She was still walking around, greeting people, when Ryan returned a few minutes later and took her arm.
“Let’s go get you something to eat.” He took her hand and held tight. Her stomach felt bottomless as he gently tugged her toward the food. “You have worked your tootsie off and deserve to eat, too, you know.”
Ryan continued to hold her hand as they walked to the tables of food; after they got their plates filled, he led the way to the table and they squeezed in among her brothers and sisters.
Blair looked a little pale but she was smiling and Jax was smiling too.
“I want to announce something.” He looked at Ryan and then everyone. “I just asked Blair to marry me.”
Congratulations erupted from everyone. Jillian scooted her chair out and went to hug Blair.
“I am so excited for you. I knew he would ask you soon.”
Ryan came and hugged her too and clapped Jax on the shoulder. “This is awesome.”
“Thanks all of you,” Jax said. “I’ve been ready for this step for the longest time. And now she said yes. I’m the luckiest man alive. And there is more. We’re going to have a baby.”
Congratulations started again. And Jillian hugged Blair once more, suddenly understanding her friend’s missing work a few days and being quiet those last days before Jax came home. She’d been worried.
Blair had tears in her eyes. “I just learned last week and I’ve been so worried,” she said softly to Jillian. “But Jax is so happy. And he asked me immediately to marry him.”
“No worries for you two. This baby will know it has two parents who love him or her.”
Blair nodded and her hand went to her stomach. “Yes. With all our hearts.”
The doctor’s words rang through Jillian as if it were that first morning. “Your opportunities for conceiving will diminish substantially in the next couple of years. For your best chance, now would be the time.”
Later, telling herself she was happy for Blair and not jealous…maybe wishful, Jillian went to take up her post at the kiddie festival. She took up her station at the apple bobbing and waited for the little kids to come try their luck bobbing for a bright, shiny apple. Thankfully there were so many kids that she was blissfully unable to concentrate on her own troubles while she helped them have a good time. And then Ryan strode up, grinning and reminding her all the more what she wanted and was afraid to ask for. To hope for. To dream of.
“You need some help?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said, trying hard for a smile.
Before she could say more, the little boy who’d been studying the apples looked up at Ryan and grinned. He was missing a tooth in front and he had freckles across his cheeks; he looked to be about four. His mother stood off to the side with her camera and was waiting to take his picture whenever he finally decided to put his head in the water and bob for the apple.
“Hey, mister, do you know how to do this?” He squinted at Ryan.
Ryan chuckled. “It’s been a long time since I did it, but I can sure try. Do you need me to show you?”
The little kid nodded. “Please.” The glee and excitement was evident in the boy’s tone and his wide eyes.
Ryan didn’t hesitate as he knelt in the sand and held up his hand. “Give me five,” he said.
Instantly, the boy slapped Ryan’s hand with his tiny one and exclaimed, “You can do it!”
Ryan laughed. “What’s your name?”
“Kevin Donald Price,” the little boy stated proudly.
“Kevin Donald Price—that is a big name for a little boy.” Ryan grinned and Kevin beamed.
“You can just call me Kevin. All my friends do.”
“Well, Kevin, here goes.” Ryan grabbed the edge of the metal washtub holding the three plump red apples; then he winked at Kevin and dunked his entire head in the tub.
Kevin, so small, laughed and jumped ecstatically. His excitement was contagious and other kids gathered around as Ryan pulled his dripping head out of the water and shook it hard, like a wet dog would do. Water went everywhere, getting the boy and anyone in his path wet. Squeals of delight erupted from the kids.
Then Ryan looked confused. “Did I miss the apple?”
More giggles. Kevin pointed. “Yes, you missed the whole thing.”
“But you can try again,” a little girl stepped up and told him.
Not to be outdone, Kevin moved closer. “Yes, you can. My mom says we should never give up.”
“She’s right,” Ryan agreed.
Jillian melted at the sweetness of Ryan’s expression and treatment of the little boy and the other children. Her heart sighed. Ryan would make a great dad.
More kids came over and watched as he acted silly a few more times as the kids tried hard to help him figure out how to get the apple with his teeth. Finally, just when they thought he would never learn, he grabbed an apple and rose up, holding it in his teeth.
The kids loved it and were clapping and jumping. Jillian laughed watching them and felt so drawn to Ryan in that moment, she almost threw her arms around his neck and told him she loved him. Been there, done that. Thankfully she restrained her excitement and stayed where she was.
He raked a hand through his wet hair and grinned at the kids. “Okay, it’s time for you rugrats to try your hand at it. And I hope you can do better than me.”
He’d made it possible for the worst child apple bobber to be better than he was. The kids were all able to bite the apple by at least their sixth try. Ryan stayed and cheered each child on. Before the kids left, they knew him by name and he knew them by name.
There was excitement coming from the dunking booth farther down the row of events and she saw Jake on the seat as Trent prepared to throw a baseball at the bull’s-eye.
Her brothers had a crowd gathered around, too; it just happened to be females instead of children. And although Ryan could easily have been down there competing with her brothers, he’d chosen dunking for apples with the kids. He was perfect that way.
Chapter Nine
Moments later, the call for obstacle course participators to come to the starting line was announced over the bullhorn by her dad.
“That’s me,” Ryan said. “Are you going to root for me, Jillian?”
“Of course.”
“Then I’ll win.”
She looked wary. “Are you up to that challenge? Aren’t you still healing?”
“I’m well enough. See you at the finish line.”
She watched him walk away; her love swelled inside her and made her heart ache.
A few moments later, standing on the sidelines, everyone cheered as the men lined up. Levi and Ryan were attached together by rope around their waist, like each of the other teams were attached. It was to hinder them and make the challenge more entertaining.
Her dad waved the flag for the race to begin and the men moved into action. Cheers erupted as the guys raced toward the first obstacle, where they had to crawl beneath a military-style rope canopy. Levi made it to the ropes one step ahead of Ryan, and he dropped to his knees, which immediately yanked Ryan down beside him. Not prepared, Ryan hit the ground on his stomach and immediately started to laugh.
“Levi, man, give me a break. You’re killing me.” He laughed harder and started to crawl because Levi wasn’t letting up as he led the way.
Jillian started to laugh too, finding joy in watching Ryan relax and enjoy himself so much.
By the time they made it to the end of the first obstacle, Trent and Max had passed them up and several other teams—including Jake and Gage, Cam and Grant, and BJ and Jax—were hanging close. They made it to the wall; being attached by a rope made it a really hard challenge because they had to time their approach together. Ryan and Levi had been partners for years before Ryan moved away and their past success came into play as they reached the wall, counted a quick one, two, three and jumped to grab the top ledge. They made it, kicked their legs over and rolled over the wall together ahead of everyo
ne else.
And one after the other, the teams made it over and charged after Levi and Ryan. Trent and Max weren’t giving up the lead easy and plowed into the trench at a close second.
Levi and Ryan moved through every other obstacle in unison, working in teamwork like no others were able to do. It was more than obvious that they made a perfect team.
They made it to the tire run. Ryan and Levi blasted through it like they had when they’d been the last two legs of the championship mile relay team.
She spotted little Kevin cheering hard for Ryan. And when they reached the last obstacle, crawling on their stomachs through the watered-down sandpit, they were neck and neck with Max and Trent. Kevin raced to the side of the pit and yelled, “Go, Ryan! Go, go, go! Never quit.”
Ryan heard him and glanced over his shoulder at the kid. He grinned; he put his head down and pulled ahead of everyone. Levi kept up and they came out of the sandpit and raced to the finish line. Everyone was cheering; Kevin raced from the crowd and grabbed Ryan around the legs in a bear hug. Ryan instantly picked him up and put him on his shoulders.
Yes. She loved him.
Loved him so much she was going to burst.
All the guys were slapping high fives, including her new brothers-in-law and soon-to-be brother-in-law. Though they’d never participated in the challenge, Grant, BJ, and Gage had paired up with her brothers and done well. Cali, Olivia, and Shar raced to embrace their men and console them for their loss with kisses. She moved slowly toward Ryan. Holding in her unnaturally strong need that she’d seemed to have most of her life to throw herself at him, she restrained her enthusiasm.
“Hey, Kevin, I’m going to let you go back to your mom now. But you come by the lagoon and see me, okay?”
Kevin agreed and raced to tell his mom. Ryan immediately grabbed Jillian around the waist and pulled her close and kissed her.
His warm lips moved over hers…and oh, what a kiss it was. Right there in the middle of the crowd.
Jillian melted against him, captivated by the emotions that coursed through her. She was breathless when he released her.
“I forgot how fun that competition is. This whole day is amazing and, Jillian, you’re amazing.” And then he took her hand and pulled her with him from the crowd and down the path, out toward the water.
She wasn’t sure what they were doing but she went anyway. It was quieter here away from all the festivities.
“I want you alone for a few minutes,” he said. And when they made it to the water’s edge, he grinned. “Give me just a minute, okay?” He turned toward the water and then turned back. “Don’t go anywhere. I’m just rinsing off the sand.” Then he laughed and jogged into the surf and dove into the water.
Jillian couldn’t have moved if she’d wanted to. He surfaced, smiling like a lighthouse, and then headed back her way. He jogged out of the water and didn’t hesitate as he took her hands in his.
“Jillian, I’m taking the job with Levi, and you are a huge part of the reason. I wanted to be near you. I want to…” He paused and took her face into his hands, similar to the way she’d done his face the moments they’d spent at the waterfall. She had stopped breathing the moment he’d told her he was taking the job with Levi. Now her knees turned to Jell-O.
“I want you. I love you, sweet girl. And I can’t live another moment without telling you.”
She froze, her heart nearly bursting with elation. These were the words she’d longed to hear most of her life. Staring into his eyes, so sincere and mesmerizingly convincing, Jillian smiled and started to speak. “I…I—” Love you too and want you more than life itself, her heart shouted. But the words caught in her throat. How had she let this happen?
She’d known he needed to know about her lack of promise where children were concerned. He deserved to know before falling in love with her. But she’d never really believed in her heart of hearts that he would fall in love with her. Or that he’d stay in Windswept Bay. And now he was telling her he’d chosen her over everything else.
“I can’t believe I’ve done this,” she said barely above a whisper as she pulled back.
His eyes clouded. “Done what?”
Her hand shook as she pushed hair from her face. The breeze lifted long strands and sent them streaming across her face. How did she state her problem? “I should have told you but I never thought you would ever say these words…never.”
“Say what?” he urged, confusion clear in his expression.
“That you love me. I may not be able to have children, Ryan. And you deserve children. I’m sorry. I can’t…do this. It’s not fair…not right.” She started to walk away; confusion and tears filled her own heart and blurred her eyes. What had she been thinking?
She hadn’t been.
“Wait.” Ryan moved in front of her to block her path. “You can’t say that and walk away.” He took her arms and held her in place. “What do you mean, you might not be able to have children?”
“I have issues,” she blurted and then started to ramble. “Every day that passes is one less day that makes it possible for me to carry a child of my own. I can’t ask any man to love me, or marry me knowing I’m—”
“Wait, hold on. Don’t go so fast. It’s okay—it’s going to be okay. Now inhale, slowly…yes, there you go,” he encouraged as she struggled to do as he asked.
“You’ve only been home barely two weeks. You can’t make a statement like that out of the blue, so quickly. It’s just not possible.”
“It is possible. Your mother told me all of your sisters had fallen in love quickly. But this has nothing to do with them…this is what I feel for you, Jillian. And I’m concerned for you. Are you okay? Are you at risk?”
“I’m fine. I just have some problems that make my being able to get pregnant hard…and every day makes it less likely to happen. I need to try soon and even then there is no guarantee that it will happen.”
How could she have ever for even a brief moment entertained the idea of finding a man and marrying quickly so that she could do this…it was too selfish.
“Marry me, Jillian. Marry me now.”
She pulled away from him. “That isn’t fair.”
“To who?”
“To you, for one. Or to me. You can’t offer me something like that on a whim and tempt me…”
“It’s not a whim.”
“It is.”
He stared at her. “Tell me you don’t love me.”
“I don’t love you.” She forced every emotion from her expression and her voice.
“You have always been a terrible liar and you still are.”
“And that is a very smug viewpoint on your part.” She tried her hardest to look convincing as a smile bloomed across his precious face. “Stop smiling. This is very important, Ryan.”
“Very important indeed.” He took a strand of her hair between his fingers. “I love the feel of your silky hair between my fingertips.” His voice was husky as he stepped close. “I love the feel of your lips against mine. And I long to feel your body against mine. But most of all, I long to know you’re going to be beside me from this day forward. You say this is sudden. I say I knew you held a special place in my heart for forever. My sister’s death changed the trajectory of my life. But now, it’s back where it once was and that’s life with you as my priority. I love you, Jillian, and my only worry about children is how that hurts you. Tell me you love me, that you’ll marry me, and let’s set the date.”
She needed a man, and the one she loved was perfect…but it wasn’t. “No, Ryan.” She shook her head. “I can’t. I need to get back to the celebration and help clean up.”
“Jillian, you’re not going to just walk away, are you?”
She paused, turned back to him and hardened her heart to any emotion…that would come later. “Yes, I am. Marriage and children are the two most important decisions a person can make and…” She paused again. “I’m not going to let you make a mistake, because you’re the
guy who would sacrifice the next chapter in your life to make mine right.” And he would because that was who he was—and she needed to remember that.
Ryan felt as though he’d been kicked by one of Cam’s prized bulls as he watched Jillian walk away from him. This was best, giving her time to process the last few minutes and giving him time to process it too.
It had been clear to him that she’d meant what she said when she left him. And he’d be lying if he said her revelation hadn’t knocked the wind out of him. Jillian deserved to have children. She was made to be a mother.
But life wasn’t fair and he of all people understood that. Jen and Marla hadn’t deserved to die either. But they had.
Thanksgiving was over for him. He angled across the sand away from the celebration and took the long way around to his truck. He needed time to think.
He just needed time.
Chapter Ten
Jillian had held herself together after she’d walked away from Ryan. It had been hard but she’d managed to help with the cleanup, though they had a great staff, who had everything under control.
When she’d finally walked into her house, she’d had all the control she could manage and the tears had come. She sat on her deck, surrounded by her flowers, but the peace she normally felt in her garden was not there.
Ryan had asked her to marry him. It was exactly what she’d wanted and what she needed for all of her dreams to come true. But she hadn’t been able to go through with it.
She dabbed at her eyes and fought hard to stop the flow of tears.
The click of her garden gate opening had her looking up.
“Jillian, are you back here?” Shar called as she walked past the pink philodendrons. Olivia and Cali were with her.
“There you are,” Olivia said, looking concerned.
Cali hurried forward. “We knocked but you didn’t answer. Oh, Jillian, we thought you were upset when you left the resort.”
Holding Out For Love (Windswept Bay Book 5) Page 8