by Ali Parker
“No, you weren’t,” he said. “I should have phrased the question better. I wasn’t thinking. So here’s the thing, though. If you both wanted it, then you didn’t fuck up. I don’t think she really regrets it, either. I think she’s probably just really confused. With everything that’s happened between you two, I can’t blame her for feeling that way.”
“Neither do I. I just wish she’d have spoken to me about it, you know?” I sighed. “Then again, scratch that. I didn’t speak to her about her wanting to leave either, so I understand where she was coming from.”
Jordan nodded slowly, a strange approval suddenly entering his eyes. “Well done. You’re finally starting to get it.”
“I am?”
“You are.” He grinned, but it was bordering on a smirk. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this. You’re actually trying to look at things from her perspective. You think you fucked up just because you think she regrets it, which means you care about how she feels. This is a step in the right direction.”
“I’m so confused right now. What’s the direction?”
“You’ll figure it out.” He held my eyes, but I saw the smirk transform into what I knew to be his I’m-about-to-lecture-you face. “You’d better be careful with her, though. You already made a mistake with her once before, and she was the one who got hurt. Don’t do that to her again.”
“I won’t.” It was a solemn vow that I wouldn’t break. No matter what. I couldn’t do that to her again.
“Okay.” He sucked in a breath. “I believe you.”
For the first time since she’d asked me to take her home, it felt like I could breathe. Conversations with Jordan were always good for me, and this was no exception.
While I wasn’t ready to admit that I knew exactly which direction I wanted to move in with Maggie out loud, at least I was able to admit it to myself. It was more than I’d been able to do since the last time I’d dated her, to actually think about the future with a girl and plan how I’d like to get there.
“Thank you, Jordan. I really owe you for this.”
He waved his hand. “I’ve been dying to lay a dose of get-some-fucking-perspective on you for ages. I should have guessed it would take Maggie coming back to town for me to get the opportunity to do it.”
“I honestly never expected to see her again. Never mind to have… this happen between us. It’s a bit of a mind fuck.” I glanced down at my coffee but didn’t sip it since I didn’t feel the need to burn myself again. “I can’t help but wonder how Ryan would have felt about it. I tried to ask for his permission to date her again last night, you know?”
“Let me guess. You didn’t get struck down by lightning?”
My eyes widened. “How’d you know?”
“I know you, Noah.” He smirked. “The real you hasn’t changed as much as you think you have. That’s probably why the chemistry you and Maggie have is still so intense. You used to share a real connection, and sure, you’ve both grown up, but you’re still you. Your hearts are the same.”
“Let’s not rush our hearts into this, okay?” I tried to sound dismissive, but my heart did behave abnormally around her. And I doubted it had anything to do with needing to see a cardiologist.
Jordan shrugged, and there was a knowing look in his eye, but he didn’t push. “Have you found a date for the event this weekend yet?”
I shook my head. “No, but I could always ask Maggie. It wouldn’t be hard to make it look like we’re a couple.”
“Maybe not.” He cocked his head, worry pooling in his eyes. “It’s different this time, though. You get that, right? You two might still have that chemistry, but you’re not teenagers anymore. She has a kid, Noah. If she gets involved with you, chances are that Lydia gets caught up with you too. You’ll be breaking two hearts instead of one.”
“I’m not breaking any hearts.” Resolve strengthening, a clear path started forming in my head about what to do from here on out. Unless I was on totally the wrong track with her, Maggie felt the same about me as I did about her. The two of us had wasted enough time—which was my fault—but I wasn’t planning on wasting any more.
It was going to take time and effort to convince her to take a real chance on me again, considering our history, but I was willing to do whatever it took. For real this time. I’d dicked out and lost her once. I wasn’t planning on repeating that mistake.
“Trust me, Jordan. I’m doing it right this time.” I winked. “Now watch as the student becomes the master.”
Jordan groaned but didn’t argue. Instead, he started telling me Della’s school play would take place in a couple of weeks.
By the time I left the coffee house, my mood couldn’t have been any different to what it had been going in. Jordan was right about a few things. There was no denying that.
But he’d also helped me to clear a few things up for myself, and now that the mist was gone, so was my uncertainty. I knew exactly what I had to do next, and I couldn’t fucking wait to do it.
Chapter 18
Maggie
“Good news.” I smiled as Angie walked into the dry cleaners, and I motioned to the garment bag lying on the counter, ready for her to collect it. “Addie got your stain out, but she said it was touch and go there for a while. Better be careful with this dress in the future.”
Angie lifted one shoulder, her lips curving into a playful grin as she winked. “I don’t think that’s necessary. If it’s time for this one to go, I’ll replace it. I buy my clothes to wear them, not to have them collecting dust in the closet. I do not have enough space in my apartment to do that.”
“Does anyone have enough closet space?” One innocent question and I was thinking about the person I’d spent all day trying not to think about.
I couldn’t be entirely sure, but I thought I’d caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a very impressively sized walk-in closet at Noah’s last night. The light only went on in there for a minute when he went to grab his sweatpants, but since I’d been trying to focus on anything but his nudity, it had been a minute enough for me to notice it.
A deep sigh fell from my lips as I checked my watch. Dang it. Three more minutes and I would’ve beat my record for the afternoon.
“No, your closet can never be big enough,” Angie said, but she was looking at me differently now. Her head her slanted, and curiosity burned in her eyes. “But I don’t think it’s closet space or a lack thereof getting you down. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I slid my eyes away from hers and spotted the receipt booklet lying on the counter. “Here. You have to sign for collection.”
She took the booklet, scribbled her signature at the bottom, pushed it back to me, and pursed her lips. “There. Consider your work done. Now talk to me. What’s going on? Don’t you dare say it’s nothing. You look like you need a pint of ice cream, a box of romcoms, and a gallon of wine. That’s not nothing.”
“Could we do the ice cream, romcoms, and wine instead of talking about it?” I glanced around but then remembered Addie was out running errands. “I can’t talk about it at work, anyway.”
Angie lifted a red eyebrow. “There’s no one else here, my friend. I ran into Addie outside. She said she was going to be out for a couple of hours.”
“Yeah, I know.” I sighed and brought my hands up to cover my eyes before blurting out, “I slept with Noah.”
Stunned silence met my ears after a soft gasp. I peeked between my fingers to see Angie standing there gaping at me, but I didn’t miss the smile she was trying to hide.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“Because I’m really happy for you, and it doesn’t look like you are. So I’m trying to come up with the right thing to say.”
“You’re happy about this?” My voice was shrill. “How could you possibly be happy about this?”
She shrugged, came around the counter, and grabbed one of the stools behind it. After sitting down, she crossed her legs, faced me, and propped an elbo
w on the counter.
“I’m happy about this because despite what you said the other day, I know how hopelessly in love you used to be with him in high school. If memory serves, you were even going to ask him to be the one to deflower you.” She winked. “Before he pulled that shit he did. So I’m happy that you finally got around to doing him.”
“You’re not surprised?”
She scrunched up her freckled nose. “No, why would I be? So what if you two fell into bed together? It’s been a long time coming.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same this time.” I reached up to push my fingers into my tense shoulder muscles, squeezing my cheeks together and peering at Angie over my elbows. “He’s a grownup who has his own life. I have my own life, too. I can’t just go around ‘falling into bed’ with him.”
Angie’s brown eyes rolled, and she huffed out an exasperated breath. “I’m sure Noah isn’t asking for your hand in marriage. Relax, would you? You’re right about one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“You are both grownups, and do you know what grownups do when they’ve been attracted to each other forever and are both still single when they run into each other?”
Obviously, I did. I’d been the one who’d done it, after all, but I was still going to make her say it.
“They screw. They fuck. They boink each other’s brains out.” She grinned. “I’ve got a lot of other euphemisms for it if you still need some clarity. Bang, sha—”
“I get it.” She was crazy, but I’d be damned if she hadn’t made me feel better. “So you don’t think it was completely insane of me to have done it?”
She frowned. “Insane, no? Inevitable, yes.”
“Okay, but what now?” I didn’t want to obsess about what it meant or if it meant anything at all to him, but I also couldn’t ignore those questions entirely. “There are still so many things that have happened between us. We haven’t really talked about them at all.”
“This thing.” She stuck out her tongue and pointed at it. “Is for more than just kissing. If the past is bothering you so much, talk to him about it. Even if you never want to do the wild monkey dance with him again, he still used to be your friend. Talk to him. You might even find that you like having someone to talk to in general that isn’t a woman.”
“You just had to sneak another euphemism in there, didn’t you?” I felt a smile cresting on my lips when she nodded.
“I was wondering if you’d notice.” She winked. “Anyway, don’t overthink this. You and Noah are, like, written in the stars or something, even just as friends if that’s what you want.”
Did I want to be just friends with him? It was definitely safer that way.
On the other hand, I’d been playing it safe for a long time. Did I want to play it safe for the rest of my life, even at the risk of something or someone who might just make me happy?
Yeah, or he might just break us again, my heart whispered. But he could also make us really happy. Just saying.
I sighed. Clearly, the stupid organ was sitting on both sides of the fence. My brain seemed to be doing the same thing.
The only thing they both seemed to agree on was that even if I was willing to give Noah a chance, to talk to him and maybe more, we couldn’t let Lydia get hurt. Thinking about Lydia automatically brought the five-year-old in Noah’s life to mind.
Della adored him. There was no two ways about it. She looked at him like he hung the moon and strung the stars, like he’d invented Barbie instead of his filtration system and like every good thing in her life was there because of him.
Despite all the hurt he’d caused me, I couldn’t believe that he’d do anything to hurt Lydia. Just like he’d never do anything to hurt Della. He loved that little girl more than life itself, and even if she wasn’t his, I knew that he understood children and how their emotions worked.
No. My heart might be on the line if I were to get involved with Noah, but Lydia’s wouldn’t be. Both of us would protect her first. I truly believed that.
Noah had done a lot to hurt and upset me in my life, but I knew him. If there was one thing I knew about him, it was that he was protective as hell over the people he cared about.
Besides, I didn’t have to trust him to protect her. I would protect her fiercely, so I knew that even bringing her into this discussion would amount to using her as an excuse. Which wasn’t something I’d ever do.
“I’ll think about it,” I said finally.
Angie nodded, standing up before lifting her garment bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “In that case, my work here is done. I do need to get back to actual work, though, so I’m going to have to go.”
“Thanks for everything.”
She wiggled her fingers at me. “You don’t need to thank me. Just promise me you really will think about what I said.”
“I will,” I promised. “Hey, how’s work? Sorry I didn’t ask. I was a little preoccupied.”
“I’d say.” She grinned. “It’s good, but we’re opening a branch in Connecticut, so we’re really busy. I’m already late getting back, so I’d better run.”
“Good luck,” I called after her.
She acknowledged me with a wave above her head as she headed out the door, garment bag hooked over her shoulder. Angie worked for an up-and-coming marketing company. She’d promoted brands all over the world, but this was her first time trying to expand a marketing company itself.
The company had pretty much begged her to come aboard to help them, which was how she’d ended up coming back to Spokane. She’d made them sweat a little and then agreed. It had always been her plan to move back anyway, but this way, it had happened organically and on her terms.
I was really proud of my friend. Smiling to myself as I thought about how her dogged determination had paid off in a big way, I nearly missed my phone buzzing on the counter.
It was on vibrate, but even if I’d almost missed the sound from being lost in thought before, as soon as I saw the name on the screen, it felt like the whole building was shaking from the roar of it.
Noah and I had exchanged numbers over dinner, but since he’d asked me to call him, I hadn’t been expecting him to use mine. Apparently, I’d been wrong.
“Hey, Mags,” he said when I finally answered. His voice was cool and casual, no awkwardness in it at all. “How’s it going?”
“Fine.” The same definitely couldn’t be said for my voice. It was only one word, one syllable, but even I could hear the tension in it. “There?”
“Yeah, everything’s great.” The sound of wind came through the receiver, making me think he was in his car, driving with the windows open.
I could picture him almost perfectly, sunglasses covering his beautiful eyes, dark hair flying around in the wind, one elbow sticking out of the open window. God, why couldn’t Ryan had befriended someone ugly in the first grade?
I did, I practically heard my brother’s voice and saw him smirking at me. Have you seen that mug? It’s ugly as balls. Not my fault you have terrible taste.
I chuckled softly, feeling that familiar pang in my heart. Noah, of course, was oblivious to the ramblings of his best friend in my head.
“So listen,” he said. “I need to talk to you. Can I take you and Lydia out tomorrow? I want to ask you something.”
My body went stock still. “What do you want to ask?”
“Come out with me tomorrow, and you’ll find out.”
“I can’t.” It was lie. My day was wide open, but—
“It’ll be fun for all of us. I promise. Please, Mags? Don’t make me beg, or do. If that’s your thing, I’m totally down for begging. Are you at Addie’s right now? I can come over. I’ll get down on my knees and everything. I—”
I couldn’t hold back my laughter anymore. “Fine, we’ll come out with you. Jeez. Just don’t come here right now, okay? Promise me you’re not coming here.”
“I’ve already turned the car around, so—”
“So tu
rn it around again, Noah. We’ll see you tomorrow. Goodbye.” I was still laughing when I hung the phone up on him.
My laughter ended on a groan when I realized I’d just agreed to spend the day with Noah. So he could ask me something. Like that wasn’t ominous.
I thought back to what Angie had said earlier about it not being like he was asking for my hand in marriage. My heart came to a dead stop, and my palms and forehead were suddenly coated in sweat.
Angie had a way sometimes of being able to predict what was going to happen, hence her being so good at her marketing job. She had a sixth sense about people and what they wanted.
But no. No. Nononono. She couldn’t be right about this. There was no way.
Since I’d already agreed to meet him before I’d let my mind run away with me, there was only one thing left to do: beg any deity willing to listen that Noah wasn’t about to ruin something that hadn’t even started yet.
Dear God, please don’t let him propose or something. Please don’t let that be what he needs to ask me. I know Noah’s spontaneous and sometimes downright crazy, but please don’t let this be the thing he needs to ask me.
Please? Sincerely, Maggie.
Chapter 19
Noah
“We loaded Della’s other car seat into my car,” I explained when Maggie frowned in confusion at the empty car seat next to the one Della was strapped into. “Mom, Jordan and I each have one for our cars, but mine isn’t always installed.”
“It was so thoughtful of you to plan ahead,” Gayle gushed, nudging Maggie not so discreetly with her elbow. “Wasn’t that thoughtful, honey?”
“Yeah, sure.” The line between her eyebrows didn’t disappear, and her teeth sank back into her bottom lip.
Something was bothering her. That much was painfully obvious. Eager to get to our destination so we’d finally have a minute alone for me to find out what it was, I clapped my hands once. “You guys ready to go?”
“We’re ready.” Lydia grinned and climbed into the car, tossing her backpack down at her feet and sitting back as she waited for one of us to buckle her in. “Where are we going?”