by Isobel Bird
Then she thought of Jane. She had just told Mrs. Goldstein that she should listen to her daughter and find out who she was. Maybe you need the same advice, she thought. Maybe it was time she and her mother really talked. Her mother was clearly hurting, and Cooper didn’t know what she could do about it. After all, she was the daughter. It wasn’t her job to take care of her mother. They’d always pretty much left each other alone, and Cooper had been fine with that.
But she’s part of you, she found herself thinking. You’re connected to her, and she’s part of your path. There it was again—her path. Cooper sighed. She knew that everything that happened to her was part of the journey she was on, and that every challenge she faced helped her grow. This was another challenge, and she could either turn her back on it or she could meet it head-on.
She walked to the stereo and turned Joni off. Then she picked up the glass and took it to the kitchen. Picking up the phone, she dialed T.J.’s number.
“Hey,” she said when he answered. “Do you mind if we skip the movie tonight?”
“Not if you want to,” T.J. answered. “Is everything okay?”
“It will be,” Cooper said. “I think. Can I call you later?”
“Sure,” said her boyfriend. “I’ll be up.”
“Thanks,” Cooper said. “Hey, and guess what?”
“What?”
“I love you,” Cooper said.
“That’s good,” T.J. said, “because I love you, too.”
Cooper hung up. Then she filled two fresh glasses with iced tea from the refrigerator and went out to have a talk with her mother.
CHAPTER 11
“Happy birthday.”
“Thanks,” said Kate. “It’s not often you get to celebrate your birthday with your therapist.”
Dr. Hagen tapped her pencil against the pad in her hand. “How does it feel to be sixteen?” she asked.
Kate shrugged. “Not much different,” she said. “I was expecting more.”
“Trust me,” the doctor said, “once you start hitting the really big numbers, you’ll feel different.”
Kate laughed. It wasn’t often that Dr. Hagen let loose and joked around. It made Kate feel almost like they were friends instead of doctor and patient.
“So,” Dr. Hagen continued, “what do you want to talk about on this momentous occasion?”
Usually at her Saturday morning therapy sessions Kate felt awkward, like she was being interviewed for a job she was totally unqualified for or being tested on a subject she hadn’t studied in enough detail. But today she had something to say.
“I’m really proud of myself,” she told Dr. Hagen. “I talked to Kyle about Wicca.”
“Really?” said the doctor neutrally. “And how did that go?”
“Better than I thought it would,” answered Kate. “At first I got angry with him, and I was just going to forget the whole thing. But then I calmed down and realized that if I can’t even explain the Craft to my brother, then I probably don’t have any business calling myself an almost-witch.”
“And is that what you’re calling yourself?” the doctor asked her.
“Yes,” Kate said confidently. She’d never really claimed the word witch in talking with her therapist—or with anyone, really—and it felt good to do it now. “Yes,” she said again. “I’m an almost-witch.”
Dr. Hagen wrote something on the pad. “When you came to see me, your parents were worried that you were confused,” she said. “They thought you were involved in Wicca because you were feeling alienated. Why do you think you’re involved in it?”
Kate didn’t answer for a minute. She thought about the doctor’s question. Why was she involved in Wicca? It took some time for her to organize her thoughts.
“At first I think maybe I did do it because I felt alienated,” said Kate. “I knew I didn’t want to be like Sherrie and some of the other people I was hanging out with, and being into witchcraft was something different. It made me feel special.” She paused. “And it still does make me feel special,” she continued. “But in a different way. Now I feel special because I know that I’m a strong person, that I can make real changes in my life.”
“And you think you learned this because of Wicca?” Dr. Hagen asked.
“I think the challenges I’ve faced while studying Wicca showed me a lot about myself,” Kate answered. “There are things I’ve been through that I never would have been through if it wasn’t for the Craft. I’ve met people I would never have met. I’ve asked myself questions I would never have asked. I’ve definitely seen and done things I never would have seen or done.”
“What about Tyler?” the doctor asked. “Your parents were concerned that you stayed involved in Wicca because of him.”
Kate laughed. “Well, he certainly made it more appealing, at least at the beginning,” she said. “But I think I learned more when I was forced to be away from him than I did when we were together. That made me see what was really important.”
She couldn’t help but think about Annie, and about what had happened between her and Tyler. Once again she felt the ember in her stomach flare up, but this time its heat was much less than it had been before. “I learned that there are more important things than boyfriends,” she said suddenly. “There are friendships, and there’s myself.” She looked at the doctor. “That’s the most important thing I’ve learned,” she said, coming to a realization. “I’ve learned that finding out who I am, and what I can do with my life, is more important than anything else.”
She sat back in her chair happily. Instead of feeling like she was being tested and not coming up with the answers, she felt as if she’d just passed with flying colors. Dr. Hagen put her pad down and nodded.
“When you first came in here, you were very angry,” she said. “I remember thinking that maybe your parents were right.”
“And what do you think now?” Kate asked, turning the tables on her questioner.
“I think you’re a remarkable young woman,” said Dr. Hagen. “I think you’ve learned a great deal about yourself.”
“Thanks to Wicca,” Kate said.
“Perhaps,” said the doctor vaguely.
“You don’t think studying Wicca has been good for me?” asked Kate, surprised by the doctor’s response.
“I think you’ve learned a lot about yourself,” the therapist repeated. “And yes, I think being involved in Wicca has been part of that. Would you have done it otherwise? Who knows?”
“But you think I should keep studying, right?” asked Kate, concerned. Suddenly she was afraid that Dr. Hagen might be siding with her parents.
“I think you should keep questioning and looking,” the doctor replied. “That’s always a good thing. Maybe you’ll decide to remain in Wicca, maybe you won’t. That’s not for me to tell you.”
“But you’re not going to tell my parents I shouldn’t stay in class,” said Kate, wanting confirmation.
Dr. Hagen shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m going to tell them that I think you’re a thoughtful, levelheaded person who can make her own decisions about such things.”
Kate sighed. “Thank Goddess,” she said. “You had me worried for a minute there.”
“Just don’t prove me wrong,” Dr. Hagen said. “They’ll want a refund.”
The two of them laughed. Then Dr. Hagen clapped her hands together. “Well, I’m going to have a few words with your parents,” she said. “Other than that, I think we’re done.”
“Really?” Kate said. “You mean I don’t have to come back?”
“Not unless you want to,” said the therapist. “Do you?”
It was a question she’d asked Kate before. The last time she’d posed it, Kate had said that yes, she wanted to keep coming back. She’d had things to talk about. When she thought about it now, though, she found that she had run out of things to say.
“No,” she told the doctor. “I don’t want to come back. Not that I don’t like you or anything,” she added
quickly.
“Don’t worry,” said Dr. Hagen. “I’m not offended.”
The two of them stood up. “It’s been fun,” Kate said.
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” said the therapist. “You’ve been good company yourself.”
“I’m glad Father Mahoney recommended you,” Kate said, thinking about the priest at her family’s church and how he had suggested the Morgans bring Kate to Dr. Hagen.
“So am I,” the doctor replied.
Kate wasn’t sure what to do next. She sort of wanted to hug the doctor, but that seemed weird. So instead she walked to the door. “I’ll tell my parents to come in,” she said. “And thanks again.”
She gave the doctor a final wave and left the office. She walked into the waiting room. “She wants to talk to you guys,” she told her parents, who were sitting in their usual seats.
Her mother and father made their way down the hall while Kate sat and thumbed through a magazine. She remembered the first time she’d walked into the office, and how mad and scared and apprehensive she’d been. She’d hated her parents for making her see a shrink, and she’d hated the shrink for being what she perceived as an enemy. But everything had changed since that Saturday in September when she’d first met Dr. Hagen. Now she sat in the same office, in the same chair, as she had that first time, but she was a different person.
A few minutes later her parents returned. She looked at their faces, trying to gauge their reactions to whatever Dr. Hagen had said to them. Her mother seemed relaxed and happy, while her father’s face wore a slightly strained expression. He didn’t seem angry or upset, just a little defeated.
“Well?” Kate asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“We can go,” her father said simply.
That was good enough for Kate. She stood up, zipped her coat closed, and walked with her parents out to the car. As her father went around to unlock the driver’s side door, her mother leaned over and whispered in her ear, “He’s just mad because you turned out to be right.”
Kate giggled and got into the car. As far as she was concerned, she’d just received the best birthday present ever. But she knew that there was still more to come. There was the party with Annie and Cooper and Sasha that night. They were all having dinner at Annie’s house, she knew that much. Then, maybe, they would go to a movie or just hang out. Nothing too exciting. She was just looking forward to being with her best friends.
When she got home she spent a couple of hours helping her mother prepare for the event she was catering that night. It was an anniversary party, and the menu was pretty standard, so they could do it quickly. Luckily, Mrs. Morgan had hired a few part-time people to help her out since beginning her catering business, so Kate no longer had to go with her to help serve. That gave her time to prepare for her own party without hurrying.
She arrived at Annie’s house at a little before five. She was surprised to see Cooper’s car already there. She’s never on time, Kate thought as she walked to the front door.
She was even more surprised when Meg answered the door. “Hi,” she said. “Come on in.”
Kate walked into the Crandalls’ house. As she took her coat off she looked around. “Where is everyone?” she asked Meg.
“Out,” Meg said simply, taking Kate’s coat and hanging it on one of the hooks in the hallway. “Come on.”
Bewildered, Kate followed Meg as she walked toward the living room. What did she mean, everyone was out? Why was Cooper’s car parked outside if she wasn’t here? It didn’t make any sense.
Meg disappeared into the living room. As Kate followed her the lights in the room suddenly came on and Kate was greeted with a cry of “Surprise!”
Momentarily shocked, she stood there, blinking and not knowing what was happening. When she finally regained her senses she realized that there were people staring at her—a lot of people.
“What?” she said helplessly, looking around. She saw Cooper, and Annie, and Sasha, but she also saw Archer, Sophia, Thatcher, Thea, and a lot of other people she knew, including her friends Tara and Jessica. Kate could only stare at them. Then she looked at Annie. “I thought it was just going to be the four of us,” she said.
Annie grinned. “That’s what we wanted you to think,” she said. “Come on. There’s more.”
She took Kate by the hand and led her into the kitchen. When they got there, Kate couldn’t believe her eyes. Her mother was standing at the sink, rinsing strawberries.
“Hi, honey,” she said.
“But—” Kate said, taken aback. When she finally realized what was going on she said, “You made me help you prepare my own birthday party?”
Her mother laughed. “Look on the bright side,” she said. “Now you get to taste that white chocolate raspberry cake you were drooling over this afternoon.”
Kate was overwhelmed with happiness. She couldn’t believe that her friends and her mother had gone to so much trouble for her. She turned and hugged Annie, Cooper, and Sasha.
“Thanks, guys,” she said.
“And you haven’t even seen the presents yet,” Sasha said.
They went back to the living room. Someone had turned on music, and everyone was talking and laughing. Soon Mrs. Morgan’s helpers came out with trays of food, and before long people were stuffing themselves with her goodies. Everyone came around to wish Kate a happy birthday, and she greeted each one with a hug and a kiss.
“Your mother knows how to cook,” said Kate’s friend Madelaine, taking a bite of a miniature spinach-and-cheese quiche. “Don’t let my mother have this recipe or I’ll weigh three hundred pounds next time you see me.”
“How did you get all of these people here?” Kate asked Annie as she looked around the room. It was odd seeing people from different parts of her life in the same room. Even Kyle was there, talking to one of the men from the Coven of the Green Wood.
“It took a lot of telephone calls,” Annie said. “But I think I got just about everybody.”
“Cooper, someone is here to see you,” Meg said.
The girls turned around and saw Jane standing there. Cooper went over and gave her a hug, then took Jane by the hand and dragged her over to the others.
“You know everybody, I think,” she said.
“Hi,” said Jane, sounding nervous.
“Now everybody is here,” said Kate. “I’m glad you came.”
Jane brightened. Then Sasha took her by the arm, pulling her away from Cooper. “Okay,” she said. “She’s mine now. Come on, I’ll introduce you to some cool people.”
Sasha and Jane disappeared. Cooper sighed. “I’m so glad she came,” she said. “She needed to get out.”
“You sound a little stressed,” Kate said. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m worried about my mother,” Cooper said. “She’s having a tough time. But I’ll tell you guys about it later. Right now it’s time to party.”
For the next hour Kate lost herself in the excitement of the party, laughing with her friends and introducing people who didn’t yet know one another. When Annie announced that it was time to open presents, she’d almost forgotten that the party was all about her. But when she saw the table piled with gifts, she was secretly glad that it was.
“This one is from me,” Annie said, handing Kate a large package wrapped in brown paper. “Sorry about the boring paper. I just got it back this afternoon.”
Intrigued, Kate tore the paper off and revealed the painting underneath. It was the one Annie had completed during her ritual a few days before. She’d had it framed. Kate looked at the image for a minute.
“It reminds me of a fire,” she said. “Like a ritual fire.”
Annie beamed. “Do you like it?” she asked.
“I love it,” said Kate. “It’s so witchy.”
Annie put the painting to the side and handed Kate another present. One by one, Kate opened her gifts, oohing and aahing over each one. She was amazed at the things her friends had
gotten for her. From Cooper she received a beautiful silver ring in a Celtic knotwork design, and Sasha gave her a pretty scarf made out of incredibly soft wool the color of blueberries. Soon a pile of presents sat at her feet, including incense and candles from the women at Crones’ Circle, CDs from Tara and Jessica, a small Goddess statue that Thatcher had carved for her, and, most surprising, a book about Goddess stories from around the world from Kyle.
“We helped him pick it out,” Annie whispered to Kate as she looked from her brother to the book and back again.
Almost as soon as Kate unwrapped her last gift, her mother appeared carrying a cake covered in candles. The room burst into the traditional birthday song, and Kate obliged everyone by blowing out the sixteen candles. Then plates were handed around and she found herself eating the most wonderful cake she’d ever had. She had two more pieces before declaring herself totally stuffed.
As the party wound down, people left in groups of two and three, and before long it was just Annie, Kate, Cooper, Sasha, Jane, and a few others who stayed around to help clean up. The girls sat in the living room talking while they recovered from the excitement of the past few hours.
“Those women from Crones’ Circle were really cool,” Jane said. “I’m glad I got to talk to them.”
“So, are you going to take the class when it starts up again in April?” Sasha asked her. “We can be witches-in-training together if you do.”
Jane gave her a coy look. “You never know,” she said.
“Madelaine was talking about that, too,” said Annie thoughtfully. “Interesting.”
“Kate, your mother’s food was out of this world,” said Cooper.
“Hey,” Kate said. “Don’t forget, I made some of that, too.”
“Your brother wasn’t half bad, either,” remarked Sasha. “He’s a hottie.”
Kate made a face. “Please,” she said. “Kyle and hottie are two words I don’t think I can face in the same sentence.”
“Kate?”
Kate turned. Meg was standing in the doorway. “There’s someone here to see you,” she said.
“I’ll be right back,” Kate said, getting up.