“I love my parents. I really do. After I went to college and didn’t major in something useful, according to my mom, I guess that’s when things changed.” Mia sighs. She finishes all of her food and two glasses of wine before she leans back on the couch. I do the same sitting across from her as she sits cross-legged.
“I’m sorry, Mia. I can’t imagine how hard that makes things for you. I guess my family has their own issues.” I clear my throat. Her eyes open in question, and I know it’s coming.
“What is it with your family? Tell me something, Alec,” she pleads, and the warm softness of her voice is hard to deny. To an extent.
“My family is great, Mia. Honestly. I had an amazing childhood, grew up with brothers to fight with and protect each other in the same day. Nothing went bad until my dad died. But…” my throat closes at the thought of trying to face it with her.
Even looking into her soft brown eyes, so honest and pure, doesn’t get the real truth out of me even still.
“But what?” She takes my hand, rubbing it between her own before lacing her fingers in mine. I hold her tightly but can’t meet her eyes.
“Basically, when he died, a secret was born. A huge one. One that I… I haven’t processed yet. Mia, I know I ask a lot of you, but I just can’t… I can’t share this with you right now. It isn’t because I don’t trust you, I just don’t know how to process it yet.” I swallow back a lump in my throat that forms anytime I think of it.
Mia sighs, unlacing her hand from mine only to climb into my lap and hold my face in her hands. It forces me to look into her eyes, and she smiles softly as she shakes her head almost to herself.
“You’re such a runner, Alec. From anything hard and real. I know you have your reasons, but I do deserve to know you, Alec.”
“You do know me.”
She scoffs. “Barely. I don’t know your family, or your… your favorite color.”
“My favorite color is green, and my family would take hours to explain.”
She firmly sits in my lap, wrapping her arms around my waist, but not to effectively distract me. “We have all night. Tell me what you want to tell me. I may be dopey-eyed and completely unreasonable when it comes to you, but as long as you respect me and are honest, then you have a chance with me. Because I want that chance with you.”
I have nothing to say but to kiss her again. She is… she surprises me at every turn, and when I lock lips with her, I feel us coming together at the seams even more. It’s warm and passionate and everything I need until she pulls away sighing deeply.
“So, you want to draw a family tree or what?”
22
Mia
I watch the indecision in his eyes. It just pains me that this bothers him so much. He speaks so highly of his family in the same breath that he can’t bear to talk about them. I don’t understand it.
He acts like he has been cast out but willingly left anyway. I wish he would tell me, and I wish that things were different. But I somehow can’t even see him in a different light. This secretive past of his just adds to his brooding, selective personality. In a weird way, I feel honored to have broken through some of his walls and get to know at least a part of him.
Him saying he trusts me is enough for now because I know he respects me in every way that he can. I don’t know how long I can accept just these pieces of him.
“Brant is the oldest, but I don’t think he acts like it. Maybe just because of his rock star lifestyle and how often he is on tour. His career didn’t take off until a few years ago, since then we see him at Christmas, and that’s it.”
“Do you two get along?”
He chuckles once. “As brothers can, yeah. He’s twelve years older than me, so there will always be that gap, but we’re all guys, and we easily find shit to have in common and bond over.”
“Like what?”
“Girls. Sex. Video games.”
I giggle. “See, something told me not to ask that, and I did anyway.” I grin. Alec wiggles his brows as he smiles.
“It’s mostly true. But Dad always taught us to be supportive of each other, and we are.”
“That’s sweet… you miss your dad,” I state. He tenses for a short second before he sighs.
“I do, yeah. He was a great guy, a good dad even when… I just miss him.” Something flashes in his eyes too fast for me to place. His jaw tightens, and I focus not on his impeccable jawline but the unease in his gaze.
“Alec?” I trace the edge of his lips with the pads of my fingers. He moves to kiss them before looking into my eyes.
“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“It’s good. I’m a terrible liar then.”
I cock my head to the side and smile at him. He grins and easily moves the subject along.
“Jeffrey is the second oldest. He’s an orthopedic surgeon. Always been super smart and annoying, but he’s the most easygoing out of all of us despite being a hotshot doctor. Then there’s Holden.”
“He’s pretty.” I giggle.
Alec feigns a frown at me, and it makes me laugh fully. “What? He is.”
“Okay, fair enough. He took over Dad’s company when he passed. He and Jeffrey actually went to college together for undergrad, but he became the pseudo-patriarch since Dad is gone, and he’s the CEO of the company now.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t notice you by your last name. I mean, I’ve seen your family in society pages and whatnot. Your mother does all those charities and stuff and is a school teacher. Your Dad gave back almost as much as he made—was that a lot of pressure?” I ask, wondering if maybe he just wanted to be distanced from all of it.
But what would a secret have anything to do with that? I don’t understand how something could mess that up because they seemed so close-knit before.
“Not really. My parents always made it clear we made our own choices, and we did. Maybe too clear because our next brother, Isaac, disappeared ten years ago and hasn’t come back since. No one has spoken to him, not even when Dad died.”
“Wow…” I whisper.
“Yeah. It was especially rough on Holden since they’re Irish twins, they’ve got that connection or some shit. But my mom took it especially hard, and Dad changed after that. He left when he was about twenty, I think.”
“Why?”
Alec sighs. “I really don’t know. No one does. I think at least twice every month Dad would hire a PI, but nothing ever came of it. Holden has been doing the same thing.”
“Well, don’t you miss him? Or wonder where he is?”
Alec laughs humorlessly as he shakes his head. I give him an inquisitive look, and he just shakes his head at me.
“Sorry. It’s just… well, I was thirteen when he left. And at that age, I didn’t like very many things or people, but it wasn’t just that. Isaac is a fucking asshole. I hated him when he left, and I probably still hate him now.” He rolls his eyes. “Well, I love him because he is my brother, but I resent him. He was just mean and inconsiderate. Always got into trouble and then blamed someone else for it. He gave my parents a lot of shit for a long time. When I woke up one day and he was gone, I was relieved. But yeah, the longer it went on, I did get worried. We all did.”
“Alec… that sounds like a lot of…”
“Deeply rooted trauma? Maybe. But it was nothing more than him being a bully for most of his life. I gave up on fighting him.”
“I’m sorry, Alec.” I scratch behind his ears, and he nearly purrs. I kiss his cheek, the skin warm and lightly lined with stubble. If he doesn’t shave morning and night, he already grows a little shadow around his jaw.
“It’s nothing. I’ve got plenty of brothers to fight with. Anyway, Fletcher is next after him, and he’s a running back in the NFL. He likes to stay on the down low, so that no one bothers Mom or anything. He couldn’t exactly keep his last name a secret, so he doesn’t do any press conferences or media tours, and his endorsements aren’t c
ommercial at all.”
I don’t know how much more I can take. Everyone in his family is so successful and put together. What would I seem like, if I met all of them? Surely, they have beautiful, smart women at their sides, and if they look anything like Alec and Holden, every woman they meet must want them.
“I’ve never seen him play.”
“You don’t watch football.”
I laugh. “Whatever. Okay, keep going. This is the most interesting topic I’ve studied since college.”
Alec chuckles and kisses me quickly.
“Evan is four years older than me, and he works with Holden as chief organizational officer. I don’t really know what to say about him, he’s a bit of an eccentric. Likes books and poetry and shit.”
“That makes him an eccentric?” I laugh.
Alec shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t personally like to read, so yeah.”
I laugh at his easy ignorance but don’t think too much of it because I hear the joke in his voice.
“Anyway, Dylan is right before me, two years older. We went to MIT together, and—”
“You went to MIT?” I gape. Alec seems to blush and get nervous.
“Um, yeah… it was all right.”
I laugh incredulously. “Okay, Alec. Please continue.”
“Yeah, he’s good with numbers, so he’s chief financial officer with the company. He was probably the closest to Dad and had to take some time off when he died. I don’t know if he’s gone back to work yet. But he’s the most like him… regal and always taking the moral high ground.”
I giggle. “That’s a bad thing?”
He laughs. “No. Of course not. Carson is younger than me. He worked for Dad since he was eighteen and didn’t want to go to college. Some guys Dad worked with hated that he got a job in the company at all, but he’s been good at his job ever since so people have just laid off him, I think. In a nutshell, he’s a goof but kind of a softie.” Alec smiles to himself. “His best friend is this girl he swears he isn’t in love with, but none of us believe him.”
“You all tease him for it?”
“We’re brothers, we have to.” He smiles.
“Grayson is the last, and he enlisted in the Air Force when he was eighteen. He’s always been… really structured, I guess. Joined junior ROTC in high school and even before that, he begged to go to military school, so I only saw him over summers and breaks. He went to West Point after a year and graduated just before Dad passed away. I haven’t seen him since he got leave to come home for Dad’s funeral.”
Alec sighs and looks like he’s been talking for hours which he mostly has.
“So that’s it, that’s the story?”
“Yeah, that’s the herd of us. That’s everything.”
I meet his eyes. “Well, not everything…” I add.
Alec gazes back at me like he wants to say something but doesn’t. I suppose I can’t blame him, since he has already said so much. But I know it is the bare minimum, what’s safe for him to talk about. I just wish I knew what the big secret was. Why would he separate from a family who seems to love him so much? That he loves so much? I just can’t seem to fathom it, and I know I won’t know the truth until he tells me.
“Yeah. But it’s the good stuff.”
“What about your mom? What’s she like?” I change the subject.
His eyes light up, and it’s sweet to think he really cares about his mom that way. Not that I dated a bunch of guys or anything, but I met enough and have been friends with enough to know it might be rare.
“She’s great. Always been sweet and caring. I don’t know, maybe she’s perfect. I feel bad for leaving as I did, but I talk to her now. She seems to understand now that she knows why.”
“I’m sure she trusts you enough to… leave you be.”
“Yeah. I’ve always been the independent type, but I don’t want to distance myself too much. I just want to figure things out, fix everything. Then maybe things can go back to normal.”
I look down at myself sitting on his lap and lick my lips nervously. My face heats at the thought of even asking him, but I know I have to.
“And when you fix things, and they go back to normal, am I included in that, too?”
Alec cups my face, so I look at him, and the intensity in his gaze is scorching with dark passion in them.
“Mia, you’re part of everything in my life now.”
We talked all through the night about nothing and everything. So, we are equally exhausted when we wake up early to catch breakfast and check out. I feel weird about wearing the same clothes and no panties. I’d wear them inside out but um—after the day and night I had with Alec, it wouldn’t do any good.
So, we have the continental breakfast and start the drive back home. I reply to a text from Dad and let my phone die on the way back. Alec plays the radio softly, holds my hand the whole way, and looks way too good for someone wearing the same clothes as the day before. I like his light stubble around his jaw. It makes him look less tense all the time than when he is always clean shaven and put together, nothing out of line.
I like to think he has relaxed more since we have known each other, but I don’t want to give myself too much credit. Maybe he smiles more. Maybe he doesn’t tense up when I ask something about him. But maybe it’s temporary, and I’m willingly giving him the power to hurt me.
But that’s just what love is.
23
Alec
I let the days go by without obsessing over a ticking time clock over my head. I put myself on some arbitrary schedule, especially when I realized the will has a legal timetable on it. I wonder why Dad even made it that complicated, he didn’t know about Deric until close to the end.
He made it clear he wants me to have my shares, and he wants the family to get past this. But I start to realize more and more that he did it because he wanted the family to know the truth and be together anyway. Even in his death, he is making shit happen and influencing people’s lives. He has always been like that. He made an impact on everyone he met whether it was on purpose or not. Mom always liked to talk about Dad and how charismatic he was before it got weird for all of us.
But Mom and Dad… they were a storybook. Mom was getting her teaching certificate as an assistant teacher in grade school when she met Dad on one of his philanthropic give-back-to- the-community days. Volunteering at the kids’ end-of-the-year fundraiser, they met, and that was pretty much it. Though I think Dad liked to throw in that that Mom played hard to get and wouldn’t go for his antics. He was already doing well at just thirty-five, his first investment making headway in real estate. Mom was twenty and just not ready for anything real. She told me what changed her mind was that Dad didn’t make her excited or give her butterflies at all. She just felt safe with him, and that was the end of it.
Growing up and watching my parents be so in love made me want that. I wanted the innate trust and companionship they had. Dad would go on business trips, and Mom would mope around the house like he wasn’t coming back. So that’s why I don’t understand how she ended up being with Deric. For one night only or more, it doesn’t make sense. I can’t ever seem to ask her because it seems out of place, but I think it does have something to do with me. I mean, now that Dad is gone, will she be with him?
It would change everything in the family, and I can’t imagine my brothers not resenting me for it if it happens. We hold Dad on the highest pedestal, always have and always will. So, if Mom ended up with anyone else, none of us would ever approve. This is worse. To top it off, no one but Holden knows, and he isn’t the best at talking through this kind of stuff. If I want to talk about something, I’d talk to Dylan or Evan. If I want to forget about something bothering me, I’d have Holden or Fletcher help me. But only one of them knows about this, and I’m getting tired of Holden just pressing me to sign the will. Sure, I want to believe that brothers’ love really is unconditional, but I also don’t want to find out that it isn’t.
&nbs
p; So, I dodge more conversations about the will, start texting back and forth with my brothers again like we used to. A huge group chat that is mostly Evan making jokes or Carson sending memes. I don’t know how long it’s been going on, but it’s a good enough distraction most of the day. Especially like these when I’m in meetings all day and barely have a minute to myself.
I get back to my desk around four for the end-of-the-day tasks I have to do and start closing out any last-minute emails. I’ve done four designs in the past few days and have a lot of headway to cover to make sure the designs are working. I hate having to wait for approval, but it’s part of the job working for such a collaborative company. All part of the team effort. Whatever.
The only thing that keeps me going is thinking of coming home to Mia. That dinner with her parents sucked, and not because her dad knows who I am, but because I had to watch how much her mother hurts her.
But once we left…
That night in the hotel was a prolonged moment of realizing that two people are just meant to be together. I know I have my issues, my roadblocks or whatever, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to fight for her. From wanting a life with her… I never saw myself really settling down with anyone, but with her, I see it all.
My beautiful vision, though, is ruined by my ringing phone that isn’t my business ringtone. And a number that I probably should have blocked because I recognize the area code.
“Why are you calling me?” I nearly growl. I already feel my blood boiling in anger. I’m just so pissed that he has the nerve, that he doesn’t realize how fucked up this all is.
“Alec, it doesn’t have to be like this.” Deric has this annoying, always calm and collected tone to his voice. Like he really doesn’t give a shit about anything. Doesn’t care that it doesn’t fit the mood at all. Maybe that’s why he’s such a good financial analyst. He might as well be a machine.
“Yeah, it does. What did you think would come of this? You know what, don’t answer that.”
Wilde About Alec Page 14