by Liv Olteano
“I love you, Mama,” I whispered.
I didn’t know for sure if she heard it, but the ghosts in the room sighed, and I hoped, in my heart of hearts, she heard me too. That she understood me. That she felt my sorrow at her loss.
I inhaled deeply and fixed Nikola with my gaze. “We’ll do this tonight.”
She nodded and smiled, a strange look flittering over her face. Something about it reminded me of yesterday’s discussion, of the confessions she’d made about her past… about her guilt. Fainter, but it was definitely connected somehow. What did she feel guilty about, and more importantly, why wasn’t she telling me about it?
Chapter 19
A CHILLING silence overtook us, and Nikola retired to her room while Nana and I retired to mine. This was it. Nana fretted about me as we prepared for the ball. I took a long bath in the last water scented with cherry blossoms. My tattoo stung a bit as I kneeled in the bathtub, but I left it uncovered and had Nana softly cleanse the skin, then apply some ointment. I watched my mother’s face in a mirror as it reigned over my back, her eyes closed in an expression of serenity. Could she see me now? Was she there in some capacity? I felt the pink smoke slither into the bathing room, and smiled. She was here. I had to hope so.
Once we were done, I sat in my room as Nana got the black lace shirt ready, plus the pants and boots I’d borrowed from Nikola. For the first time, I took my mother’s box of face colors, and Nana applied black powder on my lids, thickening my lashes with the black paste. It brought out the gray of my eyes and changed my face somehow. Nana fixed my hot-pink hair in a beautiful and elaborate mélange of curls, roselike swirls, and braids. She fixed a tiny tilted hat to the side in my hair and pinned it in place. It had a small black lace veil that covered my face to just about my nose. It matched my favorite shirt and the parasol I usually carried. Nikola’s pants were long on me, but the length was hidden into the boots—those fit me well. The pants and boots completed my outfit beautifully.
I admired myself in the mirror of my room and nodded to myself. This would be my first ball as changeling. The image fit my new and strange social position, I guessed. The only two alkemists I’d ever seen were Verner and Nikola, so I hadn’t exactly had any real pointers in alkemist fashion. But then I realized I didn’t have to fit in at all. I didn’t have to stand out either. I didn’t have to do a damn thing but what I wanted. And I was going to do just that.
I went down the stairs with calm steps. My boots clicked softly against the hardwood floors of Darkwillow. Nikola stood in the drawing room. Her beautiful black suit made her eyes stand out. She wore a black silk shirt and a gorgeous crimson cravat. As she ran her fingers over some piano keys, the cuffs on her sleeves shone wickedly at me, and I grinned. She slowly opened her wild eyes and fixed her gaze on me. She quickly got up, walked to me, and kissed my cheek.
“You’re breathtaking, Mer,” she whispered, smiling softly.
I tried to suppress the onslaught of heat to my face, but doubted I managed entirely. “So are you.”
She nodded once and slipped her arm around my elbow. “Tach will be our driver tonight. He seems excited about the whole thing.”
I frowned. “He’s a golem. Does he even get excited?”
She shrugged. “I guess so. He’s come up to offer me tea about a dozen or so times. It’s the first time he’s done that, so all evidence points to him being agitated.”
“Or you being agitated, and him responding to that,” I added, glancing at her profile.
“Perhaps,” she said, looking down at me and smiling. “We’ll win tonight, Mer. I just know we will.”
I certainly hoped so. I truly did. I knew my mother would help as she could, and if tonight I didn’t kill the reaper, I’d never manage it. I wouldn’t survive a failed attempt.
We got into Nikola’s carriage and golem horses pulled us to our destination. Edgar Verner’s home was lit by countless rows of alkemic lights. I hid my face behind the heavy velvet curtains of the carriage, preventing my skin from getting singed by the brightness.
“Are you all right?” Nikola whispered.
I nodded. “Just sensitive to alkemic lights.”
“Are you?” she asked, measuring me with a calculating gaze.
“Since childhood, yes. Why?”
She shrugged. “It’s curious, that’s all. You’d think alkemic anything would be your element. Has this sensitivity changed recently?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so, no. Though I avoid alkemic lights, so I might not have noticed any change, even if there was one.”
“How about now? Try pulling the curtain just a little to the side. Let the light reach your palm. Keep very calm, allow the light to touch your skin, and focus on how it feels. Let me know if it’s different than it was a while back.”
I did as she asked, let a shaft of alkemic light touch the back of my hand without pulling away on reflex. I inhaled slowly, opening my mind to how it felt, as opposed to what I expected it would.
“It feels… strange. Not painful anymore, though still unsettling. I expect the pain to start at any moment, even if it doesn’t. Does that make sense?”
She smiled and reached over, running her fingertips over the patch of skin the light had touched. “You’re a changeling. Your body is adjusting to alkemic elements. It makes perfect sense.”
I frowned. “Why would I be oversensitive to it when I was smaller?”
“Overexposure,” she muttered.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
Her face closed off somehow and she shrugged. “Educated guess. We don’t know how a body truly adjusts to becoming a changeling or why. Some do, some don’t. Some die during the process at the prechangeling stage.”
And by the look on her face, that was all we’d discuss on that topic.
I focused on the small box resting beside her. She took it, opened it, and held the vial. I watched the colorful lights swirl and glimmer in that vial, nauseated and fascinated at the same time. When I grasped it, my fingers tingled oddly. I groaned as the sensation intensified.
“Don’t worry. It’s the power of the soul extract that feels that way. Don’t linger on what it is. Just drink it up in one go.”
I didn’t know if I could. I watched the vial, felt the stinging, and shuddered.
“If you don’t do this, Edgar Verner will keep draining this town. He’ll keep killing. The harvesters will keep murdering for him.”
I gulped, closed my eyes, and brought the vial to my lips. It smelled sweet, I thought. A curious mix of scents, beautiful, yet sad. The faint aroma of Death was there too. I opened my lips and drank it all up in one big gulp. The liquid prickled a bit as it went down my throat and reached my stomach. I felt it there. The sensation spread through my body slowly, making me squirm.
“By the time we get there, you’ll be at your strongest. Feel the buzz yet?”
I nodded. I felt powerful, confident. I felt able to extract that monster’s soul, which scared me.
She clapped once and smiled. “Looking on the bright side, tonight you’re officially a changeling. It’s your debut, I guess.”
Great deflecting skills. I smiled. “Yes, I guess it is.”
“And you’re my official date too.”
I blushed. “Yes, what of it?”
She gave me a devastating smile. “I like the sound of that. Tonight you’re officially mine.”
I looked away. “Officially your apprentice, yes. I can tell you do like it. So do I. It feels right.”
She frowned. “Running away from me already? Only my apprentice, nothing more?”
I shook my head. “Well, I’m nothing more tonight, not officially. I’m not running away from you, Nikola. Why would I? I just got to have you, after all. I should at least get my fill of you,” I added, grinning.
Her eyes darkened. “Don’t tempt me, little imp. I might decide to ravish you in this very carriage.”
I gasped in mock horror. “Why, Ms. Ska
zat, I should be outraged,” I declared and enjoyed the levity of flirting for a moment. Then I focused on more pressing issues. “So what’s our plan? We just go in and wait for Jean and his men to do something?”
“Pretty much. When we get our chance, you try to extract Verner’s soul. We’ll go from there.”
“Why do I think you don’t foresee us getting that far?”
She tsked. “Of course we will. You’re the hope of our alkemic race. You’ll do just fine.”
I snorted, very unladylike. “Am I? Grim future awaits the race if I’m its hope.”
She looked out the carriage’s oval window. “You underestimate yourself.”
No, I didn’t. She overestimated me, but I left it at that. We arrived at the main alley sooner than I thought we might. Elegantly dressed golems waited to open our carriage doors and help us both out. I fixed my parasol to cover my face against the violent alkemic lights, not wanting to take a chance to find out if it would hurt my skin or not, and walked at Nikola’s arm. She looked very tall and proud, an air of elegance about her I hadn’t seen in anyone else.
I truly hoped Valerie was still down with my laxative. Her attending the ball would only complicate things further. The mayor and his son would surely attend. All of their lackeys would as well, I suspected. We passed many men and women, all coiffed up and showing off their best outfits, synth parts duly hidden from sight. How many of them were harvesters? How many of them were cold-blooded killers? I wished there were some sign, a marking of some sort. Surely killers should be different than the rest of us. The rest of them, I corrected myself. Did I look different? I had come here tonight to kill. The thought sent a rush of blood through my veins.
A mist of pink smoke followed me like a dress, or a veil, perhaps. My heart fluttered wildly and my stomach tightened, the signs I usually got when I was about to escort a soul out of its body. Would I feel differently if it was my own soul being escorted? Hopefully I wouldn’t find that out tonight.
We finally reached the main entrance of Edgar Verner’s home. His butler greeted people at the door and a crew of servants took coats and put away parasols. We came face-to-face with the butler and I froze. He bowed reverently, giving no sign he recognized me.
“Father.” I winced.
The golem looked up and the stone face rippled for one second with something akin to recognition. But then he bowed back down reverently and refused to meet my gaze. Nikola brought her hand to rest on my arm and her fingers brushed against my skin.
“Keep calm,” she muttered softly.
“Easy for you to say,” I gritted out.
She patted my hand and we walked into the generous ballroom. Soft music embraced us, a mix of piano and other instruments—absolute rarities in our world. Their musicians appeared to be golems, so I could only guess Verner had chosen some of his golems based on their ability to play such instruments. The very idea gave me the chills.
The crowd looked excited. Attending the resident’s ball was no small social feat. It would secure their lives for a good while regardless of their ages or crimes. This was the circle to be in if you wanted to avoid harvesters or timely terminations, or shrug off accusations. My stomach roiled with rage. These were the people causing all those deaths outside in the outskirts of the hovertown.
I leaned in to whisper in Nikola’s ear. “How will we know?”
She smiled. “Oh, trust me, we’ll know. Our friend is anything but subtle.”
I supposed that was true. Jean Jacques was a man of many qualities. Subtlety was not one of them.
“How do you feel?” Nikola asked, brushing her nose against my hair.
I shuddered and my face heated. “Stop that. I’m sure changelings shouldn’t blush.”
“I disagree. It’s imperative to make beautiful young women blush, changelings, alkemists, and regular people alike.”
I frowned. “Does that mean we’re not people?”
She shrugged as the mayor’s wife made a beeline for us. Julia Naraku was one of the most unpleasant people I’d ever met. Others were easy to dislike too, but Mrs. Naraku reigned supreme. Her ample bosom refused to be flattened despite the obvious ambition of her corset. It always made her speak with a wince in every word. I perversely enjoyed those winces, so I smiled coolly as she approached.
“Oh, darling! Such a delight to see you!”
Nikola and I glanced at each other out of the corner of our eyes. Clearly neither of us felt responsible for the delight. Mrs. Naraku walked to me and rubbed her cheek against mine, making the kiss-kiss sounds Valerie was also fond of. I could guess now where that travesty had started. She looked up at Nikola, her eyes all glittery and disturbingly warm, and when Nikola gave her a chilling glare, it seemed only to excite her further. I suspected the mayor gave his wife the minimum amount of attention to uphold decorum, but not about half as much as she wished for, if her flirty flutter of lashes was any indication. I tightened my grip on Nikola’s arm. The ghost of a smile passed over her face but quickly disappeared. I understood the impulse to quash any sign of good mood in Mrs. Naraku’s presence; if, ink and needles forbid, she might interpret it as a sign of joy brought about by her presence, she’d be harder to get rid of than the withering.
“Such a joy to see you together,” she chirped with a wince in each word.
I smiled meaner. “It’s a pleasure to see you on this occasion, Mrs. Naraku.”
“Nonsense, darling, call me Julia.”
I nodded tightly. “I haven’t seen Valerie and your son yet.”
If they were here, we might as well deal with it head-on.
She shook her head and shrugged. “Oh, Valerie must’ve come down with something. Nothing serious!” she added quickly, giving Nikola the first nonflirty glance of the evening. “Wouldn’t be proper for her fiancé to attend without her. He sends his best to you, of course.”
I highly doubted that, but I nodded in thanks regardless. Social functions depended upon lying through your teeth.
“Oh, I see Edgar. If you’ll excuse us.” Nikola spoke evenly and slowly dragged me away.
“Thank ink and needles for small mercies,” I muttered.
She chuckled. “I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or disturbed by her… enthusiasm.”
Disturbed. Deeply, deeply disturbed. “Flattered, of course. One should always be flattered to get any lady’s attention,” I recited primly.
She smiled and guided us to Verner. He was surrounded by senators, chatting and laughing. The sight of them made my stomach twist. And sure enough Herveux was there, tightly holding a glass of something and giving me one spectacular death glare. I smiled my synth smile and looked him straight in the eye.
Verner looked at me, grinned, and walked up to kiss my hand. My veil of pink smoke grew thick and restless around him.
He chuckled and looked up. “You’re breathtaking, my dear,” he said, leering.
Ugh. I truly did wish to take his breath away, most literally. I smiled and watched him shake Nikola’s hand.
“Stanislaw was just telling me about the whole legal issue of your inheritance,” Verner said sweetly.
I looked between the two of them, unimpressed. “Was he now?”
“Of course he’s solved the issue. I helped him speed things up. It’s not fitting for a changeling to be tied by such affairs. Everything has returned to your name, all possessions intact as your dear father left them. Isn’t that right, Stanislaw?”
Herveux squinted at me but smiled. “Of course. Far be it from me to displease our illustrious alkemists.”
“Of course,” I said, grinning slyly.
I suspected his resentment would’ve been much greater, but my mist of swirling smoke took away the edge of fury as well as pain. And if he was this cheerful about the whole affair now, I almost shuddered to think how he’d be without the smoke’s effect. But I wasn’t a mere citizen for him to trample on anymore. I was a changeling, almost alkemist. He had reason to fear me and
my moods now, not the other way around. No one would dare come after me for my float factors. No harvester would approach me hoping for a credits prize at the Galleries. If anything Herveux might get in trouble for keeping my factors a secret while I wasn’t declared a changeling. I grinned brighter at the thought.
Natalia came, seemingly out of nowhere, to join our cheerful little gathering. She inclined her head in greeting to us both and walked close to Verner and leaned in. He whispered something, I couldn’t tell what, but I couldn’t shake the feeling it somehow concerned us. He wasn’t wearing his goggles tonight, and his eyes flickered once or twice in the direction of my smoke.
It looked different, and I had to assume he noticed that. It had less of a misty quality, the color more intense, the scent much stronger than usual. It was almost overpowering. The floating fuel had a strong effect. I felt the buzz of extra power slither through my veins, rendering me more daring. If reapers felt this with each new soul they consumed, I could see why the monstrous habit had developed. My skin prickled in goose bumps. If I dwelled on the fact I’d swallowed float fuel, essentially processed soul extracts, I’d start heaving.
I was about to go for a glass of something when a strong breeze wafted through the room and all the lights went out.
“Everybody stay calm,” Verner called out. “This is what I get for using candles instead of alkemic lights,” he grumbled in a small voice.
I smelled Nikola’s scent and felt her breath waft against my ear. “Now or never, Mer.”
I closed my eyes and focused on my mother’s ghost. The smoke rippled and slithered around the room, wafting up from the thick layer surrounding me.
Now or never.
Chapter 20
PINK TENDRILS of smoke throbbed and slithered around me. The cherry-blossoms scent was strong, almost overpowering, though I took great comfort in it. Verner’s guests instantly calmed, the worried chatter and flutter of dresses settling down.
“That’s you, isn’t it?” Verner whispered.