by Andrew Cope
‘That’s decided then,’ said Mrs Cook, yanking her suitcase from the car roof rack. ‘Let’s get on with our perfectly ordinary holiday, shall we?’
‘We’ll just check in,’ said Mr Cook. ‘No children or dogs allowed in this hotel, I’m afraid, so you lot will have to wait here. You’re in charge, Lara.’
‘No problem,’ woofed Lara.
‘And remember – act normal!’ added Professor Cortex, hurrying after Mr and Mrs Cook.
‘Normal? He can talk,’ woofed Star, watching the professor’s short white legs twinkle across the hotel car park as he tried to keep pace with his two black-suited bodyguards.
‘No children or dogs?’ Lara growled. ‘What a cheek! We’re much better behaved than some humans I could mention!’ She raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the red monster truck.
Just then, the thin woman left the restaurant, carrying three pizza boxes. As she climbed up to the passenger side of the cab, the door swung open and a meaty hand emerged. Gratefully, the woman reached up, but the hand grabbed the boxes instead.
‘I see what you mean, Ma,’ said Spud, watching the woman scramble into the cab on her own. ‘What a rude man.’
‘You know, Agent K showed us how to run a check on a car number plate,’ said Ben thoughtfully.
‘And I watched him type his log-in password,’ added Sophie. ‘It was KRACKERS.’
They both looked at Lara questioningly.
Lara hesitated. Wait by the car. Act normal. Those were her orders. On the other hand, it would be useful to know who the monster truck driver was, and where he lived, if only to make sure they didn’t bump into him again. She nodded. ‘OK,’ she barked, waving them towards the Secret Service van. ‘I’ll keep a lookout for you.’ She lifted a paw to shade her eyes and stared in the direction of the hotel.
Ben and Sophie hurried over to the van and climbed in. Lara squinted at the hotel entrance. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be, she sighed. I already need glasses for reading. She thought about getting Sophie’s birdwatching binoculars from the car, but decided that a binocular-wielding dog might attract too much attention.
‘Spud and Star, you keep watch,’ she barked, pointing at the hotel. ‘I’ll keep an eye on – OLLIE!!!’
While they had been talking, Ollie had wandered off. He was standing beside the red monster truck, patting its huge wheels. As Lara raced towards Ollie, followed by Spud and Star, she imagined the big truck moving off and crushing him under its tyres. And it would be my fault! she panted, pushing herself to run faster. I was meant to be watching him!
She had nearly reached Ollie when the driver’s window opened and someone threw out an empty pizza box.
‘Hey!’ Ollie yelled. ‘You litter lout!’ He bent to pick up the pizza box and an empty drinks can flew out of the window and hit him on the back of the head. A huge belch echoed from the cab.
‘Owww!’ Ollie straightened up and began to cry, rubbing his head where the can had hit it.
‘Don’t call me a litter lout, you crybaby!’
Lara, Spud and Star skidded to a stop beside Ollie and glared up at the window. A very fat man glared back at her. ‘Children!’ he sneered, chins wobbling. ‘I hate them.’
‘Looks like you’ve eaten one,’ yelled Ollie through his tears.
‘Oh dear!’ wailed the thin woman, peering over the man’s massive shoulder. ‘Are you all right, little boy? I’m sure my son didn’t mean to do that. Say sorry, Garry.’
‘Gaz Guzzler never says sorry to anyone,’ said the man.
‘Why’s she talking to him like he’s Ollie’s age?’ asked Star. ‘He must be at least twenty-five.’
‘More like twenty-five tonnes!’ growled Spud. ‘Want me to karate-chop his nose, Ma?’
‘No,’ Lara woofed reluctantly. ‘We’re supposed to be acting like normal dogs, remember?’
As she turned to go, nudging Ollie ahead of her, a slice of half-chewed pizza flew from the window and hit her on the nose.
‘Right. That’s it! Forget normal!’ Lara flipped the pizza slice in the air, caught it in her teeth and scrabbled up the side of the truck. The window began to slide shut, but Lara was too fast for it. She hooked her front paws over the top, stuck her head inside and slapped the pizza slice into Gaz’s face.
‘Ghaah!’ he roared, scraping sauce from his cheeks and peeling two tomato slices from his eyes.
As Lara landed beside him again, Ollie stopped crying. ‘Nice one, Lara!’ he giggled, watching Gaz Guzzler pull strings of melted cheese out of his nose.
‘We’re not finished yet,’ yapped Star. ‘Come on, Spud!’
The two puppies scrambled up the side of the truck. They had trained on army assault courses, climbing rope ladders as high as a house; scaling a monster truck was like a walk in the park to them.
‘Hai-yah!’ yelled Spud, thudding on to the bonnet.
‘Time to practise some of those knots we learnt,’ barked Star, landing beside him. She grabbed one of the truck’s windscreen wipers in her mouth and Spud grabbed the other. ‘Ready, bro?’ she asked, through a mouthful of wiper.
‘Let’s dance!’ yapped Spud.
They yanked the rubber strips from the wipers and then began to twist and curve, jumping over and under one another. When they stopped a few seconds later, the windscreen wipers were tied together with a very professional double bow.
‘You’ll pay for this!’ shouted Gaz.
‘You’ll have to catch us first,’ yapped Spud.
‘And I don’t think you’re fast enough,’ added Star, blowing out her cheeks and waddling across the bonnet.
With a roar, Gaz Guzzler started the engine, the massive revs bouncing the puppies up and down. He crunched the monster truck into gear and sped off with Star and Spud still onboard. Quickly, they slid one to each side of the bonnet, hooked their paws over the wing mirrors and swung themselves down on to the door footrests. From there, they each did a swan dive from the truck, rolling as they hit the road and then coming up on to all four paws.
‘Told you those gymnastics lessons would come in handy,’ panted Star, winking at her brother. ‘Wouldn’t want to bump into him in a dark alley,’ she woofed as they watched the monster truck career off down the street.
‘It’d have to be a very wide alley!’ replied Spud. ‘Let’s hope that’s the last we see of “GUZZLER50”.’
4. ‘X’ Marks the Spot
‘This is more like it,’ yapped Star, from one of three leather swivel chairs in the back of the Secret Service van. ‘A girl deserves a bit of luxury sometimes, isn’t that right, Ma?’
‘Why only girls?’ asked Spud, from the second swivel chair.
‘Because we’re worth it,’ woofed Lara from the third chair, tossing her head like the girl in the shampoo advert.
Spud made a rude noise.
‘Enjoy it while you can, Spud,’ said Star. ‘Tonight we’re camping out in the forest!’
‘That reminds me,’ yapped Spud, nodding towards a padlocked trunk in the corner. ‘I thought the prof got us into the van to show us his new gadgets?’
Lara looked at Professor Cortex, who was sitting in the front of the van, chatting happily with Agents K and T. ‘I think he just said that to get out of sitting next to Ollie in the car for the last part of the journey.’
‘Good call,’ laughed Star, pointing out of the back window at the Cooks’ car. Ollie was bouncing up and down in his seat like a rubber ball.
‘Shall we ask him to open it?’ asked Spud, gazing curiously at the padlocked trunk.
‘Not yet,’ whispered Star, looking over her shoulder at Professor Cortex. ‘First, I need to show you something.’ She pawed at her collar and a tightly folded sheet of paper dropped into her lap. Quickly, she spread it out.
‘What is it, sis?’ asked Spud, leaning closer.
‘It’s the Gaz Guzzler info. Sophie s
lipped it under my collar outside the hotel.’
Lara balanced her reading glasses on her nose and together they scanned the page.
‘Wow, look at that!’ yapped Spud. ‘He owns fifty different cars, trucks and bikes.’
‘Fifty?’ squeaked Star. ‘He must have loads of money!’
‘Pity he hasn’t used it to buy himself some manners,’ humphed Lara. ‘What’s his address?’
‘Lakeside Mansion,’ yapped Star. ‘Now where have I seen that name before?’ She raised her head and stared at the van monitor screens, which were all showing a map of the Clearwater Lake area. The forest where they were headed was shaded in red. On the lakeshore below the forest, there were two buildings close together – one was the Tall Trees Outward Bound Centre and the other was Lakeside Mansion.
‘Uh-oh,’ sighed Star, pointing to Lakeside Mansion on the map. ‘Meet Gaz Guzzler,’ she woofed, slapping her paw against her forehead. ‘Our next-door neighbour!’
As Lara, Star and Spud shared an annoyed glance, the van came to a halt. ‘We’re here!’ cried Professor Cortex. ‘Shake a leg, Spy Dogs – time to meet your trainer!’
‘Oh well,’ said Lara as they scrambled from their chairs. ‘I doubt we’ll bump into Gaz Guzzler again, even if he does live right next to the Outward Bound centre. I’m guessing he likes to drive everywhere, and we’ll be hiking, climbing and canoeing.’
‘And we’ll make sure we don’t go anywhere near Lakeside Mansion, won’t we, Spud?’ said Star.
Spud nodded his head furiously. ‘Mmmfff!’
Star looked at her brother more closely. She spotted a corner of Sophie’s computer printout sticking from the side of his mouth. ‘What are you doing?’
Spud gulped, swallowed and then grinned at his sister. ‘Eating the evidence!’ he woofed. ‘That’s what spies do, you know – and I’m a Spy Dog.’
‘You really do eat anything!’ laughed Star.
Agent K opened the van doors and they jumped down into a forest clearing. The Cooks were climbing out of their car too. Ollie galloped off, riding an imaginary horse around the clearing. Spud bounded after him. He loved all the Cooks, but Ollie was his special friend and they often played together.
Star hurried over to Sophie and leant against her legs. ‘This is where we say goodbye for a few days, Soph,’ she woofed.
Sophie bent down and gave her a hug. ‘Have a good time, Star. I’ll miss you!’
‘Not so fast, Sophie,’ said Mrs Cook, folding her arms. ‘I’m not leaving until I meet this mysterious Mr X.’
‘Same here,’ growled Lara. ‘I don’t leave my pups with just anyone.’
‘I don’t understand it,’ said Professor Cortex. ‘X said he would meet us here. Agents, search the area.’
Reluctantly, Agents K and T left the van. Agent K’s face creased up in disgust as his foot squelched into a pile of poo. Agent T brushed against a tree trunk and then stared in horror at the green streak of moss on his sleeve.
‘Not exactly outdoor types, are they?’ commented Mr Cook.
‘Yes, well, they don’t get out of London much,’ said Professor Cortex, blushing with embarrassment. ‘Perhaps we should give them some help. Lara, Star and Spud, put your doggy senses to work.’
The three Spy Dogs spread out across the clearing and lifted their noses to the breeze.
‘What do you smell?’ asked Lara.
‘Poo,’ said Spud. ‘Lots of poo. Deer poo, squirrel poo, bird poo –’
‘That’s enough poo,’ interrupted Lara firmly. ‘What about you, Star?’
‘Leaves, mushrooms, rotting wood. No people, though, apart from our guys.’
‘Spread out, team!’ yapped Spud. ‘We’ll do a sweep.’
They sniffed their way forward, heads down. Star stuck her nose into a pile of dead leaves and then jumped backwards. ‘Dog!’ she barked. ‘I smell dog!’
Two brown eyes opened in the pile of leaves. Star gave a frightened yelp, but then one of the eyes winked at her.
‘Well done, little one,’ said a calm, friendly voice. ‘You found me.’
The leaves parted and Star blinked. Suddenly, a majestic German Shepherd was sitting right in front of her.
‘My name is Hero,’ said the dog. ‘You must be Star and Spud. Pleased to meet you both.’
‘That was amazing!’ yelped Star. ‘I didn’t know you were there until I was nearly on top of you!’
‘How did you hide so well?’ barked Spud, running across to join Star.
‘Camouflage,’ said Hero, smiling at Lara over the heads of the pups. ‘You’ll be learning all about that over the next few days. For instance, if you roll in leaf mould, it makes it very hard for other dogs to scent you. Why don’t you give it a go?’
Spud and Star began to roll around in the leaf mould, giggling as they did it. Lara relaxed and gave Hero a friendly nod. She could see that her pups were going to be in good hands. Or should that be paws?
‘Aha!’ Professor Cortex beamed. ‘I recognize that dog! She belongs to X.’
‘Excuse me!’ woofed Hero, looking down her elegant nose at Professor Cortex. ‘I don’t belong to him. We’re partners.’
‘If she’s here, then X can’t be far away,’ continued Professor Cortex. ‘You can stop looking, agents!’
Gratefully, agents K and T abandoned their search and picked their way back to the van.
‘Well they might be giving up,’ barked Hero, ‘but I hope you two will keep looking.’
Eagerly, Spud and Star jumped up from the leaf mould.
‘Is X really here?’ asked Star.
‘Yes,’ said Hero. ‘But he’s in camouflage too.’
Spud looked around the clearing. All he could see were trees. ‘This isn’t going to be easy,’ he sighed, leaning against the nearest trunk. A second later, he yelped and jumped away. The trunk had moved! He stared at the mossy bark and slowly he began to pick out a green and brown streaked face, half hidden under a green and brown balaclava.
‘There he is!’ yelped Spud, pointing at the tree. ‘He’s standing right there. X marks the spot!’
5. Honey, I Shrunk My Shorts
Everyone turned to look at the tree. The bark seemed to shiver and then a man stepped away from the trunk. He was dressed from head to toe in camouflage gear.
‘Ah! There you are, X!’ said Professor Cortex, shaking the survival expert by the hand. ‘Very good camouflage! But how did you make sure the dogs wouldn’t catch your scent?’
‘Deer droppings,’ said X. ‘I mashed them up with my hands and then rubbed them all over.’
‘Oh.’ Professor Cortex yanked his hand out of X’s grip and gave it a quick sniff. ‘I smell – I mean, I see! Deer droppings, eh? Smell, smell, smell – I mean – well, well, well! You learn something new every day.’
‘Speaking of days, there’s not much of this one left,’ said X, pointing at the afternoon sun. ‘We should get going. Lots to do before dark.’
‘Of course,’ said Professor Cortex. ‘I’ll just demonstrate my latest gadgets and then we can all be on our way.’
‘Are you heading back to London, Professor?’ asked Mr Cook.
‘No. My agents and I are staying nearby, at a top-secret base in the mountains. We’re trying to train eagles to be airborne spies, but we’re not having much luck. They keep getting distracted whenever they see a rabbit.’
While Professor Cortex hauled the trunk from the back of the van, Mrs Cook folded her arms and studied the survival expert.
‘So, Mister ermm …?’
‘X’
‘So, Mister X. How long were you in the SAS?’
‘I’m afraid that’s classified information, ma’am,’ said X.
‘Very well. Then perhaps you can let me know how long you’ve been doing this sort of training?’
‘Classified.’
‘Hmmm,’
frowned Mrs Cook. ‘In that case, can you tell me –’
‘Ma’am,’ interrupted X, stepping forward and gazing deep into her eyes.
‘Yes, Mister X?’ said Mrs Cook, beginning to blush.
‘You only need to know one thing, ma’am. While these pups are in my care, I will guard them with my life. With my life, ma’am. I promise.’
‘Thank you, Mister X,’ swooned Mrs Cook, putting a hand to her chest.
‘Did you see that, Dad?’ whispered Ben. ‘He won Mum over just like that!’
‘Must be some kind of hypnotist,’ whispered Mr Cook out of the side of his mouth. ‘It’s taken me twenty years and I still haven’t managed that!’
Professor Cortex opened the trunk. ‘Gather round, everyone,’ he called. ‘I have three new gadgets for Star and Spud to test while they’re here. First, two doggy scuba-diving suits.’ He laid two puppy-shaped wetsuits on the ground, along with aqualungs, masks and flippers. ‘There’s even a tool belt, with specially adapted paw-grip tools. See?’
‘Brilliant!’ woofed Star. ‘I can’t wait to try those!’
‘Me too!’ yapped Spud, although secretly he was worried that his wetsuit might be a bit tight round the middle.
‘Next, two new collar accessories. First, the Eazi-Freezi – a capsule that can freeze water instantly.’ Professor Cortex held up two blue capsules and then bent to slot one each into the special compartments on Spud and Star’s collars. ‘Remember, pups, one press of the stud next to your collar buckle, and these compartments will spring open. Obviously not to be used while you’re in the water; we don’t want puppy-popsicles.’
Professor Cortex chuckled at his own joke, but then stopped when he peered over the top of his spectacles and saw no one else was laughing.
‘Ahem. Moving on. Say you need to escape across a river. Chuck in the Eazi-Freezi capsule and you get an instant bridge! Or, when a baddie is after you, simply wait until he steps into some water, add one Eazi-Freezi capsule, and he’s trapped in a block of ice!’