Now as he left the bank and started walking home—it was too nice a day not to—he thought about it all over again. He’d been thinking about the past and the fire and how guilty he had felt that he hadn’t been there when the fire reached his home, that he hadn’t been able to save his wife. If only he’d gotten word about the fire earlier! But all the if onlys in the world could not change the events of that day, and he had accepted that long ago.
Still, he’d always wished for a different outcome. There was no way to get around the fact that, without Abigail, most likely Natalie would have died in the fire that day, too. A shiver went down his spine at the very thought. He would be forever grateful that Abigail had gotten his daughter to safety. He thought back over the last few years, back to the first few weeks when he’d been numb with pain. The whole family had been, but somehow they’d all managed to give Natalie the love and attention she needed, and no one gave her more attention than Abigail. There was also the fact that her father still thought Nate had gotten there in time to save Rose. Nate was sick of the guilt he felt that he couldn’t save Jacob’s youngest daughter. All Abigail had talked about had been true.
Normally, he would have brushed the conversation of the other night off and put it out of his mind until she brought it up again. But she’d been so right in many areas. Her parents would love nothing more than for Natalie to stay close, and the best way for that to happen would be if he and Abigail got married. This was also the first time she’d mentioned his needs, that he was lonely and needed a wife as much as Natalie needed a mother. The fact that the only woman he’d ever come to love besides Rose didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with him … well, that most likely did play a part in his thinking these days, too.
If he thought for one moment that he had a chance with Meagan Snow, he would not even be giving the conversation with Abigail a second thought. But much to his disappointment, Meagan had made it quite clear that she wasn’t interested in his courting her at all.
Natalie needed a mother, and he needed a wife. Abigail was quite right about all of that. She was also right about the fact that he didn’t love her … not like she loved him. He wasn’t sure he ever could. She seemed to understand that and still wanted them to marry. Could she be happy in a marriage to him under those circumstances? There was only one way to find out. She was having a dinner party the next night. He’d be the last one to leave for a change, and he would ask her.
Once Nate told Abigail that he wanted to talk to her after everyone left, he began to have second thoughts. She had a look of expectancy about her, and he wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing. But it was too late to change his mind now.
Abigail obviously wanted to know what he had to say, because she made sure no one lingered very long after dinner. As soon as the last couple took their leave, she led Nate into her parlor where she’d instructed her housekeeper to bring in coffee and the tea cakes she knew he was fond of.
“What is it you want to talk to me about, Nate?” She fixed his coffee for him and handed it to him along with one of the small cakes.
“I suppose it is about our conversation the other night.”
Her cup rattled in its saucer before she steadied it. “Oh?”
“Yes. I’ve been giving everything you said some thought. I would like to remarry one day. It would be good to have someone to talk over the day with, to come home to at night.”
Abigail kept silent, which surprised him. She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.
“And you are right about Natalie. She does want a mother. She would like me to marry again.”
“I thought she would,” Abigail said. She set her coffee down and clasped her hands together in her lap. “What else have you decided?”
Nate took a deep breath. “It will require both of us to make this decision.”
She sat up straighter, and he knew he had her complete attention. “And what is that?”
“First—you said you know that I don’t lo—”
“Love me like I love you?”
“Yes.”
“I do know that.”
“And you are willing to marry me anyway?”
Abigail joined him on the settee and took his hands in hers. “I am. Nate, I believe you will learn to love me.”
At that moment, Nate truly hoped he could as he looked into her eyes. “In that case, then, will you marry me?”
Abigail leaned her head to one side and looked at him. Then her lips turned up in a smile. “Yes, Nate, I will marry you.”
eighteen
Meagan’s heart continued to break a little more each day after she turned down Nate’s invitation to lunch. At church, she couldn’t help but notice that Nate had stopped looking in her direction since she’d turned him down twice. She told herself it was best that way, but her heart told her differently.
While Nate wasn’t looking for her, Abigail seemed intent on catching her eye and then pulling Nate a little closer as she placed a possessive hand through the crook of his arm. Her look seemed to say, I told you so.
Natalie always waved, but she didn’t look as happy as she had just a few weeks ago, and Meagan’s heart went out to her.
It came as no surprise when Abigail came into the shop the next day to pick up the last outfit Meagan had made for her to find that Nate was indeed getting married to her. “I want you to make my wedding dress, Miss Snow.” She seemed to stress the Miss while she continued, “What plates do you have that I can choose from? But then, I’ve heard you are quite the designer. Do you think you could come up with a design for me?”
For a moment, Meagan was speechless. Make this woman’s wedding gown for her marriage to Nate? If a knife had pierced her heart and been given a twist, she did not think it could give her any more pain than she felt at that moment. “I don’t think I’m the one to make your wedding gown, Miss Connors. That is something I’ve never made before and—”
“Oh, nonsense! You do work comparable to some of my friends’ gowns from Paris. There is no reason for you not to make my wedding gown unless …”
She paused, and Meagan held her breath. This woman was being much too nice.
“Unless you are hoping that Nate will change his mind and marry you instead of me?” Abigail continued.
She got right to the point, and she was exactly right. Meagan had wanted the first wedding gown she made to be her own. She’d been dreaming of walking down the aisle toward Nate for months … even after she knew it was hopeless.
“Miss Snow? Is that your problem? I do hope not. I want you to make this gown. And I’m sure my papa would not be pleased if you turn me down.”
Turning her down was the very thing Meagan wanted to do. She’d never wanted to tell anyone to get out of her shop and never come back as badly as she did right at this moment. Abigail, however, was right. Her papa wouldn’t be happy, and since Meagan still owed the bank on her loan, she couldn’t risk making him angry. She’d already lost any chance for a life with Nate. She couldn’t risk losing her family’s livelihood.
“All right, Miss Connors. I’ll make your gown.”
“Good. That is what I was hoping to hear. I’ve set a wedding date for the seventeenth of July.”
“That’s very soon.” It was June now, but Meagan told herself the sooner Nate was married, the sooner she could put him out of her mind. And the sooner she could finish Abigail’s dress, the better. Perhaps once the woman had what she wanted, she would find another dressmaker to suit her needs. “But I will not design it. I won’t have time. You’ll have to choose from the plates I have.”
Abigail made an irritated sound but didn’t argue. “Very well, let’s look at what you have.”
Meagan pulled out several magazines for her to look at. After poring over the different plates for the better part of the afternoon, Abigail finally decided on a lovely gown made of ivory satin draped with Brussels lace. Meagan was thankful that it wasn’t anything like the gown she had pictured as her
own. Abigail’s choice was intricate, but Meagan had no doubt that she could make it.
Since she had no other appointments that day, they took careful measurements and found that there would need to be no changes from the last dress. That would make Meagan’s job much easier, and for that she was extremely thankful.
By the time Abigail left the shop, Meagan was totally worn down. She was fully aware that the only way she’d been able to manage to act as if she wasn’t heartbroken that Nate was marrying that woman was with the Lord’s help. She prayed He’d be with her during the next month, giving her the strength she needed just to get through each day as she worked on the bridal gown for Abigail.
Even though Meagan prayed each night for strength to get through this trying time, it was all she could do to get through each day. Word of the upcoming marriage between Nate and Abigail had spread all over town.
She was worried about Natalie. At one time, the little girl had seemed so excited that her papa might marry again, but Meagan’s mother told her she’d run into Natalie and her grandmother in town and asked if she was excited about all the wedding preparations and she had just shrugged. “She didn’t look very happy to me,” Meagan’s mother had said.
And she didn’t. At church, she looked sad, Nate looked resigned, and Meagan wasn’t sure that even Abigail looked all that happy. Yet she had what she’d evidently always wanted. Hard as it was, Meagan began praying that Nate and Natalie would be happy, although she couldn’t bring herself to add Abigail to that prayer, not yet—and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to.
When Abigail and her mother brought Natalie in to ask if Meagan would make her dress, also, there was no way Meagan could turn them down. It was wonderful to see Natalie again, and she seemed happy to see Meagan. Still, there was a sadness in her eyes that Meagan didn’t like. She wished she could ask Natalie what was wrong, but with Abigail and her mother within hearing distance, there was no way to do it. All she really could do was pray that the little girl would be happy with the new developments in her life. The one bright light in all of it seemed to be that she got to see Natalie again.
With all the heartache involved in making clothes for the wedding of the man she loved, taking care to make Abigail’s dress come up to the high standards she’d set for herself when she went into business was one of the hardest things Meagan had ever done. But her reputation and her family’s livelihood depended on her. She didn’t for one moment think that Nate would let the bank foreclose on her, but Abigail could make sure no one would want to come to her shop if she wasn’t satisfied with her dress.
So Meagan stayed up late, working to make sure that the trim was just so, that the lace draped perfectly on the mannequin she’d padded out to match Abigail’s measurements. She did take part of Independence Day off to watch the parade and have a picnic at Basin Park with her family; then it was back to work as soon as they got back home. Sarah had shown a great interest in learning to sew and helping Meagan in the shop, and Meagan was grateful. She could use all the help she could get.
When Abigail insisted that Meagan come to Nate’s house for her and Natalie’s last fittings a week before the wedding, she agreed only because Nate would be at work. Abigail seemed intent on rubbing salt into the wounds she’d already inflicted. But the thought of being alone with Abigail at Nate’s home was just too intimidating, so Meagan took Sarah along for support.
Nate’s housekeeper, Mrs. Baker, showed Meagan and Sarah up the stairs and to Natalie’s room. Nate’s home was beautiful, and Meagan wondered if Abigail would move in after their wedding or if Nate and Natalie would live in her home. Somehow, she couldn’t think that Abigail’s home would be as warm and inviting as Nate’s. His housekeeper had a knack for making it feel homey, and then there was the fact that Natalie lived there.
“Miss Meg, I’ve been waiting for you to get here,” Natalie said when Meagan entered the child’s room. “I wanted to run down and greet you, but Aunt Abby said no.” The look the little girl gave her aunt spoke volumes to Meagan. Natalie was not happy with her aunt at all.
“She’s here now, Natalie. I told you to quit whining, and she’d be here soon.”
Tears welled in Natalie’s eyes, but she answered Meagan’s smile with one of her own.
“Sarah, would you please help Miss Connors try on her dress while I get Natalie’s on her?”
“Natalie can wait—”
“There’s no need for that. I brought my sister to help me out today.”
“Very well.” Abigail’s tone was unusually sweet. “She can help Natalie while you help me.”
Meagan nodded at her sister. There was no point in irritating Abigail more than she already seemed to be.
Meagan would have preferred to be helping Natalie. But as they were all in the same room, there was no way to have a private conversation with her and ask how she was doing. She could only hope the little girl knew how much she cared that she was upset.
Abigail stood in front of the corner mirror while Meagan helped her off with her wrapper and on with the bustle she’d need for the wedding dress. Then she stood on a stool to raise the dress over Abigail’s head and down over her corset, chemise, petticoats, and bustle. It was going to look wonderful on her. Meagan could tell as she buttoned the tiny buttons up the back and settled the skirts around her. It fit her to perfection, and hard as it was to say, she told the truth. “It looks beautiful on you, Miss Connors.”
Abigail turned this way and that in front of the mirror. The train was just the right length, and the veil framed her face perfectly. “I do look wonderful, don’t I, Natalie, dear?”
Natalie ran over to her aunt. “It’s very pretty, Aunt Abby. May I see how my dress looks?”
“In a moment, Natalie.” Abigail twisted and turned once more before moving out of the way.
“I’ll help you out of the dress, Miss Connors,” Sarah said. “My sister needs to check the hem on Natalie’s dress.”
“Why it looks perfectly straight to me,” Abigail said, but she let Sarah help her out of the dress while Natalie preened in front of the mirror.
“Oh, it’s beautiful, Miss Meg! I love it,” the young girl said. The dress was of satin and lace but was a soft buttery yellow, fitting for a young girl.
“Thank you, Natalie. I’m glad you like it. It fits you perfectly, and you look beautiful in it. I just need to make sure the hem is right.” Meagan had her make slow turns until she was certain the hem was level. “It is just right.”
“You need to take if off if Miss Snow is through inspecting it. You don’t want to get it dirty, Natalie.”
“I won’t get it dirty, Aunt Abby.”
“Natalie, take it off, now.”
Meagan wasn’t sure who she was trying to impress by her tone, but it certainly wasn’t her. She didn’t like the way Abigail was speaking to her niece.
“Do I have to?”
“Natalie! I can’t believe your impertinence! Now go change!”
Meagan held her breath and glanced at her sister. How dare the woman speak to Natalie like that? She was just a child excited about a new dress.
Natalie turned to do as she was told, but then she began to cry. “I wish my daddy never said he would marry you, Aunt Abby! I wanted him to marry Miss Meg—not you!”
Abigail grabbed her arm. “I’ll not have that attitude, either. You—”
Natalie pulled her arm away and ran for the bedroom door. She ran out of the room, yelling, “I don’t want you to be my mama!”
Meagan followed her first instinct to run after the little girl, but she wasn’t fast enough. A scream she knew she would never forget sent chills down her spine as she reached the landing. At the bottom of the stairs lay Natalie.
nineteen
Meagan went into action as soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Natalie was breathing, but she wasn’t responding. Her arm seemed bent at an odd angle, and Meagan was afraid to move her. As Abigail seemed incapable of helping her
, Meagan hurriedly sent her sister for Nate and asked the housekeeper to get the doctor.
Abigail began sobbing and couldn’t seem to stop. It seemed forever before Nate burst through the door. He arrived out of breath and with fear in his eyes. Bending over his daughter, he took one look at Abigail and then looked to Meagan to tell them what happened.
“It was an accident. She got upset and ran out of the room, and then we heard a yell and …” Meagan prayed for the Lord to keep her tears at bay. She had a feeling Nate couldn’t take that right now. “When I got to the landing, she was at the bottom of the stairs.” Her heart twisted just seeing the pain in Nate’s eyes.
The doctor arrived and quickly checked for broken bones. He tried to rouse Natalie once more to no avail. Afraid to jostle her into a carriage or wagon for the trip to the doctor’s home, he had the child transferred to her bedroom. Abigail managed to go up to turn down the bed, but Meagan thought she was suffering from shock.
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