by Lynn Galli
“You’ve been kinda quiet all day. Anything you want to share with me?”
I loved that she knew me so well. That she knew I was holding onto something, but that I might not want to spill it yet or ever. She always allowed me this luxury. It was one of the reasons I knew she was perfect for me. Yet her question sparked a thumping heartbeat and extended breathing. I’d suggested this weekend away for a reason. This was the moment. Romantic, spectacular, and with Briony, as always, breathtaking. I just had to open my mouth.
“Are you over-thinking last night, honey?” she asked.
Heat touched my face. Last night. I’d asked her for something neither of us thought I’d ask for, but I needed her to know that I trusted her completely. She’d never suggested I couldn’t trust her, but I knew with someone as insightful as Briony that she might harbor that slight doubt in the back of her mind. She’d forgive it, 108
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and had been for a year, but I didn’t want that for her anymore.
“Last night was…” I searched for the perfect words to describe how safe and loved she’d made me feel when we fi nally defeated what had always been my nightmare.
Fear surfaced in her eyes. I could tell she was aching to say something, but she would let me talk. She was brave enough to listen to me tell her that I’d hated it and didn’t want that ever again. That what I’d asked for now reminded me of the horror I’d gone through, but this time she’d been in the starring role.
I reached out to stroke her soft cheek and down to her throat.
I loved her neck, loved burying my face there, brushing my lips against it, taking her skin lightly between my teeth, running my tongue over the spot that never failed to bring out that husky moan. I lived for that sound. “You were wonderful. It was exactly what I wanted, what I knew you’d do for me.”
Her breath of relief brushed across my cheek as she popped off her lounge and slipped onto mine. “You were wonderful, too.”
“You weren’t shocked?” I asked, just a hint of humor because I already knew her answer.
“I saw those scarves and just about passed out, beautiful.”
She snuggled in closer to me. “I didn’t think you’d ever want that, but I’m so glad you asked. I’ve loved when you’ve tried it with me. It makes me feel almost liberated.”
The exact opposite of what I thought bondage would be. The exact opposite of my own experiences as a child when I was held down. It was why I’d asked for it. Until last night, I still felt there was one obstacle left in the sharing of our bodies. We didn’t need to strive for something uncommon when it came to lovemaking, but she hadn’t lied when she’d told me that she was open to almost anything. I loved being adventurous with her, but when it came to bondage or limiting movement, that particular activity had always been one-sided with us. She’d let me restrain her, but I hadn’t let her reciprocate, not that she’d ever asked. The act 109
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calls for complete trust, and she’d given it to me. So, last night, I decided it was time to give it to her. “I’m glad you didn’t pass out, sweet. We wouldn’t have had as much fun.”
“If it wasn’t last night, what’s got you so quiet today?” She shifted to swing her legs over my lap. The feel of her in my arms, with her wrapped around me, it was the closest I could get to heaven.
“I was thinking about the fi rst sunset we shared together. Do you remember?”
Her eyes sparkled. “Yes, do you?” That teasing tone made me smile. I wasn’t the one who brought up sentimental topics.
“You were on a date—”
“Which you rescued me from.”
“You cajoled me into an entire day together.” I squeezed her tighter against me.
“Don’t start with me.” The tone was fi rm, but the smile gave away her mischief. “You wanted to go. You could have said you were busy.”
“I wasn’t. I saw you with that woman, and my quiet Saturday turned into a quest to spend more time with you.”
“You never told me that.”
“I’m full of surprises.”
“Don’t I know it?” Her eyebrows fl uttered, making the heat return to my cheeks.
“We spent the day together and you picked a restaurant where we could watch the sunset from the patio.”
“It was beautiful. Not as beautiful as you, but still pretty beautiful.”
I made sure to lock eyes with her. “Nothing’s as beautiful as you, Briony.”
“Sometimes you fl oor me, you know?”
“Now you know how I always feel around you.”
She sucked in a breath as moisture prickled her eyes. Quickly, 110
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she leaned in and kissed me, her soft lips pressing then pulling on my own. I loved kissing her. She was the only person I’ve ever kissed and somehow I lucked into an expert. “What’s got you all nostalgic?” Her hand pressed over my heart, and I knew she could feel my elevated heart rate.
“When I’m uncomfortable I count.” That just slipped out.
I hadn’t meant to say that. I’d never told anyone. Not even a therapist. I could tell by her startled expression that she didn’t expect me to say that. It wasn’t the answer to her question, but she wouldn’t go back to that now that she had this.
“You count?” she prompted, tightening her arms around me.
“I didn’t mean…I, that wasn’t what—”
“Honey? Tell me, please?”
“It’s a habit. It allows me to concentrate on something else when things are happening that I don’t like or make me uncomfortable.”
She nodded encouragingly but there was a fl eeting look of pain that skittered across her face. “Do you still count?”
“I know how many steps from my offi ce to my classrooms, from my apartment to my car, from the street to the park. I know how many seconds it takes to get through a line at the supermarket, to pick up my dry cleaning, to have a conversation with the dean or for an average offi ce visit with my students. If I’ve done it, I know how long or how much of whatever it is that I’m doing. I count almost everything and with everyone.”
“Does it bother you?”
“Sometimes.”
“Can you stop it?”
“Most times, yes. If it’s really nerve wracking, then no. It took 9,932 seconds from the moment we stepped through Willa’s door last Sunday night until we left.”
Her eyebrows rose. “You’re still nervous there?”
“Yes, but I like being there with you. I’m starting to like it 111
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better than making you go alone. I’m glad you only go once a month, though.”
“I like it, too. Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“That’s just it.” I took a breath. “I count with everyone. It never mattered how comfortable I was with them.” I tightened my grip on her and looked directly at her beautiful golden eyes.
“Until I met you. I didn’t notice it at fi rst because it was such a habit, but then I realized that even when you pressed me on things or asked me questions that no one else had asked I didn’t count. You’re the only person that makes me so comfortable I don’t use that protective habit. If you’re near, I need only look at you and I stop counting.”
“Oh, Mabel, I’m so happy to hear you say that. I’m glad I can do that for you. You’re my comfort, too, you know?”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Briony. I know we’ve only known each other for a year and a half, but I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone before.”
“Me, too.” Her fi ngers came up to stroke my cheek.
“I missed you so much when you were in Vermont and I was in Chicago. I don’t want to have to miss you like that again.”
“Me, neither, honey. I should have changed my plans so I could at least see you for a few days in Chicago.”
“Next year, we’ll have to plan something else.”
Her
smile split her face as it always did whenever I brought up the future. It’s why I knew she’d be open to my question.
“Next year?”
“Yes.” I leaned in and kissed her this time. I loved her taste, her smell, the feel of her wrapped around me. “I miss you when you leave my place at the end of a date or when I leave yours before Caleb wakes up.”
“I’ve told you that if we have an honest conversation with Caleb, we could change that. You could spend the whole night.
He knows that sex is between people who love each other. He 112
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knows how we feel about each other.”
That was one of my favorite things about her. She knew I loved her without my having to say anything. She said it for me, sometimes in passing, sometimes teasing, sometimes when she wanted me to know just how much she loved me, but I’d promised myself. “And you know how I feel about you?”
She blinked once but smiled serenely. “Yes, you show me every time I see you. Every time you look at me or touch me, I know.”
“And that’s enough?”
A small frown appeared. “Of course, M, have I given you the impression that it isn’t? I love you, and I feel your love when I look in your gorgeous brown eyes that tell me almost everything that you’re thinking.”
Smiling, I teased, “What am I thinking right now?”
“That you like having me practically sitting on top of you, that you thought I looked sexy paddling through the water today, that you can see the four grey hairs on my head but won’t say anything about them, oh, and you can’t live without me.”
I laughed. There was so much I loved about this woman, but her wit ranked almost as high as her kindness. I also loved that she had a dark edge to that wit. It clashed so well with her compassion. “I love having you in my lap. You always look sexy to me. You’re delusional about the grey hair, but when you fi nally get it, you’ll look just as gorgeous as you do know. And no, I can’t live without you, but more importantly, I don’t want to live without you.”
Her smile faded a bit as she registered my serious tone. Her hand pressed against my chest to take in how hard my heart was beating right now. She looked like she wanted to say something, but I wanted to get this out.
“This past year has been the best of my life. I feel like I must have gone through everything that happened to me when I was 113
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younger so that when I met you, when you gave me your love, I’d feel like I deserved it. You make me feel like nothing will ever hurt again. Like I belong, fi nally, and I’m so proud that you’ve chosen me.” I brushed away one of the tears that had dropped onto her cheek. “I love you, Briony. Will you honor me as my wife?”
“Oh, God, M!” She breathed out, a small sound leaving her throat. “I love you so much.”
I waited for more, but her face was now buried in my neck and small tremors ran through her body. I stroked her back, helping to soothe her. “Bri?” I asked when I felt her take a cleansing breath and push herself back. “Is that a—”
“Yes! Yes, M, I want nothing more than for us to be married.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t have time to think about how stupid that sounded before her lips landed on mine, kissing with such abandon that I forgot everything else I wanted to say. She’d always had that effect on me.
“I’m so happy you asked. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold off before the hints about a permanent future with you became anything but subtle.” She grinned, a sheepish look making her all the more lovable.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but we’ll have to talk to Caleb. I know some people don’t think their kids should have a say, but I don’t want to force myself into Caleb’s life.”
She laughed, a soft rhythm of sound that caressed me. “He wanted to ask you to marry us last Christmas.”
“What?” I couldn’t hide my shock.
“Kids are like that. He knew how much I loved you and he’d just told you that he loved you. He wanted you to live with us right then. He’s going to be thrilled about this.”
I let out a breath of relief. “That’s wonderful.” I reached down under my chair and pulled out the hidden ring box. “I got this for you, but if you don’t like it, we can get one you like.”
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She stared wide-eyed at me before looking at the box. “You bought me a ring?”
“I wanted to give you a ring. Is that all right? If you’d rather not, we can just get wedding bands. I thought you could pick those out for us.” I lifted the lid on the box so she could see the ring.
“It’s beautiful, honey. I love it. I love you.”
“I had it inscribed.”
She carefully pulled it free and read the inscription. Tears sprang in her eyes again as she looked back at me. “I love you, too, Mabel. Always.”
As with everything about her, those words told me that I’d never want for anything else ever again because of her.
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Jessie’s Epilogue
When the doorbell rang, I was in the middle of showing my buddy, Caleb, how to throw a discus in my backyard. We’d been working through the ten events of the decathlon for three days, ever since my beautiful spouse opened her big mouth. A mouth I loved, but still, it got a little big every once in a while.
“That’ll be Mom,” Caleb said, half with disappointment, half with excitement.
The tone made me smile. I’d enjoyed our time together, too.
“Should be.”
“But we’re not done,” he protested even as he was tilting around me to see if Lauren had answered the door yet.
“We’ll pick up the next time you visit, CeeGy. You’re a natural at this stuff.”
He beamed and hustled to help me put away the discus and shot put in the storage shed where I still kept a javelin and hurdle from my training days. Then we raced each other to the patio door. I couldn’t resist reaching down to sling him over my shoulder. He giggled uncontrollably and grasped my waist as if afraid I’d drop him.
“Oh boy, here comes trouble,” Briony muttered with a huge smile on her face. Her arm was wrapped around her partner’s waist as they waited with Lauren for us to reach the front room.
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rushed into his mom’s arms. “Hi Mom, missed ya.”
“Not as much as I missed you.” Her grin was as big as his.
“Even with red hair.” She ran a hand across his spiking hair, and I burst into laughter. “Your doing, Jess?” She pierced me with a teasing glare.
Before I could answer, Caleb spoke up. “Jessie says red hair is hot.”
“It’s the wash out kind,” Lauren assured her even as we laughed at Caleb’s declaration. She’d been fretting about it since we got back from the drug store and spiked his hair yesterday. She reached out and slid her hand into mine for a reassuring squeeze.
“I think we should make it permanent,” his stepmom, M, kidded with him.
He grinned. “It looks cool, though, doesn’t it?”
“Ham,” his mother accused. She looked at me as I pulled Lauren closer and wrapped both arms around her. “I can’t thank you both enough for stepping in like that.” Her usual sitter had gotten called away only a day after they’d gone out of town for a few days.
“It was our pleasure,” I assured her. Briony didn’t like to ask for help. She’d never asked before.
“We loved having him here, really. He’s always welcome.”
Lauren smiled warmly trying to convey her sincerity. This type of consideration for her friends was just one of the many things I loved about her.
“Did you thank Jessie and Lauren for keeping you alive these past four days?” Briony prompted.
“Not for that,” Caleb giggled again and swung around to face me. “Thanks for picking me up Thursday after school and lettin
g me stay and bringing me everywhere with you.” He squished me into a hug before turning to Lauren. “And thanks for teaching me how to play chess and how to make sopapillas. I had a lot of fun.”
“You’re welcome, Caleb. We loved having you here.”
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“Thanks again, you guys. I honestly don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t stepped up like that.” Briony hugged me fi rst before turning to Lauren.
“Bye!” Caleb called out, darting out the door in front of his parents.
“Whew!” I blew out a breath as I dragged myself back to the living room and dropped onto the couch.
“Oh, you don’t fool me, toughie.” My beautiful partner sashayed toward me with a grin on her face. “You loved every minute of having that kid here.”
I bit back a grin. I had loved it. Started me thinking, too, but I got all distracted as soon as Lauren slid fi rst one knee onto the couch beside my thigh then the other to straddle me. Her devious grin kicked my heart rate into overdrive.
“You loved it so much you’re thinking about something, aren’t you, darling?”
God, she knew me so well. I’d always thought having a lover who knew me so well would annoy me. But Lauren got to me on every level, crashed through every defense I’d ever set up, and never let me get away with a damn thing. “Well, I don’t know, shug. What do you think about what I’m thinking about?”
She gripped the front of my shirt and shook it slightly. “Do you really want us to have a baby, Jess?”
“That wasn’t exactly what I was thinking,” I replied. “But if you want to have a baby, L, I’ll do anything for you.”
She leaned down and kissed me with those lips that knew exactly how to drive me crazy whether they were touching me or not. “God, I love you. Tell me what you were thinking before I respond to that.”
“I was thinking more like adoption or fostering,” I stopped, checking her expression. “Of an older kid.”