by Ines Saint
His arms, his chest, his scent all felt familiar; Cassie snuggled closer, needing comfort. “Do you know I even thought you’d fallen in love with some other guy?” he asked.
“You thought I was cheating on you?” She stepped back, surprised and offended.
Sam shook his head, pulled her close again, and looked into her eyes. “I didn’t say I thought you were cheating, I said I thought you’d fallen for someone else. You were pulling away from me, and I couldn’t seem to get through. I was seeing less and less of you and you always had an excuse. We were heading for a breakup, that much was clear. Neither of us was ready to be as intense as we were. But I thought maybe you’d fallen in love with someone and didn’t know how to tell me, because you didn’t want to hurt me.”
Cassie swallowed hard. She’d never looked at the scenes from their shared past from his point of view, had never even realized she’d pulled away like that. That part of her life had always felt like it had been shrouded in a dark cloud and there’d been no light to see beyond the darkness. “Is that why you cheated?” she asked. It was the first time she’d ever felt brave enough to face the truth.
Sam let go of her. “I don’t know. I was out of it. There are things I’ve accepted I’ll never know the real answer to. I know I loved you like I couldn’t believe and I know to this day I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone I love.” Cassie watched him work his throat and concentrate on the floor as if to find the words. “The coach had yelled at me in front of everyone. I wasn’t used to that. I was used to being the standup guy, not the screw up. I didn’t know how to deal with it and when I was offered something to drink after the game, I accepted it. All I remember after that was feeling stupid, confused, and out of my mind with hurt and booze. I remember pulling away the moment I realized I was responding to someone else’s kiss . . . and I remember it being too late. You saw. You were hurt. And that became all that mattered.”
“I know I should be over it. We were both young and stupid kids and my mind knows it.” She looked away. “Maybe if what had happened with my father hadn’t happened . . . but it did. And I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be punched hard in the gut by people I love. It’s a reminder that I need to protect myself so it never happens again. It feels like as long as I let that pain linger, I’ll know to be careful.”
“It’s safer to not allow yourself to get lost in anyone else. I get that.” Sam shook his head, as if clearing a bad memory.
“You feel that way too?”
“I did for a while. So did Heather. She was once hurt badly too and it made us get married for all the wrong reasons. But Jake changed us. Loving him helped us move on. It still does. He makes me see that everything that happened brought him to me. And everything that happened also brought you here again, like this. Older, wiser, more complete.”
Cassie breathed in and out, over and over again. The knot in her chest loosened until it was tolerable, until she could think past it and go back, not just to that day, but to their entire lives.
Somewhere inside, in that place where the memory of the pain of everyone’s betrayal still hovered, it felt stupid to believe she should move on. But Sam’s words and actions, the events of that day, and the past few weeks . . . it felt as if a veil was slowly being pulled away from her eyes and she was seeing everything in a whole new light.
She put her head on his shoulder. His body relaxed. “Do you forgive me?” he asked, his breath tickling her ear.
“I think I do. Why did you forgive me so easily? I hurt you, too.”
“You won’t believe me.”
She looked into his eyes and saw so much affection, it startled her. “I will.”
“Your freckles.”
Cassie gave him a playful swat. “Be serious,” she commanded, while playing with the buttons on his shirt so she wouldn’t have to look into his eyes again.
Sam brushed his knuckles against her nose and cheeks. “I’m serious. Your freckles and sweet smile have driven me nuts since I was six. The girl behind them could drive the people around her batty with her impulsive ways, but she had the kindest soul and always meant well. I loved you too much to let anger take over.”
Cassie’s breathing picked up. She wanted to cry again, but she couldn’t. Everything she felt was bundled up in a watery lump in her chest and she had to swallow hard a few times to keep it down. “And that’s what I loved about you.”
“What?” he asked after a while, his breath mingling with hers.
Cassie put her head to his heart. Its steady rhythm calmed her own down and soon she could breathe again. “You rarely opened up, but when you did, you had the best things to say.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead and smoothed her hair down her back, hugging her closer, his warmth seeping into her skin. His hard body felt so good and he felt so familiar. Not because of their shared past, but because of the unnamable connection between them. “Why didn’t you tell me about your parents? I would’ve seen you through it.”
Cassie sighed and settled into his arms. “Loyalty. I was my father’s princess, after all. Never mind that I never wanted to be one, but I wanted to be something to both of them. I wanted to be worthy. I couldn’t give them poise or perfection, no matter how hard I tried, but I could give them loyalty.”
“You’re worthy of the world, Cass. I always felt safe with you. Understood, without having to say much,” he said, while tracing slow, lazy circles under her sweater with his thumbs. “Your parents probably feel the same way, and they may not know it, but they need it more than anyone.”
The heat in her core spread. Feeling half-frightened and half-drugged, she brought her eyes to his. He was a skilled man, so good with his hands. His gaze dropped to her mouth, and his lips followed in a searching, melting, openmouthed kiss.
Everything that emanated from him turned the blood in her veins to liquid heat, and she opened up to him, kissing him back, slowly, her hands traveling over his body now, too.
“Cassie, wait,” he said after a while, his voice strangled. “That girl, the one”—breathing hard, he tried to break free of her lips and look into her eyes, his own heavy-hooded and nearly glazed over—“the one you saw me kissing—”
“Is the last person I want to talk about!” she said, hovering angrily over his mouth, half-tempted to get up and walk away in a huff, but feeling too far gone to break free and stay mad for long. Her heart was thundering, their hot breaths were mingling, and their eyes were looking beyond what was right in front of them.
Sam grabbed her shirt and pulled her into a mad, hungry kiss.
They slid down the wall and Cassie straddled him, so they were touching in all the right places, and she felt both unbearable heat and a sweet, relieved sensation.
Soon they were lying on the floor, Sam was moving slowly and purposefully on top of her, and nothing existed outside his breath, his mouth, his hands, his body, and everything they made her feel.
Hours later, Cassie awoke to Sam’s soft snores against her hair. Outside, it was dark and still pouring. The room was pitch-black. She was snuggled up against his chest and the way she fit against him, the way he sounded, their mingled scents, everything felt true.
It hadn’t been that way when they were younger. Something had been missing. There’d been a sense that they belonged together, but that they had some growing up to do apart, first. They hadn’t yet become the people they were meant to be. It had always been there between them, he must’ve felt it, too, but they’d both ignored it.
Now everything felt right. Everything about Sam soothed her soul. She loved him. Loved the father, the brother, the friend, and the man he’d become. But her head held warnings, and she’d grown up enough to slow down and listen to both sides.
She and Sam had a lot going on in their lives. Sam had just gotten divorced and he had a son, and now Cassie had parents who needed her. She wouldn’t allow their problems to pull her under again, but she’d always stand by the people she loved.
With effort and reluctance, Cassie carefully unraveled herself from his arms. He snored once and turned over, still asleep, and Cassie smiled sadly. Sam had been working hard and keeping his troubles to himself.
She reached around for her phone, got up, and felt her way across the room until she was far away enough from Sam not to wake him up.
She checked her phone. It was past midnight, officially Monday, and she only had three recent messages. No doubt her friends knew she needed time and space. One message was from her father, saying he wanted to check in and see how she was doing and asking her to please go and be with her mom, who was still staying at the hotel in Dayton.
Cassie took a few deep breaths. She knew he was being sincere, that in his own way, he loved both Sandy and Cassie as much as he could. Yet it was hard to reconcile the different versions of her dad.
The other two messages were from her mom, both pleading and demanding in turn. Dread began to take over, but Cassie fought back for control.
If she went back to Sam, she’d fall asleep again and start the new week as unprepared as she’d ended the last one. A shower and a few hours of rest would get her ready enough to face the challenges ahead.
She found her bag and sweats, got dressed, stashed the clothes Emily had lent her, left a note for Sam letting him know that she was okay and just needed to get an early start to the week, and left. Moonlight filtered through slowly moving clouds and a chill wind swept her hair across her face, making everything seem real again.
Along the way, she dialed both her parents, but neither picked up. With a reluctant sigh, Cassie decided it would be best to pick up a few pressed pantsuits from her place before heading back to the hotel. It would take her at least two hours, but it was necessary. As she zipped down the lonely highway, the idea of getting some rest was forgotten.
A while later, Sandy finally answered her phone, her tone grateful instead of demanding. Relieved, Cassie told her she’d be there as soon as she could.
But at 1:30 a.m., her mother opened the hotel room door, looking angry. “Have you spoken to your father?” she asked.
“Yes, and I told him I’d let him know if he should meet me here, with you, or if I’ll go to him in a little while,” Cassie said, stepping into the by-now-familiar room.
Her mother closed her eyes, breathing in and out once before opening them again and saying, “We held the meeting here and your father ended up taking a room here, too, since so far the staff has been discreet. Our homes in Columbus and DC are swarming with reporters. He can come here, if it’s easier for you. It’s late, and you look tired—and you are our main priority, after all.”
It took all Cassie had not to explode at those words. Both her parents’ actions told a completely different story. Words were so easy to say. She sent her dad a quick text as her mother took a step toward her and cupped her cheek. “How—how did the meeting go?” she asked her mom. Recriminations were a waste of time. The few she’d ever uttered had been vacuumed up into a void, where they didn’t have to be addressed or acknowledged because in her parents’ world, wrongdoings that couldn’t be covered up were simply denied.
Sandy sank down on a chair and put her hands between her knees. “Our main difficulty is how hard we’ve sold our perfect marriage and partnership. Everything that worked for us is now working against us because it all looks like one big fat lie. Jim thinks we should start by releasing a joint statement going into a few details about how we privately worked hard to weather this storm ten years ago and to gauge how the public reacts before moving forward. I don’t think anyone will believe I knew, though, or that they’ll respect me if they do. The timeline for when I found out is clear. Your father was running for reelection, and there’s so much footage of us acting like the perfect couple. I feel that strategy will backfire.” A moment later, she was sobbing and Cassidy was by her side. “What will we do?”
A knock on the door kept Cassie from answering her mother’s question, and she went to let her father into the room.
Her dad gave her a big, strong hug and Cassie hugged him back hard. Loving her parents was easy. Accepting them as they were was the hard part.
Her mom didn’t look up. “I’m asking Cassie what she thinks we should do. This affects her, too,” her mom said. The look in her eyes told why she really wanted her dad to meet Cassie there. There were recriminations and punishments for her dad still left in Sandy.
“Of course it affects her! Do you think I don’t know that? I’ve spent the last ten years beating myself up over the pain I caused—”
“Beating yourself up?” Sandy demanded. “You call that—”
“Enough!” Cassie held her head. She would not get caught in the middle again. “Do you two really want to know what I think you should do, or is asking me just another one of your stunts?”
Her parents stared at her, both looking as if they’d been slapped.
“I think you should accept it. Accept it all. Accept the shame that’s being handed down. Accept both your parts in the whole charade. Accept that your perfect image is gone and you can’t, and shouldn’t, get it back.” Her voice shook at that, but holding back was no longer an option if she was to keep her hard-won autonomy. “Accept it.”
But despite her best intentions, she wound up in the middle, as mediator, again. Over an hour later, her parents had decided to put out separate, but coordinated statements centered around acceptance of responsibility. Neither of them was being truthful, but they’d both latched on to Cassie’s idea.
Cassie left the room and, feeling ridiculous, went down to the front desk to find a room of her own. The three of them staying at the same hotel, none of them sharing a room or even a floor. A family of lonely, dysfunctional nuts, that’s what they were.
Chapter 14
Sam slammed the office phone down.
Two steps forward, one step back. That was his life lately.
The Realtor for the couple who had put in the offer on Cassie’s listing had called to say they were backing out if Cassie was to remain as the listing agent. The couple and their friends had been staunch supporters of Max McGillicuddy and the news had blindsided them. They were appalled to learn Cassie had been the woman hamming it up on stage as “Dolly” while her parents’ scandal played out all over the news. They thought her actions made her seem as bad as her parents, and they couldn’t do business with her.
It saddened Sam, because Cassie had liked the young couple and their two little girls.
Sam was nothing if not loyal and had told the Realtor he also didn’t want to do business with the judgmental young couple. And in the space of two minutes, he was almost back to square one.
Cassie put on enough mascara to fake a bright-eyed look, threw on her favorite navy pantsuit, and slicked her hair back into a bun at the nape of her neck before heading to the office to face the day.
Her phone was again nearly out of battery because she’d left her charger at home. It made her feel out of control.
When she got to her office, she saw a known local reporter lurking around, so she drove past her office and straight to a place where she knew she’d be safe. She parked in an alley and ducked into the Gypsy Fortune Café and Bakery.
Rosa, Sherry, and Ruby greeted her with open arms and sad eyes. “Oh honey, we’re so sorry,” Sherry said.
“And so glad you came here. I’ll let everyone know. Just let one of those reporters try to get through our door.” Ruby enveloped her in a fierce, protective hug.
“I can give them some special treats that will send them to the bathroom for hours,” Rosa offered.
Weary as she was, Cassie smiled. “Tempting, but no. The last thing I want is for you three to have a lawsuit on your hands.”
“Oh, but we’ve done it before. The source is untraceable,” Ruby said, a little too seriously for Cassie’s comfort.
“Much like the source of that video yesterday,” Sherry said, looking angry. “When I find out who sent th
em—”
Cassie furrowed her brow. “Video? Yesterday?”
The three women looked at each other before looking back at Cassie. “She doesn’t know.” Ruby sighed.
Rosa dragged her to a stool. “Get some coffee and dessert for her. What would you like?”
“What don’t I know? What are you three talking about?” Cassie resisted being sat down.
The bell above the door jingled, and Cassie looked back to see Jessica, Emily, and Holly come in. “There you are. I’ve been hiding out at Holly’s shop. Why haven’t you been answering your phone?” Jessica asked.
“It’s almost out of battery, and I was going to the office anyway.”
“What kind of phone do you have?” Rosa asked. “One of us can lend you a charger.”
Rosa dug up a spare phone charger while Holly and Emily came over to say how sorry they were, and Ruby tried to figure out what dessert Cassie needed. The door jangled again, and Dan and Johnny walked in, Johnny thanking Rosa for letting them know she was there.
Cassie put her hands to her head and cried, “Will somebody please tell me what’s going on!”
Everyone paused to look at her. “She doesn’t know?” Dan asked. Rosa, Ruby, and Sherry all shook their heads.
Ruby stuck a piece of lemon meringue pie under her nose. “The tangy filling reminds your senses that sweet and sour go hand in hand, and the fluffy meringue swirl is for perspective.”
Cassie clenched her teeth, trying hard to remind her senses that everyone there had her best interest at heart . . . and that some were too old to be yelled at. The door jangled again and Cassie thought she’d lose it. She looked up to see Sam.
Their eyes met and held. An odd, full-body sensation traveled through her. She needed him.
The last thing she wanted was to need anyone. It added to her growing anxiety.
“Here, hon.” Jessica squeezed her arm and stuck a phone in front of her, above the pie, and Cassie tore her gaze away from Sam and focused on a video that was playing out on the screen.