Cowgirl, Say Yes

by Brenda Mott

  Certain her release of emotion had left her half out of her mind, Tess tried to draw away from him, but Wade held on to her, his arms looped gently around her waist.

  “That feels better, doesn’t it?” he asked. He reached up to wipe her tear-dampened cheeks with one thumb. “Letting it all out.”

  In a way, he was right. Still, a deep-down sadness that no amount of tears could erase would not leave her. “It’s just so unfair,” she grumbled. “For something so horrible to afflict such a wonderful person. Yet you’d think I’d be used to it by now.”

  Wade chewed his bottom lip, hesitating as though seeking the right words. “How could you ever be expected to ‘get used to’ your mom’s condition? Tess, sometimes black things eat us up inside. Dark, horrible things that we can’t seem to get rid of. It’s good to let them out whatever way you can.” His voice grew soft, almost a whisper. “I know. I’ve been there.”

  Tess shivered. She could tell he was remembering Deidra and the awful way she’d died—trying to beat a train across the railroad tracks. An error in judgment and timing that had cost her her life. The town had been abuzz over the tragedy for weeks, speculating.

  “Yes, you sure have,” Tess said. “Want to talk about it?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “I thought maybe you’d like to talk about what just happened in there.” He gave a half nod over his shoulder toward the building.

  She sighed. “Not particularly.” She pressed her fingers against her temples, and felt the familiar throb that so often became a headache. The crying had provided only so much release. Something still churned deep inside her. Black, dark, hopeless, just as Wade said. Something that told her Rae’s condition would only grow worse from here on out. How could it not? No matter how much she wanted to deny the fact, there it was.

  And for a split second she understood why Zach had chosen not to come visit any longer. But as soon as the thought was there, Tess pushed it away. No. She would never, ever stop coming. Never abandon Rae, no matter how bad she got.

  “All right,” Wade said. “We’ll talk about anything you want. Let me buy you a cup of coffee.”

  “I’m supposed to meet Bailey in a while for lunch.” Tess glanced at her watch. “But I guess I have a little time yet.” She hesitated. She couldn’t leave without making sure that her mother was all right. “Just give me a minute or two, okay?”

  Wade nodded, and Tess went back into the County Care Facility, still trembling. In her mother’s room, she found Molly sitting at Raelene’s bedside. Rae lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Looking at nothing.

  Molly gestured for Tess to come nearer. “Are you all right, dear?” she asked. The concern in her eyes left Tess feeling like a heel for having run out the way she had.

  She nodded. “I’m okay. I had to make sure Mom was, too.”

  “She’ll be fine. We gave her something to calm her. Judy will be back in just a minute and we’ll get her cleaned up.”

  Tess swallowed over the lump in her throat. She longed to touch her mother, to caress her arm and reassure her, but was afraid to upset her all over again. “I’m going to leave for a while,” she said. “But I’ll be back later.”

  “That’s fine,” Molly said. “You go on, and don’t worry now. We’ll take good care of her.”

  “I know you will.” Tess patted Molly’s arm for lack of being able to hug her mother. “Thanks, Molly.”

  She left the room and strode quickly down the hall, feeling at more of a loss than she had in a long time. Her mother’s vacant stare haunted her as she stepped outside and made her way to where Wade stood waiting.

  “Everything okay?” he asked. She nodded, and he slipped his arm around her shoulder and steered her toward his truck. “Maybe you’d like something stronger than coffee.”

  “I don’t drink anything stronger than Coors Light,” she said, “and it’s too early in the day for that.”

  He shrugged. “That’s not what I had in mind, anyway.”

  “Oh?”

  “Uh-uh. I was thinking you probably had some mean, nasty carrot juice or something in your refrigerator.”

  Tess wished she could smile. Wanted to.

  “Come on,” he said. “I see the corners of your mouth moving.” He traced them lightly with one fingertip, making her shiver inside. “That’s a smile I see trying to fight its way out. I know it.”

  She glared at him. “Wade, I’m not a little kid.”

  “No, but you look like one, with those cute pigtails.” He winked at her. “I kind of liked the way you wore your hair the other night.” He waggled his fingers in the air, as though demonstrating. “Down, all long and silky.”

  He couldn’t have surprised her more if he’d suddenly announced that he’d decided to become a vegetarian. Wade Darland, cattleman and macho-cowboy deluxe. Paying her a compliment on her hair. But he’d also said she looked like a kid. Was that the way he really saw her? Smugness filled her: not if the kisses he’d given her the other night were any indication.

  “Carrot juice, huh?” Tess retorted. “Think you could stand some?”

  He pursed his mouth in deep thought. “Straight up, or with a chaser?”

  “A chaser. Pineapple guava.”

  “Ack.” He clutched his hands to his heart. “That stuff’ll kill you, you know.”

  She huffed out a half laugh. “You think so?”

  “I know so.” He opened the truck door for her. “Just ask this little guy. I bet he’ll tell you his drink of choice is milk.”

  Tess’s jaw dropped. A tiny orange tabby kitten scrambled out of a box of bridles centered on the seat of the truck. Belatedly, Tess realized the Ford was parked under the cool sanctuary of a shade tree, with both side windows as well as the back sliding one cracked open for air. The kitten’s plaintive meow pulled at Tess’s heartstrings as it raced over to her. It sank its tiny claws into the front of her overalls and scrambled to her shoulder.

  “Poor baby,” Tess cooed. “You’re so skinny. Wade, where in the world…what on earth are you doing with a kitten?”

  “I see my reputation precedes me,” Wade said. “And the rumors are true. I don’t like cats.” He frowned at the box of bridles, then reached over and pulled out a leather rein. The end was damp and chewed, marked by the kitten’s sharp teeth. “And it’s no wonder.” He glared at the yellow-orange tabby.

  “Then what is this one doing in your truck?”

  “Smokey and Bandit chased it up into my engine compartment.”

  “Smokey and Bandit?”

  “My red heelers.”

  Tess felt a smile curve her lips. And here he’d teased her about Duke and John Wayne. But of course, she’d started it.

  “You have dogs named Smokey and Bandit?”

  Wade’s scowl disappeared and his face reddened. “Well. Yeah. I’ve always been a Jerry Reed/Burt Reynolds fan.”

  “So, your dogs chased the kitten. But I still don’t see why you have it in your truck.” Oh, this was fun. Making him squirm. Mister I-Can’t-Stand-Cats. Who appeared to have rescued one.

  “It’s a long story,” he said. “Wanna hear it over a guava-carrot-coffee?”

  She laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  “Uh-huh.” Wade nodded and shut the pickup’s door behind her after she climbed onto the seat. Then he spoke to her through the crack of the open window. “And the nuttiest thing about it is, I’m beginning to get a little crazy over you, cowgirl.”

  With that, he strode around to the driver’s side, climbed in and fired up the engine.

  As they pulled away, Tess sat clutching the kitten to her chest. Feeling as though she’d been bowled down with a power mower. One driven by a hazel-eyed cowboy who never ceased to amaze her.

  UPON TESS’S INSISTENCE, Wade drove to the burger joint at the edge of town. Though he’d teased her about her carrot juice, he’d actually wanted to take her someplace for something to drink, to spend a little quiet time with her. He’d hoped she’d o
pen up to him and talk about what had happened back at the nursing home. He also had something he wanted to give to her. Something he’d purchased yesterday on a whim, and had hidden in his glove compartment.

  But Tess was worried the kitten would get too hot waiting in the truck and had instead suggested they get something cold at the drive-up window. Once they had two large to-go cups of iced tea with lemon, they headed for Tess’s place. She’d said she had enough time to take the kitten home before meeting Bailey for lunch. Hiding his disappointment at not being able to spend more time with her, Wade sipped his tea.

  “How did you come to stop by the County Care Facility, anyway?” Tess asked abruptly.

  Wade thought he detected a note of defensiveness in her tone, though her expression remained neutral. He wished she would have stuck to joking around with him. He shrugged. “It wasn’t planned. I was actually on my way to the feed store to bring you the kitten and your dad those bridles.” He nodded toward the box on the seat between them. “I saw your truck in the nursing-home parking lot and decided to stop.” Silently, he denied that his primary reason for doing so had been to see Tess. He could have just as easily left the kitten with Lloyd at the store.

  But he’d had another reason for stopping, as well. A natural curiosity to see Tess’s mom. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was like, and what challenges Tess faced in helping look after her. Now he knew.

  “I also wanted to meet your mom,” he said.

  Immediately, Tess’s expression grew completely sober. “Why?” she challenged. “Was it morbid curiosity?”

  “No.” He glared at her, irritated both by her accusing tone of voice and his own inner one that said her words were half true. “I just wanted to see her, Tess. I know your dad pretty well, but I’d never met Raelene.” He softened his tone. “Look, I’m sorry I stopped by uninvited. I never gave it much thought. I didn’t mean to scare her.”

  Tess sipped from her straw, then twirled her cup between her palms. The kitten did gymnastics on her lap, twisting and turning in an attempt to investigate the straw’s origin. It tapped the cup’s plastic cover with its paws, and Tess reached absentmindedly to stroke the tabby’s fur.

  “I know you didn’t,” she said. She looked as though she was struggling for the words to explain her thoughts and feelings. There was no need. He’d believed her when she’d told him she wasn’t ashamed of her mother. Though he didn’t quite grasp her reasoning in not wanting him to see Raelene, he supposed he could understand if Tess wanted to keep family matters private.

  He never should have intruded. It was one more reminder that his life and Tess’s were separate entities.

  Minutes later Wade pulled up the driveway to her house and parked near the porch.

  “I’ll just be a minute,” Tess said, climbing from the truck with the kitten in one hand and her tea in the other. Her dogs circled her, happily wagging their tails. The yellow tabby hissed and spat at them, puffing up its fur, clinging to the front of Tess’s overalls. It tried to hide beneath her braids. Tess gently scolded the dogs, telling them to get back. Duke responded by turning his attention away from the kitten to bark at Wade through the open window of the Ford.

  “Yeah, I love you too, buddy,” Wade mumbled to the black-and-tan shepherd. He watched Tess climb the porch steps and go inside the house without bothering to unlock the door, which meant she’d left it open.

  For some reason, that bothered him. Ferguson and its surrounding farm and ranch lands was a relatively safe place to live; still, you never knew. Macy had been the victim of a carjacking last year at the hands of a local resident, Lester Godfrey, and to this day Wade knew the incident had left him overcautious. He kept his doors locked. For the safety of his kids. Tess ought to lock hers, too. He eyeballed Duke, who sat staring him down, growling at him.

  Then again, she did have her dogs. Wade watched the three of them, and chuckled at the antics of the miniature pinscher, who’d raised a ruckus upon their arrival. The pint-size dog now strutted across the yard marking territory, scratching grass with his hind feet as though making a statement. I own every acre in sight, and buddy, don’t you forget it.

  Tess and her critters. It seemed that she had a need to mother everything, including his kids. He still wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready for that. So, what would he do if the two of them got seriously involved? If, say, he decided to forgo his resolve to be alone and give a relationship with Tess a shot? He pictured living among such an array of furry creatures and shook his head. Macy would be in paradise. Jason wouldn’t have a problem with it. But the only part of it that would feel like paradise to him would be the part involving Tess.

  Wade focused on her once more as she came back outside, wearing another ball cap to replace the one she’d lost during the struggle in her mother’s room. He should have stopped to pick it up off the floor before he’d dashed outside after Tess, but he’d been far more worried about her than her hat. Now, as she climbed into the truck, he regretted once more that she had a lunch date with Bailey. He wanted to keep her all to himself.

  “You sure you need to have lunch with Bailey?” The words came out almost of their own accord.

  Tess creased her forehead. “Yes. Why do you ask?” The suspicion on her face very nearly made him laugh. She should be suspicious, all right. Because the thoughts he was thinking were surely dangerous.

  “No real reason, I guess. It’s just that it’s so nice outside, I was hoping we could drop the bridles off at the feed store, then take a little drive.”

  Her suspicious expression turned to one that he couldn’t quite read. Surprise? Apprehension?

  He wasn’t even completely sure what had made him throw out the invitation. Something about Tess led him to be spontaneous, which he normally wasn’t. At least, not very often. But the prospect of a drive in the country with her had his emotions going places they shouldn’t.

  “Nice?” Tess said. “I’d say it’s downright hot out.” She quirked her mouth in that playful grin he was getting attached to. “Better than freezing cold, though, that’s for sure. I’m not much on winter.”

  “So, do you want to go for a drive or not?” Wade asked. He didn’t mean to sound abrupt, but he did. Something about Tess also made him nervous at times.

  She raised one eyebrow. “Well, since you asked so sweetly…” Sarcasm laced her words.

  He let out a huff of air. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like that.”

  She shrugged. “No problem. But I’m afraid I can’t break my lunch date with Bailey. It’s too important. And after that, I have to get back to work. I’m closing the store tonight.”

  “Oh.” Surprised at how deeply disappointed he was, even though he knew he had plenty of work waiting for him back at the Circle D, Wade fought the urge to ask her what was so all-fired important about lunch with Bailey. “How about a rain check?”

  “On the drive?” She looked as though she was considering the invitation for a moment. Then she gave him a quick smile. “Sure. That sounds nice, Wade. Call me when you’re ready.”

  Ready, hell. He was more than ready to spend time with her right here and now. He couldn’t shake the picture of her running from the nursing home, then collapsing. She still seemed vulnerable at this very moment, her eyes puffy from crying, and the overwhelming urge to do something to put her mind in a happier place wouldn’t leave him. But what could he say? Tess was a grown woman, used to handling matters herself. He supposed he’d just have to wait.

  Minutes later she climbed from the truck as he pulled up in the feed store’s parking lot. She lifted the box of bridles off the seat. “I can take these in for you if you’d like. Save you some time.”

  He started to protest. To make yet another excuse to linger. Then decided he’d already acted lovesick enough for one day. “That’s fine. Thanks. And tell your dad thanks, too.”

  “No problem.” She waved. “See you at 4-H Thursday.”

  “Yeah. See ya.” Then he rememb
ered the gift. Maybe she wouldn’t like it. Maybe he’d been out of line in even buying it. “Hey, Tess.”

  She hesitated with her hand on the truck door, ready to swing it shut.

  Before he could lose his nerve, Wade leaned across the seat and popped open the glove compartment. “Happy birthday,” he said, handing her the wrapped package. He and the kids had given her a gift certificate to the huge pet warehouse in Glenwood Springs at her party the other night, but he’d later wished he’d gotten her something a little more personal. Especially after the kisses they’d shared. Hence the impulse buy.

  The pleased expression on her face—at his knowing that he’d remembered what today was—gave Wade an equally pleased feeling deep down in his chest when she took the package from him.

  “Thanks,” she said. “But you didn’t need to do that. The gift certificate was wonderful.”

  “I wanted to,” he said. Unable to drum up enough nerve now that he’d actually handed her the present to stay and watch her open it, Wade shot Tess a lighthearted wink. “See you later, cowgirl.” His gift wasn’t a diamond ring, but it was more personal than a pet-supply certificate.

  Tess shut the door and waved. “Sure.”

  He watched her enter the store, but couldn’t bring himself to drive away. She came back out, minus the box of bridles, and climbed into her truck, clutching the gift box. She looked over at him as though surprised to see him still sitting there in the parking lot. Wade shook the mental fog from his mind.

  You’d think he’d be too old to let a woman tie him all up in knots. Apparently not.

  After putting the pickup in reverse, he backed out of the parking space. His thoughts led to what had happened at the nursing home. Though he’d been in Rae’s room only briefly, he’d seen that Tess didn’t resemble her in any way; she looked more like Lloyd. He’d also seen Tess coping with her mother’s condition, and had realized she must have gone through that kind of thing a very long time.

  He thought of Deidra’s accident. So foolish. So unnecessary.

  But at least she had gone quickly. There was death, and then there was lingering pain that felt like death. He could only imagine how much of that Tess had suffered.