Of the original twenty-seven I married – besides, of course, my first wife Remi – only fifteen are still with me. The others? Man, they’ve left. Life was too hard, you know. Where are they now? Well, I still hear from them, and see them. They come to house to visit me. They come to Shrine. How do I feel about their having left? I don’t mind. I don’t feel animosity against them. At all! I don’t feel nothing, man. Ask them what they feel? I don’t feel nothing ’bout them, man.
Do I beat my wives? Not beat; not that. Never! Not that brutal thing, man. Until I was seventeen I got beaten. Mercilessly! Me, I’ve never beaten my children-o. I swear! But sometimes it’s necessary to give my wives some paf-paf-paf-paf-paf-paf. . . . I slap ’em. Yeah. You see, when you talk ’bout women, you’re talking ’bout something else, man. A woman has to respect her husband. If she don’t, I feel sorry for you. They need you to show authority, man. See what I mean? Then they’ll say to themselves: “Ah-aaaaaaaah! This na good husband-o! He don’t care fo’ no bullshit!” See what I mean? But I never kick their asses, man. Never!
That’s about everything on how and why I married those girls, man. I stopped calling them “my girls”. After the marriage, they became my queens. Yeah, man. I’m very attached to them. They’ve been through it. But they’ve chosen to be with me and they stay with me. Why? Me, I no dey speak fo’ dem-o! For that one, you have to ask them yourself, man! You have my permission.
19
My Queens
The only thing that the fifteen queens have in common is that they are all African. Diversity would best describe them, for theirs is an array of physical types: ranging from tiny to tall, slender to round; and a rainbow of skin tones, facial shapes and features. Their personalities are just as diverse: from timid to outgoing, from pensive to gay. Several ethnic groups are represented and not all are from Nigeria. Social origins differ as well. Some are of rural background, some are urbanites. Of modest or affluent families, all but one are from polygamous backgrounds.
What is it about Fela that has drawn women from such varied backgrounds and of such different temperaments and personalities to him? A recurring theme is that many of the queens, as young girls – often naïve, adventurous in spirit and suffocated by their family homes – went to Fela’s as the place where they could fulfil their adolescent dreams. His door, they knew, was always open, for Fela was known never to turn anyone away from his house. To live at Fela’s meant being free, as opposed to being held in strict check by their families. Smoking, drinking, fame, travelling, earning money, being with the man of their dreams. . . . Essentially, they found security in one man who was to become their husband, father, big brother, adviser and employer. But at what price?
Life with Fela is tough. At the time of the collective marriage in February 1978, there were many more women living at Kalakuta than the twenty-seven who married Fela. Of these, only fifteen remain, including Fela’s first wife, Remi. Many have suffered raping, beating, imprisonment, family ostracism; and have been labelled “prostitutes” and “drug addicts” because of being with him. Unable to take the pressure, some have fled. Others have been forcibly taken by their parents. But what of those who remain? How do they continue amidst the daily hardships and, at times, horrors?
At first glance, none of the faces of the queens betray the troubles they have seen. Each is stunningly beautiful in her own way. Draped in the brilliantly coloured and varied styles of West African traditional attire – from the multicoloured patterned adire and wax cloth to the luminous threaded handwoven strips of ashoke; with their matching and elegantly wrapped headties; and their braided, beaded hairstyles that are works of art in themselves – the queens are intent on preserving and embellishing even more the millennium-old beauty of African fashion.
In keeping with traditional practice, almost all the queens resplendently display their “wealth”. Necks, wrists and often ankles are adorned with a myriad of necklaces and bracelets, made of an unending assortment of coral, ancient beads and cowrie shells – whose value, once equivalent to currency, was worn by women as such – along with ivory. These and the matching earrings are all made by the queens according to each individual taste.
As a crowning touch to a regalia befitting their title, an elaborate facial make-up is meticulously arranged in harmony with each individual face, temperament and personality. As they say, “Africans are the first people to wear make-up.” Bold purple, blue or green eye-colours are lavishly applied; highly rouged cheeks, black gloss lips and green nail-varnish. They complete this already remarkable effect with designs of a white powder, called spiritual powder. Without this natural substance found in river beds, they say that the spirits are unable to communicate with them. The queens are eager to rediscover the original significance of these various designs in white powder which project a striking resemblance to sculptured masks.
The queens’ first objective is to keep their husband satisfied. Failure to do so may mean their being refused the sharing of his bed when their turn comes.
Organization of the daily household chores, such as seeing to Fela’s clothes, preparing the daily meals, etc., is apparently established by the senior wives who hold an authority over the younger ones though much less rigidly than is the traditional custom. As one of the queens related, her senior position vis-à-vis a more junior wife would traditionally mean that: “I could ask her to do anything I wanted. If I wanted my clothes washed, she would have to do it. But we have been so colonized she don’t like to do it again.”
Marriage has undoubtedly brought an even greater sense of security to the lives of the queens. Earlier bickering and rivalry has since slackened. There is a new willingness to co-operate. But despite efforts to avoid quarrelling, it is practically impossible not to. As one queen said, “We can fight any time and we can settle any time.” Serious disputes (yab), or the rarer physical fights, are brought before Fela. Depending on the gravity of the offence, the queens can either be fined a sum of money or punished by slapping, enforced stringent household work, or sexual deprivation (for as long as one month). Are the queens slapped? Most of them, yes! (Although Fela does not beat or slap his own children.) However, outstanding work or behaviour is rewarded: gifts, additional “sexual time” with Fela.
Contrary to Yoruba traditional practice, whereby the first wife establishes the sexual calendar of the younger wives with the husband, in the Anikulapo-Kuti household it is Fela himself who has arranged the calendar. There would seem to be no set criteria, unless it is seniority and good behaviour, as some of the queens have said. According to certain of them, sexual frequency can vary from twice a week to every nine days. And in Fela’s own words, two queens per day. One of the wives revealed that: “After he finish with one, he go jump on another straightaway!” Whatever the “technique”, all the queens confess to being satisfied. None ever – at least openly – complained about sharing Fela sexually. And this may be due to the fact that all but one queen either come from polygamous families themselves or grew up in a polygamous environment. According to one queen, “Jealousy is not an African word.” And, in any case, she added, “The African man has as many wives as he wants.” This would echo Fela’s own forewarning to the one queen who comes from a monogamous family. She was told she “could take it or leave it”. And she took it.
Fela himself is aware of the dangers of favouritism in a polygamous marriage. “Man, even if I had favourites among my wives, I wouldn’t tell you which ones they were.” In any case, no one queen in particular is any closer to Fela than another. The sort of “special proximity” which prevails between a monogamous couple is thus absent. It may very well be that this lack of “proximity” acts as an additional incentive for the queens to co-operate among themselves. In this way, the popularity of one queen would depend on how well she gets along with the others rather than on her particular relationship to Fela. The same would apply to those who bear the “unpopular” tag and tend to be the most withdrawn, haughty and less commun
icative – their “unpopularity” being in relation to the other wives rather than to Fela himself.
Every queen is expected to work. And whatever job they hold – whether as a singer, dancer, disc-jockey, cashier, or other – it is expected to be well done. Salaries vary according to job and seniority, but average thirty-five naira per week. Recording sessions and concert tours are remunerated by a special allowance. A separate budget is used for the running of the household and the person handling the money for such needs is never the same from month to month. At times it may be any one of the queens and at others, close friends and/or one of the musicians. It’s a question of whomever Fela chooses.
To maintain the smooth running of a household which includes the fifteen queens, one queen’s mother, five children, Fela, and a host of friends and passers-by is no easy task. Kalakuta itself is no palace. Or maybe it is after all. In any case, it’s a focal point at the very centre of one of the poorest districts, Ikeja. Fela shuns exclusive areas, sharing all the discomforts with the ordinary people. Water and power shortages, cramped conditions and many other inconveniences that are the lot of the common man are accepted. Mattresses are placed wherever there is space. Privileges of life at Kalakuta are not of a material kind although some queens do aspire to fame and riches. Other queens, however, are into studying subjects as varied as astrology, traditional medicine, politics, African history, philosophy and traditional ways. Most of the queens would be content with just being good housewives and bearing children for Fela.
An unhesitating belief in Fela’s ideology makes most queens loyal to the point of being reluctant to criticize their husband. They stay by him come what may in his struggle for PanAfrikanism. Even if it means spending two months behind walls in Welfare, being thrown behind barbed wire, locked in prison cells, or being brutalized and beaten by police and soldiers. These are the women who have stood by Fela through thick and thin. Everything. These are his queens!
The following individual presentations* of the queens are merely based on order of seniority:
Remi
Photo: André Bernabé
REMI
“Wipe My Tears”
After twenty years of marriage, Remi, Fela’s first wife, occupies a special place in the Anikulapo-Kuti household. As senior wife and mother of Fela’s first four children, she does not consider herself on the same plane as the other wives. Neither do the latter, nor Fela for that matter.
Resentful of any “uppity” manifestations by the younger and more flamboyant queens, she cultivates an olympian detachment borne out by her stately demeanour. Good-natured but serious. Both introverted and extroverted, Remi is always pensive.
Although living in her own place until recently, she now resides in Kalakuta with her mother and children, but in her own room.
Q: Until 1970 Fela and you lived as a monogamous couple.
A: When he came back from America I took the decision to live in my own place like before. And then he started the Kalakuta Residence.
Q: How did you feel when he started this communal living with other people?
A: To me, Fela’s always lived like that. In England, in his place, you would find everybody living there. When we came back, we would always have people staying with us.
Q: So that was never a big thing to you that Fela had other women?
A: If we get into girlfriends, he always had them. He made me understand before I married him that he would always have them. I could take it or leave it.
Q: Has this posed any problem for you? Are you just accommodating to the situation, or would you have liked it to be different?
A: I don’t think I’m accommodating because he really didn’t bother me. The only thing that bothered me was if any woman should come and try to act big over me. I wouldn’t take that. It really didn’t bother me because he had, you know, girlfriends outside. He never brought any woman to my house. And he wouldn’t have done it anyway; whereas his friends, they took their women in whether the wife was in or not. He always respected me.
Q: Well, you said Fela has always respected you. So what type of relationship has prevailed between him and you? How would you designate, how would you qualify this relationship?
A: I don’t know. I can’t answer that really.
Q: What prevails mostly? Friendship? Understanding?
A: Respect. Everything.
Q: Would you say that you’re satisfied with your life with Fela?
A: I wouldn’t say I’ve always been or am. No woman, I think, should say it. ’Cause that’s what keeps the relationship going.
Q: What makes you unsatisfied with your life with Fela?
A: I suppose you want an honest answer but I don’t talk about my deeper emotions.
Q: Why?
A: I don’t want to. Actually, I’m an emotional person. I don’t think I could ever … I mean, anything can set me being dissatisfied, you know. I don’t know if you know what I really mean?
Q: No, I don’t. That isn’t clear.
A: [Laughter.] If I thought he was trying to treat someone better than me, which has happened on occasions, that makes me dissatisfied. But Fela always tries or thinks he’s being fair. So I can’t really say I ever blame him. Sometimes I misjudge him. A lot of the time, I would say. And he himself, not being very patient, wouldn’t take time to talk to me about it.
Q: Well, you being Fela’s senior wife and his first wife, I would expect you to have the deepest knowledge of Fela. I have noticed that Fela treats you differently from his other wives. You even talk to him differently from the way the other wives talk to him. There’s a different type of relationship. I see that you wield much more authority in your relationship with Fela than the others. In other words, there is a paternal attitude that Fela has towards his other wives that he doesn’t have towards you.
A: I don’t think I talk to him any differently. He may have a paternal. . . . He had that for me before. Most of them are younger. I would say he doesn’t treat me any differently. He treats each person how he sees them. I feel he treats us the same. Like Lamiley, she’s a senior wife too. I think we are all treated individually. I don’t think we’re classed, like this is Remi, she is up and they are down or anything like that. And if I talk to him differently, it’s because I’m more or less his same age and I’ve lived with him longer, so I know him more.
Q: What is it you like the most in Fela?
A: There are a lot of things. Fela being Fela. I don’t think I’ve ever seen or met anybody like him, so I think he’s everything you’d want. I would say first his looks attracted me, but not now. Just being who he is.
Q: But there must be a way in which you can explain your feelings of attachment because you’ve been with this man for twenty years.
A: Twenty-one!
Q: Twenty-one years! There must be something which keeps you tied to this man in spite of all the upheavals and tumultuous living.
A: Most likely because I know he’s honest and he’s really doing what he believes. You know, he’s trying for humans. It’s mainly those two; plus, of course, deeper feelings.
Q: What are those deeper feelings?
A: I can’t say love. He doesn’t believe in love. But I would say love.
Q: But do you believe in love?
A: Yeah, I do.
Q: So you love him?
A: Yes.
Q: That’s very important. I want you to tell me something now about your critical views of Fela, those things that irk you, that rub you the wrong way.
A: His generosity is the first. This was in the past and sometimes now. And I think sometimes his humanity is misguided. I can be pretty hard with people. You hurt me, I can’t accept anything else from you. He’s made me change that a bit and I don’t like that change, ’cause if somebody does something to me I don’t want to talk to them again. But through Fela I’ve had to learn to subdue that feeling. So that’s one thing that annoys me. Sometimes I may think he’s unfair about something but usua
lly it turns out he’s right anyway.
Q: Is Fela always right then?
A: No.
Q: And when he’s not right, do you tell him he’s not right?
A: Not always. Sometimes I tell him. He may later come and say I was right but at the time he’ll not often accept it.
Q: But Fela isn’t the type of man who accepts that he’s wrong on the spot? Is that correct?
A: I think it depends on who’s doing the telling.
Q: Well, who can tell him?
A: [Laughter.] His mother could. His brothers. His senior brother.
Q: But not you?
A: I can’t remember if I’ve ever had to be proved on that. I can’t remember.
Q: What have been your major disagreements with Fela?
A: The schooling of my children. That’s about all.
Q: What’s his line on this?
A: What his line was then, I didn’t understand it and he didn’t explain it to me. So, of course, we disagreed. I thought he just didn’t want them to go to school because he didn’t want them to learn. But then I learnt it’s because of the system of education. I now agree with him on that, but I didn’t at the very moment he said it.
Q: So that was your major disagreement with Fela?
A: We don’t really have major disagreements. I’ve only had, I think, few big quarrels with Fela. Three times, I think.
Q: In twenty-one years?
A: Yeah. We have spats, of course.
Q: But what are the things you consider negative in Fela? Things you don’t like; things you would like him to change?
A: Being overgenerous to people who don’t deserve it.
Q: But Fela is also very authoritarian. How do you accommodate to his authoritarianism?
A: That’s how I think a husband should be. [Laughter.] I don’t believe in women’s lib at all. I mean I don’t believe a man should tell me I’m lower than him, but I don’t believe in me going to drive a bus. That’s left to a man, you know. Just that type of thing. These women in Europe, I don’t agree with at all.
Fela Page 15