by Tina Beckett
“A couple of months at the very least. Maybe more.” He didn’t skip a beat. He’d obviously already thought this through.
She did the calculations and a ball of pain lodged in her chest. He’d be out until after she left Australia and headed back to England. Surely he couldn’t mean to drop out of her life as quickly as he’d come into it. Not after everything that had happened between them.
“I could come by after work, help with the cooking.”
“I think it would be better if you didn’t, Darcie. Please. For everyone’s sake.”
For everyone’s sake. Whose, exactly? His?
“I don’t understand.”
“Felix is here because he can’t get over the death of his wife, despite years of therapy. When he saw you and I together at the park…” He shrugged. “You knew there was never going to be anything permanent between us. At least I thought you did. And right now I have to think about what’s best for my family.”
His eyes were dull and lifeless. So much so that it made her wonder if he even knew how much he was hurting her with his words.
Then he looked at her, and she saw the truth. He knew. He just didn’t care.
The ball grew into a boulder so big she could barely breathe past it. He was dumping her. His brother’s illness provided the perfect excuse.
Only, like her ex-fiancé, he didn’t have the decency to come to her and tell her until it was as obvious as the nose on her face.
Well, that was okay. She’d survived being jilted at the altar, so she could survive the breakup of something that amounted to a few nights of sex and adventure. He’d wanted to do some wild and outrageous stuff? Well, she’d done enough to last a lifetime. And she didn’t have it in her to stick around and watch her world fall apart piece by piece.
One thing she could do was make this final break as easy as possible for the both of them. “I’m truly sorry about Felix, and I hope everything works out with him. But if your decision to leave the MMU has anything to do with me or the time we spent together, this should put your mind at ease. I’ve decided to go back to England early.”
He eyed her for several long seconds before saying, “When did you decide this?”
Right now. Right this second. When I realized I’m good enough to warm your bed at night but not good enough to take up permanent residence in your heart—to share your joys and heartaches.
But she couldn’t say that. Not unless she wanted the remnants of her shattered pride to fall away completely and expose everything she’d hoped to hide.
Then the perfect response came to her in a flash, and she snatched at it, before taking a deep breath and looking him straight in the eye. “I decided last night.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ISLA SLAMMED OPEN the door to his office, green eyes flashing. “What did you do to Darcie?”
Lucas hadn’t seen her for the last two days, so he’d assumed she’d already flown home. In fact, that was why he was still at work, tying up loose ends, albeit with shorter hours. Chessa was staying with Cora during the day, and at night he went and slept on the couch.
Felix was still in the hospital, but he was slowly regaining his strength. His brother had admitted what Lucas knew in his heart to be true. That seeing him and Darcie together had reopened wounds that had scabbed over but never fully healed.
And what about Darcie?
He’d hurt her, but he hadn’t known what else to do. His brother’s life was at stake—because of something he’d done. He couldn’t let that happen again.
Besides, hadn’t he seen time and time again how love brought you to the brink of disaster and sometimes tossed you over the edge? Everything he’d seen lately had reinforced that. Margie’s miscarriage. Tristan and Flick almost losing their baby. His brother almost losing his life.
Isla crossed her arms over her chest, clearly waiting for him to answer her.
“Thank you for knocking before you burst in.” When the jibe earned him nothing but a stony stare he planted both his hands on his desk. “I didn’t do anything to her, Isla. She said she decided to go back to England earlier than planned.”
“Why? Did you sleep with her?”
Hell, if the woman wasn’t direct. “I don’t see that that’s any of your business.”
“Maybe not. But I think she was right about you. You’re nothing but an arrogant, self-righteous bastard who thinks he can sit above all of us and not dirty his hands with real life and real love. I know…because my husband was once just like you.”
“She said that about me?” He tried to ignore the hit to his gut that assessment caused. “As for Alessandro, I bet he didn’t have a drunken brother to contend with. Or a niece who needed him.”
“And that justifies you hurting Darcie?”
No. Nothing justified that. And he would be damned every moment of his life for what he’d done. But she’d said she was going to leave anyway.
It was a lie, you idiot. You’d practically hung a do-not-disturb sign on your heart and dared anyone to knock. And then once she did, you slammed the door in her face.
Because of Felix.
Really?
Was it because his brother had relapsed—which he’d done on several other occasions without any help from him—or was it because he was too afraid to “dirty his hands”, as Isla claimed.
He’d once sat on a beach and dared Darcie to do something wild and outrageous. And she’d risen to the challenge and beyond. And yet here he sat, too afraid to make a list of his own because “loving Darcie” would be at the top of it.
He was terrified of holding his hand out to her for fear of losing her. And the thought of becoming like his brother—a shell of a man…
But what about what Isla had asked? Did any of that excuse what he’d done to Darcie? Because of his own selfish fear?
“No,” he said. “It didn’t justify it.”
Isla seemed to lose her steam. “I didn’t expect you to agree with me quite so quickly.”
“I know what I did. And I’m not proud of it.” If he had it to do all over again, would he? He’d made an impulsive decision while his brother had been fighting for his life—a huge mistake, according to the experts. He should have given himself a day or two before deciding something that would affect both of their lives.
The memory of her laughter, those pink-cheeked smiles…that raw sincerity when she’d offered to help with Cora’s care. He’d thrown it all away. He hadn’t given a thought to how she might have felt, or how right it seemed to be with her. He’d only thought of himself. And in that process he’d done to her what he’d been so afraid might happen to him. He’d abandoned her. Left her standing all alone.
“Isla, you’re a genius. And I’m a fool.” He got up and went around the desk and planted a kiss right on her forehead.
Her face cleared, and she laughed. “I won’t tell Alessi you did that. He might knock your teeth right out of your head.”
“He knows you’re crazy about him…and the whole world knows how he feels about you.”
“True. So what are you doing to do about all this other stuff?” She rolled her hand around in the air.
What was he going to do? He’d run Darcie off and it wasn’t like he could do anything about it. He was here. Having to make sure his brother made it in to rehab as soon as he was released from the hospital. He couldn’t just hop on the first flight to England and leave Cora by herself. He was stuck.
“I don’t know, actually. I have responsibilities here.”
Her mouth curved into a half-smile. “Isn’t it lucky, then, that Alessi loves me as much as you say he does?”
Lucas had no idea what that had to do with anything. “Yes, I guess it’s lucky for you.”
“And for you too. Because he happens to know someone high up at the airline Darcie was scheduled to fly on.”
He only caught one word of that whole spiel. “Was?”
“It seems her flight was overbooked, and she was booted to one th
at leaves tomorrow afternoon.”
Hope speared through him, causing him to drop back into his chair. “She’s still in Melbourne?”
“For another day. Yes.”
“Why the hell didn’t you say something before now?”
“Because I wasn’t sure you loved her enough to fight for her. And if you don’t, she deserves better.”
He swallowed. She deserved better anyway. Better than that bastard ex of hers. Better than him. “You’re right. I’m not good enough for her.”
“I might have agreed with you a few minutes ago but I saw your face when the enormity of what you’d done hit you. You were frantically trying to figure out a way to make it right…to get to her. Well, Alessi and I have just given it to you. Don’t waste it, Lucas. Because by tomorrow afternoon she’ll be gone, and it’ll be too late.”
He got to his feet. “If she’s gone, it’ll be because she doesn’t want me. Because as of right now I’m going to fight for her with everything I have in me and hope to God she’ll forgive me.”
* * *
Darcie wandered through the empty flat, which was in much the same state as when she’d arrived. There were suitcases sitting neatly side by side, and in her purse was a one-way ticket. She’d come here looking to escape a painful past, only to end up fleeing a new situation that was even worse.
Her feelings for Lucas were light years beyond the ones she’d had for Robert, which maybe explained why he’d found her lacking that certain spark. She had. It had taken Lucas to put a match to it and bring it to life.
Only he’d evidently felt even less for her than her ex had. Because he’d made no pretense of loving her or even wanting a long-term relationship with her. Hadn’t he told her that in plain English at the very beginning, when he’d first suggested putting pen to paper and making that list?
She gave a pained laugh. “He did, but you just couldn’t accept that, could you? You had to fall in love with the man, didn’t you?”
A knock sounded at the door and Darcie froze, wondering if someone had heard her. The doorman was supposed to ring the interphone if she had a visitor. Her heart thumped back to normal. It was probably just the taxi. She’d asked the airport to send someone if they found her an earlier flight. The sooner she was out of Melbourne the better.
She felt like such a fool and every second she stayed in this flat—in this country—was a horrid reminder of how she’d practically groveled at the man’s feet, only to have him knock her offer aside and ask her to leave him alone.
Which was what she was trying to do.
She scrubbed her palms under her eyes, irritated that she had turned into the weepy female she’d vowed never to be again.
Hauling her suitcases to the front door, she went back for her purse and opened the door. “Do you mind getting those? I…”
It took three or four blinks before she realized the man standing at the door wasn’t a taxi driver. Or the doorman.
It was Lucas.
Oh, God, why was he here? To make sure she really, really, really understood that he didn’t want her?
Well, Lucas, I might have been a little slow on the uptake, but once the message sank in it was there to stay.
“I thought you were the taxi driver. How did you get past the doorman?”
“I didn’t. He recognized me.” He paused. “From before.” Said as if she might not remember their last encounter in this flat. Unfortunately it was burned into her brain with a flamethrower.
She strove for nonchalant. “How’s your brother doing?”
“He’s out of danger. Looking forward to getting the help he needs. I think being in hospital gave him the shock of a lifetime.”
“I’m glad.” She was. As hurt and angry as she was at Lucas, she hoped Cora would finally have her father back. “And Cora?”
“She misses you.”
Pain sliced through her chest. “Don’t. Please.”
Lucas glanced to the side where her suitcases sat. “May I come in for a minute?”
“Why?” She didn’t think she could take another blow. Not when she was struggling not to memorize every line and crag of that beloved face.
“Because Cora isn’t the only one who misses you.”
The words took a moment to penetrate her icy heart. Then she started to pick them apart. “You mean Isla and the rest of the staff?”
“Yes, but not just them.”
She licked her lips. “Then who?”
Fear buzzed around in her stomach while she waited for him to say something. Anything.
His chest rose as he took a deep breath. “Me. I miss you. I don’t want you to go.”
“You practically offered to pack my bags.”
“I was stupid. Scared. My brother is the way he is because he desperately loved his wife. When she died…well, he was never the same. I don’t want to end up like that.”
She worked through those words. “And you’re afraid if you meet someone, you will.”
He nodded.
A terrible, wonderful atom of hope split into two. Then three. “Come in.”
She stepped aside as he moved into the room and glanced around. Waiting for him to finish and turn back toward her, her brain continued to analyze what it knew. Somehow he’d found out she hadn’t left.
Isla.
Darcie had called to tell her that her flight had been delayed. But why would she tell Lucas?
“You say you miss me, that you don’t want me to go, but I need something more than that.” This time she wasn’t willing to settle for less.
He came back and took her hands in his. “I know you do. Which is why I want you to come with me.”
“Where?”
“It’s a secret. But by the end of it I hope you’ll have the answer you need.”
The buzzing fear turned into a tornado that whipped through her system and made her doubt. Was he was going to lead her on a merry chase, only to get cold feet again and decide he was better off without her?
Maybe.
So why was that list they’d made a couple of weeks ago stuck in the front pocket of her purse…complete with the smiley face he’d drawn next to the kiss-a-non-triangular-Aussie entry? Because she didn’t want to forget. But, like him, she was afraid.
He’d overcome his fear long enough to drive to the flat, though, without knowing what kind of reception he’d get. Didn’t she owe it to herself to follow this through to the end? She could always catch that flight tomorrow if it didn’t work out.
“Okay, I’ll come.”
He closed his eyes, the lines between his brows easing. When he opened them again, the brown irises seemed to have warmed to a hue she recognized and loved. A few more atoms split apart, some of them coalescing back together and forming a shape she could almost decipher. He glanced at her clothes. “Can you get those wet?”
“Wet?” Was he going to kill her and toss her lifeless body over the side of his boat? That made her smile. A few more particles merged together. “I think they’ll survive.”
Twenty minutes later they pulled up to a place she recognized. But it wasn’t his boat. “Why are we here?”
“Trust me.” He got out of the car and came around to her side and opened the door. She stood on the footpath, staring up at a familiar tower.
“We’re going bungee jumping? Now?”
“You’re not. I am.”
She had no idea what was going on but he’d asked her to trust him. So she walked with him to meet Max, who stood waiting at the entrance. The man pushed his glasses higher on his nose, looking spectacularly pleased with himself for some reason. “Come in. Come in. Everything’s ready.” He disappeared through the wooden privacy gate.
Lucas murmured, “Remember when you jumped, I waited for you in the pool at the bottom?”
“Yes.” She wasn’t sure how she got the word out as her throat felt dry and parched.
“I want you to go to the side of the pool and wait for me this time.” He gave a half
-smile. “Don’t ask me why until you’ve unhooked me.”
They went through the gate, a million questions swirling through her mind. Max led her down to the pool, while Lucas climbed the steps to the tower.
She gasped. The water was crystal clear, just as before…but the surface was littered with rose petals. Thousands of them in every color imaginable—red, purple, yellow, white, pink.
Max didn’t explain, he just asked her to wait there. “Lucas knows how to unhook himself, but he wants you to go into the water and do it for him this time.”
“I don’t know how.”
The engineer gave her a knowing smile. “He says you do. Just do what your heart tells you.”
If she did that, Lucas wouldn’t be diving head-first into a pool. They’d be hashing this whole thing out on the couch in her flat. Or in bed, depending on how well the discussion went.
But then Max was gone, joining Lucas in this crazy game of who knew what.
He appeared at the top. His shirt was off. He must have worn swimming trunks underneath his jeans because his tanned legs were on display. He looked strong and powerful. But from the words he’d said back at the flat, he’d hinted he was anything but.
But, then, neither was she. She had her own fears to struggle through. And if they couldn’t do it together, then they needed to work on them as separate individuals.
Except those atoms were still dividing. Still joining. She peered, trying to make out what it was becoming. Then, just as Lucas dived far out into the air, arms spread apart, she saw it. It was his face, and the expression on it was similar to the one he had when he looked at Cora. When he looked at his brother.
Love. And fear.
A mixture of two emotions that were intertwined so tightly it was impossible to completely separate them. She knew, because the two were battling it out within her heart as well.
Lucas hurtled toward the pool before being jerked back at the last second, just as he’d been the previous time. The air displaced by his fall made the petals sift over the surface of the water, like ice skaters twirling in colorful costumes. Then the winch began to whine as it slowly lowered Lucas closer to the water. Time for her to get in.