Forever My Own

by Tracie Peterson

  Ilian couldn’t hide his frown. “What exactly are you saying?”

  “You need to resolve the past with your far before you can move forward into the future. The pain and misery of your past will kill any hope of happiness for your future. You know it, and so do I. I don’t want my sister hurt because you couldn’t find a way to forgive your father for his part in your mother’s unhappiness.”

  Ilian drew a deep breath. “I know it must be dealt with, and I intend to do so. I’ve been waiting for a good time to approach Far.”

  “There will never be a perfect moment, so you’d best just make the most of whatever moment presents itself. Until then, I’d just as soon you leave Kirstin out of it. She and I have a lot to deal with ourselves with writing to Mor.” He patted his coat. “She’s had a letter from home, and we’re going to read it together tonight and then write to Mor and Far about my being alive.”

  “And you’re sure that’s what you want to do?”

  For a long moment Domar said nothing. “I think what I want matters little compared to what is right to do. I think I’ve let this go on out of spite, rather than the hope of change. I convinced myself that it was for their own good to learn a lesson about false judgment, but I know now it was done more out of anger and a desire to hurt them.”

  “And will you forgive them?” Ilian asked.

  Domar smiled. “I already have and wish I had years ago. The liberty I feel is like a stack of logs removed from atop me. I feel at ease even though I know there will be consequences to face. I will simply deal with those one day at a time.”

  “Will you go back to Sweden?”

  Domar shook his head. “I don’t think so, but I won’t say that it will never happen, as I might have a few months ago.” He got to his feet. “I’ve kept you long enough. We both have more than a little work to do.”

  Ilian reached for the table beside his stool in order to heave himself to his feet. The leg was still very weak at times.

  “I’ll speak to Far soon.” He didn’t know exactly how it might help, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the next step to making a better future.

  Kirstin sat down at the kitchen table with the letter and a stack of paper. She had her ink and pen prepared and smiled at Domar. “Do you suppose we will wake Mormor by working on the letters here?” Mormor had already gone to bed.

  “I hardly think so. She’s been working so hard these last few weeks. I was completely surprised to find you two had sorted everything into piles and stacks and now all that needs to be done is actually moving it.”

  Kirstin shrugged. “It had to be done. Mormor felt certain the sooner we arranged it, the better off we’d be. Now we’re going to help Morfar finish sorting through his things.” She rearranged her writing supplies. “But first things first. Are you ready to write your letter?”

  “I already wrote it. I wrote it back at camp before I came to town.”

  “You did? How clever of you. Will you allow me to read it?”

  “Of course.” He reached into his coat pocket and placed the letter on the table.

  Kirstin unfolded the single sheet.

  Dear Mor and Far,

  I know you are shocked to learn that I am still alive, and for the pain or anxiousness that this causes, I am sorry. When I left Sweden, you told me that I was dead to you, and when the ship sank off the coast of Nova Scotia, I thought it a perfect way to fix that solution more permanently. I was in a great deal of pain and anger for the way I’d been betrayed. That you would turn your back on me was crushing. I was still so much just a boy, and my family was everything to me.

  Kirstin paused and glanced up. She didn’t even try to hide the tears in her eyes.

  “Go on,” Domar encouraged.

  She nodded and looked down at the page.

  I felt God had given me a chance to teach a lesson about falsely judging people—believing the worst of them even when they denied their actions. The people of the village and my family, save Kirstin, were convinced of my guilt, and yet I knew in time they would learn the truth. When the list came out from the shipwreck and my name was among the dead, I saw no reason to change it. I considered it for some time, and no other conclusion came to me but to remain dead. I came to live with Mormor and Morfar and Uncle Per and told them what had happened. I threatened to leave—to disappear forever—if they told my secret. They agreed to remain silent. I know now that wasn’t easy for any of them, but I was selfish, and my threat was real.

  Then Kirstin came to America. I was a real shock for her, but seeing her so happy, it gave me pause to reconsider. She convinced me that I needed to let you know that I was alive—that I needed to forgive you and the others rather than spend my days trying to force a lesson that no one surely cared about anymore. So now I am writing to let you know how sorry I am for the years of pain I’ve caused. I am sorry that I gave no thought to how it might be for parents to suffer such a loss. I was only thinking of myself and my own pain. I hope you’ll forgive me, just as I forgive all of you for not believing me and for sending me away.

  There was little more to the letter, and Kirstin set it aside. “It’s very good. You were more than kind and generous.”

  “I’m glad to have it done. You may tell them I have no plans for returning to Sweden. I started to mention it but couldn’t think of the right words.”

  “I understand. I will say something about it. Perhaps I’ll tell them about your job promotion. I was so happy to hear you talk about it at supper. I still worry, however, that you might get hurt like Ilian did.”

  “You care for him.” It was more statement than question.

  Kirstin nodded. “I do. There’s something about him that has attracted me from the start. We’ve neither one said anything about our feelings. There’s been too much to do, and romancing each other is hardly appropriate when faced with such things. I’m sure in time we can figure it out, however.”

  “Ilian has just managed to get back on his feet,” Domar reminded her. “And his spiritual thinking has changed. He’ll need time to sort through that as well.”

  “Ja, and then there’s his father. Ilian can hardly think of taking a wife before figuring out how to forgive his father for the past. There can be no future without that matter resolved.”

  Domar smiled. “You’re very wise. Here I was thinking I might have to convince you.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I have spent my life listening to wise council. I have taken to heart the things I’ve heard and learned. There can be no peace in a man’s future until he deals with his past.”

  “I wish I’d learned that years ago. I’ve been frozen in place all these years because of my own unwillingness to learn that truth.”

  She covered his hand with hers. “Well, you’ve learned it now. Perhaps it will bring you more love than you ever dreamed possible.”

  “Maybe it will give me the courage to love.”

  Chapter 19

  With the taste of spring in the air, it was full speed ahead on building the new Scandinavian neighborhood overlooking Lake Superior. Kirstin was excited to go and see the progress on the buildings. She knew her grandmother and Morfar had chosen lots they felt would be most beneficial to their needs, but until now she’d not seen them. So with Ilian riding beside her in the carriage and Mormor up front, Morfar drove them out to the new land.

  “There is much to like about this property,” Morfar declared as they drew near the area. “The view is a good one. Lena likes it a lot.”

  “I do,” Mormor agreed. “It looks down on the water, but the trees help protect it from the wind. There are also some nice large rocks that make me think it will be sturdy in the years to come. Not only that, but the lot is set apart from the other houses and has a nice easy path to the water. Habram and Ilian should be able to get the Mackinaw boats delivered without any difficulty.”

  “Well, that remains to be seen. Speaking of which,” Habram said, looking over his shoulder, “
I have an order to consider. We should talk about it later.”

  Ilian nodded. “I don’t have a lot on my calendar just yet.”

  Kirstin grinned and nudged him gently in the ribs. “You have plenty to do. Mormor and I worried that you had completely overworked yourself last night, being over here with your far.” She didn’t add that they were also delighted that the men were working together.

  “The place won’t build itself,” Ilian replied with a wink.

  He was sitting very close, and Kirstin couldn’t help but feel her heart beat a little faster. Mormor had always alluded to the possibility of a relationship between Kirstin and Ilian, but now that Kirstin was actually considering it, she felt shy and almost reserved.

  “Well, neither do you two have to build it overnight. We have good men provided by Mr. Carson,” Mormor scolded him. “We want you to recover from your injury first, Ilian.”

  “I am recovering just fine, as you well know. All thanks to you and Kirstin. You make wonderful nurses.”

  Kirstin could hear the workers laboring with their saws and hammers before she ever saw the first houses. She strained to see out of the carriage. There were two distinct rows of platted land. Someone had driven markers around each lot and tied string from stake to stake to show the various sizes.

  “Mr. Carson had three separate house plans drawn up,” Morfar told them. “One is for a small cottage with two bedrooms and a nice living area. The second has three bedrooms with two of them upstairs. The third is much bigger. That’s the one your mormor chose, of course. She likes to have her space.”

  “I have family to share my house,” Mormor replied. “The key to a family happily living together is for everyone to have a little space all their own.”

  Kirstin smiled but said nothing about her grandmother sharing that house with a husband. “And you said the bigger house has three bedrooms upstairs?”

  “Ja,” Mormor replied. “And even a small room for storage. And there’s a nice-sized bedroom downstairs, with another room that could be used for guests or sewing. The kitchen and pantry are at the back of the house, so when you walk in the front door, you just see the living room and stairs first thing.”

  “You’ll see it for yourself in just a moment,” Morfar assured her.

  They pulled up to a place where there were two properties side by side. One had a house on it. The outside was already framed and in place. The other lot held a long rectangular building that looked more like a woodworking shop.

  “What’s that?” Kirstin asked.

  “That is where the Mackinaw boats will be built,” Morfar explained. “And at the back of it are a couple of rooms where Ilian can live. Until he needs something more.”

  Kirstin looked at the house. “And only one house?”

  “We were thinking maybe one house is all we will need,” Mormor declared. She glanced over her shoulder with a smile. “Come. Let’s go see what they’ve arranged.”

  Kirstin looked at Ilian, who smiled and shrugged. “Let’s go see,” he suggested.

  He climbed down from the carriage, favoring his leg. Kirstin waited until he was ready, then allowed him to help her dismount. She liked the possessive way he held on to her until he was certain her footing was sure.

  “Did you know about the rooms for you off of the workshop?” she asked him as the others set out across the yard.

  “Ja, sure. Your grandmother suggested it when I told her I didn’t feel right for her to plan on me living with her.”

  “She invited you to live with her?”

  He shrugged. “I believe she’s thinking of the future and being married to Far.”

  “And what do you think of that?”

  He studied her for a moment. “Living in the workshop or your grandmother marrying my father?”

  “Pick up the pace, you two. We want to show you something,” Mormor called over her shoulder.

  They were fortunate that there had been a couple of dry days. Someone had thoughtfully laid down plank boards to walk on, but the ground had dried well, and Kirstin thought it easier to manage than the boards. “It will take a lot of work to make the yard pretty.”

  “Ja, but that can wait until we have a place to live,” Mormor said. “Now, come. I want to show you something.”

  Kirstin followed Mormor and Morfar to the front of the house. “This will be our porch,” Mormor told Kirstin, pointing out where several wooden stakes were planted.

  “A real porch? Only wealthy folks have that.” Kirstin grinned and turned to see the view behind her. “I can just imagine sitting here, gazing at the lake. Maybe we’ll even be able to see the ice stacking in the winter.”

  “Perhaps.” Mormor continued into the house. “It won’t be a big porch, but large enough for a few chairs. Come see inside. They’ve already done so much more work than they’d accomplished last week.”

  “Do you come here often?” Kirstin asked. This was her first time seeing the new house, and she’d had no idea her grandmother had been making multiple trips.

  “Habram and I come here every few days. He likes to help with the building. Ilian too.”

  Kirstin looked at Ilian. “I knew you’d been gone a lot.”

  “I helped put the woodworking shop together. We have to be able to earn our keep. As long as we have space to build the boats and get them to the water, we’ll be able to pay the bills. A man has to be able to do that.”

  “Ja, I suppose that is true.”

  They walked through the house, giving a nod or hello to the workers. Mormor seemed quite content with the progress they’d made and told them so. One man told her they should be able to move in toward the middle of May.

  “There will still be plenty to do,” Morfar declared. “Painting and such, cabinets and shelves for the pantry, but we can do that ourselves.”

  Kirstin didn’t press the obvious question. Did Morfar and Mormor intend to be married in the meantime?

  “You and Domar will have rooms upstairs, and there will be plenty of space for us all,” Mormor said, taking Kirstin’s arm. “I like how it’s all open to the upstairs. That will help it to warm much better in winter.”

  “It sounds very nice, Mormor. I’m impressed, but I hope you aren’t spending too much money.”

  “No. We are being quite frugal. We paid in full for our land and house, thanks to the generous amount we got for our homes. We’ll have plenty of work to do, and the house won’t be completely finished when we move in. Habram and Ilian will do much of the finishing work. Habram told Mr. Carson that he preferred it that way. And because the shop requires nothing overly special, they were able to get that up right away, and the men will have it for their work.”

  Kirstin had never seen Mormor happier. “I’m still sorry they are forcing us from your home. You have lived there so long, and it was such a nice house.”

  “This is a new start for all of us, Kirstin. I refuse to give that joy away. I won’t be glum and sad. I told my friend Metta that this was an opportunity for joy, and I would take it and cherish it. Already I prefer the view. Don’t you?”

  “Oh yes. I love the lake, and this is a nice rise to watch it from. I hope the other neighbors come and enjoy it as much as we will.”

  “Most are coming. Some decided to take their money and move away. They want to go be with family, and who can blame them? We wouldn’t be able to do much if not for the generous nature of Mr. Carson and his Mr. Cooke. That Mr. Cooke has done so much for Duluth. I think we owe him a debt of gratitude.”

  Kirstin nodded. “I hope God blesses him greatly. I hope the town does well despite forcing us from our homes and giving in to the demands Mr. Webster made.”

  “Mr. Webster has money, and money always has a way of getting what it wants. Mr. Cooke is rich too, but he’s using his money to better everyone and to build friendships. Mr. Webster is simply making enemies and buying his associates. It won’t bode well for him in the long run.”

  Kirstin looked arou
nd and saw Morfar and Ilian were nowhere to be found. She pressed her question. “Have you and Morfar decided to marry soon?”

  Mormor smiled. “We’ll see. God wants Habram to speak to Ilian about the past first.”

  “I can see that as wisdom,” Kirstin replied. “Ilian needs to settle the past.”

  “Ja. But it will be a painful ordeal. I’m glad you will be here to be his friend.” Mormor’s expression left Kirstin with a sense of dread.

  “For sure, I’ll be his friend.” She frowned. There was something in the look on her grandmother’s face that worried her. There was obviously something her grandmother wasn’t saying.

  Jordan Webster was a happy man. Happier than he’d been in some time. All of his life his father had berated him to take chances and do something to make his mark. Well, now he was doing both. The hotel and park he planned to build would bear his name, and people from far and wide would be impressed with all he had done.

  He looked at the floor plans for the hotel lobby and marveled at the thought of white marble columns and fireplaces. The hotel would cost a small fortune—in fact, most of his personal fortune—but he would easily make back his money in a few years. The location would allow for arrival by water or train, and the plans he had for the finest of dining and personal amenities would leave people talking about it long after their departure. It would become a destination like the luxury places in New York and Europe. The Webster would be known as the showpiece of the Great Lakes, and he would finally win his father’s approval, as his brothers had already done.

  Of course, he’d upset a great many of the locals, but they were unimportant people who carried no weight in society. Jordan’s father had often said that such people had faced hardship and disappointment their entire lives and were well versed in how to manage it. Therefore, there was no need to feel guilty or responsible when his actions caused misfortune. Besides, in the case of that miserable little Scandinavian neighborhood, Lucas Carson and Jay Cooke had already come forward to be the people’s salvation. Jordan didn’t like that they were looked up to in such favorable light. It only served to darken the town’s view of the opposition, and Jordan still had to see to it that the community embraced his project.