by KL Donn
“My name coming from your sweet lips in that husky voice.” I blink, completely flustered. “Your address, don’t forget.” There’s yelling in the background, and before I can say anything, he tells me, “Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, blue eyes.”
I gaze at my phone as I hear the click. Doing as he asked, I send my address. I guess I’ll have to tell him in person.
Lovely.
I never got the chance to date as a teenager. Richard didn’t allow me to, and Mom just shrugged her shoulders and let him have his way. I wasn’t Miss Popular at school, so boys weren’t beating down my door, anyway.
I never felt like I missed much, though.
Until that night.
Then I wished I had dated a thousand boys because it wouldn’t have had such an impact. He wouldn’t have stolen the one thing I had been saving for my future husband. The purity I wanted to share with the one man in the world who would flood me with emotions so intense that I wouldn’t be able to help but fall in love with him.
Unfortunately, I was a silly, stupid girl that believed in fairytales and happily ever after. And now, the choice is no longer mine. How am I supposed to give myself to a man knowing how dirty I am? Why should he accept me?
Chapter 3
Thea
Staring at the water-logged ceiling of my apartment, I realize it’s oddly quiet for a Saturday night. Usually, there’s a party on someone’s floor that can be heard throughout the entire building. Tonight, though, it’s like they know I need the silence to contemplate what I’m going to do when Kol shows up.
I can’t go out with him. I can’t be anything more to him than the girl who disappeared. He has no idea just how fucked up my life is, how broken and filthy I am.
Kol is a man who deserves a woman who can be strong for him. A woman who’s capable of love. Who can touch him freely and not break down into a full panic attack because he kissed her cheek.
I’m not the type you bring home to your family, that you build a life with.
I was…once upon a time.
But not any longer.
Now, I only hope to survive one day to the next. Remain in the shadows where no one from my past can find me. The insufferable pain I live with, the memories, they haunt me. They hold me in a fiery grip of absolute desolation that I don’t believe will ever let go.
Moving on isn’t on the horizon for me…
Rolling to my side, I angrily wipe away the tears that break free. A renewed hate for my mom and Richard digs in as I think of all that I’m missing. Of all that Kol is going to suffer because of me. Ember’s pain when she finds out I didn’t really leave.
I hate how many lives I’ve brought chaos into because I wanted to be a part of someone else’s world. I was lonely, and Ember was so easy to connect with. I never once thought I would have to leave.
While love isn’t in the cards for me, I thought I could have friends, at least. I could be lonely within the company of people who would accept my silence and boundaries.
I fight off sleep for as long as I can because the nightmares always recur. They’re always there waiting to haunt me.
“Thea.” I hear the whisper in the dark. “Thea.” I want to scream. “Thea.” I feel like my skin is crawling.
My pitiful answer was his permission.
As much as I blame Alexandra and Richard for all they took from me, I blame myself, as well. It took me weeks to gain the courage to leave.
He had weeks to taunt and torment me.
“Thea.” I still hear his sickening voice in the quiet, and soon, my stomach revolts, and I have no choice but to run to the bathroom, barely making it before I hurl.
Burning tears racing down my face to an invisible finish line where the only winner is Richard.
Kol
* * *
“I’m not fucking happy about this,” I grumble at my partner, Noah Brennan, as we pull up to this decrepit apartment complex that Thea lives in. Not only do I have to cancel our dinner, but I have to leave her in this shithole.
“You’ve said that,” the brute points out as I park the car.
The homicide we caught yesterday is more complex than we anticipated, and we have a search warrant we’re waiting on for a house on the outskirts of the city. It should be here within the hour, and we’re leading the way in.
“Stay here,” I tell him as I step out of the car and up the cracked sidewalk into the building. I hate that she lives here. This is no fucking place for a young, single woman to be.
I take the stairs two at a time. The paint peeling from the walls is something out of a horror movie, I’m certain. On the third floor, I walk to the end of the hallway and see Thea’s apartment is on the left. Knocking lightly, the wood shakes, and I wonder for a second if the door is about to crumble.
“Just a second!” I hear called from the other side, and I relax a bit at the sound of her voice.
The locks disengage, the door opens a crack with the chain still on, and Thea peeks her head around. “Umm, hi.”
Grinning, some of the stress of the day lifts off my shoulders. “Hey there, blue eyes. You wanna open the door for me?” She hesitates, and I frown, not liking that she has to think about it.
“Oh, umm, sure.” She slams the wood shut so hard that the sound echoes through the building. Opening the door again, she steps back to let me in. The inside of her apartment is no better than the hallways. With minimal furniture in her living room, I don’t like the picture I’m getting.
“So, look, that call I got yesterday, it’s keeping me busier than I thought it would,” I start to explain.
“You have to cancel?” Curious, she tilts her head, and her voice holds disappointment, but I see relief in her gaze.
Stepping closer to Thea, I cup her soft cheek in my hand, rubbing my thumb along the tiny scar and say, “Sadly, yes. I have a search warrant to serve. However, I want to make it up to you. Breakfast, maybe?”
I can see her answer before the words pass her lips. “I’m not sure. I have to work tomorrow.”
There’s more going on with her. I’ve known it from the moment I met Thea. She’s been hurt, deeply. Maybe even more than is wise for me to invest in, but I can’t let her go. There’s a voice in my mind screaming that I need her, and that possibly, she needs me, too.
“I’ll be here at six with coffee and muffins from this place I know. You won’t regret it.” Tears hover on her lids, and I hesitate, not wanting to push her too hard. But when she closes then opens her eyes, I see the conflict, her need to say no but the desire to say yes. “I’ll be here, blue eyes.” Leaning forward, I kiss her cheek again, and she trembles, causing me to frown.
It’s not a desirable tremble but one of pain. She’s a puzzle I want to put together, and I’m going to figure her out. The going may be slow, but I’ll get there.
Noah honking the horn pulls me away from Thea sooner than I’d like. “Lock this door,” I tell her, then take my leave.
Jogging back down to the car, I see Noah in the driver’s seat on his phone. Opening the door, he hangs up and drops it into the console. “Impatient much,” I grunt.
“We’ve got the warrant,” he replies and pulls into traffic. “SWAT is meeting us there with backup. They aren’t entering until we arrive.”
“Let’s do this.” I push everything about my interaction with Thea to the back of my mind, so she doesn’t become a distraction, and someone gets hurt.
The drive is quick and silent as we each prepare for the danger we could be facing. The men we’re hunting is a trio who robbed a liquor store and went on to hold up a convenience store five blocks away. The store clerk was shot and killed because she didn’t give them as much money as they thought would be in the register.
At seventy-three years old, Mary Clark lost her life for less than two hundred dollars because someone was trigger happy.
The only reason we know the location of these guys is because after one of the assailants shot t
he clerk, another stood frozen in shock, and the third went to check on her, taking off his mask as he did so.
Facial recognition took a few hours, but we got him. The perp did time a few years back for car theft. There were a few other petty thefts, all with the same guys, which is who we suspect he is with now.
“Here we go,” Noah murmurs. We both take a deep breath before exiting the car and moving to the trunk to grab our vests and shotguns.
“Detectives.” The scene commander greets us as we’re strapping on the armor.
“Commander, what can you tell us?” I ask, checking my gun and strapping it to my thigh.
“Three occupants in the house. We haven’t confirmed identities yet.” He walks with us as we head over to the mobile command center. “My men are ready to breach when you are.” He nods at the SWAT team waiting beside their truck, locked and loaded.
“Gentlemen, thanks for being here.” I learned a lot from my older brother when we served on the same police force. One lesson was to always respect my fellow officers no matter their division. “Stay safe. Watch your six.” Simple goes a long way, he used to tell me.
“Here we go,” Noah repeats. It’s his thing. We’ve served a lot of warrants together, some more dangerous than this, some not, but he always leads with the same thing. Similar to a lucky charm.
Following the SWAT leader up the street and then up the walkway to our target’s house, Noah and I hang back as they bang on the door. “Zachary Wyatt! Search warrant!” Five seconds ticks by like hours as we wait for movement.
“Ram,” someone calls.
Another officer runs up the steps, battering the door open and backs off so SWAT can enter first. A few “clears” come through the comm lines, but I’m waiting for the moment they say, “Hands! Show me your hands!” As soon as we hear the words, Noah and I are entering and rushing upstairs where we find Zach and two other men face down on the floor. A window is wide open with a closed black gym bag sitting on the roof outside of it.
“Making a run for it?” I ask, crouching down to where they’re now kneeling, hands cuffed behind their backs. They all look down.
Noah stands off to my side. He’s a good man, a damn good cop, but he has no tolerance or even faked empathy when it comes to suspects. I think it’s one of the reasons we work so well together.
“Murder is a long way from theft and robbery,” he tells them. The youngest-looking one swallows roughly before he flicks a quick gaze up to Noah. “Longer sentence, too. Armed robbery and murder can get you the death penalty in some states.” They’re all visibly shaken. “Convicts don’t take too kindly to little old ladies being murdered, either.
“The bag, detective.” An officer from SWAT drops it in front of me. I nod my thanks and slowly pull back the zipper.
“Junk food.” I drop the items on the floor. “Soda.” I toss it across the room. “One hundred eighty-seven dollars.” I hand it off to Noah who continues to glare. “And a Glock.”
“Smoking gun,” Noah smirks.
“So, who’s making the deal today? Who’s going to let two hundred bucks send them to Old Smokey?” I meet each of their eyes, and Zach’s gaze hardens. I get the suspicion he might be the ringleader here.
The young guy has tears in his eyes, and I know immediately, he’s the one who will break first. “Officer Collins?” I call to one of the guys standing guard at the doorway. “These two can head back to the station. Detective Brennan and I have this one.” I point to the kid.
“Yes, sir.” The older two perps glare at the kid, but otherwise, don’t say a word to him as they’re taken out of the room.
Standing side by side with Noah, the room is empty except for the three of us, and neither Noah nor I are small men. Together, we cast an intimidating presence, and if the way the kid refuses to look up at us is any indication, it’s working in our favor today.
Chapter 4
Thea
The red light on the microwave in the kitchen continuously blinks three zeros across the screen from the power outage overnight. The blue light on my phone flashes that I have a text message from early this morning.
The sun is creeping up in the sky, and even though I haven’t looked at a clock, I know it’s nearly six. Almost time for Kol to arrive. I need to get up and return the blankets and pillow to the bedroom that I never use. To hide just how messed up I am because I can’t sleep in a damn bed.
It’s time.
Thea.
I can’t get his voice out of my head.
Thea.
Richard screws with my sanity. He stays silent until I feel safe enough that I can close my eyes at night again, and then he comes back. Taunting me.
Thea.
I know this time it’s because of Kol. For the first time since the abuse began, I’ve wanted to confide in someone. Kol’s an officer of the law. He’s bound by rules and regulations to investigate any kind of crime brought before him.
He’s more than a cop, though. Kol is honorable. Kind. Inherently good. He’s the type of man I would want on my side if I were ever to confess my secrets.
Thea.
I can’t, unfortunately. Richard is too powerful. He could ruin Kol, Ember, and Arsen. Their lives. He would take away every wonderful thing they’ve ever accomplished all because they’d want to help me.
I don’t know how to tell Kol that I can’t be anything to him when all I want to do is have his secure arms wrapped around me. I want him to hold me until the fear has been pushed to the back of my mind.
I’ve spent many nights imagining Kol gazing at me the same way Arsen did to Marina a year ago. Their love was so magnetic; I was pulled into their forcefield. It’s why I left before I could tell Ember her recital was beautiful and perfect.
When she told me a week later that her brother and Marina were filing for emergency fostering of Jake, a sweet little boy who entered their life, I wasn’t at all surprised. I was humbled by their generosity. I was envious of the soul-deep connection they shared and were about to grace that lucky child with.
I’m ridiculous for waxing so nostalgic about it, but a love like that doesn’t happen nearly often enough. I can remember a time when my mother loved me like that. The days when we would play in the park because she couldn’t afford cable. Some days she couldn’t even keep the electricity going, but I never doubted her love for me.
I never doubted that our happiness was real. Pure.
Until Richard.
I don’t remember my father. He died before any memories could be forged and cherished. Richard had my mother get rid of everything that reminded us of him when we moved in to his home, so I have nothing.
A light knock sounds on the creaking door of my apartment. I’m so deep in thought that I startle and fall off the couch, knocking the small milk crates over that I use for a coffee table.
“Shoot.”
“Thea?” Kol’s raised voice will likely bounce throughout the hallways, and I don’t want that. Some people in this building can and have been quite mean.
“I’m coming,” I hiss as I silently chastise myself for not putting my stuff away and hiding the evidence of my quirks. “Hi.” I’m out of breath as I open the door.
“Morning, blue eyes.” His ear to ear boyish grin makes me want to sigh, but I fight the urge off with a kick to the ass and a stern internal talking to.
Walking past me, Kol strides directly to where my make-shift bed is. I turn and close the door, locking it to give myself a moment to collect my composure before I succumb to his judgment. Slowly spinning around to face him, I recognize his frown at the mess I made when he knocked, and I hold my breath, waiting for him to say something.
“I’ve got blueberry muffins, apple scones, and hazelnut coffee. I wasn’t sure what your flavor profile was, but this will knock a few off the list.” He covers his frown with a gentle smile as I accept the coffee.
Not being a huge fan of hazelnut, I sip it slowly and try not to make a funny face. “Thank y
ou,” I grit out.
Kol smirks as he overturns the crates and places the small towel I had laid over them on top and sets down the bag he’s holding. “That’s a no to hazelnut then.”
“Yeah,” I murmur, watching him, waiting for him to comment.
“Did I wake you up?” he asks instead, pulling muffins and scones from the bag. The blueberries are large and juicy as he offers me one.
Unable to resist, I tentatively accept it, trying to hide how hungry I am. I forget to eat or often lose my appetite when I’m stressed. “Thanks,” I whisper around a bite of the warm delight. It’s made perfectly with the top being on the good side of crunchy.
I’m halfway through the muffin before I realize Kol is watching me with curiosity. I can see the questions swirling through his mind. “Have you been sleeping?” His head tilts to the side at what should be an innocent question.
“Yes.” I lie. I feel confident he can see through it.
Brushing his hands off on his jeans, Kol steps over the crates and stands in front of me. Lifting my chin with a light touch, he rubs the bags I know are under my eyes with a soft thumb. “It doesn’t look like it.”
I cast my eyes away. I anticipate the next question but don’t know how to answer.
“What’s eating at you, Thea? What’s holding you hostage at night?” My eyes dart back to his at the accuracy of his question.
How can he possibly know?
Kol
* * *
From the moment Thea came into my life, I did everything I could to suppress the driving need to barrel into her space. To make her take notice of me. I held back, and in doing so, lost her. I won’t make that mistake again.
Waiting on an answer I know isn’t coming, I take the time to study her. Her blue eyes show hints of violet swirling in them when the sun hits just right. She has three tiny freckles under her right eye, close to the bridge of her nose, that I want to kiss. When she’s trying to hold back emotion, like now, she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, and her chin dimples, wobbling just a little bit. There’s a small scar in her eyebrow that if I weren’t this close to her, I’d probably never have noticed.