James felt his pulse kick up and his adrenaline begin to flow. Even after all this time, thinking about those days got him worked up.
“I shouldn’t have listened to them,” Cindy continued. “And I keep thinking that maybe if we had just talked to you… If we’d all sat down and taken some time, found a couple that weren’t religious weirdos, maybe a couple nearby that would have let us visit, be involved, maybe you wouldn’t have needed to give up all you did.”
“I didn’t—”
“James.” She cut him off. “I still talked to people after I transferred. The teachers let you sleep in class as long as you kept a C average. You were so much better than that. Maybe if we’d—”
“Don’t do this, Cindy.” James didn’t want the reminders. Not on this day. “Believe me, you start going down the whole woulda, coulda, shoulda path, you’ll go nuts, really quick. I made my choices. I lived with them. And that’s what life is.”
She looked past him to where Dylan was talking with some of his friends. “You did a good job with him.”
“I did my best.” James tried to calm himself. Truthfully the last thing he had ever expected from Cindy was an apology.
“Your best is pretty damn good. Better than most.”
“I’ve got a guy at work who thinks I should write a book, The Stupid Teenager’s Guide to Parenting.”
“I’d read it.”
“We’ll see what happens.” James waved to a well-loaded picnic table, balloon still in hand. “We’ve got plenty of food and some wine for the grown-ups.”
“Actually, I’m not drinking right now.” Cindy bit her lip and closed her eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re…. Really?” James couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice or off his face.
“Yes, my husband and I decided it was time to do it properly, as it were.”
James looked her over. She didn’t look particularly far in. “How long?”
“Four months.”
“Does Dylan know?” It’s something Dylan would have kept from him, fully aware of his parents’ relationship.
“No. It’s his birthday. I don’t want to drop something like that on him.”
“He’d be thrilled.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. When he was six, we had to have a very interesting conversation about why he wasn’t getting a baby brother, sister, or puppy any time soon.”
“Puppy?”
“It was an interesting conversation.”
“Thank you, James. I mean it.”
James shrugged slightly, completely unsure as to what to say. Cindy patted him on the arm and headed toward Dylan. James stayed where he was, watching from a distance. Dylan was well past noncustodial kidnapping age, but it was still a deeply ingrained paranoia, and it was hard to see him near his mother or any member of her family without feeling a twinge of it. He watched as they hugged briefly. James told himself it was a good thing. A child should have a positive relationship with both parents. There seemed to be a bit of small talk, and then Dylan’s face split into a grin. He pulled his mother into a much tighter hug, then spread his hand across her stomach.
James quietly hoped it was a boy. Dylan had really wanted a baby brother but was willing to settle for a sister. Actually he’d wanted a puppy more than a sibling. A few more of Dylan’s friends were strolling across the grass. James waved at them before heading back to reattach the balloon.
Gabe hopped out of the car at the edge of a steep lawn stretching up to the Tilden Park merry-go-round. A large, brightly wrapped gift, addressed to Dylan (that he’d found under Tamyra’s desk per her instructions), was tucked under his arm. Just beyond he could see picnic tables with some people milling around and balloons taped to trees. He froze. Yes, he’d been invited by Dylan, but James had uninvited him from his entire life. He turned to go back to the car, but Jared was making shooing motions, and to drive the point home, he pulled away from the curb and sped off.
Gabe turned back around and marched toward his destiny, occasionally stepping around some dog poo and an ant hill. Once he got close enough to see the “Congratulations Dylan” sign, he yanked off his tie, knowing he was still supremely overdressed. He set his gift with the others and scanned the crowd. There were a handful of teenagers but also several adults. A few people looked his way, but no one approached.
He spotted James near a grill. Before he could make a decision as to a next move, James spotted him. There really was no turning back. He smiled, waved a little, and managed to meet James around the edge of the party.
“Hi.” He wanted to pull James into a kiss, but James had stopped a polite distance from him, folding his hands behind his back. “Dylan invited me. Can we talk for a quick second?”
James looked around, seeming to scan the party for an excuse to say no. “Sure. Don’t you have some billion-dollar deal going down today?” It wasn’t accusatory, just a question.
“It’s a second-stage negotiation, and Tamyra’s handling it. I’ve made her a VP and tossed her into the pool.”
James frowned. “Why?”
“Because she’s more than earned it, she knows the finer details of the deal better than I do, she’s probably a better person to negotiate at this stage in the proceedings, and I was invited to a birthday party.”
“You can’t—” James began.
“I’m the boss. Yes, I can. Please. Just… I need to say some things.” Gabe took a deep breath. He’d spent the drive rehearsing declarations of love and sweet promises. “How dare you,” is what came out.
James started, as did Gabe, at the anger that suddenly bubbled up. “You don’t get to tell me what I need or what my priorities should be or what I should consider important. I am an adult, and you don’t get to decide that what I feel for you should be worth less than my job.”
“But—”
“No,” Gabe cut in. “No. You said you didn’t want to distract me. I have been nothing but distracted. Look.” Gabe held up his hands, displaying fingers chewed until they bled. James’ eyes went wide. “I can’t stop gnawing on them. I even tried the vanilla. And since the moment you walked away I’ve had people telling me I’m an idiot and a coward for not chasing after you because I’m never going to do better than you, and they are right, even if you don’t believe it.”
He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to slow his racing heart but to no avail. “I need someone in my life. I need you in my life. I want you in my life. You are the strongest person I have ever met and really one of the best people I know and… you humble me. Since the first day I met you I knew you weren’t like anyone else. And I need you to know that you are a priority in my life, and I get to decide what my priorities should be.”
“Gabe, you have a multibillion-dollar deal happening today.” James’ voice was pained.
“Yes, I do. And I will have to fly to Moscow and get alcohol poisoning to finalize it. But I also have a vast team of brilliant people from the best business schools and poached from the best companies who could take at least half my job off my plate, but I won’t let them. They sit on their asses and collect big paychecks. Doing it all myself is an unnecessary habit that has been eating my life away for years. And, yes, TechPrim’s my baby, but my baby is older than your baby, and for my own sake, just like you, I need to start prying my hands off.”
Gabe felt the anger begin to fade, only to be replaced by heartsick pain. “And I want to be an important part of your life. I won’t be able to change things overnight, my life is locked into some pretty set patterns, but I want a reason to try. I have missed you so much. A lot of people have walked out on me, but you are the first one in a long time I have missed.”
James was blinking at him, his mouth slightly open, and his face giving little twitches. “You—” He swallowed hard.
“I love you.” The words tumbled from Gabe’s mouth, and there was no taking them back. The shock registered on James’ face. He hoped James would say those s
ame words in return, but he didn’t expect them. Even if James did love him.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes I am. Now if you don’t want me in your life because I work crazy hours and way too much and will be constantly rescheduling date nights, or if you honestly don’t feel anything for me, please tell me now, and I’ll go. But I really do… I really do love you and… I want you to take me camping. It sounds like fun.”
“It is.” James’ voice was nearly a whisper. “You love me?”
“I will prove it.” Gabe took out his phone. “I will turn this off.”
James grabbed his hand. Gabe could feel them shaking just as they had that afternoon on the bridge when he had first pulled James into a kiss. “You’ve got a multibillion-dollar deal going down today. Leave it on.”
Gabe slid the phone back into his pocket. “Is that a yes? Should I stay?”
“That’s a—” James chewed on his lip. “I… I’ve missed you too.”
Gabe glanced over James’ shoulder. Dylan was staring at them while leaning casually on a baseball bat. The mixture of fear and relief was a heady one.
“Can I kiss you? Please?”
“Yes,” James answered instantly.
Gabe stepped in close and pressed their lips together so softly it was nearly chaste. It was James who deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around Gabe. He felt the horrible knots that had been living between his shoulders and deep in his throat for nearly a week simply vanish. He held James tight and perhaps a little longer than was appropriate given the occasion, but he really didn’t care. It was James who finally pulled away but pressed their foreheads together.
“I don’t ever want to go more than twenty-four hours without doing that again,” Gabe whispered to him.
James smiled and flushed. Forget twenty-four hours. Gabe never wanted to go more than one hour without seeing that smile again. He glanced over James’ shoulder to see the entire party staring at them. There was one particular older couple who were whispering frantically to each other. “We have an audience.”
“I know.” James’ eyes were fixed over Gabe’s shoulder on the merry-go-round. “That’s why I haven’t turned around yet.”
“Am I going to be meeting your parents in the next two minutes?”
“Most likely.”
Gabe did a quick once-over on himself: nice suit, clean shoes, brushed teeth, some standard sleep deprivation but nothing he couldn’t bluff his way through. “Okay. As long as there’s no mescal involved, I’m sure all will be fine.”
“Very unlikely.” James straightened out his shirt, ran a quick hand down the front of Gabe’s, and turned to face the party.
James strolled toward his parents, his head high and his cheeks burning. Gabe loved him. That was the only real thought that existed now. Gabe loved him. Gabe got angry at him and came back. Gabe loved him and was there by his side instead of hammering out a major deal. James tried to feel guilty about that, but it was hard because Gabe loved him. Gabe had offered to turn off his phone. Gabe loved him, and he loved Gabe. But he hadn’t said it back. He’d wanted to, but the words got stuck somehow. He would have to unstick them, soon, by the end of the day.
He smiled as he approached his parents. “Mom, Dad, this is Gabe Juarez, my boyfriend. Gabe, these are my parents, Leslie and Arthur Maron.”
Gabe put on one of those truly dazzling smiles of his as he held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” James’ mother replied sweetly.
“Finally,” his father added, directing it toward James.
“Dad,” James hissed.
“And it’s so good of you to come. I’m sure you must be busy,” James’ mother continued as if nothing else had been said.
“What good is being the boss and working crazy hours if you can’t occasionally take a summer afternoon off?” Suddenly Gabe’s phone started playing “Genie in a Bottle.” He ignored it. “Besides, it’s Dylan’s eighteenth birthday. I thought James could use the emotional support.”
James reached up and touched his arm. “It’s Tamyra, you can get it.”
Gabe cringed. “I’m sorry, this’ll just take a second.” He slipped out his phone and took a few steps away.
“‘Genie in a Bottle’?” his father asked, looking unimpressed.
“His PA put it on his phone as her ringtone so he’ll answer it quickly. Every time he takes it off she puts on something worse. When we first met it was ‘Dancing Queen.’”
His father nodded. “That’s sort of ingenious.”
“Tamyra’s pretty awesome. The TechPrim PAs are running the company with an iron fist.”
Dylan approached as Gabe got off the phone. “Hey, Gabe, glad you could make it.” His tone was casual, but his eyes were still hard as he looked over Gabe. And he was still holding a bat.
“I would have been stupid to miss it.”
“How are things with the Russians?”
“Well.” Gabe looked down at the phone still in his hand. “I should have promoted Tamyra to VP years ago and put her in charge of the whole thing months ago because after I left she walked back into the negotiations, told them to cut the crap, and the second-stage contracts will be ready for me to sign bright and early tomorrow morning. All that’s left is to go to Moscow in a few months and try to survive alcohol poisoning.”
Dylan raised a cup of soda. “Congratulations.”
Everyone started moving toward the food even as Gabe continued to make small talk with James’ parents, answering questions about himself, his family, his job. A few of the questions from Arthur Maron were blunt and a bit pointed, but Gabe was well aware he was the first boyfriend James had “brought home” as it were, so he was going to be on the receiving end of years of denied parental interrogation. He did manage to slip in a few times what an amazing man he thought James was and what a great grandson they had as well. That seemed to go a long way toward making a good impression.
When he noticed Dylan heading for seconds on food, he excused himself and followed quickly, managing to cut Dylan off from the crowd. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks. I’m glad you came.”
“So am I. How’s your ankle?” The way Dylan had been leaning on his bat would have taken the weight off his injured leg.
“It’ll hold,” Dylan answered without emotion.
“Good. Your official present is on the table. I don’t actually know what it is. Tam picked it out. I think it’s a laptop.”
Dylan grinned. “I will happily accept one of those. Thank you!”
“Figured you might. I got your dad’s okay for it. I also have an unofficial gift for you. Between you and me so your dad doesn’t get weird.” Gabe slipped Dylan the check he’d written in the car.
Dylan looked at it and simply blinked for several seconds. “Seriously?”
“I went to college on scholarship too. They say everything is covered, but there are always incidentals. If nothing else, the week before finals when you’ve been up for three days banging out twenty-page papers, it doesn’t matter how broke you are, you will order pizza.”
“That’s a lot of pizza.”
“You’re good with a budget. I’m sure you can stretch that over four years.”
“That’s still a lot of pizza. I… I don’t know if I can take this.” Dylan was still staring at the check. Gabe was unsurprised by the Maron pride.
“Then consider it a long-term, interest-free loan.”
Dylan stared at it for several more seconds before he carefully folded the check and slipped it into his pocket. Then he held out his hand. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you. And before the Major League career kicks off, TechPrim is always looking for good young minds.”
“Not afraid I’d come after your job?”
Gabe grinned. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
James looked over his shoulder to see Gabe and Dylan shaking hands.
He let out a breath of relief he didn’t know he’d been holding. Dylan had been a bit of a grouch the last few days and refused to stop hovering, asking James every five minutes how he was feeling.
Gabe came back to the table with a second hot dog as Dylan went around to the front of the tables, a cup in his hand.
“Hi, everyone. Can I just say something quick here, before we get to cake?” The conversation died down as people turned Dylan’s way. “I know this isn’t the usual eighteen blowout, but I guess I have some stuff I want to say, and it’s easier if I can get you all in one place. I know this sounds weird, but I’ve got a bunch of people I need to thank. First, Mom, I know things have been odd between us, but you brought me into this world, so that counts for a lot. I need to thank Steve Sanderson, attorney-at-law, without whom I would be one of literally Jesus-only-knows how many kids. Grandma and Grandpa, you were always there for Dad and me when things got rough or when we just couldn’t handle one more night of Dad’s cooking. Coach Frasier, you put a bat in my hand when I was eight and told me it could take me places. Well, it’s taking me to Stanford, so I’ve got to thank you for that. And mostly I’ve got to thank my dad. He had the ultimate guilt card up his sleeve my entire life, and he never once used it. He simply made a decision and soldiered on every day to try to make my life the best it could be, give me as many options as possible. I know he’s been worried about getting me to eighteen without a criminal record, eating disorder, pyromaniac tendencies, unplanned offspring, drug addictions, any major antisocial behaviors, zombie apocalypse, or alien abductions. Well, Dad, you did it. You dragged us both across the finish line, and for that I will always owe you.” Dylan raised his cup, and James wiped his eyes. “Thank you.”
Everyone raised their cups even as James ducked his head. It seemed to be a day for embarrassment. He gave Dylan’s shoulder a squeeze as he sat back down. James started on a second burger.
“You should save some room for cake,” Gabe said.
James laughed. “I will always have room for cake.” A certain giddiness had come over him. He was sitting outside on a perfect summer day. The air was filled with bird song, crickets, tinny carousel music, and the sharp smell of the eucalyptus. His grown son was on one side of him, his boyfriend was warm on the other, and his parents were across from him. He could hear people talking and laughing all around him. He knew it was Dylan’s special day, but for the first time, possibly ever, everything in his life was feeling right.
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