By the time she retired to her bed, the question had revolved in her mind a hundred instances over, and there was only one answer that could explain it all.
“Since there is not a single soul in the world whom I could trust with my torment, I must share it with the paper. And I will conquer this turmoil, I will burn everything – this journal, my wishes and my desires. Her memory.”
The night was sleepless, and Elizabeth spent it weaving a few far-fetched dreams with her eyes wide open. It was thence she recognised that Mr. Darcy’s genuine feelings for her - a means of mere amusement, surprise, and curiosity until a few days ago, had grown to become something she admired, respected and was even desirous of now.
Chapter 10
Elizabeth and Jane were helping their aunt in the kitchen, but their attention remained mostly devoted towards the entry way for the sounds of passing carriages rather than on the dishes they were meant to be preparing. Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner had left early that morning in search of Lydia and Mr. Wickham once again. It was noon and there was no news of any sort. At length, Elizabeth began querying the veracity of the facts – what if Lydia was not in London at all?
Just then, the sound of horse hooves drew to a close near the Gardiner residence and the ladies abandoned their chores to rush to the reception room.
“Good Lord, Lydia!” Aunt Gardiner nearly dropped her dish cloth from her hand when she spotted an unexpectedly chirpy Lydia waltz in, with not a single line of worry on her face.
That Lydia Bennet was found, and safe, ought to have been a blessing for any family whose daughter had gone missing for two days. However, in the light of the misdeeds she had wilfully committed and seeing how she continued to be so selfishly oblivious to the grief she put her family through, there was little cause for celebration.
A few strong messages were exchanged, with Mr. Bennet chiding her profusely, followed by Elizabeth having no scruples whatsoever in telling her younger sister how shameful her actions were. To all of it, Lydia’s response showed an exasperatingly meagre show of remorse and a half-hearted apology. The wretched fool in love that she had become, she did, however, go on to heap prolific praises upon Mr. Wickham - a man who had nothing to offer her apart from good looks and sweet words.
With her foolishness only adding to the vexations of Mr. Bennet, Jane and Aunt Gardiner took Lydia aside while Elizabeth joined her father in the library, hoping to further inquire into the matter and thus offer him some heartfelt support.
“Oh what a failure I am, as a father,” he buried his face in his hands, dejectedly leaning his back to a bookshelf. “It was with Mr. Darcy’s aid that we managed to locate their lodgings at all. It seems, she had no plans of coming home yet!”
Elizabeth put her hands on her father’s as a mark of comfort, anguish filling her heart – a man who would laugh off his afflictions and ailments alike, was now reduced to a deplorable state. It roused her anger against her sister, and even further against Mr. Wickham. “Did you meet Mr. Wickham? What did he say?”
“A more worthless man Lydia could not have fallen for. He has no means of living, no commission to support himself, and his debt runs in thousands of pounds. Unless we help settle these dues for him, he will not wed Lydia.”
“Oh mercy be upon us!” Elizabeth hissed from frustration. “Must we lament so profusely over the loss of such a match for Lydia, then?”
“My dear child!” he interrupted her, sweat dripping down his temple. “Lydia is a young maiden, and she has dared to spend two nights alone with a man – a fact that I am certain has not been concealed from neighbours and passers-by. If he does not wed her, who will?”
Elizabeth gradually drew her eyelids shut, as if wishing to hear no more. “What do you propose to do, father?”
“I shall go seek him again. What else is a poor father to do? I shall implore him to reconsider his decision so we might arrive at a solution.”
The rest of the day passed with Elizabeth confiding in Jane, her apprehensions about Lydia’s future and her disgust with Mr. Wickham’s character. Both, Jane and Aunt Gardiner had little to offer in the form of comfort except for a few sympathetic words. And with Lydia continuing to act as if she were deaf and blind to the circumstances around, there was not a moment of peace in any corner of the house through the evening and into the night.
The next morning when Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner walked out of the doorway of the residence it was at least another five hours before they would make their way back.
Having been subjected to so many shocking developments lately, Elizabeth did not know what to expect on their return.
No sooner did they hang their hats and take their seats, than Jane urged them with impatience, “Pray, do tell us what has happened, father.”
“Mr. Wickham has agreed to a wedding.”
“Oh what positively delightful news,” Lydia clapped her hands. “I was sure he would.”
“But what did persuade him to change his mind?” stepped in Aunt Gardiner after getting Lydia to hush her excitement.
“We managed to procure a special licence that would allow the wedding to happen in a week’s time.”
“Yes!” into another volley of emphatic cheers did Lydia burst forth. She was to be wedded to a most popular man – one whom many ladies of Netherfield had secretly harboured dreams of marrying. That too, in seven days. “The wedding, the dress, the gaiety, the ring, my hair… oh how exciting would it be!” Her eyes came alive like stars in the night sky – blind, however, to the reality that this was a wedding not borne from gaiety, but a match forced out of compulsion.
Elizabeth, who now thought herself to be well versed with the evils of Mr. Wickham, could not be convinced that these arrangements were settled without large sums of money being involved. Nor had it escaped her mindful attention that her father continued to be evasive in his answers. So, moving to his side, she lowered her voice to a whisper, “What about the finances, father? How would we able to afford a marriage to someone with such substantial debts? How did he agree to it? What of his commission? How does he plan to support Lydia hereafter?”
To none of those valid questions did she receive a satisfactory answer, and when she took those doubts to Uncle Gardiner sometime later, she was met with similar evasiveness.
Elizabeth could not understand why they would not divulge any of the details to her. The only information she could garner, after repeated attempts, was that the licence had been obtained for a significant sum, and that the wedding would take place in London.
That significant monetary sums would be involved in the settlement of debts with a man as avaricious as Mr. Wickham was a notion she had already guessed. However, the only person amongst themselves with the advantage of being able to afford such large sums of money was Mr. Darcy. She now had little doubt of his financial assistance in settling the matter.
In the ensuing days, while Elizabeth lent a helpful hand wherever it was needed, she could not bring herself to be a willing participant in the preparations as selflessly as Jane was. It was partly because she continued to be repulsed by Lydia’s very refusal to acknowledge her selfish choices, despite several attempts at guidance and counsel; but mostly because she remained quite preoccupied throughout, willing to be left to her own means, whenever the opportunity arose.
The small gardens of the Gardiner’s London residence were far inferior in its splendour to the orchards of Rosings Park. But it was the only sanctuary that afforded her some solitude in London. Elizabeth found herself frequently lost within its hedges, reminiscing the solitary walks at the orchards of Rosings with Mr. Darcy.
The end of that week brought yet another encouraging tiding with the assurance that Mr. Wickham had been offered a commission in the North and that the couple were to shift there immediately after the wedding.
Chapter 11
In the thick of the wedding preparations, nearing the end of that week, Mr. Bennet put his book down one evening and wondered aloud if there might be some for
m of gesture with which they might express their gratitude towards Mr. Darcy for his aid.
“What if we were to invite him for dinner on the morrow?” suggested Aunt Gardiner before swiftly adding, “The invitation shall be extended to Mr. Bingley too, of course.”
As the suggestion was met with unanimous approval, both Elizabeth and Jane exchanged a brief glimpse - the thought of coming to face with the two gentlemen setting alight a spark of mixed emotions in their chests, most of which was elation but part of it being nervousness too.
The following day, the soft glow of anticipation diffusing over her countenance had cast an admirable effect upon Jane’s features, turning them prettier.
“Prettier?” teased Elizabeth as the two sisters dressed for dinner, “As if that is even possible, Jane. I suspect we might witness at least a few instances where Mr. Bingley would be left stumbling for words today.”
“Now... now...” Jane shook her head with a modest smile, “it might suit us not to get too carried away.”
Her sister, no doubt, was being cautious following the Netherfield debacle. But Elizabeth was quietly confident, ever since they received an affirmative response from the gentlemen that morning regarding their arrival for dinner. The scandal had not compelled Mr. Darcy to keep his dear friend away, as she earlier feared. This could only imply that he must have spoken to Mr. Bingley about the sincerity of Jane’s affections too, and she thus had every reason to believe that the dinner would mark the return of love and joy in Jane’s life.
As she was meant to join Jane outside, Elizabeth cast a final peek into the mirror; and what she observed, gradually mellowed her smile into a reflective sigh. Aunt Gardiner had picked for her a silk dress that flattered her petite frame most handsomely and Jane had braided her hair in a manner that would accentuate her features well. However, all of it would not entirely conceal from her prudent eyes that her own features appeared withered. “The bane of several sleepless nights and regular bouts of nerves, of course.” She laughed at her plight before leaving the bedchamber to help Aunt Gardiner set the table.
The house was rife with welcoming aromas from Aunt Gardiner’s masterfully prepared three-course meal of chestnut soup, roast meat, minted mackerel and chocolate tarts; when the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the dinner guests.
One glimpse of Mr. Bingley was enough to send a deep blush colouring Jane’s fair cheeks - for he looked as handsome as he was when she last saw him in person. Elizabeth and Darcy, who stood beside the besotted couple, exchanged a subtle glance as the gentlemen walked in, a glance that somehow conveyed so much more than a string of greetings ever could.
The Bennet sisters had not planned for it to be so, but as the chairs were drawn out for the members to be seated, Aunt Gardiner arranged it such that Elizabeth would be seated beside Mr. Darcy while pairing Jane with Mr. Bingley.
From the very start of the dinner, the subject of the scandal was wisely avoided, and it continued to be left out of conversation throughout, lest it ruined an otherwise good evening. Once the initial pleasantries were exchanged and the first courses served, it was not long before Mr. Bingley seemed to be reverting most of his bewitched glances towards Jane and Jane alone, now that he had reassurance of her affections for him. From thereon, the couple gently resumed the threads of their conversations that had last been left hanging at Netherfield, their conversations being woven one after another in a manner that was effortlessly seamless. So much so, that those watching would be forgiven for presuming that the pair had never spent time apart at all.
It only served to reinforce Darcy’s guilt at having diminished the profoundness of the couple’s feelings for each other.
The affair between Miss Bennet and Mr. Darcy was not of the same threads and seams, however. There continued to be a lingering awkwardness between them that Elizabeth likened to a sheer wall of muslin - almost imperceptible, but one that was not entirely invisible. Gentle gusts of laughter and witticisms blew the sheer wall aside for a while, but the barrier fell right back between them during any spells of silence.
As for her appetite, if she could not manage to eat much at Rosings, with Mr. Darcy seated opposite to her, she could hardly do so today, with him seated right beside her. Neither did it help that she found herself increasingly distracted by certain traits of his. For instance, the sophistication with which his fingers picked cutlery; or how his lips tended to curl to his left whenever he was earnestly amused.
Now, Elizabeth could not tell what Mr. Darcy made of this awkwardness, or if he allowed himself to be affected by her presence at all, seeing how the repulsive Mr. Wickham would soon be her brother-in-law. However, by the end of the dinner, Elizabeth realised she was not above the general forces and frills that came with the laws of attraction. And whatever destiny had in store for her future, these times spent with him were memories she would forever reflect upon with fondness.
The wedding that ensued, two mornings thereafter, was a quiet affair. Lydia had expressed a desire to spend a few days at Longbourn before they would move North. So, in accordance with her wishes, Lydia, Mr. Wickham, Elizabeth, Jane and Mr. Bennet left for Hertfordshire soon after the ceremonies after bidding a farewell to the Gardiners and the two gentlemen - during which Jane was duly promised by Mr. Bingley that he would return to Netherfield in a short while. The promise kept Jane’s genteel spirits soaring throughout the journey, and at Netherfield too.
Lydia was similarly ecstatic about her newfound status in life - an ecstasy that Mrs. Bennet shared in equal measure when receiving the wedded couple at Longbourn. Her long standing wish of ensuring her daughters were married, had finally been fulfilled by Lydia and she was not going to begrudge her young daughter past follies that might have led to it. On the contrary, not only was she was willing to lavish upon the newly-wedded couple several hours of attention and words of flattery, but she wished to gift them a good sum of money too. Until Mr. Bennet, who had still not forgiven Lydia for her transgressions, promptly stopped the extravagance.
Once Lydia and Mr. Wickham departed for the North, Jane and her renewed relationship with Mr. Bingley, quite naturally became the object of Mrs. Bennet’s excessive regard. Jane, true to her nature, stayed modest on receiving it. But, she was happy to be indulged, since an imminent wedding seemed almost certain, and spoke freely about love and longingness with Elizabeth during their evenings spent together.
While Elizabeth was a willing audience to Jane’s tender thoughts on Mr. Bingley and even encouraged her happiness in that regard, she could not, in turn, share without reserve her feelings for Mr. Darcy. And it only drove her to realise how alone she was beginning to feel. After having spent many mirthful moments with Mr. Darcy at Rosings, and at London thereafter, for the first time in her life Elizabeth recognised that Hertfordshire did not hold the same appeal.
“Oh I do miss him sorely,” she finally relented, when she caught herself reminiscing his mannerisms and phrases far too often. “I am in love, am I not?”
But just as he held little control over the pathways that her heart chose to take, she could not govern the whereabouts of the gentleman who had so subtly taken possession of it either.
Such wistfulness, along with the lingering doubts regarding the events leading up to Lydia’s marriage that had not been resolved, left the chords of her chest frayed. And she eventually decided upon having a conversation with her father, about these queries - a conversation that she surmised would not be an easy one to lead.
So, on a particular evening, when Elizabeth was certain her father’s good spirits had returned, she approached him in the library and took her seat on an armchair beside him. “I apologise for intruding into your seclusion here, which I know you value dearly; but I must speak to you, father. I have certain unsettled doubts, and I have come to learn that I am incapable of making peace with the persistent lack of answers. Why, if I continue in this fashion any longer, I might lose my mind!”
Mr. Bennet put his book dow
n, amused to find his sensible daughter so unusually out of sorts. “What is the matter, my dear?”
Elizabeth leaned across, and spoke in hush tones, “It was a large sum of money that had to be paid off, before Mr. Wickham would agree to wed Lydia. How was this money afforded, father? And how did a man with no connections, manage to find a commission in the North so quickly?”
Mr. Bennet’s smile did not disappear altogether, but the loss of cheer paled his cheeks. “I have promised not to reveal the details to anyone, my child,” he paused, “and I cannot go back on my word.”
“Oh father, I implore you,” sliding towards the edge of her seat, she held his palm, “I shall not repeat these facts to another soul, once I have left the room today. I beg you, please tell me the truth.”
It took three further requests of similar earnestness, before Mr. Bennet finally conceded, affected by the strange anguish this was causing his cherished daughter. “It was Mr. Darcy who paid off those sums of money. He helped procure the licence for the marriage, and used his connections to secure a commission for Mr. Wickham in the North too.”
Elizabeth’s palm turned numb, as it slowly slipped away from her father’s. Of course, she knew it was him. She knew it all along. But it seems, she had to hear it from her father – at least once. “I see…”
“I suspect it must have cost him in the region of ten thousand pounds. Now, I cannot conceive why Mr. Darcy would burden himself with the loss of funds, or the loss of time and effort that was required in dealing with the unpleasantness of the scandal. He did tell me that he empathised with our plight since he considered Lydia a sister, but I suspect there is something else, something more. Either way, I am indebted to him forever.”
Elizabeth was aware of why Mr. Darcy empathised with the plight of her family - not merely because he considered Lydia a sister, but because his own sister had suffered a similar plight at the hands of Mr. Wickham too. That said, a large part of her also wished Mr. Darcy had done it for her sake. Yet, he had modestly concealed from her such a generous act and chosen to keep his involvement quiet, since the matter in question, was of a sensitive nature. Besides, he was not the sort of man with an inclination to flaunt his noble deeds, as he had once reminded her at Rosings.
For The Sake Of Her Happiness Page 9