“You remember that time we rode this thing and we got trapped at the top?”
How could she forget? It was the first time he had ever kissed her. Staring over at him she saw a look in his eyes that said he planned to kiss her again. Reaching over he cupped her chin and tilted her head back slightly then leaned forward. The kiss sent the pit of her stomach into a wild swirl. She felt like she was flying!
Each kiss. Each touch threatened to weaken her resistance but she had to stay strong and guard her heart. By doing so she could enjoy every second they had left.
After their ride, Jabarie took her back to his condo and carried her to his room where he undressed her and they made slow, passionate love. Hours later, she lay curled in his arms.
Brenna couldn’t catch her breath. She felt as if the air had escaped her lungs and had yet to return. Jabarie cradled her close and she clung to him, not wanting this moment to end. But she knew what they had could never last. Or could it?
Jabarie was the perfect man for her and with him she felt everything in her world was so much brighter and though she’d never admit it, she’d spent the last five years hiding from her feelings because she didn’t want to love him anymore. She wanted the hurt to go away.
But Jabarie had a way of making her feel things even when she didn’t want to. Which was the reason why she’d never wanted to come back to Sheraton Beach. Why she didn’t want to start something that she had no intentions of finishing. And why she wasn’t ready to take an even bigger risk trusting him again with her heart.
Saturday morning arrived and she felt as if she had just fallen asleep when she felt Jabarie’s warm, wet kisses on her face.
“Get up, sleepyhead. You need to get ready for work.”
“Not yet,” she purred. “Make love to me.”
As much as he’d love to spend time twisting in the sheets with her, he needed to settle some things before they went any further. He needed to know if she was going to break his heart again or help him find the land of happiness he’d stopped believing in a long time ago. Before he made love to her again, he needed to try one more time.
Cupping her face with both hands, he lowered his mouth and kissed her. “I want to ask you something.”
“What? You want to try something new?” she asked then wagged her eyebrows suggestively. He loved the way her hazel eyes twinkled when she teased him.
“Maybe later.”
Brenna trailed kisses down his chest and shoulder and his eyes fluttered closed. He loved her and just couldn’t get enough of her.
“Brenna, you’re leaving tomorrow and we need to talk,” he said and just as he suspected, she shifted away.
“I thought we had come to an understanding.”
“The only one who understands is you.”
She sighed then rolled over and sat up in the bed with a frustrated look. “Okay, go ahead and talk.”
“I don’t want you to leave. I want you to be my wife and live with me here.”
He expected her to yell and get angry; instead her face became sad and distant. “Why can’t you just leave well enough alone? Things were going so well between us.”
“Because I love you. I don’t understand why it is so hard for you to accept that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He cursed under his breath then moved abruptly from the bed and reached for his shorts.
“And a part of me will always love you, too, but I’m not ready to go down that same road again,” she said as she reached for his shirt on the floor and slipped it on.
“It doesn’t have to be today. We can take things as slow as you want. All I need to know is that you’re willing to try.” He moved around the bed and sank down next to her.
“I can’t,” she said, facing him.
“You can’t or you won’t?”
She hesitated. “I won’t.”
Reaching over he took her hands in his. “Baby, I know you’re scared, well so am I, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes for it to work between us this time.”
“Can you guarantee me that we’ll stay together forever?” she asked and he noticed her bottom lip tremble.
“Brenna, you are my soul mate. Nothing is guaranteed, but I promise you I’ll try to do everything I possibly can to see that we have a wonderful life together.”
“That’s not good enough,” she snapped before he noticed the sheen of tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m not willing to risk my heart again and lose. Love hurts too much. My mother turned her back on me when I needed her most and so did you. I can’t go through that again.”
“What’s it going to take for you to understand how much I love you?”
“If you really love me Jabarie, then, please, let me go.” She climbed out of bed, gathered her clothes and hurried off into the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed, she lowered onto the floor and allowed the tears to fall freely. Deep inside, she was dying. She was so tempted to run back into the room and throw herself into his arms and pledge to spend the rest of her life with Jabarie. With him, her world was more vivid and alive and once she left she would return to her dull, restless existence. But at this point in her life, she truly believed that happiness just wasn’t meant for her.
Rising from the floor, she moved over to the shower and immediately stepped under the water. She would never forget the look of hurt and pain on Jabarie’s face. But hopefully in time he would find someone else. The thought of him being with someone else made her stomach ache but there was no way she could face her fear of being hurt again. She was a prisoner in her own soul.
Large sobs raked her body and she cried freely. Everyday was a game of tug-of-war for her. A struggle not to remember, while also trying not to forget that what she and Jabarie had was special. His love for her touched her deeply and she knew this time he wouldn’t be so easy to forget, if at all.
Brenna reached for a washcloth and while she lathered her body she thought about the cold, lonely life she had waiting for her back in Dallas, and knew that she would always have the memories of Jabarie to keep her warm.
By the time she came out of the bathroom, she was fully dressed. Jabarie was in the kitchen making coffee and English muffins. When she moved into the room, he briefly glanced over his shoulder then turned his head.
“Give me ten minutes to shower and dress and I’ll take you home,” he replied then brushed past her and headed toward the bathroom.
Brenna stood there for a long moment and when she finally heard the shower, she retrieved her purse and quietly slipped out the door.
As luck would have it, she was able to catch a cab at the corner. She climbed in and gave him directions to her aunt’s house. The whole ride she willed herself not to cry. If she was going to get through this again then she was going to have to try to be strong.
The cabdriver pulled up in front of Aunt Nellie’s. She paid him and climbed out, hoping she could have a few moments to get herself together before she headed over to the bookstore. She pulled her key out of the purse, turned the lock and stepped in.
“Brenna, sweetheart! Come on in here.”
She groaned inwardly. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain her red eyes to Aunt Nellie.
She stepped into the kitchen and stalled when she found her mother, Shaunda Gathers, sitting at the kitchen table.
Chapter 18
“Hello, Bren.”
“Hi,” she managed to say. Brenna was too surprised to say anything else.
Aunt Nellie rose from her chair. “I’m going to leave the two of you alone so that you can talk. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.” Panic filled Brenna’s lungs and with her eyes she begged her aunt not to leave. Instead Aunt Nellie rose and squeezed her shoulder as she whispered near her ear. “You’re a big girl now.”
Oh, God. She wanted to scream. No, please. Don’t leave me alone with her, but instead Brenna watched her aunt leave the room. As soon as she heard her bedroom door shut, her pulse begun to race.
“Brenna, is it possible to get a hug?”
She turned around and looked at the woman who had abandoned her over a decade ago and faked nonchalance. “Sure.”
Her mother rose and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She loosely hugged her as well and found the scent of her perfume overpowering.
Shaunda pulled back and Brenna stared up with identical hazel eyes that were wet and misty.
“I can’t believe how beautiful you are. No, I take that back because you were always a beautiful girl,” she replied as she slowly assessed her from head to toe.
“Thank you,” Brenna replied and stepped away from her embrace. To put a little distance between them she moved over to the refrigerator and removed a bottle of water.
“Please come and sit at the table so we can talk.”
Obediently, she moved over to the kitchen table and lowered in the seat directly across from her mother. Brenna took in her lovely cream dress that complemented her smooth mahogany skin. Shaunda’s honey-brown hair was thick and spiral curls framed a small oval face. Diamond earrings were in her ears and a large emerald-cut diamond was on her left hand.
Brenna twisted the cap on the bottle. “I see you’re engaged.”
Shaunda held her hand out in front of her, smiling as she stared down at the ring. “I got engaged last month.”
“Congratulations.”
Her eyes came up to study Brenna’s face, trying to reach into her thoughts. “Thank you.”
There was a long silence while Brenna sat there drinking her water and waiting for whatever it was that she had to say.
Her mother leaned forward in her chair. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“That thought did cross my mind especially since I haven’t heard from you except for an occasional card.”
“I know,” she said in a weary voice. “There are a lot of things I’ve done in my past that I’m ashamed of, but I’ve changed.”
“You mean you’re no longer someone’s mistress?” Her voice was heavy with sarcasm.
Brenna noticed her mother winced at the remark before she shook her head. “Those days are past me.”
Brenna snorted rudely. “Am I supposed to jump up and down because you say you’ve changed? It’s too late now. I’m all grown up.” If she thought she was going to forgive her that easily, she was wrong.
“I know that. I’m not trying to jump back into your life. All I wanted to do was talk to you.”
She stared down at her water bottle and started painting letters in the condensation. “How did you even know I was here?”
“Nellie told me.”
Go figure.
“Brenna, there is no excuse for me walking out on you when you needed me the most, but I wanted to try and get you to understand what I was going through back then,” she said, in a small pleading voice.
Brenna wanted so badly to refuse and rush to her room and lock the door, but if she did she would still be left wondering. “I’m listening,” she said, ripping out the words impatiently.
Shaunda took a deep breath then folded her hands on the table. “I was an accident baby. My brothers were grown, Nellie was already thirteen and my parents weren’t trying to have any more children when my mama discovered she was pregnant with me. From the time I was born I was a disappointment to my parents. I had asthma, didn’t start walking until I was almost two and was never much of a student. By the time I was seventeen and found out I was pregnant, my parents had labeled me a screwup and put me out. I had nowhere to go but to Nellie’s.”
Brenna took another drink. She didn’t remember her grandfather because he had died when she was barely three, but she did have vague memories of Grandma Pearl reading her bedtime stories while she curled up on her lap.
“Your father loved me so much, but I refused to marry him. Instead, I was determined to find a man who would impress my parents. So I told another man you were his child, hoping he would marry me, only he didn’t. It wasn’t until I saw your father with another woman that I realized what a fool I was. I really did love that man, and he loved you and me so much he was willing to look past everything I had done and marry me.” Shaunda paused and reached into her purse for a tissue and used it to wipe her eyes. “After your father died, I was so hurt I blamed myself because if I hadn’t been playing games, he would have married me years ago and he wouldn’t have died coming home from the jewelry store. Losing him hurt so much I vowed to never fall in love again. I went back to dating rich men, but after all these years I couldn’t do it anymore. Money did not fill the empty hole in my heart. I wanted to love again,” Shaunda said between sniffs. “And then I met Tim.”
Brenna met her teary-eyed gaze. “Is that your fiancé?” she asked softly.
Her mother nodded and couldn’t hide the sparkle in her eyes. “I fell in love with him from the first moment I spotted him walking down the hall at the hospital. I was working there as an administrative assistant.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s a food service supervisor.” She chuckled. “Can you believe it?”
Brenna frowned then shook her head. Her mother was marrying a hospital worker. “No, I can’t.”
She gave a laugh that lacked humor. “That’s how I knew I really loved him. It wasn’t about what kind of car he drove, or if he was buying or renting. All I knew was that I loved this man. And I thanked God for giving me a second chance. He and I attend church every Sunday and I have realized I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, my biggest being you. I thought you would be better off with Nellie, not with me jumping from one man to the next, but one thing I realized was that not once did I ever think about what you might have wanted and what you might have been feeling all these years, and I’m sorry.”
She stared across at the woman who had given birth to her and tried to put her feet in her shoes. Brenna didn’t know why, but she actually felt sorry for her.
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“I already have. It’s the forgetting I’m having a problem with. But I’m sure that will come in time, as well.”
Her mother looked relieved by her answer. “That’s all I ask. I left Tim at the hotel so we could have a chance to talk but I would really like for you to meet him this evening.”
Her mother had come all this way, the least she could do was make an effort. “Okay.”
Reaching across the table, Shaunda cupped her hand. “Do me a favor Brenna, and don’t let your life turn out like mine filled with pain and regret. If you find love, grab onto it because there is no telling if it will ever come your way again.”
The store was busy that afternoon and she was happy for the distraction. She and Aunt Nellie got the carts ready for the sidewalk sale. For almost a week, the banners had been posted up and down Main Street. Tomorrow was going to be one big party.
While working, every time the bell over the door rang, she jumped expecting to see Jabarie coming through the door, but he never did. She told herself that it was a good thing, but deep down she was dying for him to hold her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be all right.
By the close of business, she began to believe that maybe he had finally accepted their time together for what it really was and had stepped back from her life.
Her mother arrived at dinner with Timothy, a tall, dark-skinned man in his mid-fifties. Surprisingly, she instantly liked him. He seemed to genuinely care a great deal for her mother, and the way her mother was looking one could tell she adored him, as well. Brenna was happy for them. All during the meal, she thought about what her mother had said, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she was making a mistake.
Hours later, the couple had gone back to the hotel, and she was out on the porch enjoying the breeze when she heard the doorbell. Padding on bare feet she moved across the hardwood floor to the door and found Jabarie standing on the other side.
“Hey,” she said, moving back enough for him to enter.
“Hey
, yourself.” He tucked his hands deep inside his pockets. “Where’s Ms. Nellie?”
“She went next door to play bridge.”
He sniffed. “Do I smell her apple pie?”
Brenna laughed. “Yep. I just took it out of the oven. You want some?”
Jabarie had never been able to say no to apple pie. “You got vanilla ice cream?”
“You know I do.” She signaled for him to follow her into the small kitchen that smelled of cinnamon and apples. At the center of a table covered with a red tablecloth was a beautiful Dutch apple pie.
“Have a seat.” She moved over to the cabinet and removed two bowls and carried them over to the table. She then retrieved two spoons and a knife and took a seat across from him.
“You want to wait until Ms. Nellie gets back?”
“Nope,” she said as she carved into the piece. “She made this pie for you.”
“For me?”
She nodded. “She knows how much you love her pie, so since she knew you’d be dropping by to say goodbye, she decided to make one for you.”
He swallowed in response.
Brenna moved over to the refrigerator and removed a carton of ice cream then scooped a large spoonful and dropped it on top of his pie.
“Thanks,” he said as she handed it to him.
She put some on her plate then returned the ice cream to the freezer before returning to her seat. “Now dig in.”
He smiled then looked down at his bowl and reached for his spoon. As he ate he watched her dig in, as well.
“What’s so funny?” she asked defensively.
He shook his head. “Nothing. I just love the way you put away some food. That shows how different you are.”
Leaning back in her chair she gave him a long hard look. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No, baby. It’s a wonderful thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Leaning across the table he kissed her cheek.
She brought her ice cream to her lips then said, “My mother’s in town.”
The Second Time Around Page 21