by Dani Oden
There was nothing out of place in the library. I pretended not to notice how the mantel was completely closed, and the foam brick was snugly in place. Kayla was preoccupied with administering the test to all thirty-five of us, so I don't think she was paying too much attention to me anyway. As soon as it was over, I went to my closet room to change and get ready for a visit to Tad.
"How'd it go?" one of the twins asked from behind a glossy magazine as she lounged on our couch. I hadn't seen her or her sister in so long that I forgot they had part ownership of the room.
"The test? Easy-peasy," I replied with fake cheerfulness, like a good pledge.
"Etiquette is always the easiest. You know you only have one left, right?"
"We do?" I said.
"Only one more test, then the rest of your pledge period is outside the book," Mindi-Mandi said, keeping her eyes on her magazine.
"What does that mean?"
She smiled, still not looking up. "I can't tell you."
"Oh, no problem," I said breezily. I pulled my coat from my closet and slid my arms through the silk-lined sleeves.
"Going somewhere?" she asked.
"Yep, to see someone."
"A boy?" she peeked over the top of her page, raising her eyes at me. "What house is he in?"
I told her, and she appeared mildly impressed. "That's a good house."
I shrugged. "He seems like a good guy."
"Well, have fun. Be safe, don't get pregnant."
I didn't answer her, I only pushed my purse strap over my shoulder, placed a cream-colored crocheted floppy hat on my head, and closed the door on my way out.
Hannah was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. "Cute hat, where's Lindy?" she asked.
"I thought she was with you," I answered.
"Nope," she said unnecessarily. “Weird, she knew we were leaving. Should we try to find her?"
I considered the idea and shook my head. "I'll text her."
Within moments, her reply came. Catching up on schoolwork. See u when u get back.
Hannah shrugged it off and we continued on our way. "You have quite the shit-eating grin on your face, you know that, right?" she said. It was a cool, overcast night and the moon was nowhere to be found. Light was shining from the windows of all the sororities and fraternities on our street, giving them a dollhousey glow.
I buried my hands in my pockets. "Do I? I'm just excited to see him again." I felt bold, heading over to Tad’s like that. It was like going to one of the basketball games in high school to watch the cute players, but way better since now there was a good chance the night would end with making out.
"He is cute," she said.
I agreed, "He is. He is definitely the cutest guy I've ever kissed."
We passed another pair of girls from a different sorority, walking in the other direction. They gave us the side-eye, as if to say, 'you're not going to see the boys we just saw, are you?' Hannah tossed her dark ponytail over her shoulder at them in the most expert display of girl-dominance I'd ever seen in person.
"Seriously though, you need to stop saying that kinda stuff. He's going to hear about it and it makes you sound like you aren't as cool as him, which totally isn't the case," she said as we got to their front steps.
"You don't think it would make him feel good?" I ran through the memories of my night with him to make sure I hadn't already blurted out something along those lines.
"It might, but it would still make you sound lame," she said, knocking. Within seconds the door was opened by a chubby guy with rosy cheeks.
"Hannah-banana!" he greeted her warmly.
She gave him a big hug. "Goober! How's it going?"
"I'm hanging in there, pledging, you know."
"Oh, I know," she said sympathetically.
He turned to me. "Hi, there."
"Hi," I said.
"This is my pledge sister, Jill," Hannah said.
"Oh, the Jill that Tad knows?" he asked, putting a hand out.
"That sounds right,” I accepted it. What was with these boys and shaking hands?
"I just heard him say he had company coming over. I think they're out back," he turned to show us the way.
Hannah stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Out back? Evan too?"
He nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, a bunch of guys had quizzes today. I'm sure they'll be done soon."
She crossed her arms indignantly. "He should have told me."
"He didn't?" Goober was surprised.
"No, neither of them did, right, Jill?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said.
"They're smoking," she clarified.
I blinked at her, "I didn't know Tad smoked. I didn't smell it on him."
"It's not cigarettes," she grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the back of the house, leaving Goober to close the door behind us.
The aroma reached us before we were even outside. It smelled like a warm, herbal skunk had rolled around in something floral. We found eight or so different guys in jeans, fleece jackets, and hoodies sitting in a circle made of mismatched lawn furniture on their poorly lit cement patio. Evan was laughing loudly when we arrived, in the middle of some story about a dog on a golf course. Tad was next to him, giggling in such a way that no sound was coming out of his mouth. His eyes were half closed but other than that, he looked the same.
I expected Hannah to let Evan have it, but instead she slid easily onto his lap, took the tiny rolled joint out of his hand with her thumb and forefinger, and held it to her own lips.
My mouth dropped open, the same way Tad's did when he saw me.
I mean, I’d been around that stuff before, at parties and late nights at camp, so it wasn’t a completely foreign concept to me. But I had to admit it was surprising to stumble on it when I wasn’t expecting to. "I thought you weren't coming until after your pledge test," Tad greeted me sheepishly, his drawl thicker than usual.
"We just finished," I said. Hannah was inhaling.
The other guys in the circle looked up at him, at me, then back to him. We'd only just met, so what could I expect? I didn’t even know his last name, I could hardly pass judgments on what he did or didn’t smoke.
Which is why I was flattered when he cleared his throat, and stood up. He handed his joint to the guy next to him, adjusted the collar of his fleece jacket and said, "I was just about to go inside, want to come up with me?"
"Dude, you're not going to offer her any?" said the guy to Tad's left, who had blond hair and bad skin.
"I'm sure she's good right now," Tad said, and I was relieved to not have to decide whether or not to join in. I thought for a second he might take my hand as he walked by through the circle, but he didn't.
I tried to catch Hannah's eye before I went with him, but she was busy burying her face in Evan's neck. Before Tad and I were back inside, the group had already lost interest in us and was laughing about something else.
I silently followed him through their basement hallway and up a back stairwell toward his room. What was I supposed to say? Did he think I cared? Did I care?
Once we got to his room, he plopped down on their couch and I sat down in his desk chair, noticing the smell emanating from his jacket. "Didn't you have a quiz today, too? How’d it go?"
"A nightmare," he shook his head at me. "Which is mainly why I was trying to unwind. I hope I passed."
"I'm sure you did," I said. The night we’d met, he let it slip that he placed into the highest level of math possible, which was good since he wanted to go into economics. I was pretty certain he was smart as hell. "What class was it?"
"French," he replied, like it was totally normal and not at all surprising.
"I didn't know you were taking French."
"Mais oui," he replied. "How else am I going to be competitive for internships in Europe?"
"By taking German?" I said seriously, but he threw his head back and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.
Still smilin
g, he asked, "When are you going to come sit by me?"
"Are you high?"
He considered my question. "Nope, we’d barely gotten started before you got there."
I wasn't sure if I believed him or not so I just chose to let it go, sliding onto the cushion next to him.
After a few minutes, we were relaxed enough for him to bring up how I’d found him earlier. "You were so surprised, your eyes were all big, like 'what is going on?' You looked like an owl. A really cute owl," he said.
I smiled back, not minding the reference.
“I knew you were a good girl,” he added. He grinned boyishly at me. This is it, I thought to myself. He leaned in, and I met him in the middle for our first kiss of the evening. It started slowly, gently and got more and more exciting. Soon, he was leaning me backward onto his bed, with a hand behind my head, his fingers squeezing my hair. My legs and arms felt liquidy, and I was glad to already be lying down since I wouldn't have trusted myself to do a very good job of doing anything else.
As he lifted his shirt off, I tugged at the hem to stop him. "Wait," I whispered.
"Everything okay?" he said. "Is it my breath? Damn it," he sprang off the bed to grab gum from his desk.
I sat up and tried to smooth my hair. "No, I just, I can't stay tonight. I figured I should tell you before...we get too comfortable."
His face fell, and I couldn’t help but feel flattered at how genuinely disappointed he seemed. "Why not?"
"Hannah and I promised Lindy we wouldn't leave her alone overnight, and since I stayed the other night--"
"It's her turn to stay with Evan?" he concluded.
I nodded.
He sat back down next to me on the bed and put his hand on my knee. "Well, that sucks."
"Sorry," I said. "I meant to tell you sooner."
"It's okay, I shouldn't have assumed."
He glanced at the clock at the edge of his bed, which said it was nearly ten. "How long do I get you?"
"Maybe for another hour or so," I said, wondering if Lindy would be waiting up.
"An hour? That's plenty of time," he said enthusiastically pulling me horizontal again.
About twenty minutes in, my phone began to ring, and I ignored it. Then, it rang again. Then, a text message came through. "I better check it," I said. I only had on unzipped pants and a bra, but I stood up without bothering to cover up.
Lindy was trying to reach me. The first text read, Are u still coming home? U should hurry. It's going down. The second message said, Have lots to tell u.
"Something’s happening at the house," I told him uneasily.
"Is she okay?"
"I’m not sure, she says she has stuff to talk about," I cleared my throat. "I better go."
"I'll walk you back," he said.
I smiled, remembering what the girls had said about getting walked home at night. "Thank you."
Once we were both dressed, I texted Lindy to let her know I was heading home. Tad held my hand the entire way from his bedroom to Iota Beta, even when we passed a group of his pledge brothers on the stairs, and a bunch of other girls on the sidewalk.
Lindy met me at the door, interrupting my chance of a good night kiss. "Hey," she greeted me. "Hi, Tad," she added.
"Hi, Lindy," he said pleasantly. "How are you?"
"Oh, I've been better."
He gave me a kiss on the forehead, and squeezed my hand. "See you soon?"
"Sounds good," I answered. I watched him head down the walk, noticing how nicely his jeans fit over his—
"Hello? Are you there?" Lindy said, waving a hand in front of my face.
"What?" I blinked at her. "Yes, I'm here. I'm here."
"This is a big deal," she said, pulling me by the wrist into the house.
"That's why I came home.”
She led me into the empty, eerily quiet living room. We sat across from each other in two armchairs near the back wall. Girls going to and from campus, or out to study somewhere, or to a fraternity house, kept crossing through the foyer on the far side of the huge room.
"Don’t we need to go somewhere private?" I whispered.
"We're hiding out in the open," she said. "They won't suspect us if they see us."
"Suspect us of what?"
"There was a card."
"What? What kind of card?" I said.
"I found it propped up on the front table, next to the coat closet, the same way your mom sets out birthday cards and Christmas cards above the fireplace at your house.”
"What did it say?" I asked. My emotional high from the time I'd spent making out with Tad was completely lost.
"It said, Do you like the surprise I left in the chapter room? It won’t be the last.”
EIGHTEEN
I waited for her to break into laughter and tell me she was kidding, but it never happened. “You’re serious?”
"Yes, completely."
I shook my head, trying to think. "Who was it from?"
"I have no idea."
“Are you sure that’s what it said?”
“Positive,” Lindy said. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to me.
On the tiny screen, I could make out a picture she’d taken of the card’s white interior. Two lines of crisp, pristine handwriting right in the middle of the page read, Do you like the surprise I left in the chapter room? It won’t be the last.
A chill went down my spine. "Where is it now?"
“I put it in Sister President’s mailbox, and Danielle the VP picked up her stuff and took it upstairs.”
I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly. “They have it now? Why? Why did you do that?”
“I didn’t want anyone to see me with it, and I was panicked and couldn’t think of anything else to do. I figured her mailbox was as good as anyone’s. I thought if they’re sick enough to keep a hand in the chapter room, they’re sick enough to joke about it, right?”
I shuddered. “That’s probably true.”
“But, what happened next surprised me.”
“Yeah?”
“Like, twenty minutes after Danielle took the mail, all five members of the Exec Board ran downstairs all at once and the girls who were in the library all came upstairs grumbling about how they’d been kicked out."
"Who was in the library?" I asked, on the edge of my seat.
"Three or four sophomores, I think."
"Okay, then what happened?"
"Well, it was quiet for a few minutes, then I think I heard screaming."
I clapped a hand over my mouth. "What kind of screaming?"
She shook her head. "I'm not sure. The chapter room is two floors down, it was hard to know what I was hearing.”
“Do you think anyone else heard?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What happened next?”
“Nothing. They’ve been down there ever since, and you just got home and now I’m telling you everything.”
"They're still down there?"
"Yep."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep, I've been sitting here the whole time.”
I sat back in my chair. "What does this mean?"
"If I had to guess, I'd say they may not have known about the hand."
"That changes things," I whispered.
“Yep,” Lindy said.
“Someone else could have put it there,” I said, trying the words out.
“Yep.”
“Someone else from inside the house—”
“Or outside,” she said.
"Shit,” I said, her words sinking in slowly. After a few moments passed, I added, "Do you think we should go talk to them? They’re probably just as surprised and scared as we were a few days ago.”
“What would we say?”
“I don’t know, maybe that we know about it, too, and it’s been there for a few days already, and see if there’s any way we can help?”
“You want to help them?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“I’
m not sure what else there is to do.”
“I don’t know how much help we’ll be.”
“We could at least tell them what we saw and when we saw it,” I said.
“Okay, but is there anything else we’re not thinking of? Should we call Hannah?"
"I doubt she's in any state to care about this stuff.”
"What does that mean?"
"The last time I saw her, she was getting high."
"I didn't know she did that."
“It’s a night of new discoveries,” I shrugged.
“Let’s just try her phone, and either way we’ll go talk to Exec after.”
I pulled my cell out of my pocket and selected her number. As I held the phone to my ear and listened for her to pick up, we heard her familiar ring tone blaring from somewhere nearby.
"Do you hear that, too?" Lindy asked.
Had she come in without us noticing? There were plenty of girls coming and going that night, it wouldn’t have been hard for her. Lindy and I bolted toward the direction the ring tone was coming from.
We found Hannah sitting alone in the dining room, munching on a heaping plate of leftovers she’d pulled from the fridge. Her eye make-up was smeared all over her face like a raccoon mask, her eyes were red and puffy, too, and her perky ponytail had turned into a droopy nest.
I gasped at the sight of her, but she gave us a head nod as a greeting and gestured for us to come over. "Are you guys hungry?" she smacked her lips, completely oblivious to her appearance.
We both rushed to her side. "Are you okay?" Lindy exclaimed.
"I'm totally fine," she said, wiping her nose.
"You’re a hot mess--" I began, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm fine," she shouted, pushing me away. I jumped back, avoiding the sloppy swing of her arms. She smelled like liquor and weed.
"Sweetie, what are you doing here?" Lindy asked. "Weren't you going to stay at Evan's?"
"Evan’s being a douche."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked as gently as I could.
"Nope. Nothing to talk about, he sucks," she said, stabbing a piece of meat with her fork.
"So you walked back by yourself?" Lindy interjected.
"I was hungry," she said, as if it was a thorough explanation.