Charisse stepped into the house. A wave of nostalgia hit her as the smell of home-cooked food overpowered her. Once she told her mom that she was coming, the family must have organized a homecoming of sorts.
“Hi, Charisse,” her sister-in-law greeted. She stood up with a noticeable bump to her stomach.
“Oh, my gosh, Maria. Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe it. No one told me.”
Maria chuckled. “I’m four and a half months. I wanted to get past the first trimester before I told anyone.”
Charisse hugged Maria, then backed off with an apology. This longing to come home had been ignored long enough. She’d been afraid that she would get sucked in. Instead, she had missed obvious changes and transformations. She hugged Maria once more.
“Where’s my mom?”
“She should be in the kitchen. I think she’s cooking all of your favorite dishes. We’re here for the food…and you, of course. And I’ll pass up a day of cooking anytime.”
Charisse laughed. She knew her sister-in-law had her hands full with the kids, and now, with a third on the way, she didn’t have to guess how busy she’d be. The fact that she’d worked through her pregnancies and afterward was commendable.
She walked to the kitchen where the smell of food got stronger, and her stomach rumbled, ready to devour everything. The burners had various sizes of covered pots. The oven light was on. Then she heard someone coming up the steps from the basement. The door pushed open, and her mother emerged, laboring with several bottles in her arms.
“Here, let me take those.” Charisse saw that they were sparkling apple cider—the drink of choice for toasting.
“Charisse, did you get here earlier than you said?”
“No. Maybe you got caught up with this big dinner you’re making and lost track of time.” She hugged her mom and slid into the nearby chair. “I can’t wait to dive in.”
“I should say so. You look like skin and bones. Do you eat in New York City?”
“All the time.”
“Probably drink all those highfalutin’ coffees and nothing much of anything else.”
Charisse shrugged. It really felt great to be home. She wanted to go to her room and get into comfortable clothing. Plus she wondered what had been done to her room. She pulled out her compact and surveyed her image.
“You’ll be staying in the smallest room. It’s now the guest room. I took over the room that was yours.”
“No problem.” For heaven’s sakes, she was twenty-seven years old. Hanging on to her childhood bedroom was a tad adolescent, she told herself.
Charisse headed to the room that they used to joke was the size of a cell. The room could only hold a single bed and a chest of drawers. A fresh coat of paint and new curtains did brighten the small space, though. The chest of drawers was taken out and a space saver unit was now inserted in the closet. Being home was enough for her. She changed her clothes and headed back to the kitchen to visit with her mother.
“I miss you, child. Glad to hear that you were coming to visit. Made me happy.” Her mom’s eyes glistened with tears. She was the biggest crier in the family.
Charisse gazed lovingly at her mother. Lately, waves of emotions seemed to be affecting her in a similar fashion. All of a sudden she wasn’t feeling so tough. Her perspective on a number of things had shifted. The future and her place within her family crept into her subconscious.
“Good to see you, too. The kids look adorable. You sure do know how to keep a secret. You never told me about Maria.”
“Sometimes people like to tell their own business. But I’m thrilled to bits to have another grandchild in the mix.”
Charisse didn’t know if her mother was making any general references to her not having kids yet. But where her life was right now didn’t lend itself to being a mom.
“Dinner will be served in an hour.” Her mom smacked her hand. “If you pick, you won’t want to eat.”
“Just one,” Charisse begged as she tossed a piping hot roll from one hand to the other.
“How long are you here?”
“Two nights, and I’ll have to leave on Sunday. Need to be in Boston for meetings. I also may throw in a proposal for a British account. Pretty exciting, huh?”
“Sounds like your business is taking off.” Her mother hugged her.
“I had a few bumpy moments.” Charisse shared the details about Tracy and Shelby. “Then I got a lucky break with an R & B group. I’m getting a lot of calls since their PR campaign has made an impact.”
Her mother celebrated with more hugs and kisses. Charisse helped her stir the various pots until her mother shooed her away to go talk to the rest of the family.
Charisse wandered through the house. The activity level had been subdued. She walked softly into the family room, noticing that Maria had fallen asleep on the couch. The kids were on the floor playing with building blocks. She eased out of the room and went in search of her father. He was probably in his room watching TV while working on a crossword puzzle.
She headed down the hallway, knocked on her parent’s bedroom door and entered when she heard her father’s invite.
“Hi, Pop.” Charisse ran over to hug her father. More gray hairs had sprouted on his head, and his face had a thin layer of a beard forming along his jaw and mouth. Seeing her parents age was a bit disconcerting.
“Charisse, good to see you. I thought I heard you, but my leg has been bothering me, so I didn’t come out there.”
“Have you been to the doctor?” She watched him rub his knee.
“Do you think I have a choice with your mother watching me like a hawk?” He lifted his left knee and repositioned it. “I’ve got to lose weight, and there is some arthritis in my knee.”
“So now you can tell me when it’s going to rain?” Charisse joked.
“I probably would be more accurate than those lame weather people on TV.” He patted the bed for her to sit.
She slid into the side where her mother slept and propped the pillows to make a comfortable backrest.
“When are you retiring, Dad?” She remembered his vow when he was younger saying that they would have to carry him out before he retired. He was the classic workaholic. Many of her activities, games and spring vacations had passed without her father’s attendance.
“I may not have a choice.” His tone turned bleak. “Early retirement options are being presented to everyone at the plant. Doesn’t make sense for me to pass it up.” His shoulders hunched. His shirt looked a size too big.
Charisse worried that not having a purpose each day could adversely affect her father’s mood. For many years, going to the plant was his life. Now he had to readjust against his will. He might find that home life wasn’t his thing. She’d have to talk to her mother about her concerns.
“Fill me in on what’s happening with you. You’re looking like those fancy-dressed city girls. But you don’t need all that makeup.”
Charisse settled back against the pillows. Now this was the father that she was used to, reminding her that she was his little girl. She updated her father until her mother called out to announce dinner.
Chapter 14
By the end of the evening, Charisse had reconnected with her family, including her brother when he came to get Maria and the kids. Seeing her brother opened up the floodgates to a chatty reunion. She had much to share.
“Tomorrow morning, will you come walk with me?” her mother asked.
“Sure.” Charisse hadn’t brought workout clothes, but she could wash a load before she headed off to Boston. “I’m going to head to bed now.”
In her small room, Charisse relaxed on the bed. She called Brent, once more. From the time the plane landed to now she had placed several calls. All had gone to his voice mail. She understood th
at he was probably busy. Yet she wanted to hear his voice, listen to him flirt and conjure up all kinds of hot, steamy thoughts about them.
She called once more, this time leaving a message. “Brent, it’s Charisse. Wondering what you’re doing right now. I’m at my parents’ home. Now I’m heading for bed. Miss you…um, goodbye.” I love you.
She held the phone under her chin. Her eyes closed over the silent confession. Had coming home stripped away all her final defenses?
She cringed at sounding wimpy. First, she had blabbed about missing him. Now she couldn’t stop thinking about his face, his touch, his voice, everything about him. No one had ever made her feel so soft and vulnerable. She wished she could go back and delete her message. All that effort to stay strong and detached had been an epic failure.
Just in case Brent did call, she slid her cell phone under her pillow. The setting was on vibrate and at the loudest ring. She didn’t want to miss his call or text.
Charisse groaned. She blindly reached for her cell phone. The sun poured through the sheer curtains, piercing through her slightly opened eyes. She’d have gladly closed her eyes again, if only her phone would stop ringing.
“Hello,” she croaked, sounding as if she’d been bar hopping all night.
“I’m waiting for you, sweetheart.” Her mother’s energy bounced through the phone as if she’d loaded up on a gallon of strong coffee.
“Coming.” Charisse hung up and lay in bed for a bit. Gradually the memory resurfaced that she’d called Brent before falling asleep. Although she doubted that she’d missed hearing his call, she checked her phone.
Disappointment didn’t sit well first thing in the morning. She dragged herself out of bed to avoid having her mother summon her with another phone call.
The scent of coffee greeted her. Her mom already had a mug and was sitting on the deck. Charisse helped herself and joined her mother. The sun highlighted her mom in a wide brush of light.
“I love the color, Mom.”
“It’s called sienna.” Her mom ran her hand over hair that was pulled into a ponytail. “Slowing down the clock.”
“Is that why you’re doing this?”
“Yep, to stay fit.” Her mother finished tying her walking shoes. “Besides, I figured that we could talk without having to deal with interruptions.”
Charisse nodded.
“I can feel that you’ve got yourself tied in knots over something. I’m still a good listener. It’s why you came home, right?”
Charisse nodded, again. Her mom was the best.
They headed out into the neighborhood. Other women walked or jogged along the same sidewalk. Charisse didn’t recognize any of them. It looked like the neighbors had also changed.
Walking through the winding streets, shaded by large oak trees, was a stark contrast to the busy concrete labyrinth of the city. Even the air smelled different. She could bet that if she stayed there long enough, the daily stress of her life would ease away. But it was that stress that excited her.
Shoulder to shoulder, Charisse and her mom walked together. The sun warmed the early morning enough to make her sweat after the first block. She should have brought a water bottle.
Her mother pointed down the street. “We’ll walk through the neighborhood to the shopping center and back.”
Charisse listened to her mom act as a tour guide through the area. She learned who had recently moved in. Her mother pointed out those who didn’t mow their lawns unless the housing association came after them. Since young families had replaced the empty nesters, a new playground had been added to the other end of the community.
Her phone vibrated against her side. She looked at the display. Brent. Finally.
She promptly answered. “Hey.” She smiled, happy to hear his voice.
“You called? Sorry I missed it. Cameron had a birthday bash. I’m too old to hang with these guys.”
“I think you’re just fine. I’ve seen you in action,” she said in a softer tone, falling back a few paces from her mom.
“I’ll be sure to keep myself limber for you.”
“Promises, promises.”
“How’s your visit home?”
“You know, I think it was a good time to visit and reconnect. I have your mom to thank for this.”
“My mom? Did she call you?”
“Calm down. No, she hasn’t called me. I saw her in your office with you standing right there.” Charisse hesitated to get across her point. “Your mom is so proud of you. She cares about what you’re doing. I think she worries a lot about you, too. From what you shared with me, she worries about all her children to the point where she’ll intervene. I know that I’ve been holding off coming home because of work and stuff. So thanks to your mom, I wanted to come home and be with mine.” Great. She’d done it again, running away with the touchy-feely stuff.
“She’d love to hear that she had that effect on you,” Brent replied.
“Good. I’d love to tell her one day.” Charisse bit her lip. Why couldn’t she filter her thoughts? Before he could reject her request, she piped up. “I have to run, literally. I’m walking with my mother.”
“Sure. Can’t wait to see you in a few days.”
“Bye.” She stared at the phone for a few seconds before returning it to her hip.
Talking to Brent gave her a burst of energy. She felt charged all over. Her desire to be with him overwhelmed her with its intensity. She sucked in air, wondering how to cure her need for him without committing.
“Coming, Charisse?” Her mother had continued on but now stood waiting for her at the crest of a hill.
Charisse used the adrenaline rush from her conversation with Brent to motivate her as she jogged to her mother.
She apologized when she finally reached her mom. Her breath came a bit more labored than she’d have liked. It was time for her to get in a gym on a regular basis.
“A new friend?” Her mom wiggled her eyebrows, causing both of them to laugh.
“Kind of.”
“A sort of boyfriend?” Her mother gently pushed. “Care to share any details?”
“Details are up in the air. Not sure what to share.”
Charisse followed her mother through the small winding roads that led to the shopping center. The journey matched the curvy road that she was on with Brent.
“I set the rules for it,” Charisse volunteered.
“I’m glad that you’re strong enough to set your boundaries. But why did you feel the need to do so?”
“I don’t want to feel that I’m not in control. Dating is fine, but then marriage follows and the rules change. A lot of these guys say that a woman who works doesn’t bother them, that they want such a woman. But when the work is still a priority for the woman, they get huffy. My work is my life. I’ve been preparing to have my own business my whole life.”
Her mother nodded but remained silent.
“Brent and I have our boundaries.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I’ve fallen in love.” Charisse kicked a rock out of the way. Dammit, how could she fail by her own rules?
“And that’s a curse?” Her mother pulled her to stop. “Since when do you run from life? Life isn’t only about working and making money. It’s not about having a house and the best clothes that money can buy. You still need someone to share these things with, whether it’s a boyfriend, a daughter, or a pet.”
Charisse refused to respond. She understood what her mother was saying and she didn’t necessarily disagree with it. But the timing of this sudden turn in her still very new relationship rattled her nerves.
The rest of the day Charisse stayed on safe subjects with her family. She caught her mother’s eye over dinner. Immediately after the
meal was over, she popped up to volunteer to load the dishwasher.
“Living life takes courage, Charisse.” Her mother set the dirty dishes in the sink. “I know you have it in you to do what’s right for you.”
“That would make one of us.”
By Sunday, Charisse was ready to head off to Boston. She’d gotten the comfort she needed from being around her family and catching up with her niece and nephew. It was time to head back to reality.
She pulled her suitcases into the living room. Her flight wasn’t until that evening, but she didn’t want to wait until the last minute to get her things together. Besides, the tasks gave her something to do rather than deal with her mother’s sadness that she was leaving again. She had to promise not to stay away too long to stem her mom’s tears.
Charisse went in to her parents’ room to talk to her father before she left.
“Dad, are you going to come out today? You can’t stay in here and numb your mind on the TV all day.”
“I’m fine.”
“None of us are. We need to see your face. At least let me beat you in a game of bid whist,” Charisse coaxed.
Her dad chuckled. His eyes crinkled at the corners. She knew that she had reached him when he turned to look at her.
He asked, “Will you stay for dinner?”
“I can’t. I have to fly out to Boston. I have to work.”
“And to see that guy?”
“Mom told you.” She cupped her face as it warmed. Her father knew that she had lost her mind over a guy.
He nodded. “Not that I asked but she couldn’t stop prattling on about it.” He swung his legs to the side and got up slowly. “Now that felt good.”
“I’m glad.” She hovered nearby in case he needed her. But he gingerly made his way to the door. She was happy to see him get up. Her father had a fighting spirit that needed to be encouraged.
For an hour, she played cards with her parents and one of their neighbors who visited. Charisse didn’t know what overcame her. Their soft laughter felt like a cozy blanket of security. The scent of banana bread reminded her of her childhood and of her mother’s calming presence in her often angst-ridden life.
If I Had You Page 16