by Nina Milne
Without releasing her hand Ethan manoeuvred the door open and tugged her straight across the lounge area.
Ruby disengaged her grasp to scramble up the ladder and into the bedroom. Now the reassurance of his touch had gone a sudden shyness threatened, caused her to circumnavigate the bed and approach the window.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention as she sensed his presence behind her, and then his warmth enveloped her. His hands rested on her shoulders and began to knead gently. Tension ebbed away as she gazed out at the garden, where moonbeams danced on the birches and skittered in gleams on the duvet of snow.
Ethan swept her hair from her nape and she gasped as his lips grazed the sensitive flesh. An urge to see him overcame her, and as if he instinctively knew he stepped back and gently turned her to face him.
‘So beautiful...’ he murmured, one thick finger stroking her cheek.
His grey-blue eyes shone in the moon’s illumination, the light played on the planes of his face and emphasised their strength. Her heart melted and ached and she reached up for him, greedy for the devastation of his kiss.
It was a kiss that seemed to take up from where they’d left off—only this time with the knowledge that there was more to come. There was no need to think or analyse or worry, and that added a sharp edge to a desire that dizzied her. Propelled by instinct, she gripped his shoulders and Ethan lifted her effortlessly, so her legs wrapped his waist and his hands cupped her bottom.
He carried her to the bed, their lips still locked, and Ruby moaned as he slid her down the hard length of his body before tumbling her onto the mattress.
* * *
Hours later Ruby opened her eyes, aware of an immense contentment that swathed her limbs in languorous satisfaction. For a long moment she lay and gazed up at the ceiling, cocooned under the weight of Ethan’s arm, his dark brown head next to hers. A gentle shift and she could study his face, bathed in the streaks of dawn that slid through the slats of the shutters. Softer in sleep, yet still his features held a tautness—as if even in slumber he were loath to relinquish complete control.
A qualm tugged at her heart as it hopped, skipped and jumped. But there was nothing to worry about—she had decided that she wanted to grasp this opportunity, to live in the moment and just be herself. Because with Ethan that was who she could be—she’d shared her past and she’d shared her future. Now she wanted this time with him to explore their attraction.
Though somehow the theory no longer seemed so simple. Certain flaws had popped into her mind. These past hours had shown her an attraction that flamed with a heat she hadn’t envisaged. But the fire would burn itself out. Though when fires burnt themselves out didn’t they often leave a whole lot of collateral damage...?
His eyes opened and instantly focused—barely a fraction of a second between oblivion and awareness.
And she doused every qualm as his smile warmed her. She was being daft. They only had a day and a night left. Then it would be over. So what was the point of worry? It was not as if she had any intention of calling a halt to proceedings. Of not experiencing the wonder of the previous hours again...not falling asleep in the safe cocoon of his arms—the idea was unthinkable.
‘Ruby? You okay?’
‘Of course I am.’
Of course she was. Jeez. She really needed to work on her live-in-the-moment technique. The whole point was to enjoy each and every moment of the next twenty-four hours.
Twenty-four hours. Tick-tock went a metaphorical clock.
Concern lit his eyes and she summoned a smile. ‘Just hungry. Guess it’s time to eat. Not that I have a single regret for missing that Michelin-starred Christmas dinner.’
‘Me neither. Our evening was spent in far more enjoyable ways. But now you mention it I am pretty hungry. I think we need to build up our strength,’ he added with a wiggle of his eyebrows that made a giggle bubble up to the surface.
‘And why would that be, Mr Caversham?’
Leaning over, he nuzzled her ear. ‘In fact, perhaps I could muster up my last reserves of energy right now...’
‘Hmm...’ Desire sizzled through her with intoxicating speed—perhaps enjoying each and every moment would be a cinch after all.
* * *
An hour later he grinned lazily at her. ‘Now would be a good time for breakfast.’
‘How about I whip us up a brunch fondue?’
‘Sounds perfect. I’ll check our Boxing Day itinerary.’
‘Okay. And thank you for a magical Christmas Day—the planned bits and the...the...’ Her cheeks heated up.
‘Impromptu night-time activities?’ he supplied, with a wicked smile that curled her toes.
The morning hours swept by and she could almost see the magical motes of happiness fleck the air. Magic infused them both—brought laughter and warmth, enabled Ethan to dance round the kitchen disco-style whilst she sang along into a wooden spoon in lieu of a microphone.
Even the fondue worked—the mixture of Emmental, Gruyère and Comté provided a tang that burst onto their tastebuds, and the consistency of the bubbling cheese and wine was neither too thick nor too thin. Perfect for dunking cubes of baguette.
‘Ruby, that was awesome. I am truly replete. Why don’t you relax by the fire and I’ll wash up?’
‘You wash. I’ll dry. You did help cook.’
‘That’s a generous interpretation of grating cheese.’
‘You did an excellent job of stirring as well.’
Ruby looked over her shoulder as she carried their plates towards the kitchen area and glanced at the clock. A sudden sense of panic touched her. Tick-tock.
Stop it, Ruby.
This was an interlude—it couldn’t go on for ever and she wouldn’t want it to. Work was way too important, along with her goals and her future life. A future in which Ethan would only feature in a professional sense.
‘Anyway, we’d best get this cleared up quick—the carriage will be back to take us into town for the Boxing Day market, followed by a mountain ascent.’
‘Sounds brilliant.’
Maybe Ethan was right—the key was to keep moving, garner the maximum number of precious memories from this time capsule.
The hustle and bustle of the town square soothed her. It was littered with stalls, and the air was alight with chatter, wafting with a cluster of glorious scents. As she stood and inhaled the tang of gingerbread, the scent of the pine so evocative of the Christmas Day just gone, her qualms faded away along with the concern they had created.
This was all about a magical interlude and for once she was in control. There was no question of delusions or false dreams or hopes. This fling had been her idea, entered into with the knowledge that Ethan wouldn’t change, and she was good with that.
She opened her eyes to find Ethan’s grey-blue eyes fixed on her and she smiled at him, drank in the craggy features, the breadth of his shoulders, his aura of strength. Desire lodged deep in the hollow of her tummy—this freaking gorgeous man was hers. For now... And that was enough. For now she would live in the moment.
‘This is such a wonderful place,’ she said. ‘I’d come on holiday for the market alone.’
The fresh produce was enough to make her tastebuds explode in anticipation. Cheeses abounded, bowls heaped with olives glistened, dried meats and saucissons hung in tempting displays.
‘Shall I buy ingredients for dinner tonight?’ she asked, the words so deliciously intimate. The idea of the evening ahead enticed her: cosy in the chalet, preparing dinner, a glass of wine, music in the background, smooth conversation, the exchange of a kiss here and there...
Purchases made, she espied the Christmas stalls, still piled high with festive adornments. Wooden gifts, bright wrapping paper, carved toys and gaudy sweets. Simple carved Christmas decorations, eac
h one chunky and unique. One of the reindeer looked back at her, its antlers glistening in the afternoon sun.
Surprise laced her as Ethan picked it up and studied it. Then he nodded at the stallholder. ‘I’ll take one of each.’
‘What are you doing? We did Christmas already. Anyway, I thought you weren’t into decorations.’
‘They’re for you. To keep for your perfect Christmas. I know it’ll happen for you.’
Tears prickled the back of her eyes. ‘Thank you.’
A vision strobed in her mind. But it was wrong... Because there was Ethan, standing by a Christmas tree as he helped a small brown-haired boy hang the decorations. Around the other side of a tree a slightly older dark-haired girl was being helped by a teenager to thread a garland of tinsel.
Squeezing her nails into the palms of her hands, she erased the imaginary scene and shoved it firmly into her brain’s ‘Deleted’ file. Time to concentrate on the moment, on the here and now. On the imposing grandeur of Mont Blanc as it towered over the town...on the fact that she was about to ascend a high mountain peak with this gorgeous man.
The stallholder handed her the bag and she smiled. ‘They are perfect. Now, we had better get going—before we miss the ascent.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ETHAN STRODE DOWN the street, an unfamiliar warmth heating his chest. It was as if this bubble of time theory had freed him to...to what? To feel? A soupçon of worry trickled through the fuzzy feel-good haze. Feelings netted nothing but pain and loss.
Chill.
Once they got on that plane in less than twenty-four hours everything would snap back to normal. Work would become paramount and all these strange feelings would dissipate.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
‘I’m good.’
Without thought he took her hand in his and they made their way towards the ticket office. Picked up their tickets and joined the press of people in the gondola. When was the last time he had held someone’s hand? Not since childhood, when he’d teetered along holding Tanya’s hand.
The concept was strange, and for a moment he stared down at their clasped hands before releasing Ruby’s hand under the pretence of losing his balance. The motion was abrupt, and it left him with a strange sense of bereavement as he fixed his eyes on the view as they ascended the steep elevation.
Ruby too was silent, until they disembarked at very top, when she halted, her lips parted in a gasp that denoted sheer wonder. Ethan stared too. The incredible vista was one that emptied the lungs and constricted the throat. Panoramic didn’t cover it.
They walked slowly across the terrace and Ruby hesitated as she approached the rail.
‘You okay?’ he asked. ‘The altitude could be making you dizzy.’
‘I do feel a little light-headed, but I think that’s because I am awestruck.’
‘Ditto.’
The snow-covered expanse stretched and stretched; the sky surrounded them in a cerulean blue cloak.
Ruby gestured towards the now far-distant town that looked as if it might be made from building bricks. ‘Wow! Being up here, encompassed by Nature’s might—it puts things into perspective. We are here for such a minuscule slice of time compared to this universality. It makes me feel insignificant.’
‘You could never be insignificant.’
Not this woman, with her determination, courage and her capacity to give.
She tugged her hat further down her head and he stepped closer to her to share his body warmth; the icy temperature permeated their thick padded layers.
‘That’s kind, Ethan, but it’s not true. One day I hope I will be significant—help turn someone’s life around. But until then...’
‘No.’ The idea that she believed herself insignificant did not sit well with him. ‘You have already touched so many people’s lives. Look at what you did for your brother and sisters.’
She shook her head. ‘I did my best, but you know the saying—the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If I’d been stronger I wouldn’t have shielded my parents for so long. I believed what they said—believed they would turn their lives around for us. So I lied, I pretended, but I was a fool. There were times when there wasn’t enough food, when we slept in squalor—parties when things could have gone so horribly wrong. If I’d spoken up Tom, Edie and Philippa would have had a better start in life. I let them down.’
‘No!’ The syllable was torn from him. ‘You didn’t let anyone down. You gave Tom and Edie and Philippa the right start in life, you kept them safe and you gave them love. I promise you, hand on heart, that you gave each one of them something incredibly precious. Something every baby and every child deserves. Your parents let you all down. The system let you down. You didn’t let anyone down. This I know.’
‘Thank you.’ The words were polite, but she turned away as she spoke them to survey the vast expanse and he knew she had dismissed his words as so much bunkum.
‘Why don’t you ask them?’
That caught her attention and she twisted to face him, her breath white in the crisp cold air.
‘I’m sure you would be able to trace them.’
‘I won’t do that.’ Her chin tilted in a stubborn determination that spoke of a decision made.
‘Why not? I understand the decision you made back then. But now... Now surely it would be good for you all to reconnect?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to rock their boat. You should understand that. They are young adults now, and they have their own lives to lead. The last thing I want to do is complicate those lives. That’s partly why I changed my name years ago—a clean break, a fresh start.’
‘It sounds like there was a deep bond between you. I think they would want to hear from you.’
A sigh puffed from her lips and stricken eyes met his. ‘They have each other and their adoptive parents. They don’t need me.’
Ethan frowned, hearing the stubborn lilt to her voice. ‘It’s not about need, Ruby. Maybe they’d like to hear from you. Maybe they want to know what happened to you.’
He knew that if he could turn back time and somehow spend even five more minutes with Tanya he would move heaven and earth to do so.
His body tensed as Ruby turned again, rested her arms on the railing and stared out into the cold vastness of unforgiving beauty.
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that.’
‘How?’
‘What if I try and contact them and they say thanks, but no thanks? I’ve already lost them once and...’ She gestured over the terrace rail. ‘It was like plummeting into that chasm. I’m out of the pit now and I’ve got my life together. I can’t face the prospect of falling back in.’
Her voice was small and lost and compassion touched him. ‘It’s okay to be scared. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the risk.’
‘That’s easy for you to say. You’re never scared, and risk is your middle name. Given half a chance you’d leap off here and ski down the mountain.’
‘That’s different. That’s about physical fear—it helps create a buzz; it’s a good feeling. The fear of contact with your brother and sisters not working out is an emotional one, and it takes far more courage to overcome that then it does to climb a mountain.’
‘But you don’t have any emotional fears either.’
That was because he didn’t let himself feel any emotion that he couldn’t control. ‘This isn’t about me. This is about you. And I believe you should do this. Otherwise you’re letting your fear conquer something that could make an enormous difference to your life and theirs.’
Her eyes shot anger at him—a dark blue laser. ‘It’s not your decision to make. All due respect, Ethan, but you don’t know how this feels.’
‘No, I don’t. But...’
His turn
now to look away, to absorb the vast chill of white that would remain there long after he and Ruby had returned to normality.
‘But what?’
The exasperation had left her tone and she shifted closer to him, placed a hand on his forearm. Her touch brought a soothing heat and somehow gave him the incentive to step into the chasm. To help Ruby make the decision he felt to be right.
‘But I do know what it feels like to lose a sibling. I had a sister.’ His voice cracked—the word was rusty with disuse. ‘An older sister. Tanya. She died, and I would do pretty much anything to have the chance to see her again. So I am telling you, Ruby. Contact them. You have the chance of a future that has them in it. Take that chance.’
Her body stilled next to him and then she let out an exhalation of shock as her grip tightened on his arm. ‘I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say or do, but I am so very sorry.’
She closed the gap between them completely, so that her body pressed against his, and he took comfort from her closeness. For a long moment they stared out at the view, and then he heard her intake of breath.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.
Did he? Disbelief rippled in his gut at the fact he was even considering the hitherto impossible. But he was. Because he knew that once they left the Alps there would be no more of this. It was too emotional; too many layers were being unravelled and he couldn’t risk his emotions escalating out of control.
But here and now the temptation to share his memories of Tanya nigh overwhelmed him, and images of his beautiful gentle sister streamed in his mind. He realised that he wanted Ruby to ‘know’ Tanya—to ‘see’ the sister he missed so much. Ruby had told him that talking about Tom, Edie and Philippa had reminded her of the good memories. Maybe Tanya deserved that—to be remembered.
His voice caught as he nodded his head. ‘I think I do. But not here. Let’s go back to the chalet.’
* * *
As they entered the chalet Ruby fought down the urge to throw herself onto his chest, wrap her arms around him and just hold him. Though...why not? For the next few hours at least she could be herself, could show feelings and emotions, and right now the desire to offer comfort overrode all else. But she knew that this was unmapped territory for both of them.