by Jane Cousins
“So that’s why you decided to become a psychiatrist? Even though it must cost you personally to experience those same dark places?”
“Yes. It seemed unfair to me that so many of the family Enforcers were haunted by gore, horror and tragedy with no way to erase those terrors. That when you fight monsters, even when you defeat them, they follow you home and torment you. I wanted so badly to help, to show them their memories from my objective perspective. To help them work through their doubts and guilt and slay the monsters for once and for all. To take away the power of those memories and drench them in clarity and light.”
Matias couldn’t imagine what it must be like for Quinn. To see, to experience all that pain, darkness and horror. Forced to be a witness, unable to change events. And those dark memories would become her memories, wouldn’t they? “What about the memories fuelled by the other end of spectrum? Lust? Love? Happiness? Hope?”
Quinn could feel the heat steal into her cheeks. “Yes, well they have their own challenges.”
Matias leaned forward, grinning. “Now I’m intrigued. What have you seen?”
Quinn’s nose wrinkled unconsciously. “Too much. The melded pairs in this community more often than not have sex on the brain. It can make my life a little challenging, especially since more and more of my generation are settling down.”
“Hence the gloves.”
Quinn glanced down at the cream fingerless leather gloves. “Yes. Cautious, shallow contact is important. And only then in a controlled setting in conjunction with traditional therapeutic techniques.”
“But that can’t be a healthy way to live.”
“What? I’m perfectly healthy.” The yoga sessions, the careful diet, rigid sleep schedule. Her blood pressure was excellent... well, when she wasn’t dealing with an irritating, gorgeous man. Her cholesterol levels all but non-existent. No headaches. Perfect vision.
“Yeah, but didn’t they do all those studies on newborns proving that skin to skin contact was vitally important? I’m pretty sure the same can be said for adults.”
“I’m fine. I believe the older you get the requirement for human contact transitions to a need for social interaction. And I have plenty of friends and family in my life.”
Matias shook his head slowly. Those rich toffee eyes sparkling with humour, the edges of his sensual lips twisting upwards. “I’m not sure if I agree with that assessment. If you need a volunteer, I’m available.”
“A volunteer?” Quinn frowned in confusion.
“For the physical contact element. I mean, once we get past the little problem of you fainting when you touch me.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m not joking.” Heat ramped up in Matias’s gaze. “In fact, when you think about it, we make a perfect pair. You, with too many memories. Me, with too few.”
Quinn fought the urge to blush. Matias had no idea that she didn’t just faint when she came into contact with him, he also appeared to have the ability to blast right through her shaky shields, resulting in shared erotically charged sex visions.
And here he was now, offering to turn those visions into reality. Not that she was interested... even a little bit. Okay, maybe a little bit. The man was gorgeous after all.
But she wasn’t insane yet. She hadn’t succumbed to the family curse so far and though Matias may not be an actual patient, she still owed him a high level of professionalism. So sleeping with him was out of the question.
Hmmm, why did that notion cause a spike of despair to pierce her gut? Preposterous, she barely knew the man. And the interactions she had had with Matias hadn’t endeared him any to her. Which was a little unfair of her, he had to put on an act in public and he had no recollection of any of their previous meetings. Which didn’t mean - besides his somewhat normal behaviour today - that he wasn’t a grade-A asshole.
“Yes, well, beside the numerous unethical aspects of your suggestion, I don’t think me passing out every time we touch would be conducive to a relationship.”
The edges of Matias’s lips quirked up higher. “Who said anything about a relationship? I’m just talking about short and sweet, no holds barred, hot, mega-intense sex.”
Oh Goddess, she was having an anomaly flashback. Or was that flash forward? The two of them in bed together. Her seated on him. His sweaty heated skin plastered against her own. Heart racing. Desire coursing through her veins, sated but still wanting more. Heavens, she reached over and scooped up the mysteriously full shot glass in front of her and downed the contents. “And the fact that I would be unconscious doesn’t deter you?”
Matias grinned broadly. “Perhaps that’s just the incentive you need to fix me faster.”
“No. No it really isn’t. If you want my help you’ll stop all this... flirting and talking about sex. In fact, I have no idea how we strayed so far off course.” Heavens, she sounded prim and uptight.
“We’re getting to know one another, remember? Building that trust you were saying was so vital.”
“I think you’re displaying all the signs of classic avoidance.”
Matias nodded slowly. “You’re both right and wrong. Looking back, trying to see beyond the terror and horror of that final day... it’s painful and bittersweet. And you’re wrong because there’s something about you... my skin feels raw when I look at you. And it may sound crazy, but it’s almost like I know you. You know when you dream sometimes, but you can’t remember any of the details, just that it was important?”
“Hmmm, only problem with that, Bubbles, is for all you know you have the exact same reaction to every woman you meet.”
Matias tossed down the contents of his shot glass. “So in layman’s terms, you’re trying to say that I’m more fucked up than I can even imagine? Saint Medard, don’t sugar coat it, or anything.”
“I said no such thing. Putting words in my mouth is not helpful.” Quinn fought the urge to shift in discomfort as Matias’s focus lowered to her lips. “Will you tell me about that day? What happened?”
Matias shot to his feet. “Are you hungry? I should start getting dinner together.”
“We just ate.”
“That was hours ago.” Matias opened the large industrial fridge, checking out the contents.
Quinn glanced at her watch, Heavens, where had the time gone? “I should probably head home.” Even to her own ears, Quinn could hear the half-hearted reluctance. She could only blame the alcohol. It had lowered her defences. She’d become too relaxed. Forgetting who she was, what she was. Why she must keep her distance.
“Come on, Quinn. You hardly took three bites of that sandwich I made you for lunch. And it wouldn’t be smart to drink and drive.”
“I didn’t drive. I came via the Transportal.”
“Even more cause to eat, who knows where you might end up?” Matias grinned, fluttering those annoyingly long dark lashes her way, his eyes sparkling.
Hmmm, toffee. Funny how everything about the man reminded her of things that were bad for her. The enticing caramel colour of his smooth skin. The touchable mix of light and dark chocolate in his hair. Seriously, how many shots had she had? She needed to be stronger than this. Remember the sugar crash that followed giving in to temptation.
“No.” That sounded weak so she tried again. “No. I tend to eat light. I really should be going.”
Matias held up a hand to stop her, his eyes locking on the large pound of cheese he was holding. “Wait.” Hurriedly he threw the cheese back in the fridge. “What about if I fix us...” His eyes skipped over the shelves. “Fish... grilled fish and salad. That’s light, right?”
Damn the man, she found herself wavering. What he was offering did sound preferable to the pitiful microwave - low fat, low salt, no sugar, zero taste - meal she would put together for herself at home. But this was Matias. The man who flashed hot and cold. Nice one moment, surly gruff the next. The one who plied her with alcohol and tempted her to eat a plate full of churros and marshmallows dipped in spiced chocolate.
“What type of salad precisely?”
Matias could sense Quinn wavering. He almost had her. “For the salad, let’s see.” He sorted through his options on the two shelves loaded with vegetables. “I’m thinking I roast some pumpkin and red capsicum.”
Quinn found her mouth watering. She was hungry and that did sound nice... and sensible.
“And top it with black olives, chorizo and feta. And as for the fish, it will take me no time to whip up some chimicurri sauce to go with it. How does that sound?”
Quinn gritted her teeth, it sounded wonderful. Spicy. Fattening, Tempting. “Like I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep.”
“Sounds good to me.” Quinn jumped, head whipping around to the doorway to find Nico Yanez standing in it. “Can you make enough for three?”
“Sure.” Matias closed the fridge door. “Everything okay at the hospital?”
“Has Jodie woken up?”
Nico answered Quinn’s question first. “No change in her condition. And she remained visible... on this plane the entire time I was there.” He pushed the hair back from his eyes. “I thought I’d come check on your progress.”
“There is nothing to report.” The sparkle disappeared from Matias’s eyes.
“That’s not true.” Quinn shook her head. “You know that. What we’re trying to do here takes time... trust. Who ever put that barrier in your head wasn’t messing around.”
“Barrier?” Nico’s eyes widened.
“I’ll leave you to tell Nico about it.” She wasn’t running away Quinn assured herself, she was merely re-grouping. “We can pick this up again first thing tomorrow, I’ll cancel all my other appointments.”
“Quinn.” Matias watched as she gathered her things.
Damn. It felt like he was losing her. Which was ridiculous. She wasn’t his to begin with. But come tomorrow he wouldn’t know her. Know how when she was trying not to laugh, her eyes shimmered as if all the stars in the heavens were falling on a blue sky day. That when she was feeling trapped, or needed to put him in his place, she used this uptight prim voice that surprisingly turned him on.
“Night.” Quinn brushed past Nico, sensing Matias was close on her heels. The hope that he was just politely escorting her to the Transportal door located in the same corridor as the bathrooms was dashed immediately. His hand slapping flat against the door, preventing her from opening it, crowding her from behind.
Carefully she turned to look up at him, very conscious of not wanting to accidentally touch him. “Matias... I...” Damn, this close she could smell him; spiced honey, deep clean ocean waters and dark, decadent chocolate.
Matias leaned down so that his breath played warmly over her cheek. “Thank you. For today. For trying to help me.”
“It’s my job. There’s no need to thank me.” She kept her eyes intentionally diverted from his. Certain she would drown in those toffee depths otherwise. “Now. I really must be going.”
Matias slowly, obviously reluctant, straightened, and lifted his hand from the door. “You said first thing tomorrow, right?”
“Er... yes.” Something in those toffee depths made her wary, an eagerness, a promise maybe of things to come. Oh, no. No way. As of tomorrow she was going on a strict cleanse. No alcohol. No sugary treats. And above all else, no letting Matias Yanez past her shields.
“Sleep well.”
Heavens, the man says two innocuous words and heat spikes down her spine to ignite a simmering need between her legs. No. No. She was definitely going to need to cut out carbs as well. Quinn fumbled for the doorknob behind her, wrenching open the door and all but leaping inside. Managing a small regal nod before yanking the door closed.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped out into the hallway of her blissfully quiet house. Taking another deep breath, Quinn sought to calm her mind and quench the fire that had taken up residence low in her body. She needed a large pot of green tea. No, a warm bath scented with calming lavender and bergamot. No, maybe an hour on the treadmill. Or better yet, some time on the yoga mat.
Merciful Lady, she was a mess. And that was not permissible. Given her family history, the last thing she could afford was to allow chaotic emotions to take over. She needed balance. Control. Objectivity. And she needed it all by tomorrow... or did she?
Matias Yanez wouldn’t remember anything that occurred today. None of it. Not their too intimate conversation. Not the brewing sexual attraction between them. She didn’t need to panic or take drastic measures. She just needed to reset their relationship to one based purely on a professional level.
She would dig out her old white doctor’s coat, don clinical armour, and no way would Matias be able to get through her shields. And best of all, he’d never know their relationship had even changed.
It was a good approach. Sensible. Now she just had to pray that Bubbles got plenty of sleep tonight.
* * *
“A magical barrier? Some sort of memory hex maybe.” Nico looked grim. “That would explain a lot. Why the doctors couldn’t find anything. Why all the crackpots failed dismally.”
“Well, they were longshots to begin with.” Matias acknowledged, adjusting the heat of the stove top.
“What’s up between you and the Head Doctor?”
Matias looked up from the frying pan. The fish was almost cooked through and Nico had the salad organised. “Why do you ask?”
“She ran out of here pretty damn fast.”
“I think she was desperate for some ‘me’ time. This whole spilling my guts is kind of an intimate process.” Matias absently rolled his neck, trying to release some of the tension.
“No, it looked like it was more than that.” Nico mused. “Are you attracted to her?”
Matias winced. “My timing stinks, doesn’t it? But there’s just something about her. So cool and composed. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to crack that facade and find out what’s underneath.”
“I... damn, I’m going to sound like a bastard if I say it out loud.”
Matias flicked off the heat and picked up a spatula. “You’ve lost me.”
Nico dished out the salad, dividing it between two large plates and then moved back so Matias could add the fish. “I’ve got the chimicurri and the cutlery, you bring the plates.”
Matias followed, taking a seat, he stared across the small table, watching as Nico took a large bite of the fish before diving into the salad. “You’re stalling.”
“It’s just... I don’t want you to lose sight of the fact that this is the first solid lead we’ve had on Copper in ten years.”
“I haven’t forgotten that. But it’s not particularly easy reliving all the family good times when to me, yesterday... folks... Copper… I keep having to remind myself that a decade has passed, that rage and grief are useless. But a couple of times today, when Quinn and I were talking, I felt like I was just a normal guy, you know? On a date with a beautiful woman. That the whole incident on the Maverick was a bad dream.”
Nico nodded in grim sympathy. “Your timing is beyond crappy.”
“With my luck? Would you expect anything else? I finally meet a woman who is...”
“Who is what?”
“Beautiful, smart, funny... challenging. I swear I’m trying not to get distracted, that getting a lead on Copper remains my first priority.”
“Maybe it shouldn’t be.”
Matias dropped his fork. “What?”
“We’ve been looking for ten years. This might turn out to be nothing, just another futile wild goose chase.”
“What are you saying?” Matias was confused.
“It’s been too long since I seen you tempted by a woman. I know when you reset each day that it’s almost impossible to get beyond the horror and grief. That no matter all the dry facts presented to you that it feels like only moments ago that they were all taken from us. But maybe here perhaps is an opportunity for you to find some happiness.”
“Just how do you propose I pursue a woman - who by the w
ay has said very clearly that she doesn’t want anything to do with me personally - when come tomorrow, I won’t remember her name?”
“What if I told you there might be a short-term work around? If you could burn briefly but brightly, would you want that?”
“You think I should write a detailed dossier on Quinn? Like a Cliff Notes guide on our daily interaction?”
Nico shook his head. “No, nothing like that. When we first came to the Sanctuary I made some discreet enquiries amongst the potion brewers about a memory spell.”
“And?”
“No luck. But there is a stay awake potion you can drink, though I have to warn you it may come with side effects and will only last five... possibly six days.”
Six days of memories? Of being whole? “And I haven’t used it before now?”
“The maker said that an individual can only drink this particular spell once. You told me to remind you of it only in dire circumstances.”
“This lead on Copper is important.”
“As is your happiness.” Nico reminded.
“But this way I can combine business with pleasure. You mentioned side effects?”
“They said to think of how you would react if you drank five gallons of expresso in one sitting.”
Matias frowned. “That doesn’t sound good, but a small price to pay...” To follow through on the lead regarding Copper, to spend time with Quinn, to pursue her as a complete man. He acknowledged that it might be a futile pursuit. Her body language. The shields that slammed up when he got too close - it all pointed to possible failure.
But then he recalled the shimmering stardust heat in those blue eyes just before the shields went up. She wasn’t immune to him, he was sure of that. All he had to do was convince Quinn to burn bright with him for a brief moment in time.