by Cat Johnson
“Of all the men on this team, you were the last one I expected to . . .”
Jimmy tried to pay attention as the commander laid into him, but his mind kept drifting back to the suite and thoughts of Lia. His little hellcat.
It hadn’t taken her long to lose the attitude and soften toward him. By the morning, she’d been as cuddly as a kitten when he’d woken up beside her.
While the lecture droned on, Jimmy’s mind wandered back to the many times he and Lia had enjoyed that big king-sized bed, and then later the shower.
Mmm. He’d really liked the shower. Her body all soapy. Her hands and mouth all over him. His hands all over her.
Beneath that hot spray of water while they were both slick with soap, she’d even told him to slide in for a little backdoor action.
A tingle ran straight down his spine at the memory. That had been the only time she’d broken his rule and told him what to do, but he hadn’t minded following that order one bit. Not at all.
Jimmy wrestled his attention back to the commander before he embarrassed himself and got a hard-on right there in the office.
The commander stood and started pacing the room while he ranted. That wasn’t a good sign.
“. . . in fact, after last night it would serve you right if I pulled you off this assignment.”
Assignment. Shit. What assignment? Had he missed something during his daydreaming?
The commander had stopped the deluge of words and stood staring at Jimmy, so he decided this was a good time to make amends.
“Yes, sir. I apologize. It will never happen again.”
Groveling out of the way, Jimmy hoped the commander would get back to the assignment and tell him what it was.
The commander scowled at him for another moment, sighed and then sat down behind his desk, which felt like an improvement over the pacing. Things were looking up.
“You’re aware of the target CENTCOM has been tracking in Kosovo?”
Jimmy’s heart pounded. He suddenly had no trouble keeping his tired eyes wide open or his attention completely on the commander’s words. “Yes, sir.”
“We’re ready to move on him. You’re going in deep undercover, Gordon.”
His dream assignment. Deep undercover inside a terrorist’s organization. Holy shit.
“You leave tomorrow. Here’s the dossier. Memorize it then destroy it. Basically, you’re an American who’s been recruited by the target’s organization.”
Jimmy nodded, too excited to even speak.
The commander continued, “Coleman’s been setting your cover up online for months. The team will know what your assignment is, but no one else. Communications will be minimal and only when necessary. You got me? Call your mama to say goodbye, but tell her you’ll be training new recruits overseas for the next few months or so and won’t have time to write or access to a phone. The same story goes for whoever the girl du jour is from last night. Now get out of here.”
“Yes, sir. And thank you.”
The assignment was what he’d been preparing for for years. But along with the excitement, Jimmy felt a tinge of regret deep down.
Lia’s cell phone number was safely folded in his wallet. He’d been toying with the idea of calling her later today.
Who was he kidding? Even if he wasn’t going to be playing with the bad guys in Kosovo for an indeterminate amount of time, he knew what last night had been about.
She was just some spoiled society chick getting her jollies diddling with the help. If anything, he’d been the boy toy du jour more than the other way around.
But she sure would give him plenty to think about on those long, lonely nights to come. For that, he was immensely grateful.
The meeting over, Jimmy was dismissed. Walking, actually nearly sprinting down the hall, Jimmy realized he was whistling.
He couldn’t wait to tell Jack he’d landed the assignment. His brother was going to be so jealous.
CHAPTER 5
Six months later
Jimmy sat—or more accurately lay like an invalid—on his bed.
The same book he’d been trying to read for the last two weeks was open on his lap. He stared at the words on the page but they were just a meaningless jumble.
Why couldn’t he concentrate? It wasn’t like he had anything else to do. Or all that much else to think about.
Downstairs his mama was baking one of her famous pies. The smell wafted temptingly up the staircase to his room. He supposed he could limp downstairs and get some if he really wanted.
Jack was still home on furlough for another few days. Maybe he could sneak outside and see what his brother and his new girl, Nicki, were up to.
His other brother Jared had brought in a new stud stallion he was planning on breeding today. He could perhaps hobble over to the paddock and watch that.
Letting his head fall back against the pillow and roll to one side, he stared at the faded wallpaper he remembered so well from his childhood and decided all those ideas for diversions sounded like too much work.
Sighing, Jimmy considered taking a nap, but he doubted he could fall asleep. A man had to actually do something to get tired enough to sleep in the middle of the day.
Instead he let his mind drift to Lia, like he did so often even if it was the most pointless exercise on earth.
He’d thought about her every day he was in Kosovo. He’d jerked off to visions of her each night. He didn’t even feel like doing that anymore. In fact, he didn’t think he’d had a hard-on since getting home from the military hospital in Germany.
The guards who’d taken him had worked him over pretty damn good before the team had rescued him. There’d been a time he’d wondered if he’d ever see home again. But he had made it home.
His body was healing but it seemed his spirit was a little slower in recovering.
Now that he was here, safe, why didn’t he feel happier about it?
Maybe because there was probably something wrong with his dick too.
Great. Something new to worry about in addition to the bruises, broken bones and enlarged spleen.
He was just considering digging his teen stash of girlie magazines out of the back of his closet to test this new horrifying broken-dick theory when Jack knocked on his door.
“Hey, big brother.” Jack was always so damn cheerful, but then why shouldn’t he be? His dick worked just fine and all signs indicated that he was working it out day and night with Nicki.
“Hey.” Jimmy couldn’t muster a smile to go with the greeting.
Jack frowned. “You doing okay? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m fine. What’s up?” Jimmy wasn’t exactly in the mood for small talk today.
Unperturbed by Jimmy’s short answer, Jack walked over to sit in the chair next to the bed. He shrugged. “Oh, not much, except that I was just talking to the commander.”
“About what?” Jimmy wasn’t sure if talking about the team would be a good diversion or just make him feel worse about being away from it, but he asked anyway.
Jack broke out into a wide grin. “He wants you to come back to base with me when I go in a few days.”
Jimmy sat bolt upright. “Really?”
Jack nodded. “You have to call him though. There’s a doctor sign-off or something you have to get before the big brass will let you back on active duty.”
He’d get a note from his mama, the Surgeon General and the President of the US of A if it meant going back on active duty. “I’ll call him now. Thanks, Jack.”
Jack laughed. “I thought that news would cheer you up. I just hope it makes up for my bad news.”
Jimmy paused as he reached for his cell phone on the night table. He knew it was too good to be true.
He narrowed his eyes at his brother. “What bad news?”
“The governor and that bastard senator who tried to shut down our base a few years back are coming here for sweet tea and pie tomorrow afternoon.”
“What the hell? Why?”<
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His mama was having a senator and the governor over for sweet tea and pie? Was he having a really strange dream? He hadn’t taken any painkillers in months. He couldn’t be hallucinating from them still being in his system.
“You know that organization Jared belongs to? The one that lobbies for the small farmer? Well, the governor and the senator are coming to meet with the organization, along with a shitload of press.”
Great. Nothing Jimmy loved more than the press. “So let Jared deal with them all. He planned this mess.”
“Oh, I plan on it. I’m sending Nicki away for the day too. I don’t want her face in the newspaper right now. And you and I shouldn’t be posing for any photos ourselves. The commander would shit a brick and our undercover days would be over. I figure we can hang out at the barn and watch Jared’s circus from a distance.”
Circus was a good description. From what he knew of the senator, the man was pretty much a clown who’d do anything to get the most people to cheer him on and vote him into office again.
Jimmy would love watching his youngest brother Jared play gentleman farmer for the idiots, as long as he didn’t have to do it with him.
He nodded in agreement with Jack’s plan. “Sounds good.”
But more important than worrying about the big wigs visiting tomorrow was the phone call he had to make to his commander today.
Back on active duty. That was enough to make Jimmy smile.
CHAPTER 6
“So, Staff Sergeant Gordon. You’re here for an evaluation.” The doctor glanced down at the paper in his hand through glasses that hung just on the end of his nose.
When he raised his gaze again, he looked at Jimmy over the top of the frames.
Jimmy hadn’t been referred to by his rank since he’d been recruited out of the Marines for the special task force. They didn’t use ranks on Zeta. It sounded strange hearing his mentioned now, but he supposed it was still accurate so he didn’t correct the man.
“Yes, sir, and call me Jimmy.” He glanced at the nameplate on the desk.
Dr. Marvin Stein, PhD, MD. That was quite a mouthful. Absently, Jimmy wondered what the good doctor’s friends called him for short. Marv, perhaps?
Doctor Marv took a pen from among the many lined up in his breast pocket and scribbled something on a pad of paper. “Okay, Jimmy. Tell me about yourself.”
Jimmy raised a brow.
Much like the stages of grief, he’d gone through many emotions over the last twenty-four hours since the commander had ordered the psych evaluation.
First he’d been elated, followed closely by anger that he didn’t need some doctor’s note to tell him if he was ready to go back to duty. Now, finally, he simply felt acceptance.
Whatever it took to get back on active duty, he’d do. Even put up with Freud here watching him over the top of his granny glasses while taking notes on everything he said and did.
“Um, about me. Okay. I was born in Pigeon Hollow thirty-four years ago on the horse farm that’s been in my mama’s family for three generations. Daddy was a drunk. He took off when I was fifteen, leaving Mama to raise us three boys. I’m the oldest so I helped as much as I could. I was all-state in football in high school—”
The doctor held up his hand. “This is all very interesting, Jimmy. But perhaps we could skip ahead to what happened on your mission and your recovery since then.”
As a doctor, he should be more specific with his questions. Although it was just the local VA hospital, not the Mayo Clinic, so Jimmy didn’t expect much.
“All right. Well, my family doc says I’m pretty much all recovered from the injuries I sustained. My ribs will be sore for a little bit more. Broken ribs seem to take forever to heal. But my spleen is just about back to normal now.”
“I’m not talking about your body, Jimmy, although I’m happy to hear you’re healing nicely. I’m talking about you emotionally.”
Hmm. Muddier waters. “I’m fine there too, doc.”
“Ah.” The doctor nodded and scribbled something else.
Ah? What the hell did ah mean? Jimmy fought the urge to stand up and grab the pad right out of his hand.
“Tell me what you’ve been doing during your time home, Jimmy.”
Wrestling his attention off the yellow paper, Jimmy managed to come up with an answer.
“Um, well I was totally laid up for a few weeks or so. The doc wouldn’t let me move because of the spleen thing. My ankle had been busted too and the house is full of stairs, so it was easier to stay up in my room. Now I get around all right though. The ankle’s practically good as new, though I bet I’ll be able to predict when it’s going to rain from now on.” He laughed at his little joke.
The doctor didn’t.
“And what do you do for fun?” he asked.
How was he going to explain the extremely fun but unauthorized and probably illegal op they’d recently staged under Jack’s command? “Uh, well . . . I, uh, joined my brother and some members of my unit for a night at our old hunting cabin a few weeks back. That was fun. Oh, and my brother got a new girlfriend. She works with the horses at our farm. We all hang out together sometimes.”
His life sounded pretty pitiful now that he thought about it. If it weren’t for Nicki and her mob friends, he’d have nothing at all to talk about.
“I see. What about you? Is there a special woman in your life?”
Besides the girl he’d spent one night having unforgettable sex with six months ago and hadn’t stopped thinking about since? “No. My job isn’t exactly conducive to long-term relationships.”
He could just picture the date-night conversation had he taken Lia out before he left for his mission. Having to tell her he wasn’t a waiter and that he was leaving for a job he couldn’t tell her about for he didn’t know how long.
Oh, and he couldn’t call, write or email for the undetermined duration of it either.
That would have gone over really well. About as well as if he could have told her the truth, that he would be pretending to be a terrorist recruit and if he was exposed they’d torture him before most likely killing him.
Marv nodded and scribbled some more. “Any trouble sleeping since you’ve been home? Nightmares?”
Jimmy shook his head while squinting at the upside-down writing on the pad. “No. Not really.”
During his first few days in the German military hospital, he would wake up in a cold sweat with his heart pounding until he realized he was safe.
That was to be expected, he figured. It wasn’t a bad dream. More like it took a minute to remember he’d been rescued from the real-life nightmare.
The doctor was giving him that probing stare again. “Anything you say here is confidential, Jimmy. So I want you to speak freely.”
Yeah, sure. So the doc could tell the commander not to put him back on active duty? No way.
As Jimmy considered that, his new pal Marv continued, “I’m going to be honest with you. You’re incredibly well adjusted considering what you’ve been through. I feel going back on active duty is the best thing for you at this point. I made that determination based upon the fact that the only thing you’ve shown any excitement over in this interview was the night you spent with the men from your unit.”
It had been one hell of a night, but more importantly, this guy was going to let him get back to work. His heart rate kicked into high gear at the thought.
“However, I also think there are things you’re not telling me. I really do want to help you. So . . .” The doctor took a white piece of paper out of his drawer, scribbled some more and then slid it across the desk.
“That is my recommendation you be put on active duty immediately. It’s yours to give to your commander. Take it and put it away, then tell me what you’re holding back.”
“Thanks, doc.” Jimmy took the paper, but still hesitated spilling his guts to this man. What good would it do? He just wanted to take his paper and go.
The doctor filled the silence.
“Do you know why your commander sent you to me in particular and not to any of the other doctors here?”
Jimmy shook his head. “I guess I didn’t think about it.”
“I was a POW in Nam.”
“Wow. I didn’t know.” Jimmy saw the man with new respect.
Dr. Stein waited expectantly. What was it about silence that made a person want to fill it?
Jimmy shrugged. “I don’t know what kind of revelation you’re looking for here, doc. There’s really nothing to tell.”
“Isn’t there?”
Jimmy thought his lying skills had been honed pretty well, but good old Marv obviously saw right through him.
Actually, maybe he wasn’t all that great at lying. He’d apparently somehow messed up in Kosovo too and blown his cover. Maybe he needed some more training in the deception department.
He let out a deep sigh. “It’s just that I don’t seem to have much interest in anything anymore. I feel . . . Well that’s just it. I don’t feel anything at all. Not angry, not happy, not excited—except for that one time with my brother and teammates. I’m not even, um, horny.”
The doc nodded but thankfully didn’t reach for his notebook again. Jimmy was very happy he wasn’t taking notes on any of that, particularly the last part.
“It sounds to me like depression, which is not surprising. You’ve been an operative so long it’s become your identity. Being forced to sit on the sidelines has left you without purpose. The lack of sexual interest is typical of depression. I think all of the symptoms will pass when you get back to the base.” He smiled. “In fact, you perked up the minute I gave you that paper. But if it doesn’t get better, call me and I’ll prescribe something for you.”
Relief flooded through him. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to admit his fears to a stranger, someone he hadn’t grown up with and who wouldn’t judge him, try to cheer him up or reason away his feelings.
Jimmy stood and extended his arm to shake hands with the doctor. “That’s great to hear, doc. I feel better already.”