by Iris Deorre
Amelia understood his manipulation tactics, she’d learnt how to deal with them, with the help of Doctor Gallagher. Whenever he tried to make her feel bad about something, she was to ignore it and focus on something else.
‘Nice to meet you, Tami.’ Amelia sat down and began to help herself to some fruit salad.
‘I’ve hired Tami as your personal trainer.’
Amelia took a mouth spoonful of the mixed fruit and savoured the taste.
‘She’ll help you go down in body weight again.’
The woman smiled pleasantly.
Amelia looked at the woman and smiled then said, ‘Do you mind if I have a word with Mister Hughes.’
‘Of course, I’ll just go back into the conservatory.’
‘No, actually, I’ll ask Mandy to show you around. Get familiar with the place. Work out the route,’ she said.
‘Yes, okay.’
It took a moment before Mandy took the woman away. It was then that Amelia looked Justin directly in the eye.
‘We’ve discussed this with Doctor Gallagher, and I’ve done so myself.’
‘I know, I just thought the sooner you begin the better.’
‘For whose benefit?’
‘Mine,’ he said. ‘You know I can’t stand looking at you like this. It takes everything in me not to...’
‘To what? Hurt me?’
‘Can you blame me? I asked you to marry me and you turned me down.’
‘You do understand why I turned you down?’
‘I do, but I still don’t understand why we can’t just do it. I mean it makes me so upset. And when I have to deal with your weight, I just...’
‘Justin,’ she said feeling a little nervous. ‘I love you.’
He was silent.
‘Look at me.’ She gazed into his eyes.
There was a sudden shift in him.
‘I told myself that I would go down in size to help you feel comfortable. I don’t hate myself. In fact, I feel pretty good about how I look, I always have. But I want to help you and I’m making this sacrifice for you. So as a couple, you have to make the same sort of sacrifices for me. You can’t always have things your way, life doesn’t work that way and you know it, you just don’t want to accept it.’ She felt so nervous just saying everything as it was.
He kept his eyes on her a while longer, it was as if he was trying to arrange things inside his brain, trying to make sure what he said next would be the right thing. But nothing formed.
‘I’m going to go down to a healthy size.’ She continued boldly. Dr Gallagher had told her never to jeopardize herself, even if she was sacrificing things for him. ‘I’m not going to be a size eight, I never will be, my body shape doesn’t allow for it. But I will go down to a healthy size for me. I will eat better and I will keep fit and I promise you, I won’t be fat. But I want you to know, this isn’t just about you anymore.’ She could hear her heart between her ears. ‘We have a son and we need to both make sacrifices for him.’
Justin knew what the right thing was to do, but knowing what was right and feeling what was right were two different things. She watched him cautiously. She was grateful that the house had staff. His right hand formed into a fist, he gritted his teeth and sucked in breath. He pushed back his chair and without a word walked away. Amelia sat back into the chair relieved. Moments later the door slammed and all seemed peaceful. It took her awhile, but soon Amelia started on her breakfast again, and an hour later, she started her training with Tami.
****
The smaller she became, the more he warmed up to her. He started to wine and dine her and take her to events. Amelia had started working again, from home. The baby was well taken care of by Rebecca and was growing very quickly. Her parents had been great grandparents, and she wanted them to be part of Gabriel’s life as much as possible. She hoped their influence would bring some good out of him.
One evening, after they’d come from another charity event, something they’d started to do more than Amelia would’ve liked. Justin gathered her into his arms and whisked her upstairs. It had been a long while since they’d been intimate. Her, because she had just given birth, and was still working through her issues, him, because he couldn’t get past what she’d looked like.
He laid her gently on the bed and gazed into her eyes. She smiled back at him, unsure of how she wanted to proceed.
‘I don’t know if I can,’ she said.
He nodded, Justin’s switched, and the part that connected to her was on. The flood of positive emotions drenched his body, and he was floating on cloud nine.
‘Please,’ he whispered softly and kissed her forehead. ‘I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time. You look amazing.’ He planted another kiss on her forehead.
He gently kissed down the side of her cheek, he broke away and searched her eyes again. She saw it, the hint of the expression and she knew there and then she wanted to make love to him. She brought her hands to his face and brought him closer. Their lips touched and she let go. She shut her eyes and allowed him to embrace her, to touch her. He stripped off her clothing, a bit at a time, giving her admiring glances. He seemed proud, proud of what he saw and he showed it.
He kissed down the middle of her naked body until he was between her legs. He ran a stiff tongue between her moist lips and she whimpered. He pushed his tongue into her hole and she caved. He had a way with her, a charm he continued to have. He had a spell over her, a spell that at times, she could break, but only for so long.
The numerous times she’d had the conversation with Tate, how he’d hated the fact she was living with him. It had put a strain on their relationship, which had made it awkward for Mandy.
But as quick as the thoughts came, they vanished with each touch. He pulled back a moment and admired her again, but this time, he did it while he pulled off his clothes. His dark locks had fallen to the front of his face, making him look sexy. He stood back a moment, with his naked firm body, ripped chest, flat stomach and amazing legs and just kept his gaze on her.
Amelia melted, she wanted nothing more than to touch him, even if it was for just that moment. Sensing her longing, he crawled back over her, parted her legs and forced his way in. It caught her by surprise, but it sent a tingle through her body. He did it again and this time she responded equally aggressive. His sudden need for her was wild, he moved faster and faster, panting, moaning and giving all he had. She wrapped her long shapely legs around his waist and grasped onto his bum hard!
She pushed him into her as greedily as he was with her. He dropped his face, their lips touched and they kissed breathlessly.
‘Oh yes, oh god!’ She moaned into him. ‘Oh yes! Yes! Yes!’ He was like forbidden fruit. The more she wanted to deny him, the more she wanted him. Did that make her as twisted as him? Was she really as clean as she’d led herself to believe?
As they breathed heavily, reaching their climax, he whispered, ‘Open your eyes, keep them on me.’
Amelia looked at him, directly at him and something within her awoke as it did in him. It was as if they’d known each other long before they’d even met. As if their lives were meant to be, meant to meet.
Finally their bodies caved to the demands and they let go. He fell to the side and pulled her into him. It felt nice, just having him breathe close to her. She turned to him briefly and smiled.
‘Marry me,’ he said.
‘I can’t, you know that.’
‘And yet here we are,’ he said. ‘We’re acting like a married couple.’
‘But being married, tying the knot, is telling the world that you’ll take the person with all their flaws.’
‘Isn’t that what you’re doing?’
‘If I marry you, I’m not taking all of you. Every part of you, there is that part, that dark part that you haven’t embraced. I want to marry all of you and that means the darkest part of you. But I must do it with a clean heart, I must be that light to you, and to be that light.’ She gazed at him. ‘Y
ou must give yourself up, you must take responsibility for what you did to that woman. You may not feel compelled to do so, but that family, they were hurt, they deserve justice.’
‘So,’ he pushed up on his arm. ‘You’re telling me that you’d marry me, if I confess and go to jail.’
It sounded awful, as he said it. Of course she didn’t want to loose him, but she couldn’t live a lie.
‘It’s not about going to jail, it’s about owning up to what you did. I will be with you every step of the way, I’ll be your wife, I’ll support you and we will be a family, but we do it right.’
‘In jail!’ He leaned back into the bed and blew steam.
Amelia knew she wasn’t making much sense, but she couldn’t just allow it. She may live with him, but the moment she married him, that was different. She took the vows very seriously, even if he didn’t.
‘Let’s get some sleep,’ he turned away and leaned in to switch off the lamp. ‘We’ve got a big day ahead of us.’
Amelia knew that, their days were filled with so much that sometimes it took away the attention of what the relationship was really about. Keeping busy, was one way for her not to think about the obvious. The man who lay next to her, had taken a life, and he was getting away with it!
Chapter Eight
Three years later
‘Hi Mandy, could you cancel everything in my diary this afternoon,’ she said while she was being driven to the preschool.’
‘Yes, will do.’
‘I know there was a meeting this afternoon at the office, but I won’t be able to make that either. I’ll ring Justin just to let him know about that one, so don’t do that.’
‘Yes, will do.’
‘Great, thanks.’
Her relationship with Mandy had strengthened. Tate had finally asked the beautiful woman to marry him, and there was a little pang of loss when they shared the news with Amelia. It wasn’t that she wanted to marry him, it was that she wanted to marry Justin, but couldn’t. He still refused to do as she asked, therefore she couldn’t commit to him that way. Nobody really understood their relationship, but it wasn’t for anyone to understand. It had been the path she’d chosen, a difficult one, but she still believed she’d made the right choice.
But now, she was on the way to the private school to deal with yet another complaint about Gabriel. It was something she was incomplete denial about, and because of Justin’s immense wealth, the school had always made exceptions. But it never stopped them calling Amelia to the school all the time, and Justin just was never available. She dialled his number while the car drove onto the school grounds. Her life was like a fairytale, and yet it wasn’t one of those happy ones. It wasn’t necessarily a sad one, it just was a strange one. She could buy anything, go anywhere, the world was her oyster and yet in the midst of all that, the one thing that was important to her, hadn’t been given.
‘Hi, honey it’s me,’ she said.
‘What’s up?’ he asked.
‘It’s Gabriel, the schools called.’
‘What’s he done now?’
‘I don’t know, but I think this is something we need to deal with.’
‘Oh, you worry too much. Our son is nothing like me, he’s all you. Don’t worry, children misbehave.’
‘You worry too little.’
‘I don’t see anything wrong with the lad, and you always do. Now, as far as I see it, you’re being the negative one.’
‘Fine, but I just think we need to keep an eye on this.’
Even though he wasn’t fully involved with Gabriel, he’d learned to like his son. He had snippets of overwhelming feelings about him, but it was only just. The majority of times, there wasn’t a real connection.
‘If he does anything out of the ordinary, or if we think he’s got the same problem as I do, then we’ll deal with it then. Not sooner.’
‘Okay.’
‘I take it you won’t be making the meeting?’
‘No, I have to see what’s happened first, and spend some time with him. He needs his mother today, not Rebecca.’
‘I’ll send your apologies.’
They hung up. Amelia took a deep breath and then stepped out of the car. She stepped into the building with its historic architecture with her heart beating at a prompt pace. As she drifted closer to the office she noticed the little boy sat on the bench, kicking his legs. He looked up at her and smiled.
She stopped in front of him and crouched down.
‘Hey,’ she said.
‘Hi mum,’ he said.
‘Are you going to tell me what you did this time?’
He shook his head.
‘Why not?’ she asked.
He shrugged.
‘Sweetie,’ she looked into his eyes and tried to reason with him. ‘Could you tell me what you did?’
He looked away.
‘Okay, we’ll discuss this later.’ She stood up, there were times she didn’t know how to speak to her son. He was wise beyond his years, that it frightened her.
As she was about to knock on the door, it flung opened.
‘Miss Woods,’ said the principal. ‘Please, come in.’
‘Would you like to come in too?’ Amelia asked Gabriel.
‘No I would not.’
Amelia nodded and left the boy on the bench. The principal directed her to the seat and she sat down too.
‘I’m sorry to have to call you this way, but I thought it was best to speak to you face to face, rather than over the phone.’
Amelia swallowed back hard.
The principal reached for a piece of paper and pushed it over to Amelia. Amelia gazed at the drawing and gasped. Two little figures were in the drawing. One was holding a huge knife that was coloured in red and had large dots of blood falling from it, and the other boy lay on the floor. To the side of the boy lying on the floor there was a huge red colour all around him. At the top of the picture, Gabriel had dark clouds floating above them. The picture was very dark indeed, it sent a shiver down her spine that a three year old had such an imagination.
‘We’re very encouraging of imagination, but this, this is beyond anything I’ve seen. The worst part of it all is that, Gabriel said that this was a picture of him and Dylan.’
‘Who?’
‘One of the new little boys who has joined Gabriel’s group. For some reason he doesn’t like this little boy and wishes he was dead.’
‘Urm...he’s a child, he doesn’t know what he’s saying,’ said Amelia.
‘Miss Woods, your son is a brilliant boy. His mathematical and grammar skills are far beyond a child his age. I know we’ve talked about this before, but I really think you should get him assessed.’
‘Are you saying there’s something wrong with my son?’ She felt upset.
‘Dylan was pretty upset by all this. We have to come to some solution.’
Amelia nodded, she didn’t know what else to say.
‘Miss Woods, I’m really sorry to have to drag you here all the time, but its school rules.’
‘I understand. I will talk to his father about this and urm... let you know.’
The principal nodded. Amelia stood up and shook the woman’s hand and let herself out. Gabriel was exactly where she’d left him.
‘Come along.’ She held out her hand and he took it.
She gave it a squeeze and they left the building into the car. She looked at the little boy and showed him the picture.
‘Would you like to tell me why you drew this?’ she asked.
‘No, I would not.’
‘Gabriel,’ she said feeling a bit overwhelmed.
The little boy gazed straight ahead.
‘Gabriel, please look at me.’
The boy turned and looked at is mother.
‘This picture that you drew, wasn’t very nice.’
‘Why?’ He blinked.
‘Because it hurt Dylan’s feelings.’
‘Okay,’ he said.
‘Please don’t do
this again.’ She didn’t know what else to say or do. At times she felt like a bad mother. She worked all the time, Rebecca was more of a mother than she was, and Gabriel didn’t come with an instruction manual. She had to do something about it, things had to change.
‘Ok,’ he said calmly.
‘Do you understand what we’ve just discussed?’
‘Yes, you said I shouldn’t do it again, so I won’t.’
Amelia looked at her adorable son and shuddered. He was extremely bright, one was not to be fooled by his years. She knew he understood what she wanted, but as to whether or not he’d do it, that was another story all together.
‘Honey, it’s not just about not doing it again, it’s about taking other peoples feelings into consideration. We must always make sure we don’t do things to hurt others.’
‘I don’t like Dylan,’ he said.
‘Why not honey?’
‘He said my daddy belongs in jail.’
Amelia froze a moment. That little boy had obviously got that from somewhere. Amelia knew too well what that meant. People were talking, she couldn’t really blame them, Justin was a very wealthy man who had been accused of murder, but suddenly released because there wasn’t enough evidence.
‘I know it can be mean, and it hurts your feelings, but we still mustn’t hurt people because of that.’
‘It doesn’t hurt my feelings, it makes me mad!’
Amelia nodded, things had to change, she would have to speak to Justin as soon as she got home. She couldn’t let Gabriel go on this way, no matter how small the transgression seemed, it was still a big deal.
‘Whenever you feel mad, tell mummy and we work on it together.’
He nodded. But even though he nodded, Amelia was certain that wasn’t going to happen. She would have to make an appointment to see Doctor Gallagher.
‘What do you like about school?’ She asked.
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing at all?’
He shook his head.
‘Why honey?’
‘I just don’t like it.’
‘I’m sorry to hear about that. What do you think will make it better?’
‘Not going.’