells her about everything coach said. Skyler falls in step beside me with a soft smile on her face.
“I can’t believe how much he’s grown.”
“You’re telling me. I can’t stop seeing him as ten years old. I don’t know why, but that’s where he stopped growing in my eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever see him past that.”
Skyler chuckles. “I’m glad they could all be here. You must be over the moon.”
“It’s weird,” I admit. “But yeah, it’s cool, too. Please tell me I get to see your parents this weekend?”
“Dad couldn’t get off work, sadly, but they did promise they’d come for your graduation.”
I frown. “They don’t need to do that.”
“Are you kidding?” Skyler nudges my arm. “You’re my best friend, Bear, and practically my brother. They wouldn’t miss it.”
I smile, throwing my arm around her shoulders. “You’ll be right behind me in the fall,” I comment. “How are your entrepreneur classes going? Still think this is the right move?”
Skyler gives me a genuine smile at that. “Without a doubt. I’ve actually been thinking about telling Kip that I’ll come out to Los Angeles with him and try my startup there.”
“Wow. California. Really?”
She nods. “There are so many opportunities for events in that city, and if I build my company up the right way, I can get in with the elite crowd. Can you picture it? Charity casino events with Hollywood’s rich and famous?”
“You’d better be careful. You’re the kind of gorgeous that they’d be talking you into a movie role before you know it.”
Skyler scoffs. “Yeah, I don’t think that life is for me.”
Her smile slips with the words, and I frown, squeezing her shoulder. “What’s with the sad panda face?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve been all up in my lady feels lately.”
“Do tell.”
“It’s just… I was so excited when Kip surprised me last semester and told me he was going to be back at PSU. After all the long distance, it was like a dream come true, you know? But he’s been so caught up with his show that, other than Spring Break, I’ve barely seen him.”
I pause, trying to think of how to say what I want to. “Well, Sky, this is important to him. I mean, this could be his ticket to a job after graduation.”
“I know. I guess I just thought I’d be more of a priority to him.”
“Think about it this way — what if it was you going out to L.A. with the opportunity to kickstart your casino company? Don’t you think that would take up the majority of your time and energy? And don’t you think you’d want Kip to understand and support that?”
Skyler frowns. “I hate when you’re right.”
“You must hate me most of the time, then.”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s just… oh God, how do I say this without sounding petty…” She rolls her lips together. “So, remember how I helped out a little with casting?”
“Yeah. I remember you saying the girl you picked to play you was perfect.”
“Ha! Well, this is me eating my words.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Yeah,” she says with a long sigh. “Let’s just say the girl’s got it bad for Kip, and since he’s spending most of his time working on the show, they’re together like… all the time. I tried telling him to keep his guard up, that she wants him, but of course he’s oblivious.”
I chuckle. “Or he’s so obsessed with you that he wouldn’t notice a girl flirting with him even if she had her naked titties hanging in his face.”
“I’m surprised Natalia hasn’t tried that yet, honestly.”
I laugh. “Sky, I promise, you have nothing to worry about. Kip is yours. After all the shit you two went through, I can promise you that not even a hot-ass movie star could take your place in his heart.”
Even as she nods, I can see the worry etched into my best friend’s face, and I pull her to a stop on the sidewalk, telling Mom and Clayton to go on without us and we’ll catch up.
“Talk to him,” I say, framing her arms in my hands. “Okay? Tell him you miss him and you need some quality time. Tell him it’s important to you. He may be caught up in filming and the excitement of the show, but if you level with him, if you communicate,” I add, tickling her sides as she giggles and tries to break free. “He won’t let you down.”
Skyler
sighs as I pull her into my chest for a long hug, and she squeezes my waist in return. “Thank you, Bear. I love you.”
“Love you more.”
I WAKE TO THE feeling of Kade’s warm palm running down my back.
Like a cat, I arch into the touch, practically purring as he grabs my hip and pulls me into his chest. His hard-on is rock solid through his boxers, and I rub my ass against it, hissing in my next breath.
“Morning, baby,” he husks into my ear, sucking the lobe between his teeth.
“Good morning, indeed.”
He chuckles, kissing down my neck and already working my sleep shorts down my hips, my thighs, until they’re restraining my knees. I kick them the rest of the way off, which is a feat through the heavy, drugged feeling of just waking up.
“God, you feel so good,” he whispers, running his hand up to grab my tits under my sleep tank. He palms one and then the other, pebbling my nipples into peaks.
“I want you,” I whisper back.
“What about me?”
I creak my eyes open and find Jarrett standing in the doorway.
My heart accelerates at the sight of him, naked as the day he was born, all those tattoos sprawling over his body, his beard freshly trimmed, eyes on fire as they watch me and Kade in the bed.
“Jarrett?”
He smirks, slowly stalking toward me like I’m his prey, his fist slowly pumping over his cock all the way. “Do you want me, too?”
I try to swallow, but my mouth is too dry.
“Answer him,” Kade says from behind me, biting my shoulder.
“I…”
Before I can get another word out, Jarrett stops at the edge of the bed and reaches down to grip my chin in his hand, forcing me to look up at him over the valleys and ridges of his abdomen.
“Tell me, Jess,” he commands. “Do you want me?”
“Yes.”
The word is a whisper and a plea and a guilty admission all at once. I wait for Kade to stop, to tear away from me, to scream and demand answers, but instead, he only growls in my ear as he runs his hard-on against my ass again.
“You want my brother, huh?”
Hazed: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 6) Page 18