But as her sexual need for women grew and Germane realized that there was not only a word but an entire subculture built for her homosexuality. She also learned that she really did enjoy the feel of a quick playful swat to her behind, or delighted in the resound a open palm made across soft panties ... or at the very least, thinking about such things! And as she grew into her teens and early twenties, the tall black woman fantasized more and more about being taken across someone's lap—even a guy, if need be—and spanked hard and long.
The few times that Germane did convince a lover into this type of play had been more of a tit-for-tat arrangement, with Germane reluctantly giving as much as she received. But she knew, even during those few tentative encounters, that she really wanted just to receive and receive much more than a brief bottom warming. She began to realize that she wanted to be degraded, humiliated, and beaten within the context of a very kinky night of domination.
As Germane often remarked to herself, she had been dealt a double whammy of socially unacceptable needs: lesbianism and masochism.
Lila Little had spent plenty of time with non-sociability. She had been in the trenches—as she called it—ever since coming out to her parents at thirteen. A thin girl with deep blue eyes, a strong chin, a button nose, and an almost regal air about her, Lila had been the dominant in over a half dozen relationships—even one with a guy she had enjoyed whipping on occasion—and didn't want her sex life any other way. Not exactly her type, with her wide hips and soft-spoken retorts, Lila still became Germane's top. Need often bests knock-down, drag-out attraction.
But as much as Germane had enjoyed being subjugated, beaten, tortured, and taken by Lila, she knew the ‘relationship'—and Germane always considered that word with little quotation marks in regard to Lila—would eventually run out of steam. The simple act of undressing for her neighbor, which used to flood Germane's sex only months before, now left her cold and wanting. It wasn't that Germane didn't want to be dominated; it was just she didn't really want to be dominated by Lila anymore...
* * * *
Lila barked for Germane to be over in ten minutes. There had been a time when that alone would have brought wetness between Germane's legs. Now she only felt sickened as she hung up the phone and slowly rose from her rocking chair.
[Four]
"He's a real nice man,” Germane agreed.
"I was worried,” A.J. said, whispering a bit over her frosty glass. “I mean, I was so happy I ran into you that day. I was really desperate."
"Why didn't you just ask your cousin to—"
"I ... I just couldn't. I mean, we're close but...” A.J. tried but took another gulp of her iced tea instead.
Germane watched as A.J.'s long fingers held the glass, how the young girl's palm arched easily around its wet side. She imagined her black breasts—big, plump and sweaty—in the girl's hand, caressed just as tight.
"What are you getting?” A.J. asked, changing the subject and looking up too quickly.
Germane was caught, she knew it, and A.J. knew she knew it. The two women exchanged a silent moment, during which Germane was convinced the younger girl would just get up and leave. Germane's stare had simply been too predatorily.
"Just order two of whatever you get,” A.J. said, shrugging off the moment.
"Yeah, sure,” Germane said, more than a bit startled.
"I'm so glad we're doing this,” the young girl said after another drink. “Outside of school, I don't have too many friends."
What the fuck? Germane screamed to herself. I know her mother has chewed her ear off about me! I'm sitting here smiling now, but there is no way she didn't see me looking at her ... like that. The girl can put two and two together.
"Well, you have one now,” Germane said, her mind back to the conversation.
"Great,” A.J. beamed.
"So, tell me about you,” Germane continued. “I'm sure you know a lot about me from your cousin."
Germane shuttered at the thought of Bonnie repeating anything of their dorm years. There had been a lot of girls, even a few guys. And beer, lots of beer. Bonnie's recollections would not be tempered by prejudice. She knew about Germane from the moment they had met and held a healthy curiosity that never manifested beyond questions. But it was still always better to get any real information right from the horse's mouth, Germane knew.
"Not much to tell,” A.J. said and then fixed her gaze straight at Germane. In their short acquaintance, Germane had never seen the young girl with such a serious face. Where was the broad smile, the dimple in her right cheek?
"What's wrong, honey?” Germane asked and reached across the table to take A.J.'s hand in hers.
"I don't want to spoil this,” A.J. said. Her big brown eyes filled with tears. “I really want this to work out."
Shit, here it comes, Germane thought. Is there a back door out of this place?
"Ask if you think it'll make a difference,” Germane said, leveling A.J. with a cool stare.
She wants to know now, I'll fucking well tell her, Germane thought, sliding her hand back across the table. Just then, the lanky waiter in red suspenders reappeared, as if on cue.
"Two lunch special salads,” Germane barked, without looking up. Despite his youth, the waiter must have been able to read a strained conversation and left the two women without a word.
"You know Lila Little and I are friends.” Germane tried to hide the terseness in her voice. “I'm sure your mom has told you about Lila,” she continued, not expecting a reply.
Shit, this is not going the way I wanted! she shouted to herself and shifted her butt just enough to relieve the pressure the wood chair was exerting on her right cheek; Lila had been especially brutal on that side last night.
Goddamned Lila, Germane thought. It's all your fucking fault. I'm going to blow it with this girl because of the shit her mother has heard about you!
"It's none of my business,” A.J. said, trying to change the subject with her usual thin-lipped smile and another long gulp of her iced tea. “I just, I don't know. I..."
"Yes, is the answer to your question,” Germane said and then screamed in her head: You okay with that? Cause if you're not, fuck you very much!
"It's a small town, people talk,” Germane continued, softening a bit. This girl was not her mother, wasn't accusing, just curious.
"You also want to know if I asked you here because I'd like to sleep with you,” Germane continued. What the hell, it's all out in the open now.
"Yeah, I...” A.J. said, her smile widening to reveal perfect porcelain teeth.
"Yes to that question, too,” Germane managed.
A moment of silence passed, and Germane reached her hand across the table again. A.J. didn't recoil.
"Whatever you want this to be, it can be,” Germane continued, whispering. “Friends, lovers, whatever. I do find you attractive, but I'm not one to force myself on anyone. I just thought we hit it off nice at Doctor Birch's, so why not lunch?"
"No, I wanted to come,” A.J. softly defended.
"Well, I'm glad you did,” Germane agreed and lightly smiled.
"I'm not sure what I want this to be,” A.J. said. “I mean I've had thoughts all along, but I never..."
Never knew one of us before, Germane thought, but said: “Let's just have lunch, okay?"
"Yeah, I'm hungry as hell,” the young girl exclaimed and sat back in the high-backed wicker chair with a sigh.
If you only knew how hungry. Germane thought, smiling back.
[Five]
"I was wondering when you'd call,” Lila said, relighting the candle.
"It's only been three days,” Germane protested.
What the fuck am I doing? she thought as she pushed her face deeper into Lila's fluffy pillow. She heard the clap-clap of the double swatter and braced for another swat.
"For three days, you get the full treatment,” Lila said, checking the tight scarves at Germane's wrists.
"Lila, hit the left side. The right
is still sore,” Germane pleaded.
If I keep to the pain, I'll get through this, she thought.
"Fuck you,” Lila said and landed another two swats. The second landed just below Germane's cheek on her upper thigh, the sting lifting her from the bed.
"You're not going anywhere,” Lila snickered. “I tied those tight this time."
"Bitch,” Germane growled. God my ass is stinging, she thought as she tried to move her ankles.
"You never tire of trying my patience,” Lila teased and pinched Germane's welted backside. “I think it has to be the dildo tonight."
"No, Lila. No,” Germane pleaded. Yes, do it. Anything to keep me from having to touch you, she thought, but a bit of fear was creeping into her mind. It had been a long time since Lila had dildoed her.
"This will teach you not to take so long calling me,” Lila said and left the bed. She checked the bonds at Germane's hands again and at her ankles.
"Nice and warm...” Lila commented as she ran her fingers up her spread legs. “And wet,” she added, pushing a bony index finger into Germane's soft sex.
"Please let me come, Lila,” Germane pleaded as her lover strummed her engorged clitoris. Let me come so I can get dressed and out of here!
"It's going to take a lot more than your pleading,” Lila said and removed her hand.
The smaller woman left the bed, walked across her bedroom, and fumbled through a drawer. A minute later, she returned, kneeling between Germane's spread legs.
"Just a touch of this,” Lila teased. “Don't want to make this too easy."
Germane could hear Lila breathing heavier and then felt a cool, wet sensation shoot up her anus as Lila applied the cold lubricant. Lila's fingers were shaking as they plied Germane's anus.
Fucking nervous after all this time? Germane thought as the wetness between her legs cooled slightly.
"It's been a bit. It's gonna hurt,” Lila said, continuing to apply the greasy jelly. “Just relax,” the smaller woman continued, removing her finger. “Breathe deep through your mouth."
Germane felt Lila shift on the bed. She knew the smaller woman was strapping on the thick black phallus now, stroking her own clitoris in anticipation. It never took Lila long to come, a fact for which Germane constantly damned the woman.
"Ask me for it,” Lila whispered after another minute of silent fumbling.
Her sweet breath tickled Germane's naked back. The hard rubber poked Germane's inner thigh as Lila knelt down close to her.
"No,” Germane said. Just fucking do it already!
"You have to beg,” Lila coaxed, just a hint of disappointment in her low voice.
Germane almost laughed. “No,” she said and the fake dick was thrust even closer to her quivering cheeks.
The dildo was on the edge of entering. Germane could feel her anus involuntarily spreading in anticipation. Her body wanted it, but she wondered if she could really take this tonight, if she really wanted it tonight. But as usual, the doubt was working wonders for her libido as the wetness in her sex increased and her breath quickened. She began pressing her pelvis in tight circles against the bed.
"Beg me, or I ram it in,” Lila said, the delight back in her voice.
Germane could smell Lila's sex, knew the little woman was undulating her hips in her characteristic little counter-clockwise circles around the hard leather of the strap-on.
"Do it!” Germane cried, and Lila fell down into her.
The dildo spread her wide, filled her. Germane felt her sex flooding, felt the rough bedspread under her coarse patch of brown hair, bunching up her rock hard clitoris, ticking, teasing...
"Do it. Fuck me hard, you bitch!” Germane growled, burying her face into Lila's fruity smelling pillow.
Lila pushed up, forward, and in as deep as she could.
Germane began to cry as she rode a deep orgasm into Lila's bed. And as she shook through her undulation, as the skinny woman lay atop her and pushed the dildo in, up and as deep as she could muster, Germane realized that this had to be the last time she would be with Lila Little.
[Six]
The Guys of the Fourth Floor.
Germane could see it like a title of a movie, on the marquee in lights: National Account Executive Inc., with cooperation from The Girls on the Fourth Floor presents: The Guys of the Fourth Floor.
It was ritual with Germane, her assistant Sally, Ruth, her assistant Kim, Geena, and Bobby Sue. Yes, even here in this Northeast suburb they had a Bobby Sue. When all six women met for their three o'clock break on Monday, they would begin by discussing their past weekends and invariably fall into ribald gossip and spicy speculation about their fellow male workers, or “The Guys of the Fourth Floor."
Germane could be as vocal as the other ladies. She was just as curious about girths, tongue-lashing potential, and the other bandied-about attributes of her fellow male workers. Being a lesbian did not rob one of healthy curiosity, and Germane would be damned if there wasn't a gay woman or man alive who hadn't wondered about their opposite sex. In her years, Germane had done a lot more then wonder, that's for sure. Hell, she knew straight men and women frequently fantasized about homosexual encounters. Wasn't that supposed to be a sign of a healthy heterosexual? Why couldn't Germane join in with a little light teasing and heavy-breath speculation?
True, these days her thoughts never ventured further then the blue walls of the lunchroom, still it was fun to sit and jabber with The Girls, sip stale coffee, and relax. Besides, she enjoyed the often-sideways glances she received when she offered a rather salacious piece of inquiry. It was as if her fellow co-workers knew she was gay—since no one had ever asked, she had never told—or at the very least suspected, and Germane's suggestions or queries startled them into reconsidering her sexual preference. It was a bit of a game and on most occasions Germane would enjoy this half hour, but that day she was thinking only of A.J. and their lunch of five days before...
* * * *
The hour and a half had flown by.
Was Bonnie really THAT wild in college. What's it like to work for that big publisher? Poly-sci looks good, but I'd really like to do something outdoors. Was buying the old Anderson house really expensive? How has the neighborhood changed in twenty years? What's it like in Roanoke? Do you like this coast better than the other? I was hoping on Paris around Christmas, depends on when class ends. Mom and Dad are pretty cool, built me a nice studio in the basement. Most of my friends want to just go out dancing, which is okay, but it is the same ole’ thing all the time. A few boyfriends, just friends, nothin’ serious. Would love to go hiking.
The conversation had been led by A.J. as she stabbed her salad and literally bounced her tight ass in the straight-backed wooden chair. Germane couldn't keep her eyes from the bright oval-faced girl, staring hard once again but with the implied excuse of listing intently. Christ, the girl was perky, she mused. Deliciously cute.
A.J. had that verve, that energy that Germane knew she herself had held—although never to this degree—when she was in her early twenties. The whole road is open before you when you are that age; you don't see possibilities as much as feel them in your groin. It's the very best time of one's life, when you are spreading your wings to their widest span and realizing that you are somebody.
Of course, the whole physical package of A.J. was enticing, too: long strong legs, firm bosom, wide smile, pretty teeth. But it was her energy, her youthful lust for life that made her ever so enchanting.
To say the least, Germane had been transfixed all throughout lunch. Nothing more had been said about Germane's lesbianism or A.J.'s interest in it. The two women talked nearly nonstop. Germane paid the check after a minute of A.J.'s admonishments and then the brief, but incredibly surprising kiss outside.
What did it mean? Germane wondered as she had walked back to the office, savoring the taste of her lips. Did A.J. want her? Did A.J. just want to feel what it was like to kiss a woman on the lips? Maybe A.J. had never kissed a black woman before and
wanted to see what it was like. Maybe A.J. was a tease. Maybe A.J.'s parting to a friend was always a kiss on the lips. What the hell did...
* * * *
"Is this cool? I'll go if it isn't."
Germane looked up from her coffee to the smiling face of A.J. The young girl was standing in the small lunchroom doorway. Germane swallowed her surprise and managed to rise to her feet.
"They told me at the desk to just come in,” the young girl offered the small group of women, smiling lastly at Germane.
"Yeah, ah, hi,” Germane managed, walking the five steps to the doorway. “Girls, this is my friend A.J. Her cousin and I were in college together."
"Oh, hi,” the group practically chorused and went back to their coffees.
"Let's get some air,” Germane said and took A.J. lightly by the arm, ushering her out of the office.
[Seven]
"There're always guys,” A.J. admitted, taking another sip from her milkshake. “I've got nothin’ against guys."
"Me neither,” Germane agreed.
"It's just that...” the young girl said and looked up from her shake. “I guess I'm just curious. Always have been, always will be."
"Curiosity is healthy,” Germane said, coaxing the last bit of yogurt off her plastic spoon and onto her tongue.
"In college with your cousin, I did a lot to feed my curiosity,” Germane continued after swallowing.
"With guys?” A.J. asked, brown eyes wide.
"Yes,” Germane chuckled to the younger woman's surprised stare. “Plenty of guys. But I knew when I was in high school that I was a lesbian. I just wanted to explore other options. There are certain things you can get from a man you just can't get from a woman."
"And vice versa?"
"Yes, and vice versa,” Germane agreed.
"I always thought ... that you, that you would just use a ... a dildo,” A.J. continued, whispering the last word. “A strap-on."
"Some women do, some don't,” Germane suggested and then continued. “I figured that if I wanted that particular sensation, a penis inside me, I wanted it to be the real thing."
Coming Together: At Last, Volume Two Page 6