But it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.
I nodded against Ashton’s chest. “It’s okay. It’s just things. It’s just an apartment.”
He squeezed me tighter. “It was your apartment, and it was special to you, but it’s replaceable. Everything is replaceable but you. You’re fine and that’s all that really matters.”
He was right. I was okay, and according to the super’s messages, everyone else in the building was okay too. That’s what was really important. Not things. Not four walls and a roof.
I sniffed again. “Can we go?”
Despite my brave thoughts, seeing my home like that still hurt. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do next, but I had to get out of here.
Ashton led me back downstairs and over to my car. Once we were inside, he asked, “Which hospital are we going to?”
I gave him directions before I fell silent, my eyes on the building and people streaming past the windows.
“I’m sorry, Millie,” Ashton finally said.
I turned to him, my smile weak. “I think it’s okay. I think this is a chance to try something new. To get out of this rut I’ve been in.”
He nodded. “If that’s what you want, that’s great.”
“Well, I don’t really have a choice.”
“Of course you do. You can rebuild your apartment and fill it with the exact same stuff if you want.”
I thought about that for a second, but that felt like going backward. If I wanted to move forward, if I wanted to move on from my old life and embrace the second chance I’d been given, I needed to start fresh. It might have been eighty years late, but I guess that was better than never.
I instructed Ashton to park in the employee lot and we got out and headed inside together. He grabbed my hand as we walked, and I smiled as I squeezed him back.
When we made it to the eighth floor, I taught Ashton how to properly scrub up and got him a gown, hairnet, mask, and gloves before we went inside.
“I feel ridiculous,” he whispered.
I giggled as I looked at this big, strong man in a gown that didn’t fit and gloves he could barely get his fingers in. “Don’t worry, it’s for a good purpose.”
“I don’t even know what we’re doing,” he whispered louder. “I swear, if you bring me to an operating room, I’m leaving.”
I turned to him. “But they’ve got a dozen vasectomies planned for today and we’re supposed to assist them.”
His face went pale, his eyes wide before I broke down, my cackles echoing down the hall.
“You’re an ass,” he said.
I couldn’t stop laughing, the chuckles still escaping as I tried to talk. “You should have seen your face.”
He shook his head. “You’re the worst.”
I pressed my lips together as I buzzed us into the NICU. The charge nurse met me at the doors as usual, her face lighting up when she saw Ashton.
“Hey, Millie. Who do you have here?”
“This is my friend, Ashton. He came along to help.”
She smiled as she looked him up and down. “We can always use more chests. Especially ones as broad as yours,” she said with a wink.
Ashton looked down at me, questions swimming in his eyes. “What the hell is she talking about?” he whispered.
“You’ll see.”
Chapter 16
Ashton
“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
Millie’s eyes were bright with humor as she gently bounced the baby in her arms. “Oh, shut up. You love it.”
“I don’t.” I looked down at the four-pound little girl in my arms and shuddered. “She’s too fucking small, Millie. I’m going to break her.”
She giggled softly, and even in the midst of my terror, that sound did something to me. “You’re not going to break her. All you have to do is not let her fall out of your hands.”
My wide eyes met hers. “Is that something that can happen?” I looked down at the tiny human with the tubes coming from her nose and mouth, the panic rising in my system. “What if she wakes up? Is she going to try to get down?”
Millie laughed harder this time, and even though it was at my expense, it was still beautiful. “She’s a week old, Ashton. She’s not going anywhere.”
I sat back in the rocking chair and tried to relax, but that was almost impossible. This baby was so tiny it seemed impossible she was actually a human like me. And, damn, she was cute with her little button nose and long lashes.
But still. “I don’t think I can do this,” I said.
Millie shook her head as she lifted the baby in her arms to her chest. “You’re already doing it,” she said, her voice taking on this tone I hadn’t heard before. It was soft, and soothing, and I knew then she was made for this shit.
I watched her for a moment. Watched the way she held the little boy in her arms so gently. So tender. I watched the way she hummed softly to him when he started to fuss. And there was this sadness in her eyes. It seemed ancient, but still acute, if that was possible.
“How did you get into this?”
Her eyes snapped to mine before she looked away. “I’ve been volunteering here for years. I’ll probably have to stop soon before they realize I’m not aging,” she whispered.
“Right, but why? Of all the things you could be doing with your time, why do this?”
She shrugged, but her eyes were guarded. “They need healthy volunteers, and I can’t catch or pass human germs. It’s a perfect situation.”
I watched her carefully, wondering what I was missing. “You must really like kids.”
Her eyes flashed toward me and away again, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. “Yes,” she said softly. “I do.”
The next question was on the tip of my tongue, waiting to be spoken aloud, but I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if she would answer. Hell, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the damn answer.
Finally, I had to ask. “Do you have any?” I felt like I should know the answer to that question already, but that just hammered home the fact that I didn’t really know her. Hell, I only found out this afternoon that she’d been married. She could have had a whole minivan full of kids somewhere and I’d have no idea.
“Yes,” Millie whispered, breaking me out of my thoughts. “I did.”
I heard her use of the past tense and swallowed hard. Son of a bitch, I knew I didn’t want the answer to this question. I knew nothing good would come of it.
But this was another piece of Millie. And if I wanted her, I needed to collect all these parts. Even the broken ones. Especially those.
“I lost my daughter right before I lost my life.”
Her voice was so empty. So cold. Like it wasn’t really her speaking the words. Like she was just a vessel for the story.
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
I didn’t know if that was the right thing to do or if she’d want to talk about it, but I figured since she brought it up, I might as well try. This seemed like an important piece to her puzzle.
“I was seven months pregnant the night he went too far,” she began, her voice still hollow. “He’d left work that day to get drunk, and when he came home and I didn’t have dinner on the table, he lost it.”
She closed her eyes and squeezed the baby on her chest a little tighter. “I tried to protect her,” she whispered. “I covered her as best I could, but he just kept kicking me and kicking me…” She trailed off as a single drop of blood slipped from the corner of her eye.
I carefully stood up, mindful of all the wires and tubes coming from the baby. Grabbing my chair, I dragged it next to Millie and gently sat back down. When I was sure nothing came unplugged and my baby was still a sleep, I picked up her hand and squeezed tight.
“I don’t know what happened after that because I lost consciousness. But when I woke up, I was bleeding a lot and I knew something was wrong with the baby.”
My heart clenched in my chest as I listened to her story. It probably happened
a long time ago, but it was like it was playing out right before me. Like there was still something I could do about it.
“I got a neighbor to take me to the hospital, and I knew things were bad. I begged the doctor to not let my baby die. To not let me die. I delivered my little girl, Lucy, a couple hours later.” She squeezed my fingers as another drop of blood fell from her eye. “But she was too early and too small. Her little lungs weren’t powerful enough to keep her alive, and they didn’t have the kind of life-saving medicine they have now. I got to hold her as she took her last breath.”
My arms ached with the need to pick her up and wrap them around her. To squeeze her so tight she couldn’t fall apart. To kiss her until her tears dried.
“Millie,” I said and paused, momentarily lost for words. “I’m so sorry.”
She nodded as another bloody tear streamed down her face. “That’s why I come here. I help these babies like I couldn’t help mine.”
“There was nothing you could have done.”
She nodded again, like she’d heard that a lot in the past. I wasn’t sure she was really listening, though.
“Since that doctor couldn’t keep his promise to keep Lucy alive, he kept his other promise to me.”
I frowned as I tried to connect the dots for myself.
“My injuries were too severe, and I was bleeding too much. There was nothing the doctors could do, and I was just waiting to die.”
I tried to imagine that. To know I was going to die. To know I’d just lost my baby. How did she even find it in her to go on?
Millie squeezed my fingers again before she let go. She used that hand to gently rub the baby’s back as she continued to talk.
“Of course, I hadn’t known I was asking a vampire to not let me die. And he took that literally.”
My eyes widened as the picture finally came together. “That’s how you became a vampire.”
She nodded as she looked down at the boy on her chest. “Yes,” was all she said.
I sat there trying to weave all this new information into what I already knew about Millie, but it was hard. It was hard even thinking about all she went through. It made me feel so powerless because she’d needed someone like me, and I probably hadn’t even been born yet.
But all it did was solidify this desire in me to protect her.
I’d already promised a sleeping Millie that I’d never let anything happen to her, and now I was going to say it again.
“Millie, I can’t even begin to understand everything you’ve been through and I’m so sorry for it all. But your strength is mind-blowing. And I know you don’t really need me, but I promise you nothing like that will ever happen to you again. Not with me around.”
She looked up at me, her eyes so full of some emotion I couldn’t name. I stared into her emerald gaze and let her see me too. See the truth in my words and the strength of my conviction.
I didn’t care what it took. I would keep this woman safe.
We fell quiet after that for a long time until the charge nurse came around and took the babies from our chests. I thought we’d be done then, but Millie grabbed my hand and dragged me to another corner of the floor and two more babies that needed some loving.
Honestly, it wasn’t a half-bad night.
By the third baby, I was a lot more confident in my holding abilities. So much that I started bragging to Millie.
“Oh yeah? Well, that one needs a diaper change.”
I turned wide eyes to the little lump of flesh in my arms and shook my head. “Okay, I’m not that comfortable yet.”
Millie laughed, and the sound was so welcome, I didn’t care it was at my expense again.
As we left the hospital, she seemed a little lighter. Like maybe a couple of her demons had been exorcised.
When we got to her car, I spun her around and pressed her back against the door. She gasped, her eyes wide as they met mine.
“You’re incredible,” I whispered into her ginger hair. I pressed the length of my body along hers and wrapped my hands around her hips. “The more I learn, the more I find to be amazed by.”
She giggled softly, the sound so breathy it was barely a laugh. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers for one long moment before pulling away again.
“Come on. Let’s go.”
She nodded, her cheeks pink as she climbed in the passenger seat. We stopped to buy some clothes and other supplies before heading back to the hotel. On the way, a question popped into my head, and just like every other time, it wouldn’t shut up until I asked it.
“Are you glad that doctor made you a vampire?”
Millie rolled her head in my direction. “I didn’t used to be.”
“What do you mean?”
“When he first changed me, I was so angry. I didn’t want to be alive while my baby was dead. I wanted to be wherever she was.” Millie turned away and sniffed, and I could have punched myself in the fucking face for even bringing this up.
“But it’s better now,” she continued. “Honestly, it got a lot better after I changed Allie.”
“Who’s Allie?”
“My sister,” she answered immediately. “Well, not by blood. But in every way that counts. I found her in the hospital during one of my shifts and offered her the change. She accepted and we’ve been family ever since.”
“I’m glad you have her then,” I said. “You’re stronger than me though. I don’t think I could do it.”
“Do what?”
“Become a vampire. I mean, the blood thing isn’t so bad,” I said as I adjusted myself as discreetly as possible. She still giggled, and I knew I wasn’t successful. “But never being able to eat food again? To never be in the sunlight? I don’t think I could do it.”
Millie was quiet before she turned to look out the dark window. “You’d be surprised what you can do when you don’t have a choice.”
I felt the finality in her words and let it go. We were almost at the hotel anyway. Sunrise was still a few hours away, but neither of us wanted to push it after yesterday.
We spent the rest of the night watching movies in bed and snuggling. We wasted long minutes getting lost in each other. I kissed her as many times as I wanted and didn’t worry about the consequences. I didn’t even think outside the hotel room. Even though it was simple, it was probably one of the best nights of my life.
So, when I heard the shouts and screams from the hallway hours before sundown, I was completely unprepared.
I jumped out of bed and raced around the room, looking for my pants. I dragged them up my legs before grabbing my gun and switching off the safety. Hurrying over to Millie, I pulled her into my arms and backed toward the bathroom.
The sounds outside got louder and closer to the door, and I had a really bad feeling I knew what was going on.
I’d just gotten Millie’s sleeping body shut in the bathroom when the hotel room door burst open and two men came streaming in.
I started firing immediately as I ducked behind a dresser.
I hit one guy in the shoulder, and he went down, but the other was too smart. He ducked back into the hall.
“We’re just here for the freak,” he yelled into the room. “Let us have her and we’ll leave you alone.”
“Fuck off,” I hollered back.
When he was too quiet for too long, I hid behind the dresser again, and within moments, his shots rang out in the room. I rolled my eyes because obviously this guy had very little training. It would almost be too easy to incapacitate him.
He stopped shooting, and I crept out of my hiding spot before crouching behind the sofa. This time, when he spun back around, I was ready and firing right toward him. The man disappeared from the doorway again, and I listened closely to the sounds coming from the hall.
Because I was so focused on that, I didn’t hear Millie opening the bathroom door behind me.
“Ashton? What’s going on?”
“Millie!” I screamed as I jumped out of my hiding spot.
I ran across the room, but I wasn’t fast enough.
The asshole in the hallway came running after me, also aiming for Millie. I fired a couple rounds over my shoulder, not aiming for a hit, but just trying to distract him long enough to get her in the bathroom.
But I didn’t make it.
The bullet pierced my back and burned through my abdomen before shooting out of my stomach and lodging in the drywall.
But I kept running.
“Ashton!” Millie screamed.
But I kept running.
Another shot rang out and this one hit my shoulder before burrowing through my chest. A scream was wrenched from my throat as I struggled to stay on my feet.
“Ashton!” Millie yelled again as she raced toward me.
“No!” I screamed. “Get back! Lock yourself in the bathroom!”
I fell to my knees and the asshole who shot me ran past. I reached for his ankles, but I was too slow, the pain making me sluggish. It was blistering and devastating, and I could barely see through it.
But I didn’t miss the way Millie stood her ground as the guy barreled toward her. When he was within range, she reached out to grab his head before twisting it to the side. Bastard fell into a heap at her feet before she lunged toward me.
“Ashton! Oh my God, you were shot!”
I opened my mouth to speak, but it was full of blood and I started choking instead. Millie’s hands fluttered above my chest as red tears fell from her eyes.
“Ashton, no! Why would you do this? His bullets couldn’t hurt me!” she cried.
I shook my head. “S’my job to protect you,” I mumbled around the blood pouring out of my mouth.
I closed my eyes for a moment before Millie slapped my cheek. “No! Ashton, you stay with me. Don’t close your eyes.”
But fuck, I was tired.
And in so much pain.
The black behind my eyelids was so tempting.
“Ashton! Open your fucking eyes,” she yelled, but her voice was even farther away.
I felt her squeeze my hand, and the last thing I heard was her hoarse cry before everything went dark.
Epilogue
Blood Feud Page 14