by Unknown
He put himself away, wiped sweat from his forehead, and sat up. He didn’t force his intense stare on me, not right away, but when he did, I was leveled. The lust, the desire, was gone. Like a light switch. I knew he wasn’t going to touch me, to please me, but I hoped I was wrong. He looked, for a moment, like he was going to touch my face, but instead he picked up his bottle and glass and climbed to his feet.
“Go back to your cabin,” he said.
That was it. That was all he had to say to me, before leaving me there alone.
Four
By breakfast I’d convinced myself it had never happened. It was like a dream anyway, an indecent encounter with my best friend’s older brother on a beach beneath a nearly full moon? Too incredible to be believed. I was fully prepared to put it behind us until I saw him come onto the deck where breakfast was soon to be served. Shannon and I were helping Meredith, one of the housekeepers, set out the silverware at each plate, when his body filled the doorway and his eyes immediately found mine.
No, not a dream, then.
“You girls don’t need to help me,” Meredith chided good naturedly, but we reached in to the bucket for more wrapped silverware. The linen napkins were soft and very delicately embroidered at the corner of each. I wondered how anyone could wipe their mouth with such pretty things.
“After two years of eating from take-out containers or served from a line where women in hairnets plopped our gruel, it’s a pleasure to actually set a real honest-to-god table with real honest-to-god silverware. Do you know what Jess and I have in our kitchenette? A box of plastic spoons because otherwise you have to do dishes in the girl’s bathroom and there’s something really undignified about that.”
Melissa looked up from her computer tablet. “There’s something really undignified about plastic spoons.”
“Don’t be a snob, Mel,” Shannon said. I was still aware of Jonah’s eyes on my every little move. Straightening a water glass so it lined up with the others felt like an incredibly intimate, private thing under his gaze.
I wondered if he was thinking about me. About my mouth. The memory made me squeeze my thighs involuntarily. I’d never gone to bed so unsatisfied and turned on as I had last night, but Shannon’s proximity made it too embarrassing to touch myself. Being turned on by his mere presence made me angrier at myself than him. What kind of man leaves a girl lonely and wanting like that?
What kind of girl allows a man to use her and discard her so easily? I was ashamed, but mostly just really pissed off.
Melissa pushed her designer white sunglasses back up her nose and returned to the book she was reading. A tawdry romance from what I gathered glancing over her shoulder. She was dressed impeccably in white shorts and a white shell tank-top.
Shannon had on a light, flowery sundress over her bikini. Jonah was dressed way down from the day before in running pants, a t-shirt, and running shoes. His shirt was sweat stained and his face red and damp.
When he approached the table, Shannon made an exaggeration of his smell. “No! If mom sees you she’ll have a cow, Jonah. A whole cow. Go shower and change. Please.”
He frowned, glanced down at himself like he didn’t realize running caused even rich people to sweat. “Fine.”
“I’ll hold off the breakfast, Mr. Silver,” Meredith said while wrestling the last silverware from Shannon’s hands. She picked up her bucket and headed for the doors. Without thinking about it, I grabbed the other tub she’d carried the water glasses out in and followed her. Eric appeared at the door and held it open for us.
“Putting you to work already, huh?” he joked and Meredith turned to see me helping and scoffed.
“Put that down. I’ll get it.”
“It’s no problem, really. I wanted to find the bathroom and figured I was going your way anyway.”
I felt him behind me before I saw him. The heat from his sweaty body was unmistakable. I almost tripped over my own feet when he got close enough to touch.
“If she wants to earn her way here, let her,” he said in that voice he’d whispered prove yourself to me last night. My heart shot into my throat. He remembered everything too, despite the alcohol.
Meredith snorted. “I suppose you’ll let her cook breakfast too, refill your water goblets?”
“If she likes, who am I to stop her?” There was almost, almost something playful about his tone, but if anyone else noticed, they didn’t let on. Meredith made a derisive noise again and stepped into the house. I didn’t turn around to let him see the blush creeping up my throat into my cheeks. He followed us inside and Eric went to join his sisters.
“There,” Meredith pointed to a place for me to put the tub. She was too busy to argue anymore with us so I headed out of the kitchen in search of one of the many bathrooms I knew I’d seen yesterday. I did not expect Jonah to shadow me.
When I reached for a door knob to the bathroom in the hallway, he put his hand on the door to stop it from opening. He stood close, too close, and my breathing betrayed me.
“Look,” he said and I couldn’t help but notice his eyes linger on my slightly parted lips. “You can’t tell my sister about last night. She would be very upset that I took advantage of you.”
“Advantage of…” My jaw dropped and I was all at once angrier than I should be. “Were we on the same beach last night? I am quite sure there was no advantage taking on my side of things.”
“Be quiet!” He eyes flashed, anger making him bristle. “Could you be less discreet?”
This hurt, and I looked down at the floor between us. Of course, I was sure he lived in a world where he expected complete discretion and my part in all of this was a minor one. It was about his reputation and I was sure his father would have less than kind things to say about his behavior with me last night. I shrugged.
“My lips are sealed. You have nothing to worry about from me.”
It’s what he wanted to hear, so I gave it to him. Funny, it was more exciting to give him what he wanted when I thought he might give me something in return. This felt like something else and I was ready for him to move on and forget it had happened, too. I moved so that he had to take a step back from my space.
He hesitated, but I didn’t look at him. After a moment of consideration he leaned in, and touched the small of my back with his palm. His touch sent a jolt through me. I tried to pull away, but he kept himself close. He leaned his mouth close to my ear, whispered so that I could feel his breath on my skin. My heart quickened, my body responded the way he wanted it to.
“It’s only a closet.”
“What?” I jerked back from him but he’d already turned away and was heading for the stairs. I turned the door knob and sure enough, it was only a closet.
* * *
Breakfast consisted of a poached egg and some kind of sweet sauce over a bed of fluffy shaved potatoes, kind of like hash browns but smoother, less crunchy, paired with fruit and yogurt with little bits of granola on top. I paid close attention to my food, keeping my eyes from traveling to Jonah’s who inconveniently was stuck sitting across from me again because he was the last one to show up. On the breeze I could smell his shampoo and damp hair. He’d changed into jeans and a t-shirt, tighter than the one he’d run it, and I hated that I had to catch a glimpse of his body through the fabric. It was nice, from what I could tell. Once, I caught myself wishing I’d touched his chest last night, discovered the shape of him for myself, and then immediately hating myself for wanting someone so vile.
“When do you leave for the airport, Eric?” Mrs. Silver asked. She ate like a bird, like Melissa, making Shannon and I look gluttonous. We horded the hot bread as soon as it was brought out. I could have eaten the whole thing with the cinnamon honey butter they served with it. This put our microwave macaroni and popcorn breakfasts to shame.
“After I’m done eating. I’ll be picking up Nelson and Aunt Steph and Amber at the same time.”
“Too bad we couldn’t have planned the others to come in then.
Do you think it is unseemly to send a car for them instead of going myself?” Mrs. Silver looked to her husband who shook his head.
“If it weren’t my brother and his kids, I’d go, but they won’t care.”
“Everyone will start trickling in throughout the day. We’ll stick around to greet them, but tonight we’ll have a big bonfire on the beach and with grilled ribs and burgers. Mm, so good. There will be a bartender and music and everything. We like to kick off the retreat in style.” Shannon gave a little squeal and clap. Her laughter was infectious and I couldn’t help but smile.
Mr. Silver gave me one of his hard looks. “Are you twenty-one, Jessica?”
“Yes, my birthday was just before exams.”
“How lovely! Did your parents come up to see you?” Mrs. Silver asked. She and Melissa had visited Shannon for her twenty first birthday. They’d gone shopping and had cocktails at some fancy restaurant I did not have the money to go to.
My reaction was nearly immediate. I could feel the color drain from my cheeks and I couldn’t look her in the eye. I didn’t know how to answer them without my voice cracking. Shannon rescued me like the saint she was.
“It was just us. I baked us cupcakes in the microwave and we made icing with whip cream and strawberries.”
“You made…what in the what?” Melissa took her sunglasses off and gave her sister a concerned look.
I relaxed and Shannon and I shared conspiratorial grins. “They were terrible. We ended up just eating the whip cream out of the tub and watching movies until two in the morning.”
Shannon bumped my shoulder and I was fine with it if she was fine with it. It had been a great birthday.
When I looked up, Jonah was studying me like a specimen under a microscope, but he didn’t have the concerned half-smiles of his mom and sister, at least.
“It’s too bad your parents couldn’t have come up to see you. Oh, John! We should have invited Jessica’s parents up to the beach house! How rude of us!” Mrs. Silver reached for her husband who seemed to consider her reaction thoughtfully.
“No!” I said quickly and they all snapped their attention back on me. “They have summer plans anyway, it’s really not rude. Really.”
I would pack my bags and walk back to my school if they showed up. The Silvers couldn’t know that though. I didn’t want them to know that my family was the exact opposite of theirs.
Five
The Silver clan consisted of over fifteen other people, aunts and uncles and cousins of all ages and varieties. The McAllisters were the only ones left to arrive when the parade of beautiful people started toward the beach that night. Shannon watched the road to the house, nervous and eager, sometimes grabbing my hand, sometimes not. She still wore her summer dress, and I’d changed into my one and only dress to accommodate the upscale beach party. It covered my shoulders, but made my arms feel thick and exposed. Its heart shaped neckline was flattering to my figure, but suddenly felt too revealing. It fitted to my torso, plunged in the back, and flared out in soft, nearly see-through fabric at the skirt. The hem was uneven, longer at the sides, and when the ocean breeze caught the petal-like fabric I felt like some sort of fairy. The underwater blue-green color made my strawberry blonde hair stand out. It had been one my splurge for this trip.
We abandoned our sandals early on. The sand was cool and a little damp and reminded me of the night before when I wasn’t ready for it to. My cheeks would flush in response and I’d glance around to see if anyone had noticed. Jonah kept his distance, but sometimes I’d catch him watching me and I wondered if he was reminded of last night, too.
The Silver clan were interested in me briefly, the newest attraction at the zoo, as Jonah had said, but they quickly grew bored and moved on to catch up with each other. There was another boy Jonah’s age, around 26 or 27, all the way down to pre-teens running around after each other. Shannon had a twelve year old cousin named Samantha I was sure was a burgeoning pyromaniac. She sat increasingly close to the fire, feeding everything that wasn’t nailed down into the flames.
Shannon plied me with some cherry flavored, carbonated mixed drink with cherries skewered by a sword. I’d had four of them and was feeling pretty bubbly by the time the sun painted the sky a thousand different colors of orange and pink as it doused itself into the ocean.
“He’s here, oh Jess.” Shannon’s voice pulled me from my reverie and I turned to see the car pull up and deposit the McAllisters at the edge of the beach. There was Mr. and Mrs. McAllister, blonde and pale versions of Mr. and Mrs. Silver, two teenage girls in bikini tops and short shorts, an older girl about Melissa’s age in a bikini top, apple green jacket, and sari, and then, a dark haired young man that did not draw any reactions from Shannon, and finally the infamous Henry.
He’d clearly not given up surfing in the years since Shannon had seen him, and I totally understood the appeal. His blond hair was sun colored with skin like honey and muscles that, wow, took both our breaths away. He didn’t even bother to wear a shirt and only brightly colored swim trunks and tennis shoes without socks. He smiled easily and greeted Shannon with the appraising gaze she and I’d both been hoping for. When he hugged her, I could feel her tremble all the way to where I was standing.
“Henry, this is my best friend and roommate Jessica Lewis. Jessica, Henry McAllister.” She kept her hand on his arm when he took my hand and shook it. Strong, confident. I felt butterflies in my stomach. Shannon deserved a boy like Henry.
“A pleasure, Jessica. This is my mate, Cole and that is my sister Eva.” Cole took my hand too, squeezed instead of shaking it. Cole mimicked Henry in being one of the best looking boys on the beach that night. His blond hair was darker, a little longer and slightly curly. It made his face softer, more boyish. He smiled, winked.
“Jessica. Can I call you Jess?”
“Sure.” I had never been so surrounded or so intimidated by beautiful people before. It was almost enough to send me running back to my cabin. “Everyone else does eventually.”
Everyone except Jonah, who refused to call me anything.
Eva nodded and quickly disappeared into throng of Silvers. Shannon invited Henry and Cole to the bar and I stepped back from the mass hugging that then took place between the McAllisters and the Silvers. I’d already filled up my lifetime of hugs in one night and had no interest in getting swept up in more.
I lifted the sword of cherries to my lips and took the first one into my mouth. He appeared for the first time then. He came from behind and I sensed him before I felt his hand on the small of my back just above where the dress covered my skin. His breath touched the back of my neck, exposed where I’d pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail. It took all my will not to pull away.
Or press closer.
“Now that,” he murmured, “looks familiar.”
My body blushed for him from my cheeks down to my thighs and everywhere in between. He could have no idea how his breathy voice made me react.
I sucked the cherry between my lips, pursed them. His nostrils flared just a little.
“You’re being admired,” he said and lifted his eyes across the bonfire to the bar. Sure enough, Henry and Cole were watching me, Cole leaning in to whisper to his friend. Henry turned to Shannon, accepted a drink from her.
I made a rude noise and shook my head. “Don’t tease me. In this crowd I am the last person who would ever be admired.”
“Don’t be foolish. I recognize the look he is giving you now.” A growl of frustration surprised me. “If I’m right, will you meet him?”
“Would it matter if I did?” I asked. I took another cherry between my lips. His fingertips pressed lightly into my skin. He didn’t say anything for a moment.
“No, it wouldn’t matter. I was just curious.”
Liar, I thought, which made no sense, but his answer did hurt. Cole was very good looking and he was staring, but I knew this play too. In this crowd, I was the easy one. The one who would, undoubtedly, not say no. I’d alre
ady proven that last night, much to my embarrassment. And besides, he’d want me to take off my shirt and he’d be frustrated by my inability to do so. He’d question it, because they always do. He’d think it was my weight I was trying to hide, not the scars, and I’d play along like the shy fat girl they all took me for. I wasn’t, shy anyway, but when I still refused he’d spend the rest of the retreat avoiding me. Jonah’s strange attention, as inconsistent as it was, was preferable. He didn’t ask questions last night and I didn’t think he would start now.
“I should go join them then.”
I started to step away but his hand briefly held me still. I waited, waited for him to pull me back, but then he let go and when I glanced over my shoulder, he was already gone.
Six
Cole, as it turned out, was completely predictable by Jonah’s standards. He asked me if I would like to meet him on the beach that night, after the party had died down. He said he wanted to get to know me. He touched my hair, tucked it behind my ear, didn’t notice when I flinched away. He said he liked my dress, that he saw me as soon as they’d pulled up. The compliments were lovely and free flowing and a little addictive and I told him yes, I’d meet him. I liked the ocean in the moonlight. Not a lie. He didn’t need to know I was thinking about what I’d already done there, not what we might do.
I half believed him. His flattery was too easy, though. Too practiced. After being left so abruptly the night before, however, I welcomed practiced flattery.
After dinner, a messy, BBQ affair, Shannon and Henry disappeared and I was glad for her. I caught Jonah sometimes watching me, but most of the time he was engaged in conversation with Eva McAllister, who I began to hate as soon as she took off her jacket and gave him full access to her stomach and breasts.