by Tina Beckett
After he’d talked to the Navy SEALs about the John Doe, he’d gone out to arrange their transport and had seen Erica heading across the tarmac. Without thinking, he’d run after her, calling her name. She’d turned and looked, but ignored him as she boarded the plane.
He deserved it.
He didn’t deserve her.
“You said things to her? What kind of things?”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s gone.”
Scooby reached across the bar and gave him a quick smack upside the head. “Baka!”
“What? Why did you do that?”
“Idiot. You’re an idiot, Captain Wilder.” Scooby shook his head and uttered a few more choice swear words in Japanese. Probably all of which meant Thorne was an idiot or worse.
“What the heck have I done to you lately, Scooby?”
“Fuzakeru na! Stop being stupid, Captain Wilder. Go after her.”
“Who?”
That earned him another cuff around the head and another oath in his direction. “Commander Griffin. You need to go to Minneapolis and get her back.”
“You mean Annapolis.”
“Isn’t it the same?”
“No.”
Scooby shrugged. “I’ve heard of Minneapolis. I’ve been to Minneapolis. Where is Annapolis?”
“Maryland.”
“And that’s not near Minneapolis?”
Thorne shook his head. “No.”
“Then you need to go there. Tell her how you feel and apologize for your obtuseness. Apologize for driving her away, like you’ve always driven away people who try to become close to you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Fuzakeru na! Of course it’s simple. You love her, don’t you?”
Yes. Still, he couldn’t say it out loud.
He’d been hiding it from himself for so long, trying to suppress it, but, yes, he loved her. He was in love with Erica and he was an idiot for letting her go.
For so long he’d fought love, but maybe it was worth the risk. It was better than living a numbed existence. Still, he didn’t deserve it. Not after what he’d done to Liam.
Liam never blamed you. Liam would want you to be happy. Stop blaming yourself.
But it was hard to let go of years of blame.
Tyler.
It went off like a lightbulb. Tyler had come to him a couple of years ago to apologize for his mistake which had cost Thorne his leg.
It had torn Tyler up inside to know he was responsible.
Thorne had sat him down and told Tyler that it wasn’t his fault and that he didn’t blame Tyler for the loss of his leg. It was part of serving. Thorne had told Tyler to let go of his guilt and get on with his life.
Yet, he hadn’t done that.
He was a hypocrite.
The John Doe had been disappointed that he’d lost an arm and could no longer serve, but he’d put a positive spin on it.
“At least my wife will be glad that I’ll be home permanently.”
Even the John Doe had someone waiting for him. Liam had had a wife and two beautiful kids. Neither of them had been afraid of serving their country and coming home to their families. Why was he so scared?
“I can’t just leave my command. I have to arrange for a leave.”
“Bah, you’re making excuses.”
“I’m not making excuses.” He closed his eyes. “Maybe I am, Scooby. I don’t know why I’m so…”
“Afraid?” Scooby shook his head. “Love, it sucks. It’s hard and painful, but it’s worth it.”
“I’ve always said you’re a man of many layers, Scooby.”
He nodded. “Well, when you own a bar where a lot of different armed forces personnel move through, you pick up the odd thing. You all think the same thing: you’re not afraid to lay down your life for your country, but when it comes to matters of the heart a lot of you are a bit more hesitant. Love is a powerful thing.”
“Is it only the men?” Thorne asked.
“No, it’s not. Commander Griffin is scared. I know she is. You two are the same and I believe I told you that when she first arrived here. You two are so volatile.”
“I don’t think you quite know what volatile means.”
Scooby cursed under his breath. “Bah, you know what I mean. You two are both hotheaded, stubborn officers. You’ll rub each other the wrong way, but you’re meant to be together. Nobody else can put up with you.”
“I’ll arrange for a replacement and a transport.”
“Good! You do that, Captain. Make the arrangements and go.”
“And if she still doesn’t want me?”
Scooby shrugged. “Then it’s her loss, but at least you’ll have closure.”
“Thanks, Scooby. I think.” Thorne set money down on the counter. “Though, you do know ‘volatile’ means something explosive?”
“Exactly my point, Captain. Now, get out of here.”
Thorne chuckled. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Scooby moved down the bar, muttering under his breath.
Even though he didn’t deserve Erica, even though he’d messed it all up, he was going to try. He was brave enough to find out the answer—and if it was yes. If she loved him, he’d make it up to her even if it took him the rest of his life.
One month later, Annapolis, Maryland.
* * *
Erica had been paged by the recruitment office, something about a new plebe for the medical corps that they were eager to have at Annapolis.
She wasn’t sure why they needed her there, but since it came from Admiral Greer she wasn’t going to question anything, even though she was just about to head into class. Thankfully her second in command could take over the class while she dealt with this special request.
As she moved across the grounds, the trees were just starting to bloom with the first sign of spring and the red tulips in the center green were waving slightly in the warm breeze. It was familiar and, even though she was by the sea, she kind of missed being in Japan.
She absolutely loved her new position at Annapolis, but often there were times her mind drifted back to Okinawa.
There’d been a difference in the air there and it had been nice to see palm trees and white beaches. Not that Maryland wasn’t beautiful, with the colonial charm and tall sails filling Chesapeake Bay; it was the company she missed.
Thorne.
She missed him and she didn’t realize how much. Her day-to-day operations at Annapolis were just an existence.
Maybe it was because she was now a teacher at the most prestigious academy in the United States, but there was none of the familiarity or comraderie that she’d had when she’d been in Okinawa or serving on board the Hope.
Her commanding officer wasn’t close to her age. He was older and didn’t seem to have much of a sense of humor. Admiral Greer seemed to live on pomp, circumstance and regulations. So when she wasn’t doing a shift at the base hospital where she could be in scrubs, the rest of the time she had to stay in her everyday dress uniform and heels.
She hated heels.
So, yeah, there was a lot to miss about Okinawa, but for the most part it was Thorne. When she’d left Ginowan she didn’t realize how lonely she was until her companionship was gone.
It tore her heart out to leave him, but it was obvious that he didn’t feel the same way as she did. Not after that fiasco in the OR when he’d made it quite clear that he still blamed her for the loss of his leg. When he’d thrown her out of his ER she’d tried to get him out of her mind—then he’d apologized and for a brief moment she’d thought he was going to open up to her. Instead he’d hurt her.
He’d expected her to give up on her dream so that she could stay with him. That was something she couldn’t do.
Even though she was in love with him. Because there was no point in denying it: she loved Thorne. But she couldn’t give up the life she’d mapped out for herself. Just like she didn’t expect him to give up his life and his command posting in Oki
nawa.
It was cruel how love worked out that way sometimes. They were not meant to be together and she had to try and forget him.
Which was not easy.
She’d tried to do just that, but to no avail because, instead of the mysterious stranger with the intense blue eyes who had called her an angel, the Thorne she’d fallen for invaded her dreams. Every time she closed her eyes he was there.
So real and intense. She could recall his kisses, his touch. He was everywhere, his memory haunting her like a ghost. In the naval base hospital when she saw wounded warriors coming through, trying to heal themselves and continue to serve, she saw Thorne’s determination to continue on.
Or, when watching a batch of plebes training to become Navy SEALs by drown proofing in the pool, all she had to do was close her eyes and picture him watching them, his arms crossed, assessing them.
Or when she went out and had a slice of pineapple pizza, which didn’t hold a candle to Scooby’s house specialty.
It pained her physically not be with him.
She’d grown numb.
Don’t let him in now.
Right now she had a job to do. There was no room for Thorne in her mind. She didn’t know why she was thinking of him constantly.
You miss him.
Erica took a deep breath and stopped to glance up at the blue spring sky. Yeah, she did miss him.
When she had started to unpack she’d found the star-shaped bottle with the sand. The one he’d given to her. She’d almost thrown it out, trying to sever the tie, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Because, even though he’d made it clear he didn’t want her and didn’t care for her, she loved him. She wished things between them had been different, but it was the way it was.
Besides, he didn’t want her. He’d let her go.
He’d severed the ties long before she’d left Okinawa.
With a deep breath to ground herself, she headed up the white steps of the building she’d been asked to report to.
Before she headed into the recruitment office, she tidied her hair in a mirror and straightened her dress uniform jacket.
“Captain Griffin, the new recruit is waiting in room 407,” Lieutenant Knox said, rising from his seat from behind his desk. He handed her the file.
“Thank you, Lieutenant.” She flipped open the file. “A Navy SEAL?”
“Yes, Captain.”
“His name is John Doe?” Erica asked, annoyed.
“Yes. I wasn’t given specifics about why he stated his name was John Doe. He was quite unbending.”
“He has to have a name. Why wouldn’t he give you specifics?”
Lieutenant Knox shrugged. “Perhaps he’s Special Ops. I don’t know. I didn’t see him. He was ushered in under a covert detail.”
Erica was confused. “A covert detail? This doesn’t make any sense.”
“I’m sorry, Captain. That’s all the intel I have.”
Erica nodded and then headed to room 407. She didn’t know what was going on here, but she was tired of covert operations and Navy SEALs. She’d taken this position at Annapolis to escape all that. There was only so much she could take in one lifetime of Special Ops, Navy SEALs and secrecy.
And she was tired of reminders of Thorne.
She knocked once and headed into the room. “Seaman, I understand you want to join the Med…”
She gasped and almost dropped the file in her hands, because they were shaking so bad. Standing in front of her in his dress whites was Thorne. He took off his white cap quickly and tucked it under his arm.
“Captain Griffin.” He saluted her.
“C-Captain Wilder?”
He smiled. “Yes.”
“What’re you doing here? You’re already a member of the Medical Corp.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you at the recruitment office?”
“I called in a favor from the admiral.” Thorne set his cap down on the desk and took a step toward her.
“What kind of favor?” Her pulse began to race; he looked so good in his dress uniform. She’d never seen him in it. It suited him and made her weak in the knees.
Jerk. Remember what he did to you. How much it hurt.
“I told the admiral that I made a foolish error letting my second in command come to Annapolis.”
“This is about getting me transferred back to Okinawa?” Rage boiled inside her. She threw the file at him, which he dodged. “Get out!”
“That’s not why I’m here.”
Only she wasn’t going to listen to him. “How dare you? I’m not going to return to Okinawa as your commander. I can’t believe you traveled halfway around the world to start up this old fight. You…you….”
“Erica, would you just calm down a minute and listen to me?” He tried to pull her to him, but she brushed off his embrace.
“Don’t touch me—and it’s Captain Griffin!”
“Erica,” he said sternly. “I’m not here to take you back to Okinawa.”
“You’re not?”
“No, I’m not. Besides, that’s not my posting any longer.”
“What?” she asked in disbelief.
“I took an open position here at Annapolis.”
“You what?” She took a step back and then leaned against the wall to collect herself. “You transferred here, but why?”
He smiled at her, those blue eyes twinkling. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“No. It’s not.” Her voice shook as she braced herself. It was obvious, but she was in disbelief about it.
“I love you.”
Erica’s knees wobbled as the words sank in. “You love me?”
Thorne nodded. “I tried to resist you. I tried to wipe you from my mind, I tried not let you in. I told myself after my brother died in my arms and I saw the pain on his widow’s face, the hole left in his children’s hearts, that I wouldn’t ever allow someone to mourn me. I joined the SEALs to fulfill my brother’s dream and I blamed myself for Liam’s death, and for that I felt I didn’t deserve any kind of happiness.”
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “I was happy as a SEAL and then on a covert operation I was injured saving another man’s life and I met you. You entranced me. My foggy memories had one bright spot and it was you. Of course, then I actually did meet you, and you weren’t exactly as angelic as I thought you were in my fantasies.”
Erica chuckled at that. “I’m not gentle. Must be the Cajun in me.”
“I’m sorry for trying to shut you out, for embarrassing you that day when the John Doe came in. You were right. He lost his arm. It was too far gone and, what I said? I was out of line.”
Erica nodded. “I know. I saw his medical chart when he returned to San Diego. You did a good job with his amputation. As for the other things, well, I wasn’t exactly easy on you.”
“Thank you.” Thorne closed the distance between them again. “Look, I just couldn’t tell you how I felt about you, because I didn’t think I deserved it. How could I be happy when I’m the reason Liam lost his life?”
“You deserve to be happy.”
Thorne took a step closer. “So do you.”
“Perhaps.”
“I don’t know what the future holds for me or you, but I know one thing: I love you and I can’t live without you. It’s worth the risk to be with you. I need to be with you, Erica.”
She couldn’t believe he was saying the words that she herself hadn’t known she was longing to hear, but now that he was saying them she knew that she could have both her career and him. Something she never thought before. Most men had been intimidated by her rank, her career, except Thorne.
He was her match in every way.
Thorne ran his knuckles down her cheek. “I love you, Erica. I’m sorry for being such a…”
She suggested a word in Cajun and laughed at her secret joke.
“Sure, but I’m not sure I should admit to an
ything you say in Cajun.”
“Then how about ‘I forgive you’?”
Thorne smiled. “That I can live with.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. His lips were gentle, urging, and she melted in his arms, totally forgetting that she was angry at him, that he’d hurt her, because he was sorry for what he’d done. He hadn’t meant it. Thorne had tried to push her away just as much as she’d tried to push him away, but as Scooby had said they were “volatile” together.
Explosive. And, even though they were a combustible match, they were made for each other. They both had just been too stubborn to see it.
“What’re you smiling about?” he asked.
“Something my mamère said.”
“You better keep it to yourself.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I don’t want to be left in the dark with all the Cajun words.”
Erica kissed him. “I promise to fill you in on Cajun when I can, but then again maybe not, as I have an advantage over you when you tick me off.”
Thorne rolled his eyes, but laughed. “Well, I have to get used to living stateside again.”
“Are you sorry you left Okinawa?” she asked.
“I’ll miss it, I won’t lie, but you’re more important to me. I can get used to having soft-shell crab instead of pineapple pizza.”
“Have you ever had soft-shell crab?”
“No.”
She grinned. “Well, I hope you’ll let me take you for your first time.”
“Deal.”
“I’m sorry too, for what it’s worth.”
“For what?” he asked.
“For walking away. For being insubordinate to my commanding officer on numerous occasions and for not telling you that I love you too.”
He grinned. “Well, there are ways you can make it up to me.”
“Is that so? Well, I can start off by giving you a massage.”
“Oh, yes.” He cupped her face and stroked her cheek. “That’s a good start But first I have to check in officially.”
“I’ll take you there.”
Hand in hand, they walked out of the recruitment office.
EPILOGUE
One year later, Annapolis, Maryland.
ERICA’S HEART RACED and she was shaking as she stood in a small anteroom off the side of the chapel on the naval base, a historic building. She thought if she was ever going to take the plunge and get married she was going to have her ceremony at the Naval Academy Chapel.