by DiAnn Mills
“Like me?” Davis said.
“Like you. You’ll be as tall as the rest of us soon. Maybe taller.”
John laughed. “Let’s hear another one.” He never grew tired of Evan telling stories. He was a good brother with a kind heart for young and old, while John sometimes became grouchy when things didn’t suit him. Guilt assaulted him. Bert deserved a kind man, not a man who had sour moments. Maybe Evan would be a better choice.
An unselfish man would stand aside and let Evan and Bert find happiness. The selfish side of him shouted “no,” that he’d worked hard all of his life for his family, and he deserved to be happy with Bert — Ember Rose. But could those ambitions be wrong, and was Evan the better man for her?
Evan laughed. The familiar jolly sound caused John to feel envious of his brother’s easygoing temperament. Again, John was wrong. He’d learned long ago God created each man for a purpose and gave him the tools to perform it. John’s lot must be to work like a fool so others could have an easier life.
John hated his fickle thoughts. He either believed Bert wasn’t involved with the thieves, or he didn’t. He either loved her or he didn’t. He either trusted God or he didn’t. No wonder he was a grump.
God and John needed a long talk where he would do the listening and not the complaining.
Bert finished shoveling the ashes from the fireplace, a dirty job, but she was glad to be useful. The boys had been busy all day dragging dead trees back for firewood. She stood and surveyed the clean cookstove and now the fireplace. This was a sight easier than mucking stalls.
A lively tune came to her, and she hummed it before the words sprang to her lips.
Feels like I’m breathin’air so pure and real,
Feels like I’m livin’ and startin’ to feel.
For the first time in my life, my heart has a song.
The wind whispers Your name,
I’ll never be the same.
She finished sweeping the remaining ashes into a small shovel and poured them into a bucket.
For the first time in my life, my heart has a song
For the wind whispers Your name,
I’ll never be the same.
A shadow in the doorway caused her to spin around. Evan stood motionless. Not a smile. Not a frown.
“Is something wrong?” she said, while a dozen fears rushed through her.
He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I was listening to your song. So sweet and pretty.”
“Thank you. But I don’t understand.”
Evan walked to her side, and she hoped he didn’t plan to try to touch or even kiss her. She’d allowed John in, but anyone else was forbidden. Evan’s eyes were liquid, and she saw pain. “I’d like to think your song was for me, but I’d be a fool.”
“Oh, Evan.” Her heart fluttered for the agony clouding his eyes.
“Hush.” He held up his hand. “Let me say this before I change my mind. John loves you, and I can tell you have feelings for him too. He’s a special man, and I think it’s time he started thinking about himself instead of the rest of us. I won’t be causing any more problems.”
Bert held her breath. How was she to react—to show Evan she valued his gift to his brother? Compassion rushed through her. She reached out with her hand, and Evan grasped it.
“What is this?” John stood in the open doorway, his hands on his hips and his face blood-red.
Bert’s gaze flew to his face. She stepped back. He’d never believe what had happened between her and Evan.
“I just made a confession to Bert.” Evan shoved his hands in his pockets.
No, Evan. He won’t understand.
“I can only guess.” John growled his words. “Look, I have work to do. Couldn’t find you and thought you might be here.”
“It’s not what you think.” Evan took two steps toward his brother. “I came looking for Mama, not Bert.”
“So where’s Mama?”
“She’s in the garden.” Bert’s voice sounded weak to her ears, as though she should be ashamed of talking to Evan.
“Why didn’t you say so?”
“I never gave her a chance.”
Bert inwardly cringed. Now she looked like she’d encouraged Evan—what she’d promised John she’d never do.
“How good of you to take the blame.”
Fury rose inside her. Evan meant well. The words were coming out wrong, but he’d sacrificed his heart for John, and now John was accusing him—them — of something not true. Bert snatched up the bucket of ashes. “I’m not listening to this. John Timmons, you have no idea what happened here. Neither do I have the desire to explain it. You wouldn’t believe me anyway, not that I’ve given you much of a reason. But I won’t stand and listen to two men I care about fuss like two little boys.”
Bert stomped down the steps and hurried toward the barn where she’d dump the ashes behind it. John knew how she felt about him. Why would she behave differently?
CHAPTER 35
Two days crept by and John still couldn’t approach Bert to apologize. She avoided him like he had cholera. And as he went about the ranch pondering over his stupidity, how he’d met her, her silent strength, and her stubborn nature to keep her past to herself, he realized that the problems of her life and his needed to be settled before he could speak his heart. But he still owed her an apology, and she refused to talk to him.
Once Evan returned from his visit to Fort Collins, John needed to apologize to him too. John had shaken his hand the morning he rode out with a feeble “I’m sorry” on his lips and remorse in his heart. But more needed to be done to make up for his jealous streak.
He’d like to release Bert from her debt. Frankly, he’d long since put aside why she owed him. Now she’d become his first thought in the morning, a sense of hope for the future. But her past … He was a fool just like Evan said, but for more reasons than John cared to list.
A fool.
He loved her, but he wished he didn’t.
A fool.
The cattle rustlers had successfully gotten away with stolen livestock, making him and Bob look bad.
A fool.
Leon had been killed because the posse thought he’d shot John.
A fool.
Ted’s murder lay unsolved.
Bert as good as stated that those behind the crimes were not to be reckoned with. John could feel the evil in his bones. He should be spending time prying information from her, not dwelling on this strange attraction. At times he questioned if he had any control over his feelings at all.
The same accusations repeated—
A fool.
He loved her, but he wished he didn’t.
He wanted to ask God for help, but why should God lend a hand when John hadn’t listened in the past?
Leah led her sorrel mare from the barn, saddled and ready to ride. John and Mark rode with her. She preferred to have John alone to encourage him to talk. She had surmised enough to know the problem existed between him, Evan, and Ember. Hearts were often shattered and feelings often hurt by words spoken in vain.
Evan had returned from Fort Collins full of enthusiasm, his mind opened to life beyond the 5T and Rocky Falls. He loved every square inch of the school and had taken the entrance exams. They would send a letter informing him of his acceptance or denial of his application. Her entire household sensed Evan’s anxiety.
Racer pranced, always in the mood to run — or other things—as she reined her mare away from the magnificent stallion. Mark rode a gelding. No trouble there. But this adventurous son much preferred a stallion of his own. He’d be taking a ride soon on the open range to catch a mustang as wild as the streak running through him. His love for the outdoors reminded her that this son was her mustang. Mercy, however would she keep her impulsive son in a bit and bridle?
“Won’t be long before Evan leaves for school,” Mark said, climbing onto the saddle. “Then it’s more chores for the rest of us.”
Leah stiffen
ed. “I just want him to receive his acceptance letter.”
“Now, Mama, Evan’s so smart he makes the rest of us look like mules.”
“He’ll be here on holidays and during the summer.” No sooner than Leah had spoken the words than she peered at John for a reaction. He looked troubled. Trying to get that boy to talk was like trying to get water out of a dry well.
“I’m going to miss having him around,” John said. “And I realize this is just the beginning of each of us going our own way. Rankles me a bit, and I should be happy for him, but I know it’s the way of families.”
“You’ve got me.” Mark laughed. “I’ll be here to help until you kick me off the ranch—or when I’m eighteen and have a homestead of my own. But I agree. Evan is a good brother.”
The three rode out along the St. Vrain River and on toward the foothills. Leah urged her mare beside John. “Make sure Evan knows how you feel.”
“He does,” John said. “I want so much for him. Almost makes me hurt.”
“Did that come before or after you two went to wrestling in the dirt?” Mark said from behind them.
Calm down and listen or you’ll never learn a thing.
“We didn’t wrestle in the dirt.” John turned in the saddle and glared at his brother. “And thank you for letting Mama know about it.”
Mark laughed. “No matter. You two talked about whatever got you riled up.”
Leah fumed. She didn’t know any more than before. “Should I know about any of what happened between you two?”
“Nope,” John said. “Just brother stuff.”
Then why won’t Ember look at or talk to you?
John stretched in his saddle and peered ahead of them. “Is that Wirt heading this way?”
Leah’s heart did a flip, and she stared toward the lone rider on the painted gelding. She recognized the horse, and she sure recognized the rider.
“Wonder what he wants?” Mark said. “Hope there isn’t trouble again.”
Leah hadn’t considered trouble, only that Wirt might be on his way to see her. Once he made his way to them, he greeted her but nothing more.
“What brings you to the 5T?” John said.
Wirt leaned on his saddle horn. He sure had a grand way of carrying himself. At that thought, she sensed color rising in her cheeks. One would think she had been touched in the head.
“I wanted to talk to you about a few things.” He glanced at Leah then back to John. “Not exactly anything I’d want to discuss in front of Miss Leah. When would be a good time to come back?”
“Nonsense,” Leah said. “Mark and I can ride on together.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” John said.
Leah nodded at Mark. “I’ll race you to the river.”
“And you’ve already lost.” Mark dug his heels into the gelding’s flanks and took off with Leah right behind him.
“My horse is faster than yours.”
They raced over the pastureland alongside tall spindly bushes of wildflowers, yellow daises with black centers. This was another part of being a mama that she’d one day relive in memories. But for now, she’d leave John and Wirt alone and hope it didn’t mean trouble.
CHAPTER 36
John and Wirt watched Mama and Mark leave clods of dirt in their wake. The two men walked their horses back toward the ranch.
“What’s going on?” John said. “Can’t believe you’d ride all this way for a social call.” He paused. “Well, yeah, you would.” Granted, he didn’t mind Wirt showing up at the ranch, but how did he feel about him courting Mama?
“Partly. I have something else to talk about, but not at the moment. I wanted to tell you what I learned from Victor Oberlander.”
John didn’t like the sound of those words. Every day that had gone by without an incident from the cattle ranchers made John more nervous. He’d seen too much to think trouble had ridden off.
“Do you remember when we took Hawkins’ body to the Wide O and questioned the whereabouts of a couple of his ranch hands?” Wirt said.
“Right, I was curious about where they were since they rode with Leon the day I stopped Bert’s hanging. Those two had motive to kill Hawkins since he and I humiliated them. But Oberlander claimed they were with cattle on the free range.”
Wirt scratched his jaw where stubble covered his normally shaven face. “I stopped by earlier today to see if they’d returned or if there was a way to talk to either of them. Oberlander tells me both men have disappeared, and about twenty more head are missing.”
John’s suspicions had surfaced. “The rustlers saw they’d gotten away with stealin', and now they’re back to make more money. So it looks like the three men involved in the attempted hanging got into the cattle rustlin’ business.” Did Bert know the three who tried to hang her? “And one of the missing ranch hands was the first to open fire on Leon.”
“Possibly four men are involved.”
“And one of them decided to eliminate Leon. But—”
“What?”
John thought through the rest of his suspicions. “I’d like to find them, either alive or dead.”
“So would Oberlander.”
“Let’s ride over to the Wide O and see if he’ll accompany us on a search party.” John’s mind spun with more of what he’d been thinking. “Neither of those ranch hands acted smart enough to pull off this big of an operation.”
Wirt took a deep breath. “Ever think about being a US Marshal?”
Close thought. “A few times. Mainly I’m interested in law.” He chuckled, but nothing was really funny. “Odd, I’ve never admitted that to anyone. I’d be obliged if you’d keep it to yourself. Folks around here think I’m a born and bred rancher.”
“Don’t wait too long to pursue what you really want. I did, and now I wonder if it’s too late.”
John had another crawly feelin’ about where this conversation was going.
“I think you have a good idea why else I’m here.”
“Most likely so,” John said.
Silence hung between them. A mockingbird flew over. Crickets chirped. And John waited.
“Five years ago, I met Leah and made a fool of myself in everything I did—not only with her but with Parker and those involved in bringing in the McCaw gang. Since then, I’ve become a believer and learned all I could about following the Lord and doing the best job possible as a US Marshal. I’m still working hard on both of these.”
John waited while Wirt must have been garnering the courage to say why else he’d come.
“Before becoming a believer, I wrote Leah for a few years. Even asked her to marry me. She had the sense to stop writing. But I never forgot about her. Coming here was important to me on two counts—redeeming myself to the people of Rocky Falls and to Leah. John, I’m asking permission to court your mama proper. Victor Oberlander cares for her too, but I don’t give a lick. If the good Lord intends for Leah and me to spend the rest of our lives together, then it will happen.” Wirt blew out a long sigh. “So do I have your permission?”
John considered every word from Wirt, the way the man spoke his heart, the honesty, and what John wanted for Mama. A quick prayer filled his thoughts. What he said next to Wirt had to come from God, not from John’s selfishness of making sure Mama was always there for him. “Who am I to get in the way of a man who’s in love?”
Wirt stopped in his tracks and reached out to shake John’s hand. “If she’ll have me, I’ll take care of her for the rest of my life. I’ll love her and treat her like the most precious woman on the face of the earth.”
John laughed. “Maybe you should write that down. Sounds like a marriage proposal.”
“Maybe so.”
“What about the age difference? You’re a good eight years younger than Mama.”
“Makes no difference to me.”
John kept his gaze fixed on the man who claimed to love his mama. “What about children of your own? Mama might not be able to have more. ”
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“Looks to me like we’d have ourselves five boys.”
“All right, Wirt. Hope you know what you’re takin’ on.”
“A journey with Leah and wherever the road takes us.”
Listening to Wirt made him wonder if he should be talking to Ember about their future. Could he make her happy? More so, could he make her forget the past stalking her like a mountain lion?
Bert stirred together sugar cookies just the way Leah had showed her. As soon as she popped them into the oven, she’d cut huge slices of beef for tonight’s supper. While Leah, John, and Mark rode across the ranch, Bert wanted to prepare a fine meal. Evan, Aaron, and Davis were busy cleaning out streams that flowed from the St. Vrain’s, so the animals would have fresh water. She appreciated the time alone to think and do something special for the family she so dearly loved. How her heart ached to love John and have him love her …
There she was again, living in a fantasy world. She shoved away the melancholy thoughts with a prayer for God to make things right. A song rose to her lips, one she’d been humming all afternoon.
I saw a bright blue birdie
A sittin’ in a tree,
It sang so sweet, it made me cry
And brought me to my knees.
Keep on singin’, sweet birdie
Make me happy with your song.
Fill my heart with your music
Lastin’all the day long.
A knock at the door startled her. The old fears of who stood on the porch raced through her. She dug her fingers into her palms and walked across the room.
“Who’s there?”
“Your brother.”
Her temples began to throb. “I’m not opening the door.”
“Do you want me to kick it in?” He lifted the latch and stepped inside. She’d forgotten to lock it when the others left. The rifle leaning against the wall by the fireplace caught her attention. Can I turn a gun on my own brother?
“Don’t go near that rifle, or I’ll use it on you.”
Bert’s gaze slowly lifted to his. Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. His wide eyes burrowed deep into hers. “I oughta throttle you good for all the trouble you’ve caused me. But you’d have to explain to John Timmons what happened. Can’t risk you spillin’ your guts.”