by Paul Kidd
“What is it? What’s all the noise?”
Sura sourly swallowed tea.
“Nothing! Go back to bed!”
“Ha! After all the noise you people made last night? You must have drunk the whole town dry!” Sano Moko tightened her sash. “You should stop wasting time and go and attend to those ghosts!”
Kuno blinked – utterly mortified.
“We made noise, Sano san?”
The female samurai positively glowered.
“You most certainly made fools of yourselves, Kuno san. I have no idea what you were thinking! Clear through into the hour of the ox! Food, wine, drunken dancing!” Moko threaded her kodachi through her sash. “My comrades and I had to take a long walk about the lake until you had all finally gone to bed. And even then, you were still most raucous! I cannot imagine what you were doing!”
Kuno rubbed his eyes. He felt decidedly hung over, and the scent of breakfast was doing him no good at all. “I’m not sure that I can either.”
Sura became deeply interested in serving herself breakfast. Tonbo stoically drank tea. For her part, Chiri immediately caught the hiccups.
Sura was soon animated by a ferocious, determined energy. She crammed down breakfast, urging the others to eat. She drank her morning rice-milk on the run, already heading to her room to fetch her equipment. The others raced to match her, tightening belts and finding their scattered armour.
Sura emerged with spear, breastplate, hat and an ongoing glower of annoyance. She kept herself in half-and-half form, her hair still unbound. She collected her companions and marched out of the inn, heading for the road.
Villagers cheered and children followed skipping in their wake. Lord Ishigi was settling down to a fine day of fishing and sport beside the lake. He toasted the Spirit Hunters as they marched past. Sura stamped onward in a wonderful mix of foul temper and fragile dignity.
Chiri’s hiccups were growing ever worse. She looked quite miserable.
“Oh! I have the hiccups!” She looked to the others. “I always get the hiccups when I’m embarrassed!”
Tonbo retied his helmet cords as he marched. “Ball your fist. Push it into your solar plexus and hold your breath.”
Chiri struggled to hold her breath as she walked along the path. Sura cursed and muttered at her side.
“Yeah – very funny, people. Ha ha!” The fox tugged down her hat. “Alright. So these four lovers get killed. Let me guess – gay lovers. And now their ghosts possess travellers so they can keep on having their damned holidays.”
Kuno grimly shook his head.
“I am most aggrieved that information has been kept from us.”
“It’s virtually the town’s main entertainment!”
Tonbo gave a thoughtful scowl.
“Hmph. Possession…”
Sura dismissed the entire idea.
“We’re the Spirit Hunters! We can handle possession! It’s all a matter of skill, determination and applied brain power!”
Shadowed by furtive, delighted villagers, the Spirit Hunters moved on towards the mountain pass. Chiri’s hiccups refused to be cured. Kuno brought the rat girl a drink of water.
“Did Tonbo san’s advice bring you any relief?”
“Forgive me!” Chiri held her middle. “Ow – it hurts!”
Kuno gave a scowl. He turned to Sura.
“Perhaps we should scare her?”
“Fine! Just read her one of your poems.”
The samurai dusted his breastplate, not deigning to answer. He patiently helped Chiri drink water and hold her breath. At last the hiccups abated. Chiri heaved a sigh of relief, and they walked on towards the pass.
Their hangovers were slowly fading. The walk, the open air – it all seemed to help. They passed cold tea back and forth, slowly feeling more like themselves as they moved between the cherry blossoms. But for Sura, sheer annoyance was the best possible medicine. She forged ahead, stamping her angry way along the road.
No one – but no one – was going to triumph over this little red fox!
They made their way into the mountain pass. This time, the team slid down into a ditch and carefully made their way close to the ruined mansion. They hid behind a screen of weeds and scanned the nearby gate. Nothing moved – no strange breeze stirred. Sura could sense no spirits lurking in the nearby shadows. The group slid back down behind the weeds to confer.
Tonbo scowled. His gauntlets creaked as he flexed his fists about his tetsubo.
“How did they get us last time?”
Kuno sternly set his shoulders.
“It must have been something about our technique.” The samurai searched himself for faults. “Perhaps we were too cautious? They sensed Chiri san’s approach, and ambushed us as we went across the wall.”
Tonbo nodded. “Hmph. We can try a faster attack.”
It made sense. Sura hunched down, gathering the others in a tight group about her – elementals and all.
“Alright then. We have my fu papers. We enchant our weapons so they can damage spirits. We charge through the front gate, ready to parry any attacks. Surround them, trap them, banish them. Right?”
The others were instantly filled with her enthusiasm. All nodded agreement.
Sura and Chiri formed their spells. Chiri summoned a water elemental from the nearby waterfall, merging the creature into one of her gleaming natagama. Daitanishi plunged into Tonbo’s tetsubo, while Bifuuko swept into Kuno’s sword.
“Dearest playmates, heed my call. Club of Earth! Sword of Air! Water natagama!”
Sura swirled her spear then gripped it en garde. The blade now rippled with searing white light.
“Spirit Lance!”
Sura rose up and waved the others forward into the charge.
“Spirit Hunters! Let’s go!”
In a solid wave of gleaming steel, the Spirit Hunters stormed straight into the mansion.
Dawn light stole softly across Mirror Lake, gently shimmering through the blossom trees. Fishermen stirred: villagers awakened, dressed, and hurried out onto the streets. It was the beginning of a promising new day.
In the village inn, laughing maids began to prepare breakfast for the many guests. In the sleeping quarters a maze of empty bottles and dirty dishes were strewn all about the floors.
A horrible screech came from the sleeping quarters. Dressed hastily in one another’s robes, Chiri and Sura burst out of a bedroom, raced to the stream and began frenziedly washing out their mouths. Sura dunked her entire head, shaking her wet fur and staring about herself in mortified shock.
Kuno and Tonbo were washing out their own mouths again on the far side on the river. Tonbo rubbed at his aching jaw, scowling and working at his chops. Kuno suddenly looked puzzled, reached into his robe and pulled out a horse bridle. He looked at Tonbo, and hurriedly threw the thing away.
The four Spirit Hunters came trudging up through the garden towards the inn. Bifuuko and Daitanishi flitted ahead before them, clearly embarrassed. Once again, the villagers had rushed to the edge of the garden to cheer. Once again, Ishigi samurai and foot soldiers raised their hands and roared in gleeful greeting. With immense dignity, Sura and her companions walked past them all and back into the inn – where smirking maids had once again laid out a honeymoon breakfast.
Sura scratched about inside her borrowed robes. She came out with a two folded slips of paper that had each been tied about a flower.
Tonbo gloomily put his head into his hands.
“We must be running up quite a bill.”
Sura had unfolded the papers. She read one note and wilted.
“Oh great. This time my one left a thank you note, and compliments me on my… Ah...” The fox blushed and swiftly put the note away. “Yeah, she complimented me on my – ah – sensitivity.” Sura handed the second note to Chiri. “Oh – and apparently this one’s for you.”
The white rat read the note, put a hand to her throat and turned quite red.
“Oh! Oh my! It seems th
ey – ah – feel we both have…. Chemistry.”
Chiri immediately caught the hiccups again.
Red rice, fried bream: Sura ordered rice milk and porridge to settle her stomach. The damned ghosts had clearly drunk like a gaggle of thirsty horses, and Sura was the one left with the hangover. The fox worked her chops, drank tea, and thought dire thoughts.
Her hangover was deep and horrible. Bifuuko fanned Chiri’s brow, while Daitanishi sat amongst the breakfast plates and cast an ironic gaze at Sura.
The fox quaffed back tea then headed for her equipment.
“Right! That does it. These ghosts are toast!”
Sura was in an absolute seething rage. The other Spirit Hunters resignedly arose and went to find their equipment. Chiri changed out of Sura’s robe – a garment comically too large for her – and found her last spare clothes: everything else reeked of spilled wine.
Looking decidedly dishevelled, the Spirit Hunters trudged out into the village road. In a little booth at the lake shore, the Crane Spirit, Sano Moko and the two Sano samurai were all enjoying a breakfast of fried eggs, rice and soup. Small fish were sizzling on the grill beside them, and Chiri moved hastily away from the wrenching wave of smells.
Sano Moko was greatly amused by Sura’s appearance. She motioned to Sura’s tousled hair with her chopsticks.
“The local villagers seem amused. Are you all still trying to defeat those ghosts?” The woman gave a decidedly superior smirk. “When you feel that you have had sufficient failure, please do come to us and hand the task over to a competent adventure team!”
The crane spirit gave an idle wave. Sura stomped off down the road with her tail slashing back and forth behind.
They walked yet again towards the Lodge of Doves. The entire route was now annoyingly familiar. Chiri gave a dejected sigh as she looked towards the pass.
“Perhaps we should just bring our bedding with us, to save us the trouble of the long trip back to the inn?”
Sura flattened down her ears.
“Shaddup! It’s going to work this time! Just you wait. I have a whole new plan…”
Kuno gave the fox a level look. Tonbo merely sighed. Sura stopped in the middle of the road and planted her spear, pounding her chest with one hand.
“Stop that! We’re Spirit Hunters! Destroyers of monsters! Bold warriors who stand against the unknown! We have skills, strength, wits and magic!”
Kuno sighed. “And a huge bill at the inn…”
“Shush!” The fox swept back her hair. “Now I’m Kitsune Sura, and I have a plan!
A real plan! A plan only a fox could make! Total cunning – absolute subtlety! No holds barred – and total victory! Because I trust in my team – and the team trusts the fox!” She raised her spear on high. “Now’s who’s with me?”
The next dawn came with just the lightest hint of speckled rain upon the grass. The flanks of the mountains were gleaming with dew, and the sunlight struck sparks from the countless blossoms that filled glorious shoals of cherry trees.
Sura and Chiri once again came racing from the inn. They plunged down to the stream and washed out their mouths, spitting and dazed. Tonbo and Kuno were doing the same only a few yards away. They were all outlandishly made up in kabuki wigs and garish costumes, complete with makeup. Suddenly seeing her reflection in the stream, Sura tore off her wig and jumped up and down on it in fury. She swore violently in Sanskrit and Chinese.
Kuno wearily pulled off his own long, ridiculous wig.
“So how do you think that last plan went?”
“Shaddup!” Sura kicked her wig. She was absolutely livid with rage. “That does it! These ghosts have pushed me too far! It’s time for the ectoplasmic botty spank!”
Chiri sat mournfully upon a rock.
“Ghosts have seen me naked! Will I ever be a bride?”
Tonbo was still in his wig and costume. He looked to Sura and gave a weary sigh.
“I told you we should have ignored this job.”
The fox was hearing none of it. “Well we’re here now! And this time – this time, my plan’s going to be unbelievable! Really! It’ll be this twisted, weird madness that will just… just…” Words utterly failed her. “Anyway – we need that reward if we’re ever going to pay this damned inn bill!”
Chiri caught the hiccups. Kuno helped her to straighten up and hold her breath. He glowered at the fox.
“I fail to see what we can do.”
Sura leapt up, suddenly inspired. A sharp, delicious look came to her eyes. Fox teeth flashed.
“Ah – aha!” Sura seized Chiri and Tonbo by the hands. “Right – come with me! Daitanishi – you have a smudge!”
The rock elemental was also crazily painted in makeup. The rock floated over to the stream, looked at its reflection and frowned. It changed form once or twice, and the greasy makeup suddenly fell free. The rock raced after the others as they stormed back to the inn.
Sura was wiping her face clean. Kuno hastened to catch up with her.
“What are we doing?”
“I have a plan!” Sura felt real triumph at last. “A point-eared, tail-fluffing hell of a mighty plan!”
“Truly?”
“Trust me – I’m a fox!”
Sura chivvied everyone into the inn, making them clean up and change into proper clothing. She quaffed breakfast, and then fussed over the others’ appearance. She wanted everyone looking slightly worn – slightly tired. The fox adjusted an armour strap here and a belt there. She tried to disarray Chiri’s hair, but was fought off by Bifuuko, who chattered angrily at her until she went away. The little air elemental fluffed out its dragonfly wings and then flew madly about, ordering Chiri’s long straight hair into its usual perfection.
Sura downed her tea and seized a final rice cake – animated and sure of herself once more. She peeked her head out of the inn, saw what she had hoped to see, and then signalled the others to follow behind her.
“Not too close! Look tired! Look tired!”
Kuno looked at Sura in suspicion. “What are you up to?”
“Professional monster investigation! Relax!”
“Do nothing dishonest!”
“Who – me?” Sura headed for the door. “Come on!”
Smirking villagers all waved and bowed as Sura, Chiri, Tonbo and Kuno came out onto the street. Sura gave the locals a false smile and wave – privately wishing she could kick their backsides. She then ran a quick hand over her hair and crossed the road.
Sano Moko, the two Sano samurai and the haughty crane spirit were in their favourite breakfast nook, feeding on rice with seaweed, rolled omelettes and bowls of fish soup. Sura put on a weary, dejected demeanour, and trudged over to their table.
Sura walked up to Sano Moko. She sighed as though she bore the weight of the world upon her shoulders.
“Alright. You win, Sano san. We will allow you to take a chance at facing down the ghosts.”
Moko and her team pushed back their breakfast dishes, looking triumphant. Sano Moko flicked back her long hair and gave a haughty sneer.
“Do not feel too badly, Sura san! This sort of problem requires a fresh, bold approach!”
“Oh?”
“Yes! This is a job for wits and steel. We shall pay no attention to mere rumours and superstition.”
Sura gave a subtle bow.
“Do not dismiss them too lightly. You may learn to give them lip service…”
Sano Moko, her two samurai companions and the crane spirit all swiftly paid for their meal, then seized hold of their equipment. They posed heroically for the delighted villagers, shouting that they were off to the Lodge of Doves. Children laughed and clapped, and the local people raced out onto the road to wave the adventurers farewell. Lord Ishigi and his bodyguards came hastening out, keen to show the bold exorcists the best path to the lodge. Sano Moko and her team all marched off down the road, heads high and hearts filled with confidence.
Kuno watched it all with a scowl.
&nb
sp; “Sura san. I feel that the most honourable course would be perhaps to warn…”
“Shhhh! What – do you humans have no sense of humour?” Sura seized the others and propelled them off into a side street. “Alright – let’s go! Go go go go go!”
With all attention elsewhere, Sura gathered up her friends and raced out through the far edge of the village. They paralleled the road and dashed off through the cherry trees.
Sura led them into the mountain pass and dove everybody into cover in the rocks beside the waterfall. The fox fell flat behind the grass and waited, her tail tip twitching eagerly behind her.
Sano Moko and her group had been in no hurry to reach the lodge. Moko had apparently given a heroic speech to the crowd, and had spent some time posing before Lord Ishigi. As the Spirit Hunters watched, Moko’s team came up the path, heading towards the haunted lodge.
Moko, the Sano samurai and the crane spirit fanned out into a crisp military formation. They sped across to the mansion wall and flattened themselves against the plaster. The archer covered the gateway while Moko and the other samurai flitted forward to flank it either side. The crane spirit listened with one ear against the wall, then signalled the others forward.
Sano Moko had a look of fierce, confident joy upon her face. Sura looked at her and put clasped hands against her foxy heart.
“Moko should smile more. Awww. Look at her little face!” Sura rested her head on Tonbo’s shoulder. “See how much fun it is to give others a little moment of joy?”
Tonbo frowned as he watched the other team.
“Nice formation. I wonder how long they’ll last?”
Kuno decidedly disapproved.
“I feel belittled. It is not seemly to wish misfortune upon a fellow samurai.”
The fox made a soothing gesture with her hands. “Hey – we’re treating them with the same level of politeness they gave to us! More! I even arranged for their beds to be turned down!”
Sano Moko and her team all plunged through the mansion gate and vanished out of view. Sura sat back, yawned, and pulled a peach out of her pack. She cut it into four segments and shared them out. The fox kept an eye upon the gate, but suddenly wrinkled her nose. She sniffed her own arms, then finally pulled at her breastplate and robes and sniffed down into her cleavage.