by Unknown
“Does Hunter hate me?”
Jax shook his head. “If he did, he wouldn’t give two shits about what happens to you.” He bent and sealed his lips to hers in a kiss that was both dirty and tender and she melted all over again. “Stay sweet,” he told her and walked away.
She heard her front door open and close and she knew she was alone in her apartment again.
Her entire body ached and tingled. Zoe rubbed at the chaffing on her wrists, smiling slightly when she realized she’d gotten the marks she’d hoped for. What was bloody wrong with her? What kind of life was she chasing after? The pain, the pleasure, the uncertainty…she didn’t know anymore. She just wanted Jax and Hunter — anyway she could get them.
***
Once they were back at the club house, Hunter attempted to return to business as usual but Jax was bothered by what’d went down with Zoe. “You hurt her,” Jax said.
“I had to. She had that puppy dog look in her eyes, like we’re some kind of hero worth chasing after. You know there’s no place for her in our world.”
Jax remained quiet then said, “Do you ever wonder what life on the other side is like?”
Hunter stopped and stared at Jax. “Don’t do this, man. That road leads to crazy. She’s one of the shiny, happy people we used to see as kids. Remember when we’d see kids with their new shoes and slick new clothes at the start of school and we ended up with the worst of the hand-me-downs from whomever happened to be there before us? Yeah? Well, we don’t fit in with her people and she don’t fit in with ours. Now get your head on straight and focus. We need to find out if what she said is true. I need to know if Simms was fucking Sanchez and why.”
Jax knew Hunter was right but damn, there was something so tantalizing about the idea of starting fresh, going someplace where no one knew their past and just living life. No more gang shit. No more running the streets and fucking whores. What the hell are you talking about? Beaver-cleaver-style? No fucking way. Hunter was right; their lifestyle was miles away from anything Zoe would ever understand and the last thing he wanted to do was to drag Zoe into the craphole that was their life.
“How we supposed to find out about Simms?” Jax asked gruffly, doing his best to shake off his thoughts about Zoe but it was hard. He could smell her on his fingers and his upper lip and all it did was give him a stiff one all over again. He stalked over to the dingy bathroom and splashed some water on his face, scrubbing it with a thin paper towel. He emerged and Hunter gave him a knowing smirk that Jax ignored. “No one is going to give us the truth and besides, we wouldn’t know who to trust anyway.”
“We can have Dimas ask around. His girls seem to be pretty good at ferreting out information.”
“Yeah, I suppose,” Jax agreed but he felt uneasy about involving Dimas anymore than he already was. Dimas was a loose cannon and there was no telling what he might do to Zoe at this point. “Maybe we need to have a sit down with Bronx.”
“That fucker? I’d soon as well drink my own piss,” Hunter shot back. “I told him the next time I saw him I’d fuck up his pretty face and that’s a promise I aim to keep.”
“Well, fuck, Hunter, we need answers and it doesn’t seem as if anyone’s gonna be very forthcoming, you feeling me?” Jax said, exasperated. “If Zoe is right, someone’s messing with us and I want to know who and why.”
“I do, too but I don’t want to go off like a kid with his first porno. We have to be smart about this. Pretty coincidental timing, don’t you think? All this shit going down right on the cusp of our biggest shipment ever? We’re talking millions on the line. Everything we’ve worked so hard to attain is finally within grabbing distance and now all this shit goes down.”
“What if all this is a distraction?”
“What do you mean?”
“Think about it: if we’re too busy chasing down ghosts and shadows, no one’s paying attention to the shipment details, right?”
“Yeah,” Hunter agreed. “And if that’s the case, someone is playing the end against the middle.”
“Exactly, which means whoever is doing this isn’t with The Dogs or The Kings.”
Hunter took a moment to consider the possibility, then came to the same grudging conclusion as Jax. “I guess you’re right…time to talk to Bronx.”
SEVEN
Zoe pushed her lunch idly around her plate, not hungry but consumed with a restlessness that had everything to do with Jax and Hunter. Her best friend in the whole world, Delainey Jones, an artist who paid the bills with graphic design, sat across from her, chattering about something but for the life of her Zoe couldn’t recall what until Delainey snapped her fingers in front of Zoe, breaking into her morose melancholy.
“Hellllo? Earth to Zoe? Have you listened to a word I’ve said?”
Zoe sighed, immediately apologizing. “I’m sorry. I’m a terrible lunch date. I probably should’ve told you I’m lousy company right now.”
“Yeah? So what’s going on?” Delainey asked, munching on her salad with as much enthusiasm as she could muster because she was, once again, dieting. “What’s new? Oh! Are you dating someone? Did that dating site I sent you work out? I’ve gone out on a few dinners but nothing so far has really sparked anything special. I seem to attract a lot of accountants. Do you think that’s weird?”
Delainey’s comically perplexed expression was enough to lift Zoe’s spirits a little. “There’s nothing wrong with accountants. They’re good with money,” Zoe said, trying to help. “I mean, frugal and financially responsible can be very sexy.”
“Yeah. Sure it can,” Delainey retorted, stuffing a piece of spinach in her mouth with a wry expression. “Excel spreadsheets and budget programs are soooo sexy. The last one spent the entire dinner talking about how important it is to budget for emergencies. And then he asked to split the check.”
“Oh, ouch,” Zoe commiserated, unable to stop from comparing Hunter and Jax to the stereotypical accountant type. She really knew nothing about either of them aside from the fact that they had criminal records and fucked like beasts in heat. Her cheeks immediately pinked with heat and Delainey’s eyes widened with knowing and called her on it.
“You better spill, girl. I know that look! Who are you seeing? And why haven’t you told me?”
“Calm down, Delainey,” she told her, her gaze darting to the other restaurant patrons. “I’m not actually seeing anyone…not in the traditional sense…” Good lord, how was she supposed to explain her experiences with Jax and Hunter? How does a person admit that they’re engaging in a sordid threesome with two of the hottest bad boys to walk the planet? She licked her lips and reached for her water with an embarrassed laugh. “It’s nothing. We’re not dating.”
Delainey’s eyes widened even more. “A one night stand?” When Zoe didn’t immediately correct her, she gasped with scandalized delight. “Are you kidding me? No, wait, I need details. I mean, not the whole in and out but, well, up until that point.”
“I told you it’s nothing,” Zoe said, wishing she’d lied about dating some harmless guy from Delainey’s dating site because now Delainey would hound her until she caved. What if she just told Delainey the truth? Just threw it out there and let the judgment fall where it may. Delainey was her oldest and dearest friend. They’d been fast friends since freshman year in high school when they were both chubby outcasts always crushing on the quarterback even though he didn’t know either of them existed. They’d bonded over disappointment and expanding waistlines and a fair amount of late night ice cream dates when life had served up a bowl of rotten lemons and if she couldn’t trust Delainey with her secret, then who could she trust? All that being true, it was still hard to actually admit what was going on. Zoe opened her mouth but the words felt stuck. You can do this. Just admit that you’re falling in love with two incredibly bad men who managed to change your life with the talent in their pants. Ha! Sounded simple enough.
“The suspense is killing me,” Delainey complained, chomping harder
on her lettuce. “C’mon, Zoe, this is cruel. Just out with it. What could be so bad?”
“It’s not bad, per se,” she hedged.
“Yeah? Then spill the juicy details.”
Zoe let out a tight breath she’d been holding and decided, screw it, let’s go for it, and said, “Well, here’s the deal, I was chasing down a story idea about The Kings and I happen to run into two guys whom I thought I could interview but as it turned out they were not amenable to giving interviews and instead they…um…screwed my brains out. Yep. That’s about it in a nutshell. Are you going to eat that crouton?”
Delainey stared, her mouth dropping open and giving Zoe an unflattering view of her half-masticated salad. Recovering, Delainey swallowed with effort and then gulped down some water to wash it down when it stuck. “Are you kidding me? Wait a minute…what story and just how exactly?” Delainey looked boggled. “I have so many questions.”
“That’s mostly it.” Well, not entirely but as Delainey continued to stare as if Zoe had just admitted to stripping on the side, she wasn’t sure if she should share any more details. “And, you know, it’s complicated.”
“Complicated. Huh. I can imagine. I wish I had a complicated relationship status.” Just then Delainey nearly choked as she caught what Zoe had really said. “Did you sleep with them both? At the same time?”
“Um, yes.” Zoe cringed.
But Delainey didn’t squeal or shriek or gasp. In fact, she just continued to stare in a way that made Zoe wish she would just freak out and get it over with. The thing was, something like this was so far afield of anything they’d ever known that it was hard to metabolize, even for Zoe. “What are they like?” Delainey’s quiet question shocked Zoe. “Are they…gross?”
“No, not at all. They are the hottest guys I’ve ever seen in my life,” Zoe admitted without hesitation, adding wistfully, “They’re the kind of guys we used to daydream about except with more muscles and more tattoos.”
“They have tattoos? Of course they do, they’re bikers,” Delainey answered herself as if irritated for asking such an obvious question. “What’s it like?”
“What is what like?” Zoe repeated, not wanting to misunderstand and inadvertently share too much.
Delainey glanced around first to see if anyone was within earshot, then whispered dramatically, “Being with two men at once.”
Zoe colored. Oh, so she hadn’t misunderstood. She cleared her throat, prepared to be all clinical about the situation, as in, yes, being with two men is physically pleasurable, as one might expect when two different people are worshipping a woman’s body simultaneously, but what came out was more gushy and fangirl-like instead. “It was the most amazing experience of my life! I mean, at first, I was totally shocked, because, oh my God, who aside from porn stars have threesomes in real life, right? But then, it just happened and it was so incredibly hot and dirty, and wonderful, that I think I’ll never be able to go back to vanilla sex again.”
“Vanilla?” Delainey blinked. “What does that mean?”
“That means, you know, regular sex.”
“Oh.” Delainey, suddenly remembering her salad, pushed a sodden piece of lettuce around, saying, “So, are you dating them both? Now I understand what you meant about things being complicated.”
“Oh, that’s not the half of it,” Zoe said, frowning. “In the bedroom, things are amazing. I mean, they have bodies for days, and they really know how to, um, you know, make things happen, which, incidentally, has made me realize that I’ve been settling for far less than I deserve in the sex department. Did you know that I never came with Teddy? Nope. Not even once. Not that I would’ve had a chance because he was one and done in two blinks. All he did was grunt a few times and then leave a mess on my stomach to clean up.”
“I thought you said you enjoyed the sex with Teddy.”
Zoe laughed. “I lied,” she admitted. “But then what did I have it to compare to? Now, I know and I have to say, there’s no putting that genie back in the bottle.”
“So, back to my original question…are you dating?”
“No.”
“Oh. So it’s just a sex thing?”
Zoe lost her smile. Ouch. Hard to admit but yeah, what she had with Jax and Hunter was purely sexual, right? It wasn’t as if she knew anything about them or if they cared to share anything about themselves that wasn’t sexual in nature. Did she want more? What did that mean in the overall scheme of things? She didn’t know. Crap, she didn’t have answers to the tough questions. Realizing Delainey was still waiting for an answer, she nodded glumly. “Yeah, it’s a sex thing.”
“But you want more?” Delainey supplied in an unsure voice.
“I don’t know what I want,” Zoe admitted. “Hence, it’s complicated.”
Delainey nodded in commiseration, adding, “Well, at least if it’s just going to be about sex, the sex sounds pretty amazing.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a minute before muttering, “I’d love to have some dirty, awesome sex at least once in my life.”
“Every girl should,” Zoe agreed. “Before Jax and Hunter I thought I had to settle. Now, I say, forget about settling, go for the hot guy and see what happens.”
Delainey grinned in somewhat awe. “Wow. Those guys really did a number on you. You’re so full of confidence and bravado. I like this new Zoe.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah. She gives me hope that there’s someone out there for me, too. Someone who wants me — all of me.” Delainey pushed her salad away with a grimace. “Someone who won’t insist that I eat a salad for every meal.”
Sudden moisture stung Zoe’s eyes for Delainey’s comment. How many times had she thought that very same thing? The fact that Jax and Hunter seemed to celebrate her curves, to enjoy every hill and valley, from the bounty of her breasts to the rounded curve of her stomach, made her feel beautiful and sexy — two traits she’d never imagined someone might attribute to her. But amidst all that feel-good empowerment that’d come with the phenomenal sex was the buzzkill of reality — Jax and Hunter were active criminals. That shipment they were so intent on protecting probably wasn’t filled with children’s toys for an orphanage. Drugs and guns were the staple income for most street gangs, motorcycle gangs included. Hell, Paula had pretty much told her that The Kings sold drugs same as The Dogs. And when she envisioned her life, she hadn’t factored in two hunky, drug-dealing thugs as life partners. Returning to Delainey, she squeezed her hand and smiled. “There’s a guy out there for you, I promise. Just don’t settle for a Teddy, okay? There’s so much better out there.”
Delainey nodded, soaking up the good advice. “You’re like my new hero. A rock star. When do you see them again?”
Good question. She didn’t know. The last time felt final. Hunter hadn’t even said goodbye. Jax had been sweet and tender but Hunter? No, he’d walked out as if he didn’t want to give her another thought. She winced as the memory returned with the pain of his cold departure, particularly after he’d given her so much pleasure and pain. “Do you think it’s possible to sustain a polyamorous relationship?”
“I have no idea,” Delainey answered with complete honesty. “This isn’t exactly in my wheelhouse, you know? But I would imagine that anything is possible if you work at it. Are you saying you want to have a relationship with them both?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. But I don’t know how it would work. There are more than the living arrangements to consider. I don’t think their vocation, if you can call it that, is exactly legal and I have no interest in going to jail as an accessory.”
“Right,” Delainey agreed with a shudder at the idea of prison. “Orange may be the new black but it would do absolutely nothing for your complexion.”
Zoe smiled at that, wishing for the easy button. “I don’t know what to do. Should I forget about them and move on? Or should I try to see if there’s something there?”
“Well, do you want there to be something there?”
“I
don’t know. I never imagined I’d be in this kind of situation.”
“Yeah, poor you.”
Delainey’s derisive quip made Zoe giggle. “Yeah, sounds rough, huh?”
“Cry me a river. I can’t get one guy lusting after me, much less two.”
Zoe remembered those days — because it was less than a week ago. She’d cringed when she’d listed curvy as her body type on her online dating profile because she always felt judged by doing so. Maybe this was just her battered self-esteem but somehow she’d always pictured potential suitors clicking past her once they saw she had a little extra padding. She shook herself off that thought train to focus on the now. “There’s more going on,” she told Delainey. “There’s a story I really want to write but Jax and Hunter have warned me off of it because they feel putting the information out there will put my life in danger.”