by Lilly Wilder
“Don’t worry, we’re Slayers, right? We’re made to kill them,” she turned and called towards me, but then the shadows moved and a feral vampire leaped out of the darkness with its fangs and claws bared. Julia shrieked as she turned and saw it. She raised her hands and stabbed wildly with her stake, but she only hit air. The vampire hissed and writhed, swiping at her flailing arms and it was only pure chance that she didn’t fall victim to its attacks. I ran forward, the wooden boards creaking under my feet, and threw myself through the air. The vampire turned to face me but I ducked under its claws and jabbed my stake up into its heart. There was a momentary look of panic on its face before it turned to dust.
Julia was panting.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? You could have been killed on your first night! This isn’t a game Julia. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing. I’m not going to go back to Arthur and tell him that you died during the first night. And these are feral vampires. What hope do you have when we eventually go up against the masters? This isn’t Angel Academy. You don’t have the run of the school and nobody out here is going to bend to your will like they do at school. You’re not in control here and you can’t just treat everything like it doesn’t matter, because if you make a mistake out here then you’re dead.”
Julia was on her knees, still trembling. Part of me hated being harsh with her when she had just been through something traumatic, but another part of me figured it was the only way she was going to learn. She had to know how serious this was. She looked up at me and I think she understood that while we were out of the academy I was the one in control. I was the one who knew what she was doing, and I had just saved Julia’s life.
“I would have died if it wasn’t for you,” she said meekly. I held out my hand and helped her up, after glancing around to make sure there weren’t any other vampires lurking nearby.
“We all have to learn at some point,” I said. “This is a dangerous world. The academy is easy. Out here…one mistake can end everything. I’ve come close a few times myself.”
“You made it look so easy.”
“I’ve just been at this longer than you have. It’s something you’ll pick up as we go along. You’ll get the hang of it, and when you’re ready we’ll be able to take on the masters. It’s rare for two Slayers to be in such close proximity as us, so we have something of an advantage. I’ve been trying to think of a way to coax them out, but it wasn’t possible with just me. With two of us we might be able to set a trap.”
“I hate to think there’s something worse than them,” she shuddered.
“They’re just feral. They’re dangerous, but they don’t plan ahead. They just live by instinct. We need to get to the ones who are behind all this, if we have any hope of stopping the spread of vampires.”
“Do you think they can be stopped?”
“I’m assuming so. It might take some time, but that’s why we’re here after all, isn’t it? What’s the point of Slayers if vampires can’t be brought under control?”
“I just mean, like…Mom always told me that there should be balance in the world and I think she might have been talking about Slayers and vampires. If what she said was true and that balance has been there ever since the beginning, maybe it’s never going to be possible to end things. To be honest, the way she spoke about things she never even made being a vampire sound that bad…”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, looking at Julia incredulously. We had moved outside again and were by the docks. The water at the edge of the city undulated like black glass. The moon reflected off it, and in the distance thin grey clouds floated across the horizon. Our footsteps echoed against the stone ground.
“Well, if you think about it, it’s not really the end of the world is it. Not if you’re a proper vampire I mean, not one of those…things,” she screwed up her face in disgust.
“You mean apart from losing your soul and having to feed on people to survive?”
“Do you really lose your soul though? What is a soul anyway? Are you any different now that you’re a Slayer? Maybe it’s the same thing. But you get to live forever, that seems like it would be worth a lot to me.”
“I don’t know, I think it might get a little boring.”
“If our parents were vampires they wouldn’t have had to die…” Julia said in a quiet voice. I was quiet too. I didn’t want to think about what she was saying, because I was afraid it would make too much sense. It was easier for me to believe that vampires were evil and humans were good. That’s what Arthur had taught me. That was the battle that had raged through the centuries, and that was the fight I was going to fight.
“Come on,” I said, “let’s see you have another go, and this time be careful and do exactly what I tell you.”
We tracked another vampire. This time Julia was more cautious. I told her exactly what to do before the fight and, aside from a few missteps, she managed to kill her first vampire. We gave each other a high five and she thanked me for helping her out. We didn’t talk about the ramifications of vampirism or theories about the origins of the Slayers. It made my head hurt. But I considered the night to be a success and when we departed she actually thanked me. Julia! I never thought I’d see humility from her.
*
“So, how was your first night of training?” Arthur asked after Julia had left. She looked with derision at the books he had prepared for her. I had had to read the same things, and I was amused that she had to go through them as well. I exhaled deeply when she left and tension released from my body.
“It was okay for the most part. She was trouble at first, but when she almost died she started to see things my way.”
“Sometimes it takes a shock to the system for people to gain clarity. Was she alright after that?”
“Yes, she was,” I said. “She did say a few things that I found surprising though.”
“Oh?” Arthur asked with an inquiring gaze. I told him about her opinions about vampires and the stories her mother had told her. Arthur furrowed his brow. “This is rather troubling.”
“Is it?”
“Of course,” he flashed his eyes towards me, and I could see the whites of them. “The lure of vampirism does take hold of some people and they become blinded by the evil. It’s all too easy to let ourselves be fooled into thinking that they’re not evil, but they are, and we must remain vigilant. This…this myth is something I have heard before. It’s a story misguided people tell themselves to try and understand the world better. It’s a dangerous way of thinking and you must remain vigilant. Keep a close eye on her. We cannot let a Slayer turn to their side. The consequences would be disastrous.”
“I don’t think she’s thinking anything like that,” I said. “But what would you have me do if she does end up sympathizing with the enemy?”
Arthur’s shoulders sagged and he looked as though he had aged a hundred years in a matter of moments. “She must be stopped,” he said simply, but I felt the ominous nature of his words, and I wondered how many other Slayers had gone down that path, and how many had been stopped. It suddenly made me wonder about my own position as a Slayer and how I could be under threat too. I thought back to that conversation I had overheard and wondered if the council had ever thought about stopping me, or what it would take for them to try. Tension ran through my body and I didn’t know what else to think. Was there always a danger of new Slayers walking down the wrong path?
“Have you had any more dreams lately?” Arthur asked, as if the thought had just occurred to him.
“No, I haven’t,” I replied. I was telling the truth, but at this point I wasn’t sure I would tell him, even if I had. I thought I had gotten the message I needed from my mysterious ancestor, but was sure that there was something else my aunt hadn’t told me. I hadn’t had any other dreams from her though and the longer she was silent the more I wondered if that one single dream had just been a product of my own mind rather
than an echo of a memory.
Chapter Fourteen
I returned to the Academy on Monday with excitement. I couldn’t wait to see Josh and the others again. I got there early to try and catch them between breakfast and the start of classes. But it wasn’t them who I saw first; it was Julia, who was flanked by the usual suspects. We passed each other and exchanged a knowing glance, although breath caught in my throat because I wondered if she was going to go against her word and reveal our secrets to her friends. Angelica looked at me with a scornful expression and sneered. She made a comment as we passed, but before I could bite back with an insult of my own Julia interceded.
“Leave her Angelica. She’s off limits now,” Julia said. Angelica’s face reddened as if she couldn’t believe it, but she obeyed Julia’s wishes without question. I assumed it was thanks for saving Julia’s life and I was glad to see that finally something had changed. Given everything that had happened with the boys on Friday I had the feeling that things were changing for the better and I couldn’t wait for the rest of my life to begin. I hadn’t been convinced of the advantages of the academy during my first couple of weeks, but I was beginning to adjust to the life and it was getting better at every moment.
I searched the dining hall for signs of the boys, but I didn’t catch sight of any of them. I thought about going to the dorms but then I saw what I thought was Josh near the entrance. I went back that way and saw him coming out of Mrs. Thorpe’s office. I ran up to him with an excited smile on my face. We were near the entrance of the academy and the sun shone outside. People were coming back from the weekend so there were cars moving outside the entrance, some of them driving off rather abruptly, as parents seemed eager to get away from their children.
I tugged at Josh’s arm, feeling as though flinging my arms around him in an emphatic embrace was a little too much for so early in the morning. When he turned to face me, I knew that something was wrong. His heart was stone and his eyes had lost some of their light. He looked as though he hadn’t slept since I’d last seen him. He was so weak and vulnerable.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He went to turn away without saying anything, I had no idea why. I pulled him back. “Josh, talk to me.”
“I’m sorry Elsa,” he said in a rasp, “but I can’t.”
“What? Why not? What about Friday?”
“That was…that was a mistake. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have done that. We all got a little carried away I think. It’s not right. I wish things could be different but they aren’t.”
His words stabbed me, each one was like a dagger in my heart. “What are you talking about?” I asked in disbelief. “We all enjoyed it. You can’t mean this. What do the others think?”
“They feel the same. It’s…it’s not us Elsa, and it’s not you either it’s just that some things can’t happen. I see that now and I’m sorry that we let it get this far.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It seemed as though it wasn’t really Josh speaking at all, as though someone else was speaking through him, but I didn’t know if that was just my own wishful thinking or not. The world seemed to shimmer and lurch around me. I felt as though I was going to lose my balance.
“I think it’s better that we stop seeing each other. All of us,” he added. That broke my soul. Everything was being ripped away from me and I couldn’t stop any of it. My mind was frantic, trying to figure out what had gone wrong, but I just couldn’t think of any of it. My eyes darted from side to side and I tried to make sense of it all, but I just couldn’t. The boys were the only thing that made this place palatable and without them I was back to being the lonely unwanted girl from the orphanage. Was I never meant to be happy? How was I going to continue the Slayer bloodline if I couldn’t even fall in love right?
Adam warned me about this as well. He said that he had hurt someone in the past and now I had been hurt too. I wanted to get out of there. I needed fresh air. There were so many things I wanted to say to Josh. I wanted to scream, and shout, and rant, and tear out my hair, but everything was jumbled and my lips felt locked together. There was a lump in my throat and a sick twisting in my stomach. I staggered away from him and my name on his lips became a whisper. I went towards the light. My mind was hazy and dazed. All I could think was about how good I had felt with them, and how I would never feel that way again.
I stepped out of the entrance and was blinded by the sun. I was so lost in my own fractured soul that I didn’t hear the roar of an engine or feel the tremor of the car that wanted to speed away. I looked around, panicked but it was too late. Even my superior Slayer agility wasn’t quick enough to save me.
But Josh was.
He leapt out at me and dragged me away. The car swerved. Tires screeched. It narrowly missed me and the horn blared. Gravel crunched loudly as it sped away past the fountain and disappeared into the distance. Breath rushed out of me as I looked down to check myself for injuries, surprised that I was unharmed. I heard Josh wince beside me. At first I assumed he had been wounded by the car, but that didn’t make any sense because he hadn’t been anywhere near it. The only way the car could have hurt him was if it had rammed through me first. But Josh cried out in pain and he was almost smoldering. I reached out for him, not understanding how he was in such anguish. He had turned away, but as I moved around I saw that his face was mottled, scarred, and withered. I shook my head, astonished and distraught, because I had seen these types of wounds before. It couldn’t be true, but as thoughts rampaged through my mind I realized that they must have been. It made sense now why Adam had the curtains drawn in his room and why he only liked going out at night. Josh didn’t like going to the gardens because of his allergies, it was because of something else entirely.
It was because they were vampires.
I took one look at Josh’s wounds and tore myself away from him. I sprinted in the opposite direction, not caring about classes or anything else. The last thing I heard was him calling after me, but he didn’t chase me. He couldn’t. He had to get back to the shadows, back where he belonged.
*
I ran until I could run no longer. I ran until I was out of breath and my limbs were on fire. Nothing made any sense anymore. My world had been destroyed and I didn’t know how to cope. All this time I had been falling in love with vampires and I hadn’t even realized it. I should have, especially given how in the dream the faces of the vampires had been replaced with those of my boys, but I thought it was all just a metaphor. I worried that they were the masters, that I would have to kill them. I felt like throwing up and I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell Arthur about this, or Julia. Were there more vampires at the academy? So many questions ran through my mind, but the heart of the matter was that I didn’t think I could kill the boys. I didn’t know if I had it in me and yet I knew I would have to because that was my duty as a Slayer.
I was so frustrated because I felt that finally I had something in my life that wasn’t touched by the fact that I was a Slayer, yet when it had come down to it, it bled into every area of my life. I wondered if I would ever be happy. I didn’t know how I was going to go back to the academy after this and I ended up wandering around for hours. I watched the sun set and I was completely lost in my own mind. I would usually have gone to Arthur for guidance, but I was worried that cavorting with vampires would go against the Slayer code and I would be targeted for termination by the council. I didn’t even feel like going on patrol for vampires. I didn’t want to do anything other than sort out the mess in my own mind.
I wandered the streets aimlessly, walking like a vagrant, with no purpose and no direction. I almost bumped into people as I staggered through the streets and once the shadows had set I felt more like I was at home. The air was cool and the streets became emptier. I wanted to feel as though I was the only person in the world. It was easier being alone. You didn’t have to worry about anyone hurting you, and I started to regress to the girl I used to be, the one w
ho pushed everyone away without a second thought. My heart dried up into a cold stone and I vowed I would never let myself get carried away with my emotions again.
After walking for, I don’t know how long, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around, ready to fight. But my fists dropped when I saw it was Josh. His wounds had healed. I tensed and looked around to see if there were any other vampires with him but he was alone. He held up his hands and looked apologetic. I was tempted to walk away but as soon as I saw him again my heart melted and I felt a tug at my emotions. It was difficult to stuff emotions back into a heart, once they had been released.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to explain about what happened earlier.”
“I don’t need your explanations. What are you going to tell me, that it’s allergies again?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, letting his head dip. “It made sense at the time. I needed to tell you something, and I thought you’d never believed the truth. But when you saw me today…you know, don’t you?”
“That you’re a vampire?”
He seemed visibly relieved when I mentioned the word. “I’m sorry for not telling you. I’m sure you can understand why. It’s how I tracked you here. You covered a lot of distance today.”
“You put yourself at risk when you saved me,” I said, thinking about how he thrust himself into the light without any hesitation, to pull me out of the way of the moving car. Despite everything else I at least owed him my gratitude for that.
“I couldn’t let any harm come to you. I care for you, deeply.”
“That’s not what you said earlier,” I snapped. Part of me was relieved to see him, but another part of me was still angry and just wanted to have a go at him for hiding this from me. He looked shocked at the vehemence of my words and actually seemed wounded.