by Lori King
“And then what happens, Caroline?” Devin said, refusing to let her move away from him with a hand on her hip.
“I don’t know yet, Devin. I just don’t know.” Her voice broke with emotion, but she wiped the last of her tears away and lifted her head to stare blankly at him. Whatever he saw or didn’t see in her eyes made him shake his head and he took her hand. Damon moved toward her and took her other hand. She felt their hesitation, and she knew that they both wanted to say more, but she wasn’t sure she could listen right now. Her brain was telling her to go back to the cabin and call Tina. She should just get away from here, and away from these men who had a hold over her. Her heart broke at the thought of living without them. Forcefully pulling herself free from their grips, she started walking back toward the path, and the two men followed silently.
After a little ways Devin moved in front of her, leaving Damon walking behind her. They were an implied barrier of protection to anyone looking as they led her down a side path that she hadn’t noticed before. After about five minutes the path opened up to another clearing. This one held a very small cabin that had a rocking chair on the front porch, and a laundry line tied between the eaves of the house and a nearby tree. There were wildflowers everywhere, and they bordered the house like a colorful fence. It was pretty, and she bent to pluck a daisy from next to the step as they walked up to the front door. It opened before Devin could knock, and Delaky stood there with a serious look on her face.
“Please come in, children. I can see we have much to discuss, and very little time for decisions.” She walked into the house without waiting to see if they followed. Devin held his hand out to Caroline, but instead of taking it she moved past him into the dimly lit room. Delaky now sat on a small wicker bench next to a large stone fireplace. She patted the seat next to her, indicating that Caroline should sit with her. The two men pulled chairs over closer to them from the small kitchen table, and straddling them, they turned to the women.
“Thank you, Delaky, for meeting with us. Thank you also for your blessing upon our mating at Caroline’s introduction today.” Devin spoke with a deep tone of reverence for the small woman in front of him. Delaky didn’t respond immediately. Instead she looked long and hard at each of them before frowning deeply and giving a rough grunt.
“I can see the bond is strong within the three of you, but there are shadows in your light. Why are you fighting your own destiny, my child?” She looked deeply into Caroline’s eyes, and when she didn’t receive an answer, Delaky spoke again. “Stubborn pride. It is foolishness. You feel pain for the past, and still hold anger in your heart. The fears you have are unfounded. You must let yourself speak the truth to your mates. Let them share your burden.”
Caroline’s stomach dropped to her feet, and she started to tremble as tears formed in her eyes. “I have told them the truth.”
“You have only given them a piece of your truth, and without the whole it means nothing. Give them your pain, and you will be better for it.” Delaky’s voice was a soothing caress over Caroline’s soul, and she looked over at the brothers. They sat spellbound, listening to the shaman speak. When they looked back at Caroline, she could see the confusion, the questions, the fear, and the love in their eyes. She couldn’t make her mouth work to tell them. She hadn’t shared her past with many people because her grief for her parents was so overwhelming. She couldn’t stand it if they saw her grief and depression as a weakness, and turned her away.
Delaky watched her closely, and then said, “Your men have explained to you the bond a wolf has with its mate, am I correct?”
Caroline nodded, and she pressed on, “You have claimed them. I can see their marks. You love them?” It was a question but she didn’t wait for a verbal answer. “Eons ago the first wolf claimed his mate from the human world. He met her in a forest where she was picking berries, and upon catching her scent his wolf fought him to claim her. They loved passionately, and with their whole existence, but they were not accepted by her people. She was a princess in her world, but they were banished when her people found out what he was. They faced dangers, and yet they fought because they were two halves of a whole. They each carried a piece of each other in their souls, and would not have survived without the other. They had children, and their children had children, and so the first pack was born. It is said that they died in each other’s arms in their old age, because neither could give the other up to the next life to exist alone. It is that bond that you now have with your mates. If you choose to continue to withhold a piece of yourself, you will never have room for the pieces of soul they want to give to you.”
Delaky turned abruptly to the men. “And how honest have you been with your mate? Have you taught her the ways of the wolf? Have you opened her eyes to our world or have you just shared pieces of your world and your passion with her? How can she build a future on questions? She does not know her place in our pack, and so she balks at the responsibility heaped upon her back. You are at fault for her unease.”
“It’s happened so fast…” Damon started, but Delaky jumped to her feet and brushed his statement away.
“Bah! You are scared children, and none of you are willing to risk the pain for the pleasure. Love is a gift, but it comes with a responsibility. A child is not ready, and so I find you. Caroline, you are of a giving nature. You want a family. I see two paths for you, and you are at the crossroads where you must choose the one which is right for you. I see births and deaths in your future, no matter the direction you choose. But…should you choose the correct path and face the challenges that come with it, the wolf will guide you. Life is what you choose it to be, but you must choose soon.”
Caroline felt the hot tears running down her cheeks, as she turned to the fireplace and stared into the dancing flames. There was so much she needed them to know, so that they could understand where she was coming from. Delaky could see into her soul, or she wouldn’t have pushed her so hard. She let all of her emotions come to the surface, and she started to speak.
“I’m sorry, Devin and Damon. I don’t mean to keep things from you, and you both know that I love you with all of my heart. But I have baggage. More baggage than I have ever even admitted to myself. My parents were killed in the World Trade Center. They were the most loving people I have ever known, but they were very absorbed in each other. I was the only child of two only children. They only had one child because my dad couldn’t stand to see my mom go through labor and delivery again. He loved her so deeply, but so selfishly. Believe me when I say that I know that I was loved, and they told me so daily. But they were distant from me at the same time. They didn’t hug me or cuddle me, and when I got ready for my senior prom my mom didn’t even help me dress. She and Dad were planning a date night and couldn’t be bothered to even take pictures of my date and I.” She began to pace as she spoke trying to get all of the words out before she fell apart.
Out of the corner of her eye she could see Delaky give a slight nod to her to continue, “Even without the affection that I needed from them, they were still my whole world. I don’t have any other family, and when they died I lost my love for life. I lost my grasp on reality. I fell into such a deep depression that it took me almost five years to get out of it. I was suicidal at times, I was angry and hurt, and I felt so much pain. I went back to school for my degree and became a nurse because I had nightmares about being at ground zero with my parents lying on the ground dying. In my dreams I couldn’t help them because I didn’t know how. I need to help people, and I have found that being a nurse fills a void I have carried since they died. You need a mate that can give you everything she is, and become your support. How can I do that for you without giving up what I need? I’m terrified that I would have to live through that grief again if you were killed in the challenge tomorrow, Devin. I don’t think I could survive it again.”
She met Damon’s eyes first, but couldn’t hold his gaze when she saw the sheen of tears there. Devin’s eyes held sympathy, and
regret, but not pity like she anticipated. She tipped her chin at him daring him to challenge her feelings.
“Caroline, you have been exposed to an unbearable tragedy in your life, but we want to help you get past the grieving, and learn to live again. We both love you with every ounce of our being, and we are committed to doing anything to protect you and show you that we will take care of you.” Devin’s words were laced with pain and frustration.
“Would you pull out of the challenge, Devin? Would you stop this madness if I asked you to? If I told you that I would open myself up to loving you, and give up my old life completely, would you sacrifice your pride for me?” She didn’t beg, and her voice didn’t even carry a hint of the pleading need she felt inside, because she already knew the answer.
“No. I can’t walk away from this challenge, Caroline. My pack is on the line. My family is on the line. Damn it, Caroline, our whole existence is on the line. We love you, but if you don’t love us enough to accept us as we are…then I agree with you that we must stop lying to ourselves about how easy this will all be. We can’t go on pretending and wishing it would change. But you are still our mate, and we won’t let you walk away.” His eyes drifted over Damon’s bite mark that she had left behind, and Damon’s pissed-off expression.
“I wish it were different. I want a family of my own. I want to have children and my career, too. If I were to stay I would be giving up a piece of me, and I’m afraid I will resent you both for it. I have responsibilities in my real life that I must go back to. I have to work because I have to pay the bills that my dead parents left to me. I need to go back to reality and stop living in this fantasy.” She spoke to them as much as to herself, and then she stood and walked to the door. Turning back for one last look at them, she said, “Thank you for making me feel again. Thank you for loving me, but I just don’t think it’s enough.”
She went out the door, and briefly she wondered if the men would follow her. As she reached the tree line she took off running. Tears were streaming down her face as she flew through the brush running faster than she had ever run in her life. She could feel the branches slapping at her face, and the weeds tearing at her ankles as she ran, but she couldn’t stop. She had to get away from the pain, and as far away from the twins as possible.
Just as she broke through the trees to the main cabin, she spotted Liam climbing into an old red pickup truck and he seemed to see her, and instinctively know that something was wrong. He stepped back out of the truck, and reached his arms out to catch her as she collapsed into his arms.
“Caroline? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, trying to check her for injuries, and not finding any, he started to push her behind him protectively, as though someone might be chasing her.
“Please, Liam, I need to go. Please take me back to town,” she pleaded with him, pulling at his arm.
“Okay, ummm… Do I need to get Dev or Damon?” The heartbroken look in her eyes told him that was not the right answer, and he held his hands up in front of him. “Okay, never mind, come on and climb in. I’ll take you to town, princess.” He helped her into the passenger side of the truck and then got back in himself.
As they drove down the road toward town, she asked him if she could borrow his cell phone. He gave it to her and listened quietly as she placed a call.
Caroline took a deep breath as she tried to focus her eyes on the cell phone in her hand. She wanted to go home to her apartment and be alone, but she knew there was no apartment anymore. She called the one person she knew she could. Relief coursed through her as Tina answered on the first ring.
“Caroline! I’m surprised to hear from you! I figured it would be days before those two sexy men let you out of the bed,” Tina answered with a chuckle.
“Tina? Hey, I’m on my way into town, and I need a place to stay for just a bit. Can I come to your place?” Her voice quivered, and she couldn’t stop it.
“What? What happened, Caroline? Where are the twins?” Tina was now alert and aware that Caroline was upset.
“I can’t explain right now. Can I please just come to your place?”
“Of course, come on over. I’ll get out the ice cream, and we can talk.” Caroline was so relieved that she smiled at Tina’s easy acceptance.
“That sounds great. I should be there in the next half an hour. I’m having a friend drop me off. See you soon.” She hung up and turned to Liam.
“Thank you. I know you don’t understand, but thank you for helping me,” she said to him quietly.
“Well, you’re welcome. I will always be there to help you if you need it. Do you want to tell me what happened?” His eyes darted between her and the road in front of him.
“No. I can’t talk about it yet. It hurts too much.” He nodded as if he expected that answer, and they rode silence for a little while. She let her mind go through the last few days and feel all of the pain, and all of the happiness she had experienced in such a short amount of time. Liam fidgeted in the silence, and she turned her attention to him to keep herself from thinking about the twins.
“Liam, why don’t you have a mate?” she asked him, breaking the tense silence, and watching him for his reaction.
He took a huge sigh, and she could see the pain and grief on his face when he started to explain. “I was married about five years ago to a woman that I met at a bar. Roxy was a sexy little number that I took home with me on the first night and married in Vegas a couple of weeks later. We found out quickly that we had mistaken lust for love, but by that point she was pregnant. Wolves are raised to honor our commitments, so I stayed. For three years I tolerated her cheating on me, and humiliating me in front of my friends and family because she had given me the greatest gift ever. My daughter, Daphne.”
“That’s the name on your tattoo! I wondered…” Caroline bit her tongue when she realized she had interrupted his story. With a nod of her head, she urged him to continue.
“Daphne was perfect. She was wolf, but I hadn’t explained it all to Roxy. I came home after a full moon run with the pack one weekend to find my daughter in her crib wearing a dirty diaper and crying her heart out. My wife was passed out in the arms of another man in our bed. I took Daphne with me and filed for divorce and full custody. Unfortunately, the courts tend to favor mothers, and having no proof of Roxy’s infidelity, the judge granted her residential custody. She came to pick her up, and I thought I was going to die. We argued, and Roxy tore out of the driveway with my perfect child in the back seat. That was the last time I saw her alive.” Tears in his eyes, he stared out at the black night, and Caroline knew he was reliving his pain. She put her hand on his arm to comfort him. “They spun out of control on the highway, and the car rolled. Daphne was killed instantly, and Roxy died on the way to the hospital. I died that day, too.”
“I’m so sorry for your pain, Liam. I can’t imagine the grief you must feel for your child. I don’t understand, though? I thought when wolves mated that if one mate dies the other usually dies, too,” she said in confusion. He smiled grimly and gave a sharp, angry laugh.
“I never mated Roxy. I was young and didn’t want to wait around hoping to stumble over my soul mate someday. Roxy never even knew I was a werewolf. I could never bring myself to share that part of me with her. It was convenient that I had to go away for twenty-four-hour shifts at the firehouse regularly. I let her believe I was at work when there was a full moon so that I could join the pack for a run. I hid the most important part of me, because I was afraid she would reject it.” He sounded angry at his youthful fears, but Caroline could understand his reasons. She had hidden so much from Devin and Damon for almost the same reasons and look where it had gotten her.
“Caroline? They love you. You know that, right? They would do anything for you. Do they know where you are?”
“No, but they know I have left. And they know why. Love isn’t always enough, Liam.” She turned back away from him, hoping he would drop the subject.
“I don’t think
you should be alone.”
“I won’t be. Tina will be with me.” Her chin jutted out, and her tone dared him to challenge her.
“Barton Diego doesn’t know you have left the Gray Pack, and he is still looking for you. Please let me call the guys, or at least let me stay with you so that you are protected? You are my Alpha’s mate, and I can’t let anything happen to you. I’ve sworn to protect you,” he pleaded with her.
“Thank you, but that’s not necessary, Liam. I will be fine, and I want you to promise me you will not call the guys. I have left all of that behind me, and chalked it up to a lapse in judgment. I’m going to get my life back on track. Tina will let me stay with her while I look for a new place, and I can go back to work. I need my normal life back.” Her arms were crossed across her chest, and her body language was belligerent now. He shook his head and drove the rest of the way to town in silence.
As Liam pulled into the driveway of Tina’s house, Caroline turned to him. He watched her cautiously, seeing the pain and sadness that swamped her.
“Can you please do me one more favor, Liam?” she whispered with her hand on the truck door handle.
“Anything for you, princess.” He smiled gently at her, hoping it would relax her.
“Can you let me know occasionally that Devin and Damon are okay? I love them so much, but I can’t be with them. I won’t be able to contact them without it hurting, but I need to know that they are okay every now and then.” She was staring off into space at some unknown spot, and Liam clenched his eyes shut.
“Oh fuck, Caroline! What have you done? Please let me call the guys,” he asked as he dropped his forehead down onto his steering wheel. Devin was going to kill him, and then Damon was going to kill him again! She wasn’t just running away for a little bit of space, she was running away for good.