“We're going to need to call head office, see if they can send us a replacement until Montague is ready to get back on his feet again.”
Pete jabbed his thumb in the direction of the parking lot. “And who are those dodgy looking fellas parked out front?”
Sally straightened her glasses. “Ah, well, it's funny you mention head office actually,” she said. “Because that’s where those lot are from.”
“What? Someone from head office has come here? Why? What do they want?” Chris asked
“God, they're not pulling our funding, are they?” Pete added, panicked.
“Nothing like that. Although the way you two carry on, I'm surprised that hasn't happened. No, they've just sent someone over to discuss something of utmost importance. She's waiting in your office.”
“She?” the brothers said.
“Yes. Seems like a lovely girl, too, very considerate and polite,” Sally smiled.
“And you let her into our office?” Chris said
“What did I just say? It's like talking to a piece of bloody MDF when I talk to you two sometimes. Not even my Jack was as bad as you.” She sighed and nodded at the door. “Now stop being idiots and go and talk to her. She's been ever so patient. Oh, and ask her if she would like another cup of tea.”
“Oooh tea? You making a tea—” Pete started
“Forget it,” Sally cut him off, not even looking at them as she sat back down and returned to her paperwork.
Pete huffed and the brothers exchanged a look before striding towards their office door. As soon as they stepped inside, the hairs on the back of their necks immediately prickled and rose up.
Their guest was sitting, a smart, black bag on the floor next to her. She sipped at her tea as they entered.. It wasn't lost on Chris or Pete that she was drinking from the china that Sally saved for special occasions. Even the brothers had to make do with novelty mugs.
The woman placed the cup and saucer very carefully on the small coffee table in front of her, and stood.
“Christopher and Peter Idol, I presume? I'm—”
Before she could finish her sentence, Pete interrupted.
“You're a nun!” he said.
***
The nun smiled, revealing a set of white, perfectly formed teeth. She was in her early twenties, with unblemished skin and high cheek bones. Her remarkably pretty features complimented her figure. She was tall and slim and held herself like a dancer. Her hair was tucked away behind her habit; her eyes were a bright sparkling blue that seemed to shine with some inner light. There was a serenity to her features, a serenity that reminded them of their mother. Before everything went wrong and Mother succumbed to eternal darkness.
“Yes, I'm a nun,” she said with a soft Irish accent. “Well, last time I checked, anyway.”
“My name is Sister Sarah O'Sullivan.”
Chris took a step forward and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you sister, I'm Chris,” he said
“And that must make you Peter,” she said, offering her hand.
“Just Pete will do fine,” he replied, and then flashed her his most charming smile.
“It's a pleasure to finally meet you both. I've heard a lot about you,” Sarah said.
“All good I hope,” Pete replied.
Chris gave his brother a nudge. “She's going to need that hand back, Pete.”
“Oh! Sorry about that,” Pete exclaimed, releasing Sarah’s hand, then chuckled embarrassedly to himself.. The nun looked confused.
“Is he always—” she started.
“A twat? Yes. I'm afraid he is. Has been since birth. Not much we can do about it though, unfortunately,” Chris replied.
“Oi!” Pete retorted, a faux upset look across his face.
“Please. Take a seat. We're sorry to have kept you waiting,” Chris said as both he and Pete took theirs.
The Idol brothers’ desks were chaotic. Papers and notebooks were dotted around, all filled out with biro scribbles and notes. There were folders and newspapers piled haphazardly on top of one another. A small collection of badly constructed and cheaply made plastic toys adorned the corners of the desk, and the rest was made up of sweet wrappers. Pete looked at his half empty mug of tea sitting a square slate coaster, and remembered the important thing Sally had tasked him with. He dropped the toolbox he had been carrying onto his desk and cheerfully looked at Sister Sarah.
“Would you like another cup of tea?” he asked.
“Three cups is quite enough for me thank you.”
“So, Sister,” Chris said. “What brings you to our humble premises?”
Sister Sarah reached down and unclipped her bag, before pulling out two folders out. She handed one to each of the brothers and sat on the edge of her seat, a serious look on her face.
“There have been reports of unnatural disturbances in a small village called Hullenbeck,” she said as they looked through the papers. “It's situated on the border of Dorset and Somerset,”
“Cider country,” Pete said.
“Um, yes. Quite,” Sister Sarah replied. “Well in this particular village, there was a church. Hundreds of years ago there were rumours of some extremely odd events that reached the ears of the Vatican and other seats of religious power. These rumours were concerning enough at the time to be taken quite seriously and extensive investigations were carried out to identify the source of these disturbances, but nothing conclusive was ever found.”
The brothers flicked through the folders and looked over the old photographs.
“Despite these findings, the rumours continued, and the Vatican—along with other religious orders—agreed that it was best to deconsecrate the church and hand it over to the public for whatever purpose they deem fit.”
Chris pulled a photo from the folder and held it up for the nun. “Is this the place?” he said
“Yes,” Sarah replied.
“Looks like a set from a Hammer Horror movie,” Chris said, before noticing the blank look on the nun's face probably meant she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
“I'm sorry, please carry on,” he said.
“Well, after it was handed over to the residents of the village, it passed through many hands and served many purposes. It has served as an orphanage, a school, and even a professor’s residence. For a time, when it was an orphanage, there were reports of strange activities, but the reports died off when the professor took up residence. The professor lived in the building until his passing, and left the building to the local university he was Dean of. The university board, not knowing what else to do with it, decided to turn it into a student house, with ample room for four, and for the past seven years everything has been fine.”
“Until now,” Pete chimed in.
“Yes. Reports of unusual activities began to resurface, and so it was decided that the matter required further scrutiny.”
“I don't mean to sound blunt, Sister, but we're not exactly the Scooby gang. We don't get called in to solve mysteries or investigate spooky goings on. We're the guys that get called in when something very bad needs to get kicked out the front door,” Chris said.
“Or back door. We're not really picky when it comes to that,” Pete added.
“I haven't finished. Even though the building, for all intents and purposes, no longer serves as a holy place, the Vatican have kept an eye on it, just in case. Around six months ago, strange occurrences began once again, shortly after a student named Claire Marie Danvers moved in.”
Pete looked upon a photo of a young, attractive girl with dyed black shoulder-length hair that had a bright red streak through it. She was smiling broadly.
“There were rumours of strange noises within the house, constant troubles with the plumbing. A considerable drop in temperature was also noted.”
“So? Isn't that the case with every student house in the country?” Chris replied
“Normally yes, but these particular occurrences only happened when Claire Marie was in the house,” Sarah contin
ued
“Bet she's popular,” Pete said.
“Funnily enough, she was,” Sarah said. “Her housemates don't have a bad word to say about her. She was kind, considerate, made time for everybody, and helped out around the house whenever she was needed.”
Sister Sarah paused for a moment as a look of sadness crossed her face.
“They loved her to bits,” she said, then fell silent.
“You said was,” Chris said.
“I'm sorry?”
“You said she was kind and considerate. What's happened to her?”
“It's not so much a case of what has happened, Mr Idol, more a case of what is happening right now.”
She reached down into her bag once more and pulled out an envelope containing several large-print photographs.
“A month ago, Claire Marie began acting strangely. She began sleepwalking, scratching herself badly in her sleep, couldn't keep her food down. She started having fits of uncontrolled cursing, most notably when her housemates’ families came to visit. However, when she had extensive medical and psychological tests, she was given a completely clean bill of health. When she began vomiting black sulphuric bile it was decided that someone from our office should intervene, and so a team of investigators was sent in.”
Sarah passed the photos over to the brothers,
“This is what she looked like when they found her.”
This was Claire Marie, of that there was no question. The flash photography made the red streak in her hair shine like fire. She was without makeup, but her eyes were now very dark and her skin had taken on a pale, sickly palour. There were scratches, scabs and marks all over her face, and her lips were dry and chapped to the point they looked like they might break and bleed at any moment.
“They did what they could at the time, but nothing seemed to work,” she said. “She has been restrained and medicated for now, but it is of utmost importance that we get there as soon as we can.”
Chris and Pete looked at each other, before turning back at the nun.
“I'm sorry, Sister,” Chris said. “But we're going to have to say no.”
***
Sarah sat in stunned silence. She was told specifically that these two were the most efficient practicing exorcists in the country. They were the ones for the job. The only ones. Her specific instructions were to being the Idol brothers with her.
“I'm sorry?” she said. “No?”
“It's the opposite of yes,” Chris replied.
“How can you say no? Did you see the pictures? Can’t you see this poor girl needs help?”
“I can see this girl needs help, but we won't be any use to her, not right now, anyway,” Chris said.
“Not right now? This girl’s soul hangs in the balance, and you're saying that you won't help her? What kind of people are you?”
Pete, noticing the anger in the nun’s voice, raised his hands. “Whoa there, Sister. Please don't get upset. What my brother is trying to say in his own way is that, although we would love nothing more than to help Claire Marie out, it's just not physically possible right now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, in order for us to do our job to the best of our capabilities, we need a fully-trained, holier-than-thou member of the cloth to draw the evil out. Father Rhodes is recuperating. Without him we don't stand a chance,” Pete said.
“Where is Father Rhodes?” Sarah asked, slightly more relaxed.
“In the back of our van,” Pete replied.
“He's alive,” Chris said. “But only just. This life and this job, naturally it's taken its toll on him. The booze hasn't helped.”
“Father Rhodes drinks?” Sarah seemed surprised.
“Like a bloody fish,” Chris said. “He can't keep going on like this. We need to get him some help.”
“Without Rhodes, we can't help you,” Pete said, pulling a tatty Rolodex over to him. “But we know quite a few people who would be helpful. Good people.”
Sarah smiled softly. “That won’t be necessary, Mr Idol.”
“Call me Pete,” Pete said, smiling.
“As I was saying, Pete, that won't be necessary. Our offices were aware of Rhodes’ problems from the correspondence he sent. He neglected to mention a proble with alcohol, but I'm sure that he will get all the help he needs once they take him back to the facility”
The brothers sat quietly stunned for a moment.
“Wait, what?” Chris said. “What correspondence?”
“Who’s taking him? What facility?” Pete added
Sister Sarah looked surprised. “I'm sorry, I thought you already knew. Head office sent you several letters and emails about the process.”
Pete looked at his brother, all at once aware of the batch of unopened letters, bills and junk mail sitting in the bottom drawer of his desk. He suddenly felt very stupid.
“Father Rhodes is to be taken to the central offices for recuperation and spiritual rejuvenation. There he will receive all the attention he needs. He will get only the best attention, I assure you.”
A brief pause.
“That’s good. He's been doing this for far too long, bless him. The old man needs a break.” He sighed “When will someone will be picking him up?”
“I don't think you're understanding me, Christopher. They're here to pick him up today,” Sarah replied
“Today?!” they both said, rising up from their chairs.
“They can't do that,” Pete cried. “We've only just got back from another case! Shit, we haven't even got a replacement yet!”
“So you're telling us,” Chris said, “that, not only are they planning to take away Montague, but we're being asked to take on another case immediately? That’s ridiculous. How on earth do they expect us to do that?”
“I'm afraid you don't understa—”
“No, it’s them that don’t understand,” Chris continued. “In order for us to be efficient, we need an agent of the church to work with. Someone fully trained in the art of exorcism. Someone who is no stranger to the way we do things.”
“That’s what I'm trying to—”
“Someone willing to step in front of the fire and be ready to piss on the flames. An individual with the support of God behind them and the conviction to bring the foulest monsters to the surface, and face them head-on without flinching. Once they bring those demons out—”
“We blow the fuck out of them!” Pete said.
Sarah looked at Pete astonished, and Chris looked at his brother disapprovingly, and slightly disturbed. Pete realised what he’d just said.
“That sounded a lot better in my head,” he mumbled.
The brothers sat down.
“As I was saying, Sister,” Chris went on, “we can't possibly help you unless we have help from a higher power. And where are we going to find someone like that at such short notice?”
Sarah smiled. “That's what I've been trying to tell you. You don't have to look for help. I'm going to be your new assistant.”
CHAPTER FIVE
GOODBYE FATHER, HELLO SISTER
The Idol brothers had seen many things in their relatively short lives. There were not many things in the world that could render them speechless.
“I'm sorry, what?” Chris broke the silence.
“I'm going to be your assistant,” Sarah replied. “Well, temporary assistant, I should say.”
“Whoa there!” Pete cried. “We don’t need an assistant, we need a priest! I mean… I'm not suggesting we have any issue with you, personally. What I mean to say is, we’re used to working with a fully-trained exorcist. What are we supposed to do if we don't have one?”
“Is it because I'm a woman?”
Pete's eyes widened and he held his hands up.
“No! That's got nothing to do with it.” He fixed the nun with a serious look.
“Man, woman, Martian, it doesn't matter,” he said. “Hell, we’d work with a pot of jam so long as it was a fully-trained exorcist.”
“A new priest will be provided in time,” Sarah said. “In fact, there’s one training as we speak. Should be ready within a month, but until then I have been instructed to assist you as best I can with the duties laid out for you by the Church and the Holy Roman Order.”
Chris rubbed his chin and Pete looked blank.
“I assure you, I'm more than capable of helping you. I've been trained to fulfil the roles you need for the next month, just until an official replacement arrives,” she said. “It was all in the correspondence head office sent you.”
“So that's it, then?” Chris said, his eyes fixed on the nun. “That's the way things are going to be?”
She timidly nodded. There was a pause and Chris exhaled.
“Well then...” He stood, as did Pete. “Welcome to the team, Sister,” he said.
***
Sally clicked the switch of the kettle that sat in the corner of her office and listened to the comforting hiss as the water started to boil. Sister Sarah would want another drink soon; almost certainly.
It would be so nice, Sally though, to have another female around to talk to, someone to help keep tabs on those damn brothers. She wandered across to the window and looked outside, just as two suited men stepped out of one of the parked-up Sedans. They smartened out their suits and turned their attention to the company van, no doubt wondering why it was rocking back and forth. They were quite handsome in a blank, emotionless piece of oak kind of way, she thought.
The kettle bubbled and spat and then clicked itself to completion, and Sally stepped back to prepare a fresh pot of tea. Just then, the door to the Idol brothers’ office opened and Sister Sarah stepped out, her cup and saucer in hand and a pleasant smile on her face.
“Ooh, you're just in time, love,” Sally chirped cheerfully. “Kettle’s just boiled.”
Sarah placed her cup and saucer on the tea making station.
“Thank you, Mrs Horrace, but I'm afraid I've had my quota of tea for the day, sorry.”
“No apology needed, my dear,” Sally said. “Anytime you want a cup, just ask.”
“Can I have a cuppa, Sally?” Pete said.
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