“Okay.”
“I really do want to go to school here, though. If I want to be an actor, I can’t think of a better place to learn.”
“Hold on a second. You want to be an actor?”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”
Isaac shook his head. “Not a damned thing,” he said. “Listen, I know what I did last night was unforgivable, but I want you to know that it was also a wake-up call for me. It’s probably hard to tell, but I’m really ashamed of myself right now.”
“Isn’t that the worst feeling ever?”
“Yeah.” Isaac sighed. “It really is. Looking like a fool in my own eyes is so… real, you know? I can’t pretend that it’s just someone else’s opinion. I fucked up, and I need to own it.” Hot tears stung his eyes as they overflowed. “It’s bad enough that I let the cat down, but I left you alone. What if something had happened to you instead of Punkin while I was out getting drunk?”
“I would’ve called 911.”
“What if you were knocked unconscious, Brainiac?”
“You’re right. You’re a total shit.”
Isaac reached over to squeeze the boy’s shoulder. “Thanks. I appreciate the honesty.”
“Maybe not a total shit,” Laith said. “You have a few good qualities.”
“I’ll work on expanding them. Now, how would you like to drive the rest of the way home? It occurs to me that I probably shouldn’t be behind the wheel.”
“Finally,” Laith said.
Isaac was actually able to chuckle as he pulled over at a convenience store. He and Laith changed seats, and Laith steered the car back out onto the road. After a few miles, Isaac reclined his seat and let his eyelids drift down. He knew he should feel terrible, but a strange peace was stealing over him, and he didn’t fight it.
ISAAC woke to the alluring smell of brewing coffee, saw it was almost seven at night, and got out of bed. Pulling on a pair of khakis and a T-shirt, he went out to the kitchen. Laith waved from the dining room and went back to the game on his laptop. Isaac poured a cup of black coffee, pushed away the thought of how nicely a dollop of Irish Crème would smooth it out, and felt a sudden urge to hear Janelle’s voice. Now where was his cell phone? Isaac remembered shoving it into his pants pocket last night, but where were his pants?
After a search of his bedroom, the front hall, and the kitchen, followed by Laith’s amused gaze, he ended up in the laundry room. The washer was on, and when he peeked in, he saw the clothes he’d worn yesterday. After a chilling vision of the phone going through the wash cycle, he spotted it on the shelf between a bottle of detergent and a box of fabric softener sheets. Unlocking the screen, he ignored the message that he had messages and called Janelle.
Janelle was out of breath when she answered her phone.
“Have you been jogging?” Isaac asked.
“You know better than that. I just finished a Lamaze class with my neighbor Beth.”
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
“I’m her coach. Her partner is posted overseas.”
Isaac sighed. “You give me so much anxiety.”
“What? Why?”
“You’re too good for this earth. I’m afraid you’ll get taken away too soon.”
“It could happen, but why focus on that?” Janelle asked.
“Good question.”
“Haven’t you heard the saying don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened?”
“Yeah, from you,” Isaac said.
“Try and keep it in mind.”
“You’re a good mom.”
“Thanks. I had a lot of practice when I was raising you. How’s my baby?”
“He’s doing okay. We had a tragedy this morning, though. Punkin—” Abruptly, Isaac couldn’t get enough breath to speak. His throat closed up tight, and his eyes burned with a sudden flood of tears. He gripped the phone so tightly that he heard the plastic casing squeak.
“What’s wrong?” Janelle’s voice got louder in Isaac’s ear. “Isaac? Say something.”
“Sorry,” Isaac whispered. “We lost Punkin this morning.”
“Oh no. I’m so sorry. He was a great cat.”
“I’m really going to miss him.”
“I know you are, honey. I’m really sorry.” Janelle paused. “How is Laith taking it?”
“He’s sad but being strong for me. I know you’re proud of him, and you have every right to be.”
“He’s something, isn’t he? Under all that adolescent cactus skin, he’s a sweet, caring young man.”
“And scary smart.”
“Ky says that Laith sees too deep.”
“I know what she means.”
“Despite how it happened, I’m really happy you and Laith are having time together. You have every right to be proud of him too.”
“That’s just not true. I’m nothing but the proverbial sperm donor. You and Kylie did all the hard work, and you did a great job.”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think we sheltered him too much. We always made sure he was well-informed, but I know we tended to keep him away from society in general. I worry sometimes that he won’t be able to survive out in the world. That we didn’t give him the tools to get along in normal—”
“Hold it right there. Are you seriously telling me, Janelle Robin Engram, that you would wish normalcy on your child?”
“I see your point. Is he really okay? He had quite an attachment to Punkin when he was little.”
“Like I said, he’s sad, but that’s….”
“Normal?” Janelle chuckled.
“Listen, he’s going to call you after I hang up, and he’s got some important stuff to talk about. I just want you to know ahead of time that whatever you two decide is fine with me. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right for Laith.”
“You just made me cry.”
“I guess it’s never too late to grow up.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Steve’s death was so sudden, and then there was that awful investigation that tore you up so bad. I’ve never blamed you for wanting to hide out.”
“You’ve never done anything but be a good friend, whether I deserved it or not.”
“I never thought about it that way.” Janelle paused before she spoke again. “I miss Steve too, you know? He was a good man, and he was good for you. I wanted him to be in our lives for a long time. I don’t know why he had to leave so soon, but would it be okay if we talked about him from time to time, just remember some of the good times, instead of avoiding the subject?”
“Yeah, I think I could handle that. I’ll give it a try anyway.”
“Good. Want to tell me how work is going?”
“Oddly, right now work is the one thing in my life that isn’t full of drama. The production is going really well, despite the fact that we’re making it up as we go. Having the actors on set while we’re still technically in the creative process is… interesting. But it’s working a whole lot better than I ever thought it would.”
“When people are committed to something, it’s amazing what they can do.”
“Spoken like a true tree-hugging, liberal lesbian.”
“Watch it, homey. You don’t want me gettin’ all butch on your ass.”
“Actually, it sounds rather titillating,” Isaac said in a lilting voice.
“You’re such a clown.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if we couldn’t laugh together like this.”
“I hoped you’d find someone else to laugh with.”
“History would seem to indicate otherwise.” Isaac sighed. “But there’s evidence to suggest that I can change.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“I’ll go now so you can talk to Laith.”
“Bye, Zee”
“Bye, Nelle.” Isaac hung up and shouted down the hallway. “You can call your mom now.”
“Thanks,” Laith called back.
After Laith put his plate in the dishwas
her and went to his room, Isaac splashed a little brandy into his coffee. He was cutting down on drinking, not going cold turkey. Taking his cup out to the deck, he gazed out over the thin evergreens.
“I was just talking to Janelle,” he said to the stillness. “But you were probably listening in, right? I want you to know that just because I’m changing doesn’t mean I’ll forget about you.” He raised his glass in a toast. “Remember when you taught Laith to fish in the brook? I know you haven’t forgotten the hook in your crotch. I laughed until I thought I’d pee myself watching you trying to try to take it out. I know it hurt like hell, but it really was funny.” Isaac took a long swallow of the spiked coffee. “Hey, listen. If Punkin hasn’t found you yet, please take good care of him when he shows up.”
As he raised the cup again in a toast, a falling star traced an arc across the sky. Feeling as though he’d been answered, he went back in the house.
Chapter 8
AS HE closed the doors to the deck, Isaac’s phone rang. After checking the number, he answered. “Hi, Colby.”
“That’s the way you greet your lover?”
“It’s been a hell of a day.”
“Why don’t you have dinner with me? I have a craving for tube steak smothered in—”
“Not right now, okay? My cat died this morning.”
“Shit! I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“When I asked why you weren’t in, Callie told me you had a personal emergency. I thought that meant you were sleeping off the world-class fucking I gave you.”
“Oh shit,” Isaac said. “I forgot all about my car again. It’s going to get towed if I don’t go get it soon.”
“Relax. I’ll take care of it.”
“I can call Callie.”
“Why? I said I’ll do it.”
Isaac was quiet for so long that Colby spoke again.
“You sound weird. Is it just the cat?”
“No, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“I don’t like the sound of this. Please tell me you’re not going to dump me now that you’ve slept with me.”
“I’m not saying that at all.”
“I want to see you.”
“I don’t think—”
“I’m not asking you to think. I could order something to go for dinner and bring it with me.”
“Okay. I’m too exhausted to argue about it.”
“It’ll be about an hour before I can get there.”
“That’s fine. See you later.”
“Count on it,” Colby said before he hung up.
“Hey,” Laith said from behind Isaac. “I’m making a sandwich. Want one?”
“No thanks. Colby’s coming over in an hour with takeout. Maybe you should wait too.”
“I can eat again.”
Isaac shrugged. “Suit yourself. Out of curiosity, what are you having?”
“Peanut butter and bacon on banana bread. Do you have any honey?”
“I just lost my appetite.”
Isaac followed Laith into the kitchen and made gagging noises as he watched Laith eat. Laith played along, going into raptures over his sandwich. Isaac was so pleased by the lack of tension between them that he hesitated to bring up Laith’s call to his mother.
“Go ahead and ask,” Laith said, tossing his balled-up paper towel into the trash bin.
“Quit reading my mind and tell me how it went.”
“Man, your breath is gross.” Laith moved a seat away from Isaac.
“That’s what your mom had to say?”
“No. She totally accepted me being gay… duh. She’s not thrilled that I want to study acting, but she says she’ll support whatever I want to do. She also says I have to go home and finish out the school year.”
“You had to expect that. And it’s already May. How much longer could it be?”
“A month in hell is a long time.”
“What did your mom say about the other kids harassing you?”
“That we’ll talk more about it when I’m home. I’m pretty sure she believes me, though.”
“Why wouldn’t she?”
“Mom never told you about the babysitter?”
“Not that I can recall.”
“When we first moved to Colorado, Mom and Ky were both working at night, so Mom thought she needed to hire a babysitter for me. I told her an eleven-year-old didn’t need a babysitter, but she got one anyway. This lady was a troll, a freakin’ troll. And she smelled like canned dog food and onion dip. Kind of the way you smell right now.”
“Very funny. What did you do to the babysitter?”
“She was awful. She wouldn’t let me watch what I wanted to watch on TV. She wouldn’t let me eat snacks. And she shut me in my room at nine on the dot. So I told Mom she hit me.”
Isaac bugged his eyes at Laith.
“I know,” Laith said. “I know now how awful that was, but at the time, I just wanted to get rid of her.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah, because she quit when Mom questioned her about it. Mom grilled me, and I cracked. When I told her I made it up, I’ve never seen her so mad at me. She called Mrs. Kozma and made me apologize to her.”
“If I was your mom, I’d figure you learned your lesson about crying wolf.”
“I hope so.”
“So how long do I get to keep you?”
“She said to call and get the details.”
“Okay.” Isaac went to the fridge and poured some lemonade. “Do you want me to call Colby back and cancel dinner?”
“No. I’m fine with it.”
“Really?”
“Well, I’ll be embarrassed as hell, of course, but I’ll get over it.”
AT THE sound of tires on gravel, Laith jumped up, nearly knocking over the Scrabble board. “I’ll get it,” he said as though the phone had rung.
Isaac watched him go to the door, all long legs and floppy hair, and had a vision of the man he would be all too soon. Tall and rangy, boyishly handsome, Laith had the kind of quiet cool that didn’t draw attention, but he was a little corner of heaven waiting for the man who could see past the superficial things. Isaac felt the warm glow of pride as Laith returned, loaded down with bags and boxes and followed by Colby.
“How many people did you think you were feeding?” Isaac asked as Colby and Laith set everything down on the bar and kitchen counters.
“Everything sounded good, so I ordered one of each,” Colby said.
“It certainly looks like it.”
“What are we having?” Laith asked as he opened one of the bags.
“The best Jalisco in Los Angeles County.” Colby began removing items from the bags and boxes, describing each in extravagant terms.
The food lived up to the hype, though they barely made a dent in the massive amount of dishes. Leftovers were put away, with Colby’s assurance that they’d taste even better tomorrow. “Or later tonight, after we work up another appetite,” Colby whispered to Isaac while Laith’s head was in the refrigerator.
“Want another beer or something?” Isaac picked up Colby’s empty Corona bottle.
“You don’t have to get me drunk. I’m a sure thing.”
Isaac gave Colby a stern look as Laith joined them.
“Oh, come on,” Laith said. “You’ve been really good about not treating me like a little kid. Don’t ruin it now.”
“I’m suddenly worried about doing the wrong thing in front of you.”
“I like you best when you’re just you.”
“Laith, I’m not worried that you’ll be emotionally damaged if you see me kiss a man. It’s just this man.” Isaac nodded at Colby. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Colby stood up. “I think I would like another beer,” he said as he took the empty back from Isaac.
“Me too.” Isaac rose to his feet. “Let’s take them out on the deck.”
“Why do I get the feeling I’m not invited?” Laith asked.
; “Do you mind if Colby and I talk privately for a few minutes?”
“Hell no. It’s Thursday night, and it’s almost time for my crew to log on to BotLL.”
“What’s bottle?” Isaac asked.
“Battles of the Lost Legion,” Colby said over his shoulder. “You didn’t know Laith was a gamer? Wow.”
“He’s clueless.” Laith shrugged and then grinned at Isaac’s wounded expression. “See you guys later. Be safe,” he said as he went down the hall.
Isaac and Colby got fresh beers and went outside. A pang of loss tightened Isaac’s chest when he didn’t have to move Punkin off the lounge chair before he sat down.
“Hey,” Colby said softly. “A friend of mine knows a place that does really nice pet funerals.”
“How’d you know I was thinking about Punkin?”
“Because almost every thought you have appears on your face. You didn’t know that? If you didn’t hate actors so much, I’d suggest you become one.”
“Before we start trading insults, I wanted to talk to you about Laith.”
“He must be over his crush on me by now.”
“It’s not a joke. We really hurt his feelings.” Isaac looked over at Colby. “He saw us kissing by the car last night.”
“Ouch!” Colby shook his head. “That can’t have been good.”
“He blew up at me, and there was nothing I could say in my defense. I just stood there aching because I knew I’d lost him. And I didn’t know what I could do to get him back. Only one other time in my life have I felt that bad. My response was to run out to a bar and go on a bender.”
“And you didn’t call me?” Colby had the grace to look sheepish when he continued. “Sorry. That was inappropriate.”
“I let Laith down. That was inappropriate.”
“He seemed normal at dinner.”
“Or he could just be exhausted. He’s been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours. His godfather stole his boyfriend. A beloved pet died. And he came out to his mother.”
“Yikes! I’d be a wreck.”
“Maybe he’s a better actor than either of us.” Isaac sipped his beer. “I don’t think I can do this thing with you.”
“What? I thought we got past this.”
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