“You are sweet to say so.” Mother shook her head as if amused.
“Have you lived on the ranch all of your life?” Lizzie questioned.
He nodded. “For most of it. I was a few years at the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas.”
“You attended college?” Deborah asked in surprise. Everyone looked at her as though she’d insulted the young man, and indeed, it was starting to sound that way to Deborah, as well. “I would have thought the ranch would have kept you much too busy to go away to school,” she quickly added.
“My folks wanted me to be the first in the family to have a college education,” he said proudly.
“I find that admirable,” Mother interjected. “I’m sure your studies have benefited you, even in ranch life.”
“Yes, ma’am. I learned a lot of mathematics. Got some military training, too.”
“Military?” G. W. questioned.
“Yup. They require all the students to participate in the Corps of Cadets. My pa fought in the War Between the States and figured it would do me well to have some experience. My ma would just as soon there be no more wars.”
Mother glanced at G. W. and Rob before replying, “I feel the same way. So tell us about your folks. Were they born here, as well?”
“Yes, ma’am. My granddaddy came to Texas in 1840. My pa was born the next year. We’re Texan, through and through.”
They heard the first drops of rain hit the small window behind the table. Deborah glanced over her shoulder and wondered again how bad the storm might be. The upstairs windows had all been shuttered against the weather, but a few of the downstairs windows were open to let in the night air. The hotel manager now moved through the dining room, closing these down.
“Sorry, folks, but the wind is pickin’ up and will soon have the place drenched.”
Most diners appeared unconcerned. They noted the situation, then went back to their conversation and food.
Deborah braved a glance at Jake and found him watching her. He smiled in a sympathetic manner. “Are you worried, Miss Deborah?”
“Concerned, but not overly worried. How about you?”
“Not for myself, but for my aunt. I should probably excuse myself.” He got up and pulled the linen napkin free from where he’d tucked it into his shirt.
“Please give your aunt our best,” Mother said. “I hope she’ll forgive the oversight of not inviting her to join us. Perhaps another time.”
He nodded. “I’ll let her know.” He started to leave, then paused. Looking directly at Deborah, he asked, “Will you be stayin’ in town long?”
“It’s doubtful,” Uncle Arjan replied before Deborah could answer. “We have a loggin’ business to get back to, and this storm could be wreakin’ havoc on our livelihood. We’ll head out as soon as it’s safe to go.”
“Well then, if I don’t see you again, it was a pleasure.” He smiled at each person then looked back to Deborah and winked. “Watch out for freight wagons.”
She smiled. “I assure you, I won’t make that mistake again. I’m normally quite capable of taking care of myself.”
He headed to the door but called over his shoulder, “I don’t doubt that for a minute.”
–––––––
That night, as the rain fell hard against the windows, Deborah enjoyed her mother’s attention and conversation. With long determined strokes, Mother brushed Deborah’s thick dark hair, just as she had long ago. There was something so very comforting in the action.
“He was certainly a charming young man,” Mother began. “I think he was quite smitten with you.”
“Oh, I hope not,” Deborah admitted. “Although he was very kind. I certainly owe him my life. That wagon wasn’t slowing for anyone.”
“And he’s educated. Perhaps there might be a future with him. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he makes it down to Perkinsville for a visit.”
Deborah hadn’t expected this from her mother. “First you talk of Dr. Clayton and me, and now Mr. Wythe. Goodness, but you sound as though you’re trying to get rid of me, and I’ve only just returned.”
Mother stopped and came around to face her. “I would never want to get rid of you, but you will find someone and fall in love one day. I think either of those men might be suitable choices.”
Deborah shook her head and got to her feet. “I don’t. Neither would be willing to remain in Perkinsville. I know for a fact that Dr. Clayton is only doing this to help his family. As for Mr. Wythe – well, he no doubt wishes to continue with the family ranch, and that’s near Dallas.”
“What are you saying, exactly?” Mother looked at her oddly. “You surely don’t mean to suggest that you have to remain in Perkinsville for the rest of your life.”
“Well, coming home only proved to me how much my skills were needed. Mother, you have no idea what a mess I found in the books. People owed us money and we owed them, and it was completely mixed up as to who was to receive what. Proper billings hadn’t gone out. The only person who knew for sure what was going on was Uncle Arjan, and he kept most of the information in his head. That wasn’t useful to anyone.”
“He knew very well how to run this business, and don’t you suggest otherwise.”
Mother’s stern response surprised Deborah. “I didn’t mean to say he didn’t. It was just that . . . well, while he knows what he’s doing, no one else really had an understanding of it. What would happen if he died . . . like Father?”
Her mother frowned. “I don’t think I could survive that.”
Deborah hadn’t expected that response but continued. “Exactly. None of us could have survived it easily. We would have had to talk to nearly everyone who’d done business with us to discover what we owed them and what they owed us. And we could only hope they didn’t cheat us.”
Mother reached out to touch Deborah’s face. “I know you’ve always wanted to help, but I will not stand by and let you tie yourself to the business, forsaking happiness. I couldn’t bear it if you fell in love and turned it away because you felt obligated to the family. We can always hire a bookkeeper, Deborah. True love is more difficult to find.”
She considered her mother’s remark for a moment. The idea of being needed by her family had always driven Deborah to learn – to excel in her studies. For certain, she loved knowledge, but there had always been that desire to better her family’s situation. She had convinced herself over the years that she might somehow be able to guide them into a better life.
“I don’t know what to say, Mother. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I haven’t believed it necessary to return and help you all. It was Papa’s hope that I could attend school and help Vandermark Logging.”
“Where did you get that idea, Deborah?” her mother asked. “Your father wanted only for you to have the things you desired. He never wanted you to work or labor over anything.”
“What are you saying?” Deborah whispered.
Mother looked at her oddly. “Did you only go to school because you thought your father wanted you to?”
Deborah felt an unwelcomed sensation run through her body. It was like suddenly realizing she’d been taken for a fool. “I thought I was needed.”
“You are, darling,” her mother replied. “But not at the price of your own happiness. You weren’t made to be alone in this world.” She smiled. “Not with a face like yours. Not with a heart like yours. Your aunt Alva sacrificed love for her family, and I won’t see you do the same. Your father always used to say that there was a very lucky man out there somewhere who was going to be quite blessed to take you as his wife.”
Deborah forced a smile. Her mother couldn’t possibly understand her confusion, and to press for further answers might only serve to upset her. “I can just hear him saying that.” Thoughts of her father were bittersweet. “I miss him . . . especially at times like this, with the storm. He always used to make me feel so safe when I was little. I would curl up on his lap and he’d wrap those big arms a
round me and hold me close. Nothing scared me then. I knew any harmful thing would have to come through him to get me.”
Her mother smiled sadly. “He loved you – loved all of us dearly. He was taken from us too soon, but I know he’s in a better place.”
Deborah wrapped her arms around her mother. “I’m sorry if I made you sad or caused you to worry about me. Let’s forget it for now. I’m happy to be right where I am. I don’t want to think about leaving again. Not for a long, long while.”
–––––––
Lizzie knocked on her father’s door and hoped he wouldn’t mind the disturbance. She’d had so little time alone with him and wanted to talk to him before he returned home to his other family.
He opened the door and looked confused. “Is something wrong, Lizzie?”
“Not at all. I just wanted to speak to you for a few minutes.”
He nodded. “Come in, but I have to tell you, a bride should be with her groom on their wedding night.”
She entered the small room and smiled. “I’ll have the rest of my life with G. W. I just wanted a few moments with you. I can’t bear that you’ll be leaving so soon.”
“Well, I know I’ve only arrived here, but I’ve already been gone from home for over a month. First with my time in Philadelphia – then my travel here.” He smiled. “I’ve missed you, Lizzie. I missed all of what might have been.”
She swallowed down her grief. “I know that, Father. Mother always said you were much too busy to be bothered, but I always hoped that wasn’t true.”
“It was never true.” He reached out to touch her face. “You were my pride and joy then and you remain so now. I only wanted the best for you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t work harder to keep you with me. I was convinced it would be better for you in the long run if you stayed with your mother. Convinced, too, that a strife-filled house was no home. That’s the reason I left as easily as I did.”
“I know,” Lizzie said, placing her hand atop his. “I always knew.”
He nodded very slowly. “I prayed you would. Just as I pray now that you will never know such pain and separation. You have a good man in G. W. He loves you and he will move mountains to see you happy.”
She smiled. “You’ve moved the only mountain in our way. I’m very blessed.” She leaned up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Father.”
CHAPTER 23
“Looks like the house and barns bore the storm well,” G. W. announced, sizing up the scene as they disembarked the train. The dogs caught sight of them and came running and howling.
“I do hope there wasn’t any damage to the logging site,” Deborah heard her mother tell Uncle Arjan amidst the baying of the dogs.
“Nothing we cain’t handle, I’m sure,” he replied. “The boys and I will get right over there and see what the situation looks like. Don’t hold supper for us.” Arjan looked to Rob and G. W. “Boys, fetch the horses.” G. W. nodded, then gave Lizzie a quick kiss despite his brother’s teasing.
“You two are upsettin’ the dogs.” Rob reached down to scratch the nearest hound behind the ears. “There now, don’t be frettin’, Decatur. They’ll soon grow tired of each other.”
“Hardly,” G. W. said, winking at his wife. Lizzie blushed and looked away.
Sissy greeted them at the door with a big smile on her face. “Shore glad to see ya’ll back safe. Blowed up quite a bit ’round here, but we held on tight.”
“And how’s David?” Mother asked.
“He be doin’ fine, jest fine. ’Nother few days, and he be back to work.”
Deborah waited until the men had gone to announce she was heading to town. “I want to see how things are going with the quarantine.”
“Oh, quarantine done been lifted, Miss Deborah.”
“That’s wonderful news!” Deborah turned to Lizzie. “Do you want to come with me?”
“No, I’m weary from the train and have no desire to see Mother and Stuart just yet. You go ahead. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go upstairs and move my things.”
Mother nodded and turned to Deborah. “I don’t like you driving into town by yourself.”
“Iffen you like, Miz Euphanel, I ken ride into town with Miss Deborah.”
Mother smiled and cast a quick glance at Deborah. “I would like that very much. Let me prepare a grocery list, and you can fetch what we need.”
“I already done started one,” Sissy said, laughing. “It be all up here.” She tapped her head.
Deborah hurried upstairs to retrieve Dr. Clayton’s medical journals. She was quite anxious to know how he was faring now that the quarantine had been lifted. Surely it meant that most everyone was on the mend.
She noticed that Lizzie was packing her things and felt a momentary sense of loss. Mother had insisted Lizzie and G. W. take the big downstairs bedroom that had once been hers to share with Father.
“I’m going to miss you,” Deborah said, clutching the journals. “It won’t be the same without you. Still, I suppose G. W. would be rather unwilling to let you stay here.”
Lizzie gave a little laugh. “G. W. wouldn’t be the only one. You make a great friend, but I prefer rooming with my husband.”
“You both seem so happy.”
“Oh, we are. I never imagined it could be like this, Deborah.” She seemed to glow with the joy that bubbled from within. “I’ll happily live here the rest of my life.”
“You won’t miss Philadelphia?”
Lizzie looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “There is nothing there to miss. You were one of the only friends I had. Mother certainly will have no use for me now.” She sat down on the bed. “But you know . . . she never did. I was only a pawn in her chess game for women’s rights. It makes me so sad, especially now that I’m a part of your family and know how it could have been.” She paused. “It must have been hard to leave them and go away to school.”
“I suppose it was at first, but of course, I was doing it for them. I knew I’d be back here one day.”
Lizzie frowned. “What do you mean? I thought you went to school because you loved learning.”
“Oh, I do. Don’t get me wrong.” Deborah held up the journals as if for proof. “I love to study, even now. Medicine is particularly fascinating.”
“Or is it the doctor who fascinates you?”
Deborah found she couldn’t reply. When she found her voice she simply mumbled, “Sissy’s waiting on me. I’ll be back before you know it.”
She hurried from the room before Lizzie could comment further. Why would her best friend assume something was going on between her and Dr. Clayton? Was it possible for feelings to develop without a person realizing it?
If she lost her heart to someone like Dr. Clayton, it would interfere with her plans to help her family. He’d already encouraged her to study medicine, and while Deborah liked the idea, she still felt she couldn’t let it take her away from the family’s logging business.
There was no other choice. She would have to distance herself from Dr. Clayton . . . and from reading his medical journals.
On the ride into town she contemplated how best to handle the matter. Perhaps she’d just tell Dr. Clayton that with the increase of work the logging company had taken on, there would be no time for reading. She frowned.
I can’t lie to him. It wouldn’t be right. I’ve been able to talk to him about most everything. I’ll just tell him the truth.
Sissy looked at Deborah and narrowed her dark eyes. “You shore look upset about somethin’. You comin’ down sick?”
“No, I was just thinking about the work that needs to be done.” At least that wasn’t a lie. “I’m fine, honestly.”
“Uh-huh.”
Deborah had never been able to fool the older woman, so with a sigh, Deborah gave Sissy a hint of a smile. “I guess I’m just trying to figure out where life is taking me. I want to do what’s pleasing to God, but I’m starting to wonder exactly what it is He wants me to do.”
“I guess part of the problem is, I thought I knew what He wanted. All of my life, I’ve seen the lack of education keep Father and the boys from making a better way for themselves. So many people around here can’t read – they have so little. I just wanted to help my family. Maybe I was wrong.”
“Helpin’ folks is good – ain’t never knowed it to be wrong. You folks always done well enough, Miss Deborah.”
“But I want so much more for them.”
“Mebbe they didn’t want more. Could be they were jest happy with life like it was.”
Deborah thought about that for a few minutes. Perhaps Sissy was right. It was possible that Deborah, in her travels and education, had imposed her own dreams over those of her parents. But didn’t everyone want a better life?
The question warred within her. Her father had always seemed happy enough. Rutger Vandermark was not known for complaining. Maybe that was because he had little to complain about.
Still, as good as that thought was, Deborah felt a sense of confusion. Since becoming old enough to think about others before herself, she had been driven to help her family find better success. She had thought it was up to her to learn whatever was necessary to help them further the business. Was it possible she had wasted her life seeking the wrong thing?
Sissy hummed an old hymn and kept the horse moving down the road. She seemed quite content, yet Deborah considered the woman’s life difficult. Most white folks looked down on the people of color. The war had scarred and damaged the country. Even for the slaves who had been freed, Deborah saw fear and desperation. Everything they’d known for generations had been stripped from them. It wasn’t so different from when they had been captured and forced into slavery to begin with.
The slaves had been set free, but it wasn’t a true freedom. Even Sissy chose to come west to continue working for the Vandermarks. It was a comfort, Deborah had heard the older woman say. A comfort to have an understanding of the folks you were working with. Life had changed so little for Sissy, as was true of many blacks.
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