by Blythe Stone
Nat took a deep breath in and held Iris tighter. “Yes, please try not to do that,” Nat said. “I'll take it personal.”
Iris put her hands on Nat’s cheeks and guided her face so that their eyes met.
“I swear. You’ve got me and I’m not going anywhere. I am yours,” Iris declared.
Nat stared for a while and noticed her earnestness. “Kiss me,” she asked.
Iris leaned up and kissed Nat, slow and soft. She was going to cry again if she let herself feel the full weight of her feelings for Nat.
It was a lot for Nat but she wanted it. “How are you feeling,” Nat asked, once she relaxed enough to let Iris speak.
“Better, because of you,” Iris said.
“Are you okay for today? With all that's happened I'm sure Stan will let you out of the screening. Maybe I should fly Olivia up to stay with you.” Nat did not trust Stan or Iris's friends.
“Na, I’d rather be with you. I’d just worry and I also don’t want to let some asshole control my life,” Iris said.
“Yeah but, baby,” Nat breathed. “You haven't been okay.”
“I’m tired of giving in to fear,” Iris said.
“Yeah,” Nat nodded, kissing Iris's forehead.
“You’ll be there and they’ll make sure we have plenty of security. I’m not going to worry about it. You’re a way better use of time and energy,” Iris said.
She rubbed the back of Nat’s neck, massaging little circles down the sides and onto her shoulders, working the muscles she knew well by now.
Nat rolled her eyes, overcome by the pleasure. Iris needed time and space to heal but she wasn't allowing herself that. “I don't like this baby,” Nat said. “You're not dealing with things.”
“I can deal with it after this festival is over and the movie is out. I’m thinking I’ll take time off,” Iris started. She kept massaging Nat’s neck and shoulders and took a deep breath.
“Maybe I’ll just stay with you and go wherever you’re going,” Iris said.
“Mm,” Nat smiled. “Yes please.”
“Then we can be all domestic and cute and everyone will be jealous since you’re so sweet and hot,” Iris teased.
“I just think you need time, after Ellie,” Nat sobered. All of this was connected. Iris had been through a lot of fucked up things and Nat knew if she didn't slow down to heal their entire relationship would race and then brake. The fanciest sports car crashing head on at full speed against a brick wall.
Nat had been in that car before. And in the end the wreckage was terrible. She wasn't the same afterward. And that wasn't just because she'd been left.
“What do you mean? Need time like… apart?” Iris asked.
Her face blanched and a sick look came over Iris’s face.
“Oh God, no,” Nat said, instantly worried. “No, I just mean, you need time away from what you've been through. Time to process it.”
“Okay,” Iris breathed. “That scared me, sorry.” Iris stopped to take another deep breath. “Yeah, I do. I’ve been very busy the last few years. I don’t stop to process,” she said.
“I don't want to leave you,” Nat said, kissing her forehead again and rubbing her arm. “But… I also don't want to be collateral damage. Which I will be. If you keep pushing it off.”
“That’s not going to happen. Is that what you’re afraid of? Me leaving you because I’m messed up?” Iris asked.
“People leave other people to forget other things,” Nat said.
“Or they stay with someone because they know they can never let go,” Iris said.
Nat squeezed her again. “I'm sorry,” Nat said. “I don't want to be naggy. I just… I can see it, ya know? And it scares me because I've been here.”
“But I’m also not anyone else you’ve been with. I know what I’ve got and I’m not going to fuck it up. I’ll deal with things. I promise,” Iris said.
Nat stayed quiet but there were already ways they were apart while together and that scared her.
“I'm sorry,” Nat said. “I don't want to put any pressure on you. You've got enough of that.” The reality was, Iris would get through things in her own time and Nat had absolutely no say or control. Which was driving her nuts and would definitely continue to do so.
“No, that’s not it. I’m just afraid you’ll start to pull away if you think I am. I’m scared of that so I guess all we can do is keep talking and please tell me if something’s wrong,” Iris said.
“We’re talking now, aren't we?”
“We are. I mean in the future if you start feeling like I’m letting my issues get between us,” Iris clarified.
She bit her bottom lip and let out a gentle sigh. Nat scared her when she talked like this.
“I'm sorry,” Nat said again, protectively. “I really didn't mean to stress you out. I'm just worried.”
“It’s fine, baby. Seriously, I’m so glad you said something.” She made Nat look at her. “I love you.”
Nat's heart swelled and the words overwhelmed her a little since she wasn't expecting them. “I love you too, angel.” Nat licked her lips and bit her bottom one pensively. “Too much.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” Iris smiled.
“It's possible,” Nat said.
“I believe you but I still don’t think it’s too much, babe,” Iris said.
“We'll see,” Nat said. Only time could reveal these answers.
“Hey, do you want me to make you breakfast? I looked in the fridge when I couldn’t sleep last night and it’s totally full,” Iris said.
“Oh, now you're hungry?” Nat joked. Last night she was ravenous.
“Nope, but I know you must be and I want to do things for you,” Iris said.
Nat groaned and shut her eyes. “Seriously baby, how are you not hungry? That's insane.”
Nat slapped Iris's ass and felt frustrated.
“Mmmm, I like it when you do that. Maybe I’ll eat if you do it again,” Iris commented.
Nat did it again, this time with even more gusto. “You are going to eat,” Nat said. “See, this is part of what I was talking about.”
“Hmm, how so?” Iris asked.
“This is a symptom,” Nat said. “I dated a psych once, believe me. It's all connected. She was so into trying to figure me out.”
“Okay, then tell me what your analysis is, Dr. Reyes,” Iris sighed.
“My analysis? You need to start eating more and start seeing yourself how I see you,” Nat urged. “You are a strong beautiful woman.”
“I won’t ever see myself like you see me. At least, not totally but I’ll try,” Iris said.
“Well, at least stop thinking half the things you think about yourself.”
"Those things have been there for a long time. I'm not sure how to change that," Iris said.
“All the bad stuff isn’t true,” Nat soothed.
"No but my brain is an idiot sometimes," Iris said. She played with Nat's hair and frowned. "Do you think I should see someone."
“It might be worth it,” Nat said. “But I get that it’s scary.”
"More like uncomfortable," Iris said.
“Babe,” Nat sighed. “You’re not going to feel better about yourself if you keep ignoring this stuff.”
"I'll try," Iris said.
“Good ‘cause you’ll stress me out if you don’t,” Nat said.
"I don't want you to stress," Iris told her.
“I know,” Nat nodded. Nat didn't usually stress about much in her day to day. Iris was changing that though, which was troubling. Nat was beginning to worry way more than she was used to. It was like dealing with Ben and the trial only this was an everyday heightened state of trouble with Iris at work.
“If it’s too much just tell me. I don’t want you to be unhappy,” Iris said.
“I'm not unhappy baby, I'm just worried.”
“It’s going to be okay. I promise,” Iris said.
She kissed Nat’s forehead and closed her
eyes, keeping her lips there for a moment before laying back.
“So, breakfast?” Nat posed.
“Yes, what would you like. I saw things to make pancakes, eggs, some turkey sausage and the fake stuff if you’re into that. Those last two are pretty carb friendly,” Iris said.
“Mmm. All sounds good to me.”
“Then, you get it all,” Iris said.
She frowned and looked up at Nat.
“Except that it requires you removing your naked body from mine and I’m not sure I’m okay with that,” Iris teased.
“Hmm... You're right, that's tricky,” Nat stared.
“Come on,” Iris said.
She shifted her body so she could get off of Nat and then Iris stood up and reached out her hand for Nat’s.
“I promised,” Iris said.
Nat smiled up at her and took her hand.
They went to the kitchen, Iris keeping Nat close all the time, while she got out the milk, eggs, and other ingredients that she was going to need.
“Guess we need to find a pan or two,” Iris commented.
She started looking through the cabinets and frowned when Nat got a little further away to check other areas.
“Hmm,” Nat grumbled. She found a frying pan and put it down on the stove. Then her eyes caught sight of her bag and she walked toward it to put something on over her naked chest.
She found a muscle tank with a hood and pulled some underwear on, smiling at Iris when she caught her staring over at her. “Want some clothes baby?”
“If I must. Yes, please,” Iris said.
She found a few bowls in the cabinets next to the gas stove and started to crack some eggs into them. Iris found it harder to concentrate with Nat out of reach but she focused on the food and started to mix up some pancake batter. It was simple and this much she could do. All of those breakfast weekends with her family made her smile.
The smile got even bigger when Nat returned.
“Come on,” Nat said, raising bunches up fabric over Iris so she would put her arms through the holes. It was a soft lounge dress that only went down to her thighs. Nat made sure to cover her right before kissing her and allowing her to return to the cooking thing.
“Mmm, thank you,” Iris said.
Iris reached out and grabbed Nat’s shirt to pull her closer.
“I don’t like it when you’re not touching me,” Iris said.
“Mmm,” Nat hummed against her. “I guess I better stay close then, hm?”
“Please,” Iris said.
She poured a bit of the batter into the non-stick skillet and watched it for a moment before turning to pull Nat into a kiss. She figured there were about thirty seconds before she needed to look at the pan again and she used every one of them.
Iris was breathless when she broke the kiss and flipped the pancake with the spatula she’d found by the stove.
“You're really good at this,” Nat breathed.
“At what?” Iris lifted the pancake with the spatula and looked around for a plate. “Can you get me something to put this on?” She asked.
“One second,” Nat said, rushing to find a plate. Once she found one she put it down near Iris's hands. “I miss you in the sand,” Nat whispered, touching her hand to Iris's waist. Last week they were relaxing on a beach in the sun. Nat could still taste Iris's cool sunkissed skin.
"We should go back then or to another beach. I like the way you look at me when I'm wearing that black bikini," Iris said.
The vacation was a week of freedom and perfect days. No one bothered them and the memories were worth everything they were going through now.
Iris poured batter for a second pancake and sighed.
“You have no idea how beautiful you are,” Nat breathed.
"Sometimes I feel it when I catch you looking at me without knowing I see you. Your face is so expressive and your eyes tell stories," Iris said.
“Good,” Nat said. “I want you to feel what I feel when I think of you.”
"Hmm, there's a song in there somewhere," Iris mused as she took the second pancake out of the skillet.
By the time she poured batter for the third she was humming a tune and writing lyrics in her mind.
Nat kissed at her neck and hugged her body close.
"How many do you want, baby?" Iris asked.
“I dunno,” Nat breathed. “It's hard to concentrate right now. I'm ravenous.” Nat kept kissing Iris's neck and rubbing her body in different places with her hands.
"I think you're hungry for a lot of things," Iris said.
Iris got the next pancake going and she tried not to melt into a puddle of muck.
“Why can't I stop touching you,” Nat asked, a bit pained.
"Because you're in lust with me?"
Nat growled a little, a low rumble that wouldn't fade. “Lust… love,” she whispered.
"You better eat these fast so we can get back to bed," she said.
“I like when you're bossy,” Nat soothed.
"Do you? I'll make sure to let my inner boss out more often," Iris said. She put a fourth pancake on the plate and then turned to Nat.
"I'll give you these but I am charging you one kiss in payment," Iris said.
She cocked one eyebrow and waited for Nat to pay up.
Nat stared at her lips and cocked her head to the side, surging forward to meet Iris's lips.
Iris made the kiss long and sweet, not wanting to rush. When it ended she was sad but she handed over the pancakes and smiled.
"Thank you for your business. Please come again," Iris said.
Nat hummed a little, staring at Iris’s lips and her body. “It’s kind of impossible to live with you,” she said.
She used one hand to fork the pancakes and take a bite. Iris wasn’t one for eating which meant Nat rushed through a process she would usually dwell in.
"Why's that?" Iris asked.
She turned to make a few more pancakes for herself.
“I get caught up watching and touching you,” Nat said, taking another bite.
"I think that's a good thing," Iris answered.
She finished the two small pancakes but didn't bother with a plate. She ate them plain.
Nat fiddled with Iris’s hair while she ate. “Anything you wanna see out here? I was thinking of crashing the Elizabeth Olsen thing. She said she’d be down.” Nat was usually a social butterfly at these things, going to every screening, bumping into her friends. A lot of them had asked if she was going to the late night promo parties but she’d been sworn to another with very little guilt involved.
"I go where you go," Iris smiled.
“Well, I mean, I know you will but.. Do you want to?” Nat asked.
"Yeah, I’d like to meet her. I'm a fan," Iris smiled
“Okay,” Nat nodded, blushing a little. She could never tell if Iris was really into something or not. If she didn’t go overboard and gush, she couldn’t say.
"Maybe we can go to that Maura Murray documentary too. I didn't see it on the schedule till yesterday and I'm fascinated," Iris said.
“Hell yeah, let’s check the times, see if we can make it.” Their own screening was earlier in the day, which made them lucky.
"I'm up for anything else you want to do. I'm so out of the loop that I don't know what's good," Iris admitted.
“I’ve been kind of out of it too,” Nat laughed. “Not sure why,” she teased.
"You've been distracted," Iris winked.
“Uh. Yeah,” Nat laughed. It was the understatement of the century.
"Do you want anything else? Eggs? Sausage?" Iris asked.
“I’m good baby. I’ll grab something when we go out.” Nat kissed Iris’s shoulder.
"Are you sure? There's nothing I can offer you to eat?" Iris flirted.
They weren't having any more food so Iris began to put it all away.
“Baby,” Nat said, watching her. A number of images ran through Natalie’s mind. The first of which was Iris’s
body laying against the bed only moments before.
"Mmmhmm?" Iris replied.
“What do you think?” Nat flirted back.
Iris walked over to the dining table and hoisted herself up on the edge, pushing the chair in front of her body out of the way. She spread her legs apart and pulled the dress up to her upper thighs.
"I think you should come here," Iris said.
Nat gulped. Like a puppy, she moved close and knelt before Iris with clear intent to worship. Her eyes gazed up. “Yeah?” Nat asked.
"Taste me, Nat," Iris said.
Nat didn’t need anymore instruction but she wanted it. She perched up on her knees and kissed her way in toward Iris’s sex, taking time to taste her sweet inner thighs and dawdle near the space where Iris wanted her. It was always more fun to tease her and tasting Iris’s skin did things to Nat like make her wet at her center and stir the butterflies that resided beneath her chest.
"Fuck, baby… please," Iris begged.
She gripped the edge table while Nat teased her, needing the stability.
Nat leaned in then, spreading Iris’s legs wider with her arms and tasting the sweet wetness that had only grown since the last time they’d touched.
"More," Iris said.
Nat wasn’t sure what Iris meant but she tried harder to please her, pressing her face in closer and sucking at Iris’s sex where the pleasure was most prominent.
"I want you inside," Iris said.
Nat gasped against Iris. She wasn’t sure still but she licked her way down and tasted her with her tongue, dipping inside her sex and trying to see if that’s what Iris wanted. Once she sunk in deep, and felt Iris's tight walls, she moaned.
It never took much for Iris to cum for Nat. She jerked and pushed herself into Nat's face. When she crashed over the edge, she shook and held a hand to the top of Nat's head to indicate she needed to stop.
"Oh my god, Nat. I can't take it," Iris said.
Nat groaned and took an extra beat to back off. “Sorry,” she huffed, kissing Iris's inner thigh once and twice.
"You kill me so quickly," Iris said, and laid back on the table. "Come here, babe."
Nat climbed her way up Iris's body, pushing her hands up her skin as she did.