“But she’s not going to die.”
“Not right away I hope. But she’s changed. Especially over this last month. She’s not as strong as she used to be.”
“I can see that.”
“You’ll watch over her?”
Donna nodded, but the look on her face was faraway. Rhoda wondered if she was regretting her invitation.
“Why not have Mamm stay for a week? Would that suit?” Rhoda asked.
“Maybe that’s all we should start with,” Donna muttered.
“A week should be fine.” Rhoda gave the baby back to Donna. “I need to go upstairs and help her with her suitcase.”
“I could double up the girls in bed,” Donna said.
Rhoda hesitated. “So you do want me to come?”
Donna scratched the back of her neck with her free hand. “Not yet. Let’s try this first. But, maybe.”
“I’m here if you need me,” Rhoda said. She gave her sister’s shoulder a squeeze and headed upstairs.
After Mamm left with Donna and the baby, Rhoda stood in the middle of the front room staring at the walls. It was too quiet. Not that Mamm made much noise, but she was there. Now, the house felt like an empty well, and Rhoda felt like the last person left in a frontier story.
This is what it will be like when Mamm dies, she thought. If I fight to keep the house and continue living here, this is what it will be like. This will be my life—in this cavernous house. Alone.
Unbidden tears sprang to her eyes. Is this really what she wanted? If she and Mamm moved to Bart’s daadi haus, Rhoda would at least have someone to talk to anytime she wanted. In fact, she could be at the big house talking and helping and having family around her all the time. But this … Rhoda glanced around the room. This was almost painful.
She wiped at her tears, disgusted with herself. What was she turning into? A weak woman who cried at the slightest provocation? She marched into the kitchen and proceeded to wash the teacups. Chores made a person happy. Happy and useful.
When she pulled the plug in the sink, she stood and watched the water whoosh down the drain. Why couldn’t she be like all the other proper Amish girls? Why couldn’t she have found a beau? She’d be married with her own family now. Loneliness wouldn’t even be in her vocabulary.
Because you never fell in love, she told herself. You were so busy with your bees and your books that you hardly gave any boy a second look.
But that wasn’t all of it. After her father had died, she’d watched her mother. She’d watched her slowly shrivel from life. She’d watched as Winnie struggled with the finances. And her chores. And the house maintenance. Rhoda had helped in every way she could. And Bart had done plenty. He’d been so helpful that it became a burden to him, but still he’d plowed on. Till now.
He wanted out.
And Rhoda couldn’t fault him.
But it left Winnie with the real threat of losing everything she’d worked so hard for all of her life. Rhoda ran her hand over the kitchen counter. Her father had built this. He’d built everything. And her mother didn’t want to leave it. She knew that to her mother, it would be like losing her husband all over again.
This was what happened when you tied your life so tightly to someone else. After her father’s funeral—especially in the beginning—Rhoda had watched her mother, watched her go downhill. Rhoda shrank back from the idea of ever putting herself in such a position. And the only way to avoid that was to avoid love and marriage. Rhoda could be independent. And why not?
Her cheeks warmed. Such thoughts … surely, the Lord Gott couldn’t be pleased.
She dried her hands on a dishtowel and tossed it onto the counter. She’d go outside and see to the cow. What was she going to do with a bucket of milk every morning? She’d have to guzzle it all day. Well, Donna’s family could probably use it. Or Bart’s. Or Martha’s.
She pulled on a heavy sweater and ran out to the barn. Why she was hurrying was beyond her. What was the rush? There was no one there to care one whit about what she was doing or how fast she was doing it. She stepped into the barn and hesitated.
Her thinking was faulty. Yes, she’d avoided marriage. Yes, she’d avoided love and having her own family. And yes, in a way, she’d gained her independence—something few Amish women ever had. But what was the point?
She was lonely. Pure and simple.
She sucked in her breath and a shudder went through her. Why, she’d been a fool.
A complete fool.
She closed her eyes, and the image of Aaron Raber face filled her mind.
It wasn’t till the next morning lying in bed, that awareness dawned. If Mamm was out of the house, Rhoda couldn’t possibly have Aaron Raber over for dinner. It would be completely inappropriate to entertain him alone in the house. Why, the gossip train would be churning in full force if she dared such a thing. Now she was the one who would have to cancel.
Rhoda grimaced at the thought.
Evidently, she and Aaron sharing a meal wasn’t to be. Her heart sank. She’d been looking forward to it. Greatly looking forward to it. She stared out her bedroom window, and in her mind’s eye, she pictured them eating together. Laughing over some silly joke. Discussing her bees and when best to move her hives. She imagined his kind eyes on her. She saw his fine, strong features. The curl of his lip when he smiled. The raising of his brow when he was curious. His thick and capable hand gripping the fork when he took a bite.
Her cheeks warmed with the vision.
Then she gave a snort of impatience. She jumped out of bed and gathered up her clothes, heading for the bathroom.
The Stutzman’s place was too far for Rhoda to walk. So she hitched up the pony cart and set out at mid-morning. She could have written a letter to cancel their dinner as Aaron had done, but she didn’t want to do it that way. Without allowing herself to ponder her motivation too deeply, she wanted to tell him face-to-face. She only hoped that he was outside, and she wouldn’t have to go to the door. It was already quite forward of her to even approach his property alone.
When she pulled onto his land, she quickly surveyed the grounds. She couldn’t see him anywhere. But the barn door was open, so perhaps he was inside. She directed Feisty toward the barn, and before she got there, Aaron strode out. Rhoda’s heart immediately went into overdrive, and her hands grew clammy. Why, this was ridiculous. She wasn’t some lovesick child.
“Rhoda!”
“Good morning, Aaron.”
He walked up to her cart, and she could see his curiosity and surprise. “What can I do for you?”
“It’s about supper on Monday.”
He gave her a pleased grin. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“I have to cancel.” Her words came out too abruptly. She watched his face. His brow tightened, and then his face went blank, as if he’d purposely erased all traces of emotion.
“I see.”
“I’m right sorry,” she said quickly. “It’s—”
He interrupted her. “I understand. Thank you for telling me.”
She stared at him. Why wouldn’t he let her finish? Was he upset? “But, Aaron—”
He held up his hand. “Don’t worry yourself. We’ll talk some other time. It’s not a problem.”
She didn’t know what to make of his response. She only knew that she didn’t want him to think that she had no good reason to cancel.
He was already on his way back to the barn. She scrambled out of the cart and ran after him. She touched his back and then drew back her hand. He stopped, frozen.
“Aaron, what’s going on? Why won’t you let me tell you the reason?” she asked, now aware of the irony. Hadn’t she stopped him from explaining his reasons to her not that long ago?
He hesitated before turning around to face her. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Tell me why.”
“It’s Mamm,” she said. “She’s gone to Donna’s house to stay for a while. Donna is my sister.”
He took a breath, and his cheeks fl
ushed. “I see.”
“I can hardly have you over when it’s just the two of us, can I?” she blurted.
He let out a low whistle and pressed his lips together. He was trying not to laugh.
“What?” she cried.
And then he could hold it no longer. He chuckled. “I see,” he said again.
“Will you stop saying that?” She stomped her foot. “And what is so funny?”
He shook his head. Then he reached out and took her hand. She nearly froze solid. Her heart leapt to her throat. It was the second time he’d taken her hand. She hadn’t been touched by a man like that since her father was alive. She drew in a ragged breath. He must have seen her reaction because he dropped her hand as if it were on fire.
He licked his lips. She watched him, watched his mouth … and her face went hot as she wondered what it would feel like to have his lips on hers. She stepped back clumsily.
“I’m laughing because I’m a fool,” he said.
“What?” She frowned. What was he talking about?
“I thought you were cancelling on me because I cancelled on you.” He shrugged. “Like I said. I’m a fool.”
Now it was her turn to laugh. She relaxed and gazed at him. “I wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Nee. Of course, you wouldn’t. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I have a good reason. Just like you did.”
He nodded. “Jah.” He tilted his head back and squinted at her as if deep in thought. She wondered whether she was supposed to go now, but her feet didn’t seem to want to move.
“Meet me at Edmund’s Pond tomorrow at five. We’ll eat dinner in town.”
Her lips parted.
“To talk about the bees,” he added hurriedly.
“Jah. The bees. All right. I’ll be there.” And then she did turn around. She had to keep herself from skipping back to her cart. She was going to dine with Aaron Raber after all. In town. At a restaurant.
She could hardly wait.
Rhoda flew through her chores the next morning. When she had everything completed by noon, she was almost sorry. Now what was she to do the rest of the day until five o’clock? She ran upstairs to her bedroom and gazed at the four dresses hanging there on pegs. She could decide which one to wear that evening. That would take all of two minutes.
She pulled her deep green one off its peg and laid it on the bed. She looked quite nice in green, she thought. At least, her dat had always given her a wink when she came downstairs wearing the color. Of course, he’d never complimented her. He would have considered that most unsuitable. Nevertheless, she had seen the pride in his eyes.
Maybe Aaron would like her in green, too.
There was always her sky blue dress, too. It was newer. The fabric fell with a bit more crispness, and it hadn’t needed mending yet. She walked to the wall and ran her hand over the fabric. It would be a good choice. But then, she’d worn it to the youth singing, so he’d already seen her in it. Her mind flitted back to that evening when she’d spotted him across the room. She felt a warmth move up her neck, and she walked to the window to gaze out.
What was she doing? She could hardly spend the entire afternoon mooning over a man whose interest in her was surely only business.
She massaged the back of her neck. Truth was, it wouldn’t matter anyway. It was hardly fitting to be rhapsodizing over a man at all. She took a deep breath. She was out of her element. Floundering even. She simply wasn’t the type to have crushes on men. Goodness. At twenty-six, the community saw her as a spinster.
Which, indeed, she was.
She turned and grabbed up the green dress from the bed. She thrust it back on its peg and left the room with a huff. She would go visit Donna and the kids and Mamm. That would be much more productive than wandering like a lone wolf around the property.
Determined now, she went out to the barn and hitched up the pony. She fastened her cape more securely around her neck and climbed in. The drive wouldn’t take long.
“Aenti!” cried Ruth, running across the yard, bare-footed even in the crisp air.
Rhoda waved and smiled. “Ruthie! I’m so happy to see you.”
Ruth jumped into the buggy as Rhoda pulled it to a halt.
“Grossmami is here. Did you know?” Ruth exclaimed. “I like it when she’s here. She might make us cookies, too.”
Rhoda laughed. “I’m sure she will. And she’ll probably need you to help her.”
Ruth nodded with a look of importance. “I’m a good baker. Mamm even says so.”
“Well, if your mamm says so, then it’s so.”
Rhoda climbed down and secured the reins.
“You stayin’ for supper tonight?” Ruth asked. “Please. Please.”
“Nee. I’m just here for a couple hours.” She looked back at Feisty, wondering if she would stay long enough to make it worthwhile to unhitch the pony.
“Aenti!” Anna said, clapping her plump hands. She stood just inside the screen door, her blue eyes wide.
Rhoda grinned and went inside, both girls at her heels. Winnie was sitting in the rocking chair beside the warming stove in the front room. Baby Abby was squarely on her lap.
“Why, Rhoda,” Winnie said. “What brings you here?”
Rhoda walked forward and tweaked Abby on the chin. “Just visiting for a bit.”
“Rhoda?” Donna walked into the room, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. “I didn’t know you were stopping by.”
“Neither did I.”
“Come on into the kitchen. We can visit for a bit.”
Rhoda followed her sister into the kitchen. On the cooking stove were two heavily steaming pots.
Donna nodded toward them. “Soup and potatoes.”
“For supper? Have you already eaten dinner?”
“Just cleaned up. Travis is back outside. I don’t know where Mark is. That boy doesn’t stay still for a minute.” She set the dishtowel down on the counter. “Why are you here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You worried about Mamm? You worried I won’t look after her?” There was an edge to Donna’s voice.
“What?” Rhoda gaped at her. “That’s not it.”
“Are you sure? You didn’t seem that happy when I took her. I suppose you’re here to take her back.”
“Donna! What’s the matter with you? I’m only here to visit.”
Donna moaned and sank down in a chair. “Sorry.”
Rhoda sat quietly for a moment. Then she reached across the table and put her hand over her sister’s. “What’s wrong?”
Donna’s eyes teared up. “Nothing.”
“I mean it. What’s wrong?”
Donna blew out her breath. “I’m tired.”
“You have four kinner, and one of them is a boppli. Of course, you’re tired.”
Donna sniffed and pressed her lips together.
“Do you want me to move in, too?” Rhoda asked. “I will.”
“Nee. I already told you before. There’s no room.”
“Then why don’t you all move in with me? The house is huge, and I’m rattling around in it all by myself.”
Donna’s eyes went wide. A tear dripped down her cheek. “How could we? Travis needs to be near the land. He’d be driving back and forth all day in the wagon.” She shook her head. “He wouldn’t like it.”
“How do you know for sure?” She let go of Donna’s hand and set her own hands loosely on her lap.
Donna continued to shake her head. “He wouldn’t like it.”
“And you? What would you like?”
Donna jerked back. Her face went red as if she were embarrassed by such an exaggerated reaction to Rhoda’s question. “Me? What difference does that make?”
“By my thinking, it makes a great deal of difference.”
Donna’s forehead creased. “You never did think like the rest of us.”
Although Rhoda couldn’t fault her sister’s observation, her jaw tightened. “St
ill.” She tilted her head. “You could ask him.”
“I could.” Donna stood up, walked to the sink, and turned on the tap. She picked up a dirty skillet and plunged it under the running water. “But I won’t.”
Rhoda got up and went to stand next to her sister. She pried the skillet out of her hands. “Give me that. I’ll wash it.”
Chapter Eight
Rhoda did some dusting and sweeping for Donna. She made a game of it so that Ruth and Anna followed her all around the house, helping. Donna sat on the davenport, staring at Winnie and the now sleeping Abby. Every time Rhoda peeked into the front room, there was complete quiet. Winnie looked about to doze off, but she never did. Instead, she kept a vise-like grip on the baby.
Rhoda had taken care of the soup and potatoes and had the girls set the table.
“You’re staying?” Anna asked.
“I can’t.” Rhoda set the broom against the wall in the corner of the kitchen. “I have to go home.”
“But why?”
Rhoda wasn’t about to divulge her plans with Aaron. Not to the girls and not to the rest of her family. When it was nearing four o’clock, she readied herself to leave. Abby was fussing by then, and Donna had taken her from Winnie to nurse her.
“I’m leaving now,” Rhoda said.
“Why, I never even got to visit with you,” Winnie said, stifling a yawn.
“You were too busy holding that cute boppli.”
Winnie grinned. “That I was.”
“Donna, I’ll visit again soon.”
Donna looked at her. “All right,” was all she said.
“Why aren’t you staying for supper?” asked Winnie.
“I have some things to do,” Rhoda said vaguely, hoping her mother wouldn’t press her for details.
She didn’t, and Rhoda was able to slip out of the house.
When Rhoda walked through the side door into her empty house, she felt oddly deflated. All the way home, she’d been full of excitement for her dinner with Aaron. But now, hearing the floorboards creak beneath her heavy black shoes, and seeing her cape hang on the peg and drape shapelessly to the floor … it all seemed sad somehow.
Amish Romance: The Amish Beekeeper: A Hollybrook Amish Romance Clean & Wholesome Story (Rhoda's Story Book 1) Page 6