He had been her older brother’s best friend and she had always been one of his kid sisters…the one who was always peeking around corners at him when she had been a shy fifth and sixth grader and he’d been a junior and then a senior in high school.
She’d been cute and so shy, when her sisters had been outgoing. He’d always had a soft spot for her, wanting to look out for her. Especially considering he didn’t get to see his little half-sister, who lived across the state with his mom and her husband. When he’d come home from police academy the week of Jillian’s graduation, his whole life had changed. His sister was dead and Jillian had grown up. And that mix of emotions thrown at him from the two events had proved to completely and rigorously change the course of his life.
“It’s good to see you, Ryan.” Jake grabbed the hand Ryan held out to him and they shook hard while sharing a one-shouldered hug. “Levi said you were coming. We were all glad to know it. It’s about time.”
All the other Sinclair boys came up behind Jake. All but Cameron, who Levi had said lived on his ranch in Texas and just visited at times.
Trent, Max, and Levi flanked Jake and took turns sharing a handshake and a brotherly hug. Ryan had practically lived with these guys growing up. His own dad had always been working at police headquarters; he had been police chief back then.
They all entered the house, going in through the massive front door. Jax and Blair said they’d catch up with him later and disappeared through the door that led into a large room.
“Levi said you were coming, but we didn’t believe him.” Max grinned. “We unanimously agreed that until we saw you, we wouldn’t believe it.”
“It’s good to see you, man,” Trent said. “And to see you alive. Levi told us your cover was blown.”
“And they roughed you up pretty bad,” Max added.
Ryan had just recently been able to walk around with just a hint of a limp. His ribs were not completely healed but almost.
“It was not a good experience.” He didn’t elaborate but he’d almost died. They’d left him for dead and if he hadn’t managed to get away while they’d been distracted, they would have finished the job.
Levi crossed his arms and frowned. “They left him for dead.”
“But I’m here now. And I’m alive.”
“Where were you undercover at?” Max asked, probing.
“Can’t say. Just like when you’re on a special ops, you can’t say.”
Max’s expression was one of understanding on that. “So your cover was blown—now what?”
That was the question of the decade. “I’m here to relieve Jax at Lagoon Adventures while he goes with Grant to Australia to create the murals he’s been commissioned to do and I’ll figure it out. I have a desk job waiting for me, if I want it.” Which he didn’t. He had hopes they’d figure out how to get him back on the front lines in defeating the drug trafficking into the States.
Levi’s brow hitched. “You have a job waiting right here, too, anytime you want it, buddy. And it’s no desk job.”
“Thanks. I’m considering your offer. I really don’t know. I don’t feel like I’ve finished what I started and that’s my problem right now.”
Max was military special ops and he nodded. “I hear you, but all of us here will tell you that you have to look at what you’ve accomplished because there’s always going to be evil to overcome.”
“We’ll talk,” Levi said.
Ryan and Levi had been in the police academy together and had plans to work together. They had chosen the career his dad had, knowing they were never destined to be wealthy. They’d wanted to make a difference but then his little sister had died of an overdose. Ryan’s focus had shifted to getting as close to the problem as possible and he had sought to be recruited for undercover. He’d gone deep to avenge his sister’s death.
He’d been determined to prevent other kids from dying senselessly because of the lawless actions of drug dealers. He’d committed himself to do what he personally could to fight the war on drugs and that had included going into deep cover.
His thoughts shifted back to Jillian and that night before he’d left to join his team before he’d gone undercover. Before his ideals and the lines of good and evil had blurred…
Before shy, sweet-spirited Jillian had thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him with all her naïve, young heart. And then she’d laid her soul bare by declaring her love for him in a tipsy, alcohol-induced fervor.
Jillian was breathing heavy and probably still red-faced as she rushed into Cali’s kitchen. Heat rose up around her face and she felt clammy all over. She was far too young for hot flashes but if this was what they felt like, she didn’t want anything to do with them. She set the box of goodies on the beautiful countertop of the large island that separated the kitchen from the large den. The top layer of cake slid to the side but she didn’t care.
Cali, Olivia, and Shar stared at her in alarm.
“What?” she asked, trying to figure out how to act normal when Ryan came inside. She had to get a grip.
Shar leaned a hip against the beautiful counter that would make any chef’s mouth water. “You’re acting weird.” Leave it to Shar to say it like it was. She leaned forward and stared at her eyes. “And you match your dress.”
Jillian gave a nervous laugh.
Cali looked concerned. “You do look a little flushed. Are you feeling okay?”
“Do you have a fever?” Olivia reached out to touch Jillian’s forehead.
Jillian pushed her sister’s hand away and shot a glance toward the deck, where her mother and her father were watching the sunset. “Don’t,” she said. “You’ll have Mom worried there’s something wrong with me.”
“Is something wrong with you?” Shar asked.
She could tell them she was coming down with the flu, go home and hole up for a few days. She sure felt as if she were coming down with something. Her upset stomach, her hot cheeks…and the queasiness that came from knowing that Ryan had just entered the other room with her brothers.
He looked so amazing. That lean jaw and those dark brows over compelling brown eyes.
Unable to stop herself, she glanced toward the foyer. Her mouth went dry and her hands went damp as a dishrag. And as her brothers and Ryan entered the room, her heart thumped erratically as his eyes met hers.
She spun away and practically dove for the refrigerator. “Is there more food we need to get out?” She yanked open the door and stuck her head in the refrigerator. Heart palpitations had her feeling dizzy as she rammed the gallon of milk with her forehead.
This was ridiculous but she could not help herself. “Do you need pickles?” she called, hoping the cold air would chill her flaming cheeks.
Cali poked her head into the refrigerator, her expression full of alarm. “Seriously, Jillian, what is wrong with you?”
Jillian cringed but remained where she was. “I’m fine.”
“Really? Well, Ryan is here and you should go say hi to him. You obviously are tired or something. so you don’t need to be helping in the kitchen if cramming your head into the fridge is your version of doing fine.”
Jillian refused to give up. She grabbed the jar of pickles. “I want pickles, so others might want them too.” Then she marched to the table loaded down with food.
She could feel Cali’s eyes follow her. A glance confirmed that all of her sisters were watching her. But it was Olivia whose gaze she caught shifting from her to Ryan. Jillian placed the pickles on the table and then with nothing else to do except run, she turned back to face her sisters. Olivia’s brows lifted ever so slightly in question; it was almost like looking into a mirror considering they were identical. There were just some things that sucked when it came to having an identical sister.
She felt as if she’d just eaten bad seafood and then Shar gasped, having obviously caught Olivia’s expression.
Shar grinned. “Good eye, Sherlock,” she mumbled for the sisters’ ears only. Her eyes w
ere bright with mirth.
Jillian glanced toward Cali as her brows crinkled over her curious eyes. Cali looked around the room toward the brothers, who all stood in front of the fireplace in the large room that overlooked the bay. Grant was being introduced and she saw Levi sharing something funny that made them all laugh as he slapped Ryan on the shoulder. Maybe some old football story or some other mishap they’d all gotten into growing up.
“So that’s the way it is,” Cali murmured. “And here we’ve been wondering why you haven’t shown more interest in our hunky contractor.”
She was talking about Abe. Jillian knew they’d all hoped she would show interest in Abe, and he was hunky, but he didn’t make her cheeks blush or her heart race. Not that she was thrilled that Ryan caused that—and more—to create havoc on her emotional and physical well-being.
“Stop, girls. I do not know why all of you keep looking at me and then Ryan. You should probably stop being rude and get over there and say hello to him. I already said my hello before coming inside.”
“Cali.” Blair led the way from the side hall, with Jax following her. Jillian wanted to hug the girl. “Your home is amazing. Jax showed me around and showed me Grant’s studio on the upper floor.” The younger woman’s peaches-and-cream complexion had a little more color than usual and Jillian suspected a few kisses might have been shared up on that upper floor with its private balcony that overlooked the ocean.
“It’s a heck of a studio.” Jax grinned as he draped an arm over Blair’s shoulders.
“Thank you.” Cali, ever the gracious host, focused on her guests. “We put a lot of thought into that space and the light that it would get in the morning, afternoon, and evenings.”
As they talked, Jillian relaxed slightly. Until she shot a glance at her other two sisters, who had stepped off to the side and were having a whispering match beside the pantry.
Thank goodness her mom and dad came into the room too.
“Ryan,” her mother exclaimed when she saw the man who’d once been in and out of their home like a sixth brother. “Oh my goodness, it’s been too long since we’ve seen you.”
Violet Sinclair crossed the room, her face animated and her thick charcoal-gray hair swinging as she hurried Ryan’s way and embraced him. Jillian saw the genuine love for Ryan on her mother’s face. And on Ryan’s too.
And then her sisters went to join the group to welcome Ryan home.
She held back. And then Ryan’s gaze met hers over Cali’s shoulder as her sister engulfed him in a hug.
Jillian’s stomach dropped. This was going to be so very awkward.
Chapter Three
Ryan had missed this family. Violet had always welcomed him into her home as if he were one of her own and Sam had been the same way. It had been nice because his dad never remarried after he and Ryan’s mother divorced when Ryan was in elementary school. Ryan had seen his mother only a few times a year and so he’d loved spending time at the Sinclair home.
Sam held out a hand and they shook; Sam pulled him into a quick hug. “Been way too long, son.”
“Yes, sir. I’m glad to be back home for a while.”
“Good.” Sam studied him. “I saw your dad the other day. He was heading down to the Keys to fish. Will you be going to join him?”
“I’m not sure, sir. I’m helping Jax out at the moment with the business. I’m going to enjoy my time home. Dad didn’t know I was coming and had already booked his season up.” His dad had retired and started being a fishing guide at certain times of the year. This was one of those times. Which was fine at the moment because Ryan didn’t need him probing for information. Once a cop, always a cop and Alan Locke had not been happy when Ryan had chosen to go undercover. For one, undercover meant he was gone from his family’s lives most of the time and he was all the family Alan had. There were fences to mend there and Ryan knew it.
He was glad when Cali came and threw her arms around him in a hug. His gaze locked with Jillian’s over Cali’s shoulder and he could tell she was still upset and not happy to see him.
Olivia and Shar both got their hugs in and he was quickly brought up to speed on Shar’s marriage to Gage and their work with the sea turtle hospital. And Olivia was soon to be married to BJ, Gage’s brother. There was a lot of conversation and when it ebbed, he focused on Grant and Cali and tried not to keep looking at Jillian, who stood on the outer edge of everyone, clearly keeping her distance.
“I want to thank you for taking an interest in Jax. The kid always had talent; he just never knew his potential.”
Grant shot Jax a glance. “I’m enjoying helping him develop his talent. I had someone do the same for me back in Texas when I was growing up. It meant the difference in me going into this field and me choosing a different path.” He gave Cali a kiss to the temple. “I’m grateful for my art because it brought me to Cali.”
“Okay, okay.” Jake groaned. “Let’s don’t get all sappy with the love talk,” he teased. “It makes me a little nauseous.”
His teasing got him shoves from his brothers and laughter from Jake as his eyes twinkled.
Violet looked at her sons. “You need to take a lesson from your sisters. None of you boys are getting any younger. I’m just your mother, but I’m thinking it’s time for all five”—she shot Ryan a glance—“all six of you,” she amended her comment, “to start thinking about settling down.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Shar said above all the other groans of non-agreement and the agreements of her sisters. “Jake, are you seeing that female Coast Guard—”
“Hold off, sis,” Jake broke into her comment. “That lasted about five minutes. She was only interested in my body.” He chuckled and his mother just shook her head.
Shar groaned. “I don’t know whether to believe you or not to believe you.”
“Don’t believe him,” Trent said, sarcastically. “If you saw her, you would know he is not telling the truth. That was one pretty gal. One date with my brother, and she was moving on faster than the helicopter that she flew.”
“Hey,” Jake snapped. And gave a cocky grin. “I—”
“It’s okay,” Shar broke him off. “We don’t need to hear the details. We like our happily-ever-after stories more than your snarky remarks.” That got chuckles from everybody around her.
Even Jillian laughed.
Shar never had been afraid to speak up. She and Jillian had always been like night and day. He enjoyed the dynamic between the whole family. His family had been disjointed and unconnected in so many ways but the Sinclairs were close. He was closer to Jax than anyone. He felt adrift right now. Distanced in so many ways, he wasn’t sure whether he could find his way back. He glanced at Jillian but she’d turned away and was at the food table, cutting slices of pie. Disappointment lodged in his chest. She had no idea that there had been times over the last few years when his thoughts would lock onto her and that last night and her sweet words…and that had been the only thing that had gotten him through the lonely nights and days of pretending to be a part of a drug ring. A pretense that put him on a ledge where lines were gray and sweetness was dead.
Jillian had left the group and started to cut up pies and cakes. But there was only so much to do and finally she had to turn back to the room and join in on the conversations. Thankfully there were so many in the room that avoiding direct conversation with Ryan was easily achievable.
Keeping her eyes off him was not so easy. Drat her eyes… That had always been the problem when Ryan had been around: everything else had gone out the window but thoughts of him. Well, that was not the way it would be now. She was an adult woman, not a young, infatuated teen.
She scowled and their gazes locked again.
It was time to get some fresh air. She headed toward the patio doors.
“Hey, are you okay?” Olivia asked as she passed her.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just need to make a phone call.” She lifted her phone and then headed toward the deck. Once
there, she tried to figure out who she could call because she didn’t want to have told Olivia a lie. Plus it was a good excuse to think about something other than Ryan inside the house. Once the sea air surrounded her, she breathed deeply and hoped it would help clear her head. This had to be the worst day of her life.
Okay, where was that positive attitude she’d wanted to focus on? Gone.
She moved to the side, out of view of the open windows, and gazed out over the bay. It really was a beautiful place. She was really blessed that she lived here and she never planned to leave. She loved it here. Could forge ahead no matter what…she could. She was strong. She could hold out for love…she could. And she could trust that God had a plan just for her. “Just keep thinking positive,” she muttered. “Just keep thinking pos—”
Behind her, the door opened and she stiffened.
“Jillian.”
She groaned as Ryan gently said her name. Think positive.
She sighed. “Ryan.” She tried to keep her voice neutral. Tried to keep the want of acting like a fool out of her voice. “What are you doing?”
“I came to check on you.” He nodded his head back toward the house. “You looked upset in there and outside earlier when I showed up. Does my being here bother you? If it’s me, I’ll go. There’s no sense me messing up your evening.”
Yes, you bother me in more ways than I’m willing to admit. Please leave.
Jillian fought mixed emotions as his dark eyes held hers. She wanted to run and she wanted to throw herself at him. Been there, done that, sister—so back off.
“There is no need for you to leave.” The golden rays of the disappearing sun cast a glow over them. Jillian tried not to think of romantic beaches, moonlit walks…but that was hard not to think about with Ryan standing there.
Holding Out For Love (Windswept Bay Book 5) Page 2